Patchwork Family
by bekins
Summary: Fourteen years after his one night stand with Renee Charlie learns he has triplets with one phone call altering everyone's life forever. Will they be able to forge a family out of the hurt in the past? Slash NOW UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As always I own nothing its all Stephenie Meyer, I just like to make them do stuff she would probably not approve of, hehe! **

**Beware this is a slash story and will have delicate situations and drama. It will also span several years and will change POV's but never mid-chapter. So with that on with the story. Let me know if you think it's worth continuing, and I would like to thank Jaspered01, she is betaing my other story (Tape Over my Paper Heart, if you haven't read it you should check it out! It's a Jasper/Carlisle multi chapter story.), anyway she read this first and said she liked it so I hope you do also!**

**This may not be updated as often as my other story, this is just kind of a distraction when I am suffering from writers block, but will update as often as possible.**

**CharliePOV**:

I was laying in our bed just enjoying the feel of my loves body next to mine. I slid my fingers through silky dirty blond locks as my hand traced the ink on my lovers shoulder. We were savoring the last few hours of solitude before real life came calling in the form of work and duty when our perfect bubble was shattered by the shrill of the phone.

"Hello?" I answered pissed that my bubble had been intruded upon.

"Yes, I am looking for Charles Swan?" The nervous voice at the other end of the line asked. Charles, it's Charlie you jack ass.

"This is Charlie Swan, who is this?" Skipping over all pleasantries.

"I apologize, my name is Nathan Reinhart, I am a detective in Phoenix Arizona." This peeked my interest why would a detective from Phoenix be calling me?

"Ok was there something I could help you with?" My patience was weaning quickly I wanted to get back to my bubble, now. He cleared his throat nervously and the body next to me shifted and rolled over.

"Yes did you know a women by the name of Renee Higgenbotham?" That sounded really familiar and I raked my brain.

"It sounds familiar but I am failing to see why it would matter." I was still trying to place it.

"Well, as it were, about 14 years ago she was living in the town of Forks Washington when she apparently had a one nightstand with a one Charles Swan." OH FUCK! Now I remember. The bar, the booze, the lies, the guilt, everything had come to a head that night and I sought the first warm body I had come across. Renee Higgenbotham, the town bicycle, you know, everyone's had a ride.

"Yes I remember her. Is she ok?" We only spent a few hours together and when I had woken up the next morning she was gone never to be seen or heard from again. I moved on with my life as if nothing had happened and finally embraced who I was.

"Well no actually, she's not, as it were." I swear if he says that one more time I am going to flip my shit.

"Would you care to cut to the chase here, please?" I sighed as my bed mate looked over at me in question I just smiled and turned to sit on the bed.

"Yes, I am sorry. Well it seems she has passed, well actually she was murdered." My eyes about bugged out of my head.

"Oh, wow, I am sorry, that's too bad. I don't think she still has any family here though for me to contact for you." I figured he was calling now because I was Chief of Police and he wanted me to contact her family.

"No her family has already been notified. I am calling in an official capacity. It seems she left some….thing's behind that you need to be aware of." My brows knitted together in confusion and frustration and I felt the bed shift as my lover hugged me from behind and kissed below my ear.

"She has nothing that I could possible have wanted. We had a one nightstand over thirteen years ago then she disappeared. I hardly even knew her when we were in school." I was perplexed.

"Yes she left almost exactly 14 years and nine months ago." Fourteen years and nine months. Why would the amount of months matter, nine months so what, what's nine months matter? Oh Shit, it hit me like a ton of bricks what was significant about nine months.

"Shit, are you telling me she got pregnant?" I felt the body behind me stiffen and went to move but I clasped onto their arms not letting them leave me right now. I needed my anchor.

"Yes, as it were, that is exactly what I am telling you." I growled under my breath lightly. If I ever get to meet this guy we are going to talk about his rapport building skills.

"Ok so what do you need me to do? Do they need money? Certainly she got married and the child will want to stay with their step-father or something. I mean what do you need me for." I couldn't comprehend what was happening.

Five minutes ago I was happy and carefree. Life was wonderful. I have my partner, a good home, we were accepted in the community. Life was comfortable, we were content. Now this, what does this mean?

"I think it would be best if you came to Arizona so we could discuss this in more detail." He was being so vague and it was really pissing me off.

"Why would I need to come to Arizona? You really need to start making sense." He sighed on the other end of the line.

"Ok, I didn't want to get into the full story over the phone but I will start with some basics. You are listed on the birth certificate as the children's father." Ok, so what, wait a minute did he say CHILDREN'S, as in more then one?

"Did you say children, as in more then one?" I was astounded.

"Umm, yes I did, she actually had triplets." When that came out of his mouth I dropped the phone to the floor and blacked out.

I don't know how long I was out but when I came to Peter was on the phone mid conversation.

"…Yes…ok….we will get the first flight out…..ummhmm…no thank you….yes, yes I will let him know. Thank you again Detective….yes he will see you soon." I sat up groaning and confused.

"Oh shit baby, are you ok? Damn I was worried." He was looking me over to make sure I was ok and I quirked a smile at him.

"Yes I'm ok. So that whole 'you have kids you didn't know about' thing wasn't a dream?" I rubbed my eyes with the heals of my hands.

"No I'm sorry, it wasn't. We need to get you a ticket to Arizona. You need to go and work this out." I frowned at him.

"You're not coming with me?" I knew he wouldn't be able to close the shop he was the boss after all. We had no idea what to expect, what was going on, or how long I would need to be gone.

"You know I can't, and I think you need to do this on your own right now. You know I am always here for you, but you need to meet them and find out what happened. Then bring them home." I cocked my head to the side.

"You mean you are ok with 3 teenagers in the house?" We never really considered having children before. The process of adopting was daunting and we were content just being together. We never felt like we were missing out on anything before. Now hearing that I had children out there stirred something in me.

"They are your children Charlie. I would never turn them away." I grabbed him around the waist pulling him to me resting my head on his chest as he stood between my legs next to the bed.

"Thank you." I whispered into his chest. He kissed the top of my head.

"Come on let's go get you a flight and get our kids." My heart swelled with love for this man. I didn't think I could ever love him more then I did yesterday, but he never ceases to amaze me.

I said goodbye to my love at the airport telling him I would call him when I landed and keep him posted when I knew more what was going on. Keeping our goodbye as PG as possible I made my way to the gate looking forward to having about five hours in the air to think about stuff.

I couldn't believe what was going on. Not only did I have an unknown child but three unknown children. I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Also who had killed their mother. Were Peter and I prepared to deal with three very hurt teenagers? I guess we didn't really have much choice. The detective said that there wasn't really any family that was capable of taking the kids and apparently Renee had never married.

I wonder what they are like. He didn't give any details about them to Peter, no gender, no names, nothing, just said you need to come to Arizona. Oh my God, what would we do if it was three girls. I don't know what the hell to do with girls! All I have to go off of is Leah, our neighbors daughter, and I gotta tell you I am not impressed with the idea of teenage girls. But would three more hormonally charged teenage boys be any better? Shit I don't know.

Then I had the questions like why did she hide this from me? Why didn't she try and contact me? What kind of mother was she? She had always been a bit flighty and honestly I always thought she was a tad crazy. Defiantly not someone I would ever want to raise my children, and yet she had been raising my children for the last fourteen years. I really hope she got her shit together.

I couldn't help but remember what events happened leading up to my short time with Renee. Peter and I had always been best friends. He grew up just a few houses down from me when we were children, then his mom's dad got ill and they moved in with him across town when we were fourteen. We stayed close but it wasn't the same with him so far away. We saw each other in school, but where I was always a jock, he was more of the bad boy, tortured artist type. So we ran in a different group of friends.

It was about this time that I started to notice things about myself, or should I say I noticed that I noticed things about other men. It was very confusing at first and I kept it all locked up and hidden away. I didn't even know what gay was at this point. I thought I was a total freak. Over the years in high school I never really dated, no girl ever held my interest, and the idea of actually having to kiss one was repulsive. In my senior year I started to comes to terms with this.

Peter and I were still friends and saw each other on weekends, and if I am being honest with myself, while I thought other men were attractive, none of them held a candle to him. He kept his hair longer about shoulder length, and it was a beautiful dirty blond, his green eyes would cut right to the quick of my heart and send me fluttering in my heart. He was taller then my own 6'3" by about 3 inches, and he was very muscular from working out and surfing. I was not scrawny in anyway playing Quarterback for my school had me in decent shape, but he was just 6 feet 6 inches of pure bulging muscle. He stared in every masturbatory fantasy I had.

During our annual camping trip on fall break I decided I was going to tell him I was gay, yes I had learned that that was what I was, and see how he reacted to it. If he was ok with it then maybe I would tell him how I felt about him. We would see how everything played out. Things most certainly did not go as well as I had planned. I ended up with a busted lip and a black eye. Peter and I didn't talk for months after I came out to him. I was crushed, heartbroken, and slowly losing control of myself.

That was how I found myself in the bar that night. I had seen Peter wrapped around a dark haired girl from the reservation and felt like my heart was being torn in two. As if that wasn't bad enough when he spotted me he proceeded to call me a fag, and a cock sucker. I was completely decimated. I grabbed my fathers ID and made my way to the closest bar, and the warmest body. Renee.

We talked, we flirted, I drank enough that I didn't feel completely repulsed when she touched my leg, and then we left. The night itself is a blur. All I remember is waking up alone in a hotel with the rumpled bed as the only evidence of what had transpired. I went home to my own bed and forgot about the night entirely until that phone call.

Peter and I remained estranged through senior year. Then one night the summer before college he showed up on my doorstep not exactly sober. He was babbling and going on about how Sarah was pregnant and then he found out that she cheated on him so they didn't know who the kids father was. He was a right mess. I wanted to be pissed at him, I wanted to kick him out but I still loved him so I could do neither of those things.

I took him too my room hoping that my father wouldn't wake up and find Peter drunk on our doorstep. Being the current Chief of Police in Forks he was not going to take kindly to underage drinking. I got him up to my room and on the bed where he instantly fell asleep. I just sat for hours watching him, taking in his utter beauty.

The next morning he woke up and apologized for everything he had done and for ignoring me. He told me it was only because he was actually scared of what he was feeling also. When I asked him about it his only response was to kiss me.

That kiss was the most amazing moment in my life and I knew then that we would be together forever. He was the first and only man I ever wanted to kiss, to hold, to love, and spend my life with. We had a long talk that day and worked on getting our friendship back on track, as well as exploring our new feelings. Things were great with us that summer. When we left for college we went to different schools. I went to University of Washington to study Criminal Justice while he went to Cornish College of the Arts. Both in Seattle. He wanted to be a tattoo artist. Since we were in the same city we were able to stay together.

We came out to our parents over Christmas break from school that year and they were shocked to say the least. But they only wanted us to be happy. I had been worried that my father, being the old fashioned man that he was, would have a major problem with it. But he just told me, 'when you find love you latch onto it no matter what form it comes in,' He told me my mother told him that right before she passed. I think she may have had an idea that I was gay.

We had been together ever since. Peter found out that the child Sarah was carrying was not his and he was relieved. He didn't want to be a father at the ripe old age of 18, not that I blamed him for that I didn't want that either.

After we graduated we staying in Seattle for a few years. Peter apprenticed at a popular tattoo shop where he got experience and notoriety, and I was working as a police officer for Seattle PD. Life was good we were out and happy.

About 5 years after we graduated my father became gravely ill and we made the decision to go home so I could take care of him. We were home for a month before he passed away leaving us with a substantial amount of money I had no idea he had. We sold my childhood home, took the inheritance and money from the house and bought a new one on the beach. Peter always loved the beach, and Peter opened his own shop.

It wasn't always easy, but I wouldn't trade Peter for anything. He was my life and I had to admit I was a bit nervous about what would happen throwing three teenagers into the mix. What if they didn't get along with Peter or Me? What if they couldn't accept that I was gay? So many questions and no answers to be had. I was giving myself a headache.

I fell asleep after awhile only to be jostled awake a few hours later by the flight attendant saying we were getting ready to land. I suddenly felt very nauseated. My nerves were getting the better of me. I just wanted to land and figure out what was going on.

* * *

I departed the plane and called the number that Detective Reinhart gave me to call when I arrived.

"Detective Reinhart speaking." He answered on the third ring.

"Detective, it's Charlie Swan. I just landed in Phoenix and need to know where I should go?" I asked him.

"Oh, yes, Charlie. Meet me at St. Josephs Children's Hospital. A cab should be able to take you there. I will meet you in the front lobby." I was about to ask why I was going to the hospital but he hung up before I could. I was very annoyed. Were my kids ok? What the hell was going on.

I took my bag and made my way to find a cab. While on the way I called my man.

"Hey baby, you get in ok?" He asked before I could even say hello. Just his voice was calming for me.

"Yes I just got in. I called the detective first and am now on my way to the hospital." I heard him gasp.

"Why what's wrong?" I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

"I don't know he hung up on me before I could ask. He just gave me the name of the hospital and told me he would meet me in the lobby. I am freaking out. I mean what if one of them is sick? What would we do?" I really wish he was here to help me through this. He was always my rock.

"Baby, if one of them is sick, we will handle it. We can handle anything together." I knew he was right but I needed to hear it anyway.

"I know, I miss you babe, I hope that I can figure this out and get home to you soon." My heart always ached when I was away from him. Which wasn't very often.

"I miss you too. I love you, but those kids need you. I have a feeling about this." Him and his feelings, I had to roll my eyes, "don't roll your eyes at me. I know shit." I had to laugh at him and it felt good.

"I know you do. Hey I just pulled in I better go and see what this is about, I love you. I'll call as soon as I know something." He told me he loved me and to focus on the kids, who had just lost their mother, and to call when I had a chance.

I paid the cabby and made my way inside. I was looking around the lobby but wasn't sure what I was looking for when I heard a voice to my right.

"Charlie Swan?" I turned and came face to face with a man who looked like he hadn't slept in days. This did not bode well.

"Yes, that's me. You Detective Reinhart?" I held my hand out for him to shake. He took it in a firm grip and looked at me with sympathy. Wonder what that was about.

"Yes I am. I think I should tell you a bit about what's going on before we go see the children." I nodded at him and followed him to a office that I am sure he got permission to use from the staff.

"First of all let me tell you about the kids themselves first. There are two boys and one girl. Emmett is the oldest by eight minutes, then Jasper by four minutes, and lastly Isabella. All three of them, as well as another we found in the house, James, have been admitted to the hospital. We still don't know everything that happened in that house but what we do know is it wasn't pleasant. Right now all four of them are under heavy sedation." I was trying to get a grip on what he was saying. Why would they need to be sedated? Why didn't they know what happened in the house? What the hell happened to my kids? I was about to ask when he continued.

"What we currently know is this, 911 was called two days ago by Isabella, she was crying and saying that they killed them. She just kept repeating it over and over," He paused to look at me to see my reaction which right now was just confusion, "When police showed up at the house it was chaos. There as blood everywhere. Emmett and James were covered in it. Isabella was cowering in a corner and Jasper was standing over a man with a knife in his hand." What! My son killed someone? Why?

"You're telling me that my son killed a man?" I was getting a bit hysterical now. I got out of my chair and started to pace.

"Please just let me finish before you jump to conclusions." He pleaded with me. I gestured for him to continue but kept up my pacing. "It appears that it was self defense. We have been unable to actually speak with any of the kids at this point because they haven't been stable enough to get coherent sentences out of them. What we could tell from the scene and past medical history was that it looks like they finally fought back after years of abuse and neglect." Shit this was too much.

"What about their mother where is she, you said she was dead? Did the man kill her?" He just looked down before answering.

"No, he didn't. He was her boyfriend slash pimp." I barely heard the last bit but it immediately sent my blood boiling.

"WHAT? SHE WAS A WHORE?" I slammed my fist into the table.

"Please calm down I am getting to it." He stood up and held his hand up. Only then did I notice two other men in the room with us. I would guess they were there to restrain me if I got out of control. Which was a strong possibility at this point. I tried to regulate my breathing and sat down again.

"Ok, yes she was a prostitute. As far as we can tell she was killed by the same knife that killed her boyfriend. There were only two sets of prints on the knife that night, Jasper's and Isabella's." My world was spinning. He just told me that two of my children murdered their mother and her boyfriend. What was happening to them that they would need to do that?

"Do you know why they did it?" I closed my eyes steeling myself for the answer.

"We can only speculate at this point. But after examining the kids and the state we found them in it appears that she was, well…..ummm," He was stalling.

"SPIT IT OUT!" I yelled at him.

"It seems that she was allowing her boyfriend to use them, sexually, to help fund her habit." Oh God. With that I bolted to the closest trash can and lost everything I had eaten that day.

* * *

**A/N: Ok so that's the first chapter. In my story I imagine Peter looking like Eric Dane, he is dead sexy if you haven't seen him you should Google him! I just saw him in the movie Valentines Day, and it was so cute! I also picture Charlie with full goatee not just the mustache, lol. I may see if I can link a good picture of the two of them on to my profile for you all. Anyway let me know what you think. Reviews always get a Preview! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok all I know this story isn't very pleasant right now, nothing involving child abuse is because it's deplorable and anyone who does it gets what's coming to them. But please stick with me it will get better! **

**I would like to thank Jaspered01 who has decided to Beta this story for me as well as my other one, I personally don't think she knows what she is getting herself into but yay! So let's get on with it shall we?**

**CharliePOV:**

I was hunched over the garbage can trying to process what he had just told me and I couldn't. I was horrified, disgusted, angry, and heartbroken all at once. How could a mother subject her children to something like this. I didn't even know the extent of the abuse, how long it had been going one, or what else may have happened to them, but I was pissed!

If she was going to do this too them, if she didn't want them, then she sure as hell should have found me and told me! I always knew Renee was unstable to a degree but never in a million years would I have thought she would be so demented to use her children to get drugs or to satisfy her pimps sick twisted desire! My head was throbbing and my throat was burning from the acid I had just brought up.

I wish Peter had come with me now. If I had known I would have to face something like this I would have pushed for him to be here. He was my sanity. I didn't think I could do this without him.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up and saw Detective Reinhart holding a bottle of water. I took it and mumbled a thank you downing half of it in a few gulps.

"Fist I have a few questions." I informed him and he nodded.

"Aside from them being sedated, which I would like to know why by the way, do they have anything physically wrong with them?" I needed to address their health first and foremost.

"They all have various injuries let me break them down for you individually. Emmett first, he has three broken ribs, a fractured hand, dislocated knee, and various other minor cuts and bruises. Jasper has a broken clavicle, a minor skull fracture, broken wrist, and also various cuts and bruises. Isabella she has a laceration in her abdomen, a cracked sternum, and a fractured pelvis, also other cuts and bruises." Fuck! What had these kids gone through? I looked over at the detective and notice he wasn't making eye contact he was keeping something from me.

"What are you hiding?" I used my cop voice, as Peter likes to call it.

"All of them also show signs of sexual trauma. All the boys had rectal tearing in various stages of healing, and Isabella had vaginal and rectal tearing as well. We don't know how long the sexual abuse was going on and we won't until we are able to talk with them." I had to fight back the bile that rose in my throat again. My kids had been raped and beaten for god knows how long. What hell they had to go through. Aside from the physical trauma, I can't even begin to imagine the mental anguish they are going to have.

"You are not to question them without me present. They are minors and I know their rights. Are you going to be charging Jasper and Isabella with murder at this point?" I needed to know what sort of legal ramifications this would have. I would hire the best lawyers if need be, after going through so much trauma in their young lives I would do whatever I had to do to protect them from now on.

"If what we are seeing right now holds true then no we will not be pursuing any legal action. It appears as though it was self defense and after seeing the evidence of abuse I wouldn't want to put those kids through more then they already have been through." I nodded at him in appreciation.

"What about this other kid, James, you said his name was?" I was curious if he played a role in the abuse or if he was also a victim.

"I can't discuss much of his condition, you aren't his father, but I can tell you he is in a similar state to the others. It seems that he is the younger brother of the man that Renee was shaking up with. We are waiting for some test results to come back like blood work and specimen samples. Once those come back we should know more what happened and the extent of the abuse." I pondered this. So it seemed that he was just a victim as well. Poor kid.

"What is going to happen to James now?" I wanted to know for reasons I couldn't ponder just yet. Something told me he was important to my children though.

"He has no other family. His parents died when he was five leaving him in the care of his much older brother. At this juncture he will become a ward of the state." Well that sucked after all he had been through he could end up in a place just as bad if not worse then he had just come from. "Would you like to see your children now?" He asked before I could formulate any type of idea on what to do.

"Yes please." He got up and left the room not waiting for me to follow. We stepped into the elevator and made our way to the 4th floor. Winding our way through the maze of corridors I was suddenly meet with the sound of frantic screaming and hysterical sobbing.

"WHERE ARE THEY? YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM FROM ME!" The female voice cried out. I looked at Detective Reinhart and he started looking frantic. Doctors and nurses were running around as more yells broke through.

"JAMES, JASPER, BELLA! WHERE ARE THEY! I NEED THEM!" The fear and anguish in the voice was gut wrenching. There was a loud crash from one of the rooms and I heard a blood curdling scream from another. I ran to where I heard the scream and stood in shock at what I saw.

A young girl with mahogany hair was in the corner of the room trying to fight off the orderly and a doctor with a syringe. I looked into her eyes and instantly knew she was mine. I could see my own eyes shinning out, only hers were laced with terror and pain. She kept screaming at the doctors to get away as she begged for Jasper, Emmett, and James to save her. I had to step in.

"Get those boys and bring them here now!" I demanded, "And get the fuck away from her with that needle!" I bellowed out stalking toward the doctor.

"Sir please she needs to calm down or she will hurt herself more." The doctor was trying to reason with me but I knew the drugs were only a temporary fix. She needed to be awake and coherent and if the only way to do that was to bring her brothers in then so be it. I moved so I was in front of her but she cringed away from me. Oh yeah stupid Charlie she has no idea who you are.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? GET AWAY FROM HER!" A huge bear of a man pushed me forcefully out of the way as he leaned over and gently picked her up cradling her to his chest. Looking closer I realized he wasn't a man but a boy who just happened to be built like a 20 year old linebacker! Not a second later two other boys rushed into the room colliding with the other two already clinging tightly to each other.

I noticed the big one had a knee brace on his left knee. None of them were moving particularly fast and I can't imagine the pain the movement was causing them, they should each be in bed but being apart right now was just not an option. They would cause more damage if they continued to fight with the staff.

"Why don't you move her to the bed. She needs to be immobile or you could cause more damage to he fractured pelvis." I maintained my distance and noticed all of them eyeing me suspiciously. It looked like they were almost having a silent conversation with each other when Isabella nodded and the bear man moved her to the bed, all of them moving in tandem with one another.

Once she was on the bed the large one moved behind her cradling her to his chest and the other two on each side of her all clinging to each other as if any moment they were going to be ripped apart. I watched as their breathing started to return to normal and they all seemed to calm more by the minute.

I couldn't for the life of me pick out which ones would be the triplets none of them looked alike really. I was watching them closely when I heard a throat clear and I looked and saw Reinhart in the doorway. I heard a whimper and noticed Isabella trying to push her way further into the bear.

"No one means you any harm. I just wanted to introduce you kids to someone." He was also smart enough to keep his distance. None of them said anything but just looked back and forth between Reinhart and me assessing what was going on.

"Kid's this is Charlie Swan." I heard a collective gasp and I had a feeling this wasn't going to be good.

"Please don't let him take us." WHAT? Why wouldn't they want to go with me? They don't even know me.

"Do you kids know who he is?" Reinhart asked. None of them gave any indication that they were going to answer. He turned to me with sympathy before addressing me, "maybe you should step out for a few minutes and I can talk to them." I nodded and left the room. I decided to use the time to call Peter. I didn't think I could tell him everything, yet, but I need to hear his voice. I pulled out my phone and hit the speed dial.

"Baby," was all he had to say and I broke I didn't have to say anything I just sobbed into the phone. He didn't push for answers just told me he loved me and that he was here with me. He reminded me over and over that no matter what we would face everything together. We would get through it. Finally I was able to get enough control to put some words together.

"It's worse then I could ever have imagined." I told him.

"Oh babe, I should have gone with you. You shouldn't be dealing with this on your own. It's killing me to not be able to hold you and comfort you." I could tell he was struggling knowing I was in pain and he couldn't help. He was always the carefree goofball but most people didn't get to see the amazing sensitive side of him that I did.

"No, you are comforting me just by listening to me. It probably would be worse for them with you here. I don't know all of what happened to them or what she told them about me but I don't think it was good. They begged the detective not to let me take them." I felt the tears roll down my cheeks at the idea of her putting idea in their heads about me.

Peter and I talked a bit longer I didn't go into a lot of detail but gave him a general run down. I could tell he was upset and just wanted everyone home so we could heal and move forward. I knew that was going to take a lot of time though. I was just hanging up with Peter when Reinhart came out. I looked at him expectantly.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. It seems like she used to threaten them with you." What does that mean?

"I don't understand." I shook my head in confusion.

"Emmett the big one, he is the most forth coming in his answers, told me that when they were bad and being punished she used to tell them that if they didn't straighten up their father, Charlie Swan, would come for them and anything she did to them would be a walk in the park compared to what you would do." I stood there dumbfounded I didn't realize it was possible for one person to completely obliterate so many lives. I wanted nothing more in that moment then to bring her back from the dead so I could exact every torture on her that she did on my children.

"Well what did you tell them?" I hope they would believe me and the detective when we told them that what she said to them wasn't true.

"I explained that Renee was lying and manipulating them. I informed them that she never even told you that they were yours. I don't know exactly what happened between you and her, so I couldn't get into details but I informed them that you were the Chief of Police in the town you live in and a good man that would never hurt them." Well that's good. I mean he didn't really know me but of course I would never hurt them. I wanted them to be happy and safe.

"They are sleeping right now, you can go back in we are going to move them to a larger room so they can have their own beds but still be together." He left to go find a doctor or someone to get the move arranged and I made my way back to the room. I stepped inside and saw my children curled up together sleeping peacefully. I realized at that moment that I considered James my child also even though I hadn't even actually met any of them. I couldn't bring myself to think about separating them. It was obvious they had a very strong bond and I didn't want to cause more harm by keeping them apart.

I pulled out my phone and called an old buddy of mine from college. Marcus was a lawyer he and his husband Aro were one of the first gay couples that Peter and I befriended when we moved to Seattle. We stayed in contact over the years and saw each other whenever we went to Seattle or they came to see us.

"Hello?" Marcus answered after a few rings.

"Marcus, it's Charlie." I informed him, it had been awhile since we talked.

"Charlie, dear friend, how are you?" I sighed and blinked trying to hold back my tears.

"Not well actually." It came out strangled and I had to collect myself.

"Oh no, is it Peter, do you need us to come to you? We can be there in 4 hours if need be." I was touched by his concern.

"No, it's not Peter he is fine. But it would take you much longer then 4 hours to get to me. I am actually in Phoenix." I told him.

"As in Arizona? Why on earth would you be there." He sounded almost offended and I had to chuckle. I gave him a brief run down of what happened ending with what I wanted to accomplish.

"Well I will have to contact a judge in the area and see what we can do. Since he has no where else to go I don't see that it should be that much of problem especially given the situation." I really hopped that it wouldn't be a long process. "You don't worry about anything except getting those kids happy and healthy. I will handle everything legally for you." He was so kind.

"Thank you so much Marcus. I don't know what I would have done or where to even have started with this." I was truly grateful.

"Don't thank me. You and Peter helped us out in our time of need we would never abandon you in yours." He was right we had helped them after their parents had kicked them out when they came out.

They were from Seattle and instead of living in dorms they both decided to save money and live at home while they went to school. Well Marcus's mom walked in on him and Aro one day and flipped the fuck out. When his father got home they called Aro's parents and had a family meeting. They gave them an ultimatum. Either stop what they were doing, or move out and be cut off completely. They came from wealthy families who were in country clubs and society organizations together. This was a scandal that they didn't want to deal with.

Marcus and Aro were in love so they each packed up their belongings and piled into their cars. I had a few classes with Marcus he was Pre-Law and I was Criminal Justice so they crossed often. The day after they were tossed out we had a class together and I noticed he was looking a little worse for wear so I asked him what happened and he let the whole story spill out. He wasn't aware that I was gay also and when I told him we had an instant camaraderie. He informed me that they were currently staying in a hotel but didn't have a lot of money and didn't know what they were going to do.

I called Peter and told him what was going on and he instantly felt bad for them so we offered them the spare bedroom in our apartment until they got back on their feet. Things worked out well and they actually stayed with us as roommates through college and we had formed a life long friendship.

"Ok, give Aro our love and please let me know what you find out." I told him. We chatted for a few more minutes when I noticed one of the kids, a boy with short curly blond hair, started to stir. I quickly ended my call and focused on the boy in front of me.

"Hi." I said softly. He flinched subtly and started to worry his lower lip.

"Hello." It was barely audible but it was something.

"Which one are you?" I asked. He looked reluctant but answered anyway. I wasn't sure if he was answering out of fear of angering me or because he believed that Reinhart had told him, but I would take it either way.

"I'm Jasper." Ok curly blond Jasper, burly bear Emmett, girl Isabella (duh.), so the other one with the longer dishwater blond hair would be James.

"Hi Jasper. I'm your father Charlie. Detective Reinhart told me what your mother said to you about me I want you to know it's not true. I would never hurt you, any of you." He looked at me skeptically. "I know you have no reason to believe. I have no idea what you have been through or what other lies you were told so the only thing I can do is prove it to you. To all of you." He still eyed me warily but softened a little.

"What's going to happen to us?" I looked away from Jasper and to the others and saw all of them were also now awake and watching me. I cleared my throat and stretched the back of my head.

"Well when you are ready and healed I want you to come and live with me. In Washington." They blinked a few times but didn't say anything so I just kept talking. "I'm the Chief of Police in a small town there called Forks." This got a few snickers and I smiled at them.

"That's a weird name for a town." James spoke quietly then frowned. "What about me? You're not my father. What's going to happen to me?" He was starting to panic a bit.

"Shhhh, calm down son, I am working on it as we speak. I can't see you all separated so I called a lawyer friend of mine who is seeing what he can do." I saw them all relax visibly knowing they wouldn't be separated.

"Are you married?" Isabella spoke in a timid voice blushing a little bit. I wasn't sure how to answer this question though.

"Well, no I'm not married, but I am involved with someone." That just sounded wrong we were so much more then involved but I didn't want to freak them out so soon. I decided to change the subject the have to refrain from having to elaborate right now.

"So what grade are you all in?" They all looked puzzled for a minute.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked.

"Well what grade in school? Fourteen years old I would imagine you would be what Freshman in high school." I was just as confused as they were.

"Oh, school, we umm….well Renee said we didn't need to go to school. She told us she would teach us how to survive in the real world." Emmett answered for them. He seemed to be the 'leader' I guess you could call it.

"So you never went to school?" I couldn't believe this. What did she do keep them locked away in a basement or something. Oh God, just the thought of that turns my stomach.

"We went to elementary school. Then she met Laurent when we were nine and pulled us out of school." Jasper was the one to answer this time but I noticed James shivered at the name that was said. I was going to assume that he was the brother. Just as I was about to ask the door was open and a few nurses and orderlies came in as well as Reinhart.

"We are ready to move them." I got up from my chair on the other side of the room and walked toward the bed. Isabella whimpered but this time they didn't all flinch.

"They are going to put you all in a larger room. You can't stay in the same bed for long periods of time. Your bodies and bones need to heal and they won't set right if you stay in these positions for long. But you will all still be in the same room, we made sure of that."

One of the orderlies moved toward the bed to pick up Isabella and she screamed and tried to get away. The orderly instantly backed away.

"How are we suppose to move them if we can't touch them?" The orderly asked but I didn't hear any malice in his voice just concern.

"Isabella," I started but was interrupted.

"Bella." Was all she said and I nodded.

"Bella please let the orderly move you, he won't hurt you I promise, and as soon as you are in your own bed you will be in a room with your brothers ok?" I pleaded with her hoping she would trust me.

"Bella, go on we are right behind you, I promise." Emmett told her. She nodded slightly and the orderly moved very slowly back over to her. She whimpered and stiffened as he went to pick her up and lowered her into the waiting wheelchair but didn't scream again.

The boys were able to walk to there new room since they didn't have any of their walking limbs broken and they stayed close to Bella as we made our way down the hall. I honestly didn't think that they need to be here very long most of the healing could be done at home but I guess the doctors were being cautious.

Once they were settled into the communal room I made myself comfortable in the chair in the far corner. I wasn't moving from this spot or leaving them until I got them home and safe. The kids had been given some pain medicine and were all sleeping and I felt my eyes getting heavy from the traveling and stress of the day as I drifted off to sleep.

I was awoken a while later, I don't know how long I was asleep but it wasn't long enough, by my phone ringing. I smiled because I knew that ring tone.

"Hey baby." I answered wistfully and he chuckled.

"Love, how are you holding up?" I could feel the concern he had for me and it warmed my heart.

"Ok, doing better. I was able to talk to the kids a bit." Albeit not as much as I wanted but I knew it would take time.

"That's good. Marcus called here and we talked for a bit. He needed some personal information sent to him to try and arrange getting the other child put in your care." Oh shit I forgot to talk to him about taking James in also.

"Oh, Peter I am sorry. I forgot to even talk to you about James. But if you saw them you would understand. I can't separate them, they won't survive it. I just…please understand…I…." I was at a loss to try and make him understand.

"Baby, calm down. I do understand. If this is what you think is best for everyone then I support you. I'm just wandering where we are going to put four teenagers. Our house isn't small by any means, but we only have the two extra rooms." He was right, but I didn't think they would be spending much time apart for awhile if I was being honest.

"Maybe we could refinish the attic. We have been talking about doing that for awhile now anyway. We could convert that into two more rooms. I think we have time because I don't foresee them being ready to spend time away from each other for awhile." The attic was large and fairly empty. We didn't have a bunch of junk, Peter was pretty fastidious about clutter.

"That is actually perfect. So tell me about the kids." I told him about Emmet, Jasper, Bella, and James. As much as I knew anyway, which wasn't a lot. I told him about the schooling issue, and he said that he was considering adding another artist to the shop so if he needed he could help to home school them to get them caught up. If it was possible to fall more in love with him I just did. He never ceased to amaze me.

We were just chatting about life and the future when I was startled by an ear piercing scream. I didn't even say goodbye to Peter before jumping up to see what was going on and what I saw broke my heart a little more.

Bella was thrashing around her bed clawing at some unknown attacker and screaming. I ran over to her bed not quite sure what to do. I wanted to hold her tight to me and fight off whatever demon was after her but knew she would freak out more if she woke up in my arms. So I just started stroking her hair and whispering that she was safe and no one would hurt her. After a few minutes she started to calm to an occasional whimper and I continued to run my fingers through her hair.

After awhile I moved away from her bed and noticed that Emmett was awake and watching me carefully. Probably to make sure I wasn't hurting his sister. I went over to my chair and pulled it next to his bed. We sat for awhile before he broke the silence.

"You won't hurt us will you?" He sounded so unsure and scared. I looked right at him hoping he could see the sincerity in my eyes.

"No I could never hurt you, any of you. I wish…" I started choking up and coughed to cover it up, "I wish I had known about you all sooner. I wish I could have prevented what happened to you. I wish so much that you could have grown up with me and had a happy and loving childhood. But that didn't happen. It's my goal from this day forward to make sure you are happy, healthy, safe, but most of all loved. I love you all, and I will never let anyone hurt you again." I meant every word. I would kill anyone that tried to hurt any of these children again. I wouldn't hesitate.

"I can't say that I fully trust you yet. We have been lied to and manipulated so much we don't trust anyone but each other. But I am willing to try. It will take time for all of us and your hardest will be Bella and Jasper…..they…..they had it worse then James and I did." He looked away and I saw a tear on his cheek.

"We will take it slow and work on the trust along the way. I don't expect to waltz in here and have everything bunny rabbits and sunshine. I know you have been through hell and I will do anything in my power to help you all heal and move on." He studied my face for awhile before nodding. We didn't say more just sat there keeping each other company when I heard my phone go off again.

"Shit," I pulled it out of my pocket where I had shoved it earlier.

"I am so sorry baby, I should have called you back." I felt terrible. He must be worried sick.

"Is everything alright? What happened? All I heard was a scream then dead air." I felt so bad about leaving him hanging like that.

"Peter, baby," I paused when I realized what I said and looked at Emmett who was staring at me with wide eyes. Yup he knows. "Everything is fine. Bella had a nightmare and I had to try and calm her down. Listen can I call you back in a bit Emmett and I were talking and I need to tell him some stuff." I really needed to discuss this with him.

"Of course love, I understand I really do. Just please next time I think someone is being murdered call me." I chuckled.

"Ok will do, I love you so much." He reiterated that he loved me and missed me and we hung up. Well time to face the music.

"So, I guess Peter isn't your girlfriend?" Emmett chuckled softly and I had to join him.

"Umm, no…not exactly. Peter is my soul mate, love of my life. We have been together since we were 18 years old." I explained to him.

"Hey, that's cool. You can't help who you love right. Who cares where it comes from. If I know anything it's that when you find love you latch on and never let go." I don't think I was meant to see the look he tossed over to the bed James was sleeping peacefully on but I did, and decided not to comment on it. Maybe they would be ok with me and Peter's relationship. I could only pray.

* * *

**A/N: There is chapter 2 for ya: Reviews get previews. Also if you haven't checked out Eric Dane do it! HOT! I put a link to him and to what I want Charlie to look like on my profile (personally in real life I don't think he is THAT attractive, but he au'ight. So please let me know what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ok everyone here you go. I want to put a very LARGE disclaimer on this chapter. It will get very intense very quickly. Like this whole story it will deal with child abuse, physical and sexual. Some chapters a bit more then others. If this is going to bother you, SKIP THE DREAM SEQUENCE THEN! I don't want a million reviews about how I should have warned you, you are warned!**

**Also I would as usual like to thank my Beta Jaspered01. She helped me out with some issues I was having in this chapter, thanks hon! **

**EmmettPOV:**

I looked over at the man who is my father sleeping on the chair beside my bed. I don't know why but for some reason I trust him I know the others will eventually take their cues from me in regards to this. I am the oldest, even if it is by 8 minutes, so I naturally took on a leader type roll in our little 'family'. But I was tired and wanted someone else to take that role now.

I heard Charlie's whole conversation with the man, Peter, before Bella started screaming. I was very confused at first. I didn't understand. Was it ok for him to be with a man? Anytime Laurent was with us, making us do things, when he was done he would always beat us and tell us we were disgusting faggots. It's not like I liked men, I don't think, I just haven't ever given much thought to what I do like.

We were never around the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter, other than each other. They were my siblings so I didn't really see them that way. Although what I felt for James was not what I felt for Jasper or Bella, but I never really sat and thought about it. I could never get enough time to think about stuff. We always had to be on guard.

I was intrigued when I heard him talk about schooling. He mentioned this Peter staying home after hiring someone new at a shop and home schooling us to catch up. I didn't know what good it would do, for me at least, I'm such an idiot I don't think I could ever catch up or be normal. _Normal_. That made me wonder what it would have been like if we had had a 'normal' childhood.

The beginning wasn't horrible. Yeah we mostly fended for ourselves, but for the most part Renee ignored us. Though there were a few beatings here or there if we got in her way or annoyed her. But for the most part she left us be. It wasn't until she met Laurent and started in on the drugs that things really went down hill. We were nine when he moved in and we became a 'family'. One fucked up family if you ask me. We made the Firefly family look like the fucking Brady bunch!

I was just starting to think that my knee was hurting when the nurse came in and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was in pain and she gave me a shot of some really good shit. I slowly felt myself slip into oblivion and I prayed that the demons would be kept at bay, as usual my prayers went unanswered.

"_Where the fuck are you!" Laurent bellowed out. The four of us were holed up in mine and James' room trying to stay out of everyone's way. Laurent had some "business" associates over and we didn't want to be anywhere near them._

_Bella was reading as usual. Ever since we had been pulled out of school she would try and find any and everything she could get her hands on to read. James, Jasper, and I were playing poker. Well our version of poker. We picked it up from watching Laurent and his buddies. We were eleven so we didn't know all the rules. But it worked for us._

_We all froze when we heard the heavy footsteps on the stairs. Bella started shaking and tried to curl into an impossibly small ball, while the rest of us just turned toward the door waiting to see what would be coming through it this time._

_The smile on Laurent's face as he crashed through the door was neither inviting nor comforting. In fact it made my stomach twist into a million knots._

"_Why didn't you answer when I called?" His French, New Orleans accent was thick. I always wondered why he had it and James didn't. I also wondered why Laurent appeared to be black, or mixed at least, and James was as white as they came. I knew nothing about genetics or shit like that but whatever._

"_Sssorryy…we didn't hehehear you." James stuttered out. He always stuttered when he was nervous or frightened. He was actually just under a year younger then us. We had just celebrated his eleventh birthday a month back, while the three of us had ours about nine months ago. _

_Before any of us could register what happened James was sprawled on the floor holding his cheek. I felt the furry build but quickly stomped it down. My temper would only get us in more trouble._

" _Here take these." He gave me, Jasper, and James little blue pills. This isn't the first time he had given us some pill or another. It was the first time I have seen the little blue ones however and I had no idea what they were. "I want you all downstairs in 30 minutes. DO NOT make me come back up here to get you." With that he turned and slammed the door as he left._

"_I don't like this." Jasper eyed the door Laurent had just disappeared through._

"_What's to like? But why did you have to take them and I didn't?" Bella asked. That was something I couldn't answer. _

"_I have no idea. But Jasper is right something is different this time." Laurent never wanted us around when his 'associated' were visiting so why was tonight different. _

"_Well there's nothing we can do about it." I sat on the floor as we waited for the time to go down stairs to face whatever was in store for us tonight. After a few minutes I noticed something that had never happened before, it wasn't uncomfortable just….weird. I looked over and noticed Jasper started wiggling around a bit while looking down to his lap._

"_What's wrong Jasper?" His eyes snapped up to mine looking alarmed. _

"_I have no idea." James cocked his head to the side looking curious at us._

"_I feel weird." He explained. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brow in confusion._

"_Me too." I agreed._

"_What's that?" Bella asked pointing to where something was poking out at Jaspers jeans. Jasper blushed bright red and turned around quickly. I looked down to my own lap and notice I was in a similar state but had no idea why. What was happening to us?_

"_Emmett what's going on?" James asked he was also in the same predicament we were in, but I was at a loss. We hadn't been in school in three years and I knew nothing of our bodies and what was normal. I continued to notice that my private area was getting harder by the moment and it was starting to get uncomfortable. _

"_I don't know." I was so confused. _

"_We need to head down before we get in trouble." Bella said glancing at the clock. I just nodded and made my way to the door and down the stairs as best I could. Even walking was getting uncomfortable. _

_I rounded the corner to the living room and stopped dead in my tracts. There were about five men standing around the room. The unease I was feeling multiplied ten fold and I started to shake. Something was definitely not right. This was not going to be a good night._

_The others fell in line next to me and I grabbed onto James' hand who took Jasper's who then took Bella's. We were hoping to draw strength and comfort from each other by this small connection._

"_Well Laurent, you certainly do have a beautiful family." One of the men in the room came up to me and started stroking my cheek. I flinched back trying to get away but the man then fisted my hair and pulled me out of the line we had formed and flush to his body. I felt something hard poke in my stomach and almost lost my lunch. I didn't know what it was but I was pretty sure I didn't want to know._

_I noticed that the other men had approached my siblings and they were all similar positions I was in. Except Bella, she had two men by her and I could tell she was shaking uncontrollably. She didn't like anyone near her._

"_Please don't. Leave us alone." I pleaded to anyone who would hear but instead of releasing me the man that had a hold of me slid his hand down the front of my pants and grabbed my now very painful private part._

"_I see you are ready to play." I don't know why but I was pretty sure he wasn't talking about cards. He started to move his hand over me and I didn't like it._

"_Please stop, I don't think you're suppose to do that." I shouldn't have said anything before I knew what was happening I felt a fire in my stomach as the wind was knocked out of me._

"_I will do whatever the hell I want! I paid for you and I will get my money's worth." I tried to fight the tears in my eyes as the pain subsided in my tummy._

"_You are welcome to any of the rooms please just don't kill them." Laurent spoke up. I hadn't even noticed him in the room until now. Without any acknowledgement I was dragged away from the living room and up the stairs. I heard the click of the door to one of the bedrooms but didn't turn around. This man made me very uncomfortable. _

"_First I want to get a few things straight." The man said coming up behind me and pulling me to him wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his hand just above the waist band of my jeans. "My name is Alec, but you will address me as Sir. Do you understand." He breathed in my ear._

"_Yes." I replied but must have said something wrong because he grabbed my hair and yanked it back hard._

"_Yes, what?" Oh, opps. _

"_Yes sir." I corrected._

"_Good boy." His hand went to the hem of my shirt and lifts it over my head. Once it was off his hand start exploring the expanse of my chest and I start to quiver, and not in a good way. I really don't think he is suppose to be doing this._

"_Please stop sir, I don't like it." I begged hoping he would listen._

"_Well, it really doesn't matter what you like. I paid for you and I am going to do what I please and if you knew what was good for you, you would be a good boy." His hands started to move lower and when he got to the top of my jeans he popped the button and lowered the zipper pulling my pants and boxers down at the same time. _

_I had to admit I felt some relief as my hard private part was no longer being pressed upon by the too tight hand me down jeans. His hand took my private area again and started moving up and down and I groan. This isn't suppose to feel good. What was wrong with me? I could feel his lips on my neck kissing, biting, and licking. After a few strokes he turns me around and forces me to my knees._

"_Take off my pants." He commanded. My hands were shaking as I try to comply but I couldn't get them to work right they are shaking so badly. I felt the sting across my face before I even saw the movement and felt a trickle of blood roll down my cheek from the force of the hit._

"_I won't tell you again." I managed to get the button and zipper down with my hands shaking and pushed them over his hips as they pooled on the floor. I looked up and was eye level with his 'special' area. _

"_Suck on it." He commanded. I was too shocked to do anything though. I was terrified. From what I remember at school when they would have the men in uniforms come in and do the talks, you weren't suppose to touch, or let anyone else touch, your special area. I started shaking my head but he yanked on my hair again and forced my head back before shoving his thing in my mouth._

"_When I tell you to suck my cock you better do it!" He was thrusting his hips forward into my mouth. I kept gagging and had to on several occasions swallow the bile that rose in my throat. Tears were streaming freely down my face as I gagged and chocked on his too large for my mouth 'cock'. I never know that's what it was called._

_After what felt like an eternity of him pushing himself into my mouth he pulled away from me completely and I was hoping it was over. Little did I know he was just starting. He lifted me off the ground and turned me around. I heard the click of something that sounded like a bottle of some kind but had no idea. He moved me so I was leaning over the end of the bed. I turned around to see what he was doing, still not sure what was happening, when he saw me looking he winked at me and smiled a stomach churning grin before thrusting his hips forward…._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I sat bolt right up in the bedpanting. I felt a hand on my shoulder and started to panic. Alec, where was he? Where was I? What was going on?

"Please no, no more." I started sobbing trying to back away from the foreign hand on my body.

"Shhh, son, relax. It was just a dream, calm down Emmett." The voice was calming and smooth. Nothing like Alec's or any of the countless others from the past. Something about that voice told me I could trust the speaker.

"What happened?" I asked coming back from the darkness that had taken over.

"I think you had a nightmare, or a memory. Do you want to talk about it?" I looked over at the man sitting next to my bed and everything came flooding back. Charlie, dad, mom and Laurent getting killed, the hospital. It was so much to take in, and I honestly didn't want to carry all of it alone anymore. I decided to step on a limb and open up a bit to Charlie. Not all of it, but maybe tell him about the dream. I mean obviously the doctors told him about our injuries, which I know are extensive and intimate in nature, so he wasn't totally oblivious to what happened. He was just lacking in the finer details.

So I told him about the dream. The first time we had to take the blue pills, the first time Alec stole my innocence, hearing the screams from the screams from the other rooms as my siblings endured the same fate. I let that whole night out, a purging of my inner demons so to speak. It felt good. Charlie didn't say anything he just listened. When I finally chanced a look at him I noticed so many emotions playing on his face and in his eye, which were glistening with tears he was fighting to keep at bay.

I looked down afraid that he was ashamed of me. I mean I didn't even really try to fight or protest or anything. I just let him do those things to me without a struggle.

"Son, look at me please." He pleaded as his voice started quivering a bit. I slowly raise my eyes to meet his. "What happened, what those men did to you was not your fault." He told me sternly. I shook my head at him.

"But I..I didn't even try to fight or anything the first time. I mean I just let him." I was breaking down again. What kind of coward was I. I let him do those things to me, to my brother and sister and James. I let them hurt us over and over.

"You were a child Emmett, scared and vulnerable. The people who were suppose to love and protect you played on your fears and manipulated you. You did nothing wrong." He grabbed my hand and squeezed. "Those men, they are the sick ones. They are the cowards who play on the weak and innocent. You did nothing wrong, you didn't do something bad to make them do it, you didn't want it. You were a child nothing about this situation is your fault." I could see the sincerity in his eyes. But if I didn't they why did my body respond the way it did?

"But if I didn't want it on some level then why did…why did…" I knew what I wanted to ask him but was too ashamed to get the words out.

"Why did you get hard? Why did your body have the reactions it did?" He asked catching on to what I needed to know. I nodded but looked away from him again. "You mentioned Laurent giving you a pill before you went to meet them, do you know what the pill looked like?" He asked. I was confused as to why that would matter. He gave us those pills every time he had people over.

"Ummmm, they were blue and diamond shaped. But he gave them to us all the time. Why does that matter?" He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"You haven't been in school since you were nine so I wouldn't expect you to know anything about your body's reactions to stimuli especially when you are given a performance enhancing drug." I didn't get it. He saw the confusion on my face. So he continued. "Your body has certain…ummm…reactions that are automatic. You can be forced to become aroused. Even if your mind is screaming no, your body can still react to what is being done to it. Also the pill you were given is something that is prescribed for men with erectile dysfunction. It helps them get aroused and stay that way. So your body literally had no choice but to react the way it did. Just because you may have gotten hard, or even had an orgasm while this was happening to you does not mean that you wanted it." Really? I mean could that be true?

"But they always told me that I wanted it. They said they could tell I wanted it because I was hard and ready for them." I know I should have been embarrassed talking about this with him but he was giving me answers I had been wanting for years.

"They lied to you. They used you and manipulated you and your body for their sick purposes. No one will ever use you or abuse you like that again. I won't let them!" I could hear the determination in his voice and I found myself hoping that he was right. It seemed like maybe everything I had been told up until now had been a lie. Is it possible that none of this was our fault? This was so much to take in.

"So what do you guys like to do for fun?" He asked and I was glad to be moving on to a different subject. I would need time to think over everything he had just told me.

"Well when we had free time Bella would always read or draw, she loves books and art. Jasper was always into music. He came across an old guitar once that Laurent had at one point and taught himself how to play. James draws and plays also." They were all so talented. Being able to pick up a guitar or a pencil and be able to teach yourself was something I always found amazing.

"Ok what about you? What do you like to do?" I pondered that for a minute I really didn't know what I liked.

"Well I think I used to like playing jokes on everyone, but I would get in trouble for making too much noise or too big a mess. I am pretty sure I liked sports. We would throw a ball around on occasion in the yard and I really liked doing that." On the very rare occasion we got out of the house we would mess around with a football and toss it to each other. It was always fun.

"Well maybe we can get you on a team once you all get settled in. I think you would be great at something like football or baseball." I smiled at him the first real smile I have had in I don't know how long. I really liked the idea of maybe getting to do something like that.

"That would be cool." I was curious about where we were going to move but didn't want to ask him and get him mad at me. Then again he didn't seem to get mad often so maybe I should chance it? "Can you tell me more about Forks and stuff." He nodded and sat back in his chair a bit.

"Forks is a really small town. We actually live on the outskirts. Our house is really close to the beach. Peter likes to surf as much as possible. If you would like I am sure he would teach you all." He must have notice my excitement when he mentioned surfing. I had never been but one time I saw a competition on TV and have been fascinated ever since.

"I wouldn't want to impose or anything." Though I really wanted to learn I didn't want to be a burden to my fathers partner. I didn't know how the other man would take to having teenagers in the house. I mean maybe they had never wanted children, they didn't have any together as far as I knew.

"You wouldn't be. I know that Peter would love very much to teach you, any of you, something that he loves." Charlie got a far away look on his face whenever he spoke about Peter and I could see the deep emotions in his eyes. Though I didn't know what those emotions were, they were not ones I had ever seen on anyone's face before Charlie.

"You and Peter don't have any children of your own?" I asked him.

"Oh, umm….no. We never really considered it. Adoption is a long and expensive process and a surrogate, that's someone who carries a baby for you, is also expensive and we didn't really feel like we were missing anything in our lives together to try and pursue it." So if they didn't want kids before why would they want them now?

"I know what you're thinking Emmett. It's different. We didn't know what we were missing until we found out we could have it. If that makes any sense. You are my children and once I got over the shock of learning I had kids I was never told about, I couldn't imagine you all not in my life anymore. Peter also, when I told him I had to come here you all you want to know what he said?" He asked me and I shook my head. He smiled at me, "He said 'Go get our kids and bring them home.'" He was practically beaming at me.

Could they really both want us? Could life really get better? Could we really live a happy and safe life not having to constantly look over our shoulders or wondering where the next punch was coming from? God I hope so. I am just so tired.

"Why don't you go back to sleep. I'm not going anywhere, you're safe." I didn't even have time to respond before I slipped back into slumber. This time the demons stayed away and I slept peacefully for the first time in months, no, years.

* * *

It had been three days and we would be leaving the hospital today. Bella was going to have to be on crutches for a few weeks until her pelvis healed up more, aside from the broken bones that still had to heal and bruises we were good to go.

We learned that we were going to be staying in a hotel for a few weeks until all the legal stuff with James was sorted out. I had to admit I was nervous about that. What if they wouldn't give them permission to leave the state with him? What if some long lost family member stepped forward to claim him? I could lose him. He was my best friend. I loved him, probably more then I should, but I don't want to think about the significance of that yet.

The last few days we had all gotten to know Charlie better and while the others were opening up to him a bit more they were still very guarded. Which I can't blame them for. Maybe I shouldn't be so trusting but I like to think I am a decent judge of character. I saw enough ass holes to be able to tell when someone had bad intentions, I think anyway. I guess time would tell about that.

We were all sitting around watching TV eating dinner while Charlie was on the phone in the adjoining room talking to his lawyer friend. The walls were pretty thin and we could hear most of the conversation, well Charlie's side anyway. I kind of felt bad about eavesdropping but I wanted to know what was going on with James.

"_No Marcus, I understand that I really do…." _He was sounding frustrated and I was getting nervous. We wouldn't survive without James. It wasn't possible.

"_Uh huhh…well yes. Of course I would. I just don't want to betray their trust now that I am finally getting it." _He was pacing the room, I could hear him walking back and forth.

"_Marcus they have just been through so much I don't want to traumatize them anymore." _There was silence for a long while this time.

"_I know being a cop that I should want to find and prosecute the others that hurt my kids, but I won't do it at the expense of their mental wellbeing." _Thank God for that. I never want to see any of those sick fucks ever again.

"_Ok fine. From what Emmett has told me, which isn't a lot, they used to drug them with Viagra or some other performance enhancing drug when they were younger to get them to well you know. Their mother and her boyfriend used them to make money by selling them…." _I didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation because the room was suddenly filled with raised voices.

"Emmett how could you?" Bella shrieked at me, didn't she understand that I was trying to help us.

"Bella please, they had to know. I know it's hard but, but I trust him." Ever since Charlie and I had had our little conversation and he told me about Peter I just, trusted him. Not a lot but enough to start to open up a bit. I was truly hoping he would help us.

"HOW COULD YOU?" She yelled again and I flinched back, she never yells at us.

"Bells, please, please don't yell." James was cowering behind me clenching my shirt in his fists. He hated when people raised their voices, even if it was one of us. Recognition crossed her face and she looked heartbroken.

"Oh, I am sorry, God I am so stupid." She fell to the ground curling into a ball mumbling about how dumb she was and how she was worthless. I made a move to pick her up but was halted. I was instantly on alert but decided to see how things played out.

Apparently Charlie had heard the commotion and came running. When he saw Bella crumpled on the floor he immediately stopped me from going to her and was by her side in a few seconds kneeling next to her. He was careful not to touch her but took it as a good sign when she didn't flinch as he got close.

"Princess, you are not stupid or worthless. You are worth something to me and your brothers. You mean the world to us, people make mistakes it's ok." He started stroking her hair like he did in the hospital the day she had her nightmare.

"I'm sorry please don't hurt me." She whimpered out curling into a tight ball. I could see the anguish on Charlie's face

"Princess, no one is ever going to hurt you again, shhh, baby girl, you're safe." He was cooing in her ear. What happened next was not something any of us would have anticipated. Bella suddenly launched herself into Charlie's arms. He looking astonished for a brief moment but recovered quickly holding her to him and rocking her back and forth.

After a while Bella's sobs stopped and as quickly as she had done it she removed herself from Charlie's hold.

"I'm sorry Emmet. I just…" She looked down at her feet hiding her face behind her hair. I extricated myself from Jasper and James and went over and pulled her into my arms.

"No, Bell's, I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to tell someone stuff without considering the rest of you." I stroked her hair as she buried her face in my chest. She was talking but I couldn't understand her because she was talking into my chest so I pulled away. "You're going to have to repeat that Bell's."

"I said: No you're right. We need to talk about this stuff, and I am starting to trust Charlie, I am. I was just shocked. It's going to take some time. But I shouldn't judge you if you need to talk about it with someone." I knew she was going to have a harder time opening up then the rest of us. Well her and James. They were both very internal, using their art to deal with stuff rather then talk about it. But at least she admitted to starting to trust Charlie that was a step. Jasper, while the most quite of all of us, would translate his emotions into his music. If you could get him to talk about his music you could learn a great deal about him.

"Well, kids, it's pretty late why don't we all get to bed. I have to go to court tomorrow and try and get this stuff sorted out for James to come home with us." We all said goodnight to Charlie as he went next door to the other room through the door that connected the two rooms. After we all brushed our teeth and cleaned up for bed we piled into the kind size bed the room held and huddled in the middle hoping that holding on to each other would keep the monsters away.

* * *

**A/N: Laurent and James' relationship will be explained further in future chapters so if you are confused about it just hold tight. I know that was intense but it's the nature of the story thus far. Also I know it says Edward/Jasper and it will be trust me we just gotta work towards it! So enjoy the character development while you wait! LOL**

**As always review get previews! Thank you to all who have review so far and who have added this story to your fav's much love to ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ok here is another chapter, yes there is a lemon and some playful fun, yay! I know right now that I haven't had the kids POV a lot but that will pick up once the legal stuff is settled, so just be patient with it, enjoy the journey! **

**Also last chapter I made mention of the Firefly Family and I was wondering if anyone knew who I was referencing? If you know I might give you a cookie...(no not a real one).**

**Thank you to my wonderful Beta who pre-read and edited this chapter for me, thanks Jaspered01, you rock my world!**

**CharliePOV**:

I quickly said goodnight to the kids and made my way back to my room not wanting them to see my emotional breakdown. I quickly stripped out of my clothes and made my way to the shower. Once there I crumbled to the floor and let my tears wash down the drain with the rest of the water.

The depth at which Renee had broken them was becoming more obvious everyday. Seeing my baby girl curled on the floor saying how worthless she is, was almost more then I could handle. Although I was thrilled she actually let me hold her, even if it was only for a few moments, it was still a huge step.

I was emotionally drained and wanted nothing more then to crawl into bed and have Peter hold me, and the thought that he couldn't brought on another round of tears. I was so stressed and strained that all I wanted was him with me encouraging me and telling me it would be ok. But I had to be strong and stand on my own right now, for my kids.

When my tears dried up and the water ran cold I got out and toweled off. I pulled on my sleep pants and an old shirt of Peter's that I brought with me and inhaled the last bit of his remaining scent. It was fading more everyday I was away from him and that hurt my heart.

I slide into the bed but couldn't sleep, I had to hear his voice. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. I didn't have to wait long before he picked up.

"Hello baby." He answered. I could tell he was in bed but was so glad that he answered anyway.

"Hey love, sorry to wake you." I apologized.

"You didn't. I was just laying here wishing I had you in my arms, I sleep so much better with you here." He sounded lost almost. I understood the feeling but at least I had something to distract myself a bit, he didn't.

"Me too, at least I have stuff to distract me from missing you so much." I sighed. It really wasn't until nighttime that the full weight of our separation hit me. We had never spent more then a few nights apart since we got together. This was eating away at us both.

"Yes you do. Are you nervous about court tomorrow?" I was I wanted nothing more than to just be able to pack them all up and make the drive back to Washington. Unfortunately most states have issues letting children leave the state. I can understand that, it's hard to track and make sure the child is being properly cared for in the same state, it only compounds issues if they are in another state. It requires state to state cooperation and it's not something that most Child Protective Service departments are willing to do often. I am hoping to use my pull as a police chief and my connections with Marcus to get it pushed through.

"Yes, I am very nervous, and unfortunately I have a late court time so I have all day to sit here and think about all the things that could go wrong. I just want it to be over. I want them home and starting our new lives." I flopped back on the bed frustrated. These kids have been through enough, a court battle wasn't something they needed to deal with. I would shield them as much as possible from it.

"I don't think Marcus will let anything go wrong. He has put all his other cases on hold and is only focusing on this." Well shit now I feel guilty, he was putting his career on hold for me. "He told me to tell you not to feel guilty, because he knew you would, he said that he is not only doing this for us but for the kids too. He wants them to have a new start and is willing to do whatever it takes to do it." That was so Marcus, he would give you the shirt off his back and last cookie to a starving puppy.

"I don't know how I will ever repay him for this. I just wish that he was here with me when I go into court. I know that he has someone from here that is going to have all the information on the case, but I would feel so much better if he was handling it on his own." I wasn't sure how much I trusted the guy that was going to be sitting with me tomorrow but there wasn't much I could do about it.

"Baby, he wanted to do it, don't make a big deal about it, ok?" I knew that Marcus wouldn't want me to make a big deal out of this, but I don't know if he would ever understand just how much this all meant to me.

"Alright, I will let it go. So how is it going looking for a new person in the shop?" I knew he had had a few interviews but as of right now had yet to find someone that he felt fit the job.

"Oh baby, you should have seen this tool that came into the shop today, some kid named Mike. Just graduated high school, looked like a reject from the frat house. Not to mention his art was horrid. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face," he was laughing and it felt good to hear it, "at one point I asked him about a piece and he proceeded to tell me, 'I don't feel the need to explain my art to you.' I was like 'really, cause you know this is an interview right?" I was cracking up with him.

"Isn't that line a throw back to _Empire Records_?" I remember Peter had been so excited when the movie came out, we were in college, and he dragged me to see it. I had to admit it was humorous but the movie is not what I remember most about that particular date, it may or may not have been my dick in his mouth in the back of the theater that stuck with me.

"Yeah, great movie, what I saw of it anyway. If I recall I was a bit distracted." Even though he wasn't in the room I had to blush. Anytime I thought of our times together it was an immediate reaction. "Awww, are you blushing again baby? God I miss your blush." He chuckled on the other end.

"Oh shut it. But yes it was a good movie, very good actually." We chatted a bit more, I told him what happened today and stated to tear up again. He didn't say anything about it but I am pretty sure he could tell. We talked so long that I started falling asleep on the phone.

"Charlie?" I barely registered his voice on the other end of the line, "baby, hang up the phone, I love you, but you need to sleep." He scolded me.

"No, I don't…want…." I yawned mid thought, "too, miss you too much." I all but whined out.

"I know you do baby, but you need to rest up for tomorrow, sleep love and call me when you're done." He told me.

"Hummmm….." My eyes slid closed again.

"CHARLIE! HIT THE END BUTTON LOVE." He yelled hoping to wake me up enough to comply which he did.

"K….love you." The second the line went dead I fell into the black oblivion of sleep.

I had only been asleep for probably an hour when I heard whimpering from the room next to mine. I threw the covers off me and padded my way to the door joining our rooms and peaked my head inside. I had to smile at the sight before me. They actually looked peaceful. Aside from the occasional whimper that I assumed was a dream, they looked….normal. Aside from the face that they were all curled up together on a king sized bed.

Jasper was on the right side closest to the windows, next to him was Bella who was curled tightly into his side with her face buried in his shoulder. James was on the other side of her with his arms around her while resting one hand on Jaspers t-shirt covered stomach. Emmett was on the left closest to the door, behind James. He had one hand resting on James' hip, the other under James' head wrapping around him and laying in Bella's hair that was spread over her pillow. I couldn't tell where one persons leg began and another's ended. All of them were touching one another in some fashion.

Some would say that I shouldn't let them sleep together, that it wasn't appropriate. But in my opinion if they can get a few hours of restful sleep by being in each others arms then, let them. I know that at this point it's not sexual in nature, and I know it never will be between Emmett, Bella, and Jasper. I have a feeling in the future I may have to figure out what to do with Emmett and James, but at this point I don't think either of them even notice how they gravitate together.

I stood there watching for a few minutes, wishing that things could have been different, wishing that Renee would have just given me the choice to have them instead of subjecting them to the terrors she did. I sighed, no matter how much I wanted to change things the fact of the matter was, this was the hand they were dealt, and I would play it to the best of my ability. Once I was sure that the whimpers I heard weren't building into a nightmare I retreated back to my bed leaving the door open just a crack.

This time when my head hit the pillow I didn't wake again until I heard the raised voices from the other side of the room. I sat up instantly on alert.

"_No that's not how it goes, you can't put that there_!" I heard a voice say, what the fuck?

"_Yes it is, now just shut up and take it."_ Another voice answered. I shot out of bed faster then I knew I could even move and ran towards the door. I threw it open just as I heard;

"_No it won't fit in that hole! You can't force it!" _Oh God what was going on? Was someone in the room with them?

"What is going on?" I yelled as I came into the room looking like, what I assumed was a mad man, but I refused to have one of these kids hurt again.

"We're sorry….we didn't mean to be loud. It's my fault, I did it." Emmett was doing his best to not show his fear but I could see it on his face. I noticed all the other's had back as far away from me as they could hiding behind Emmett, who was the only one standing level with me, all the rest had their faces turned to the ground.

"Shit," I hissed under my breath. I know not to come in yelling, what the hell was I thinking? I needed to backtrack and fast! I held my hands up and slowly backed away from all of them hoping to come across as non-threatening as possible. "I'm sorry, you aren't in any trouble, please don't be afraid, I will never hurt you or raise a hand to you." I told them quickly. Jasper poked his head around Emmett's large frame and looked me over as if trying to get a read on my emotions. None of them said anything so I continued.

"I heard the fighting, and some of the things that were said made it sound like someone was in here hurting you, and I will never let anyone hurt you again, so I came storming in here to stop it." I hoped they would understand. Very slowly Jasper came out from behind Emmett, he kept his head down so I had to strain very hard to hear him when he spoke.

"We're sorry, but Detective Reinhart came by and dropped off this thing that he said goes into the TV and we were trying to get it hooked up but we couldn't figure it out." He whispered the last part and I had to strain even more to hear him.

"Detective Reinhart came here?" I asked them trying to keep my anger out of my voice. I really wanted to think that he came here for the sole purpose of doing something nice for my children but I feared his motives were anything but pure. He had been bugging me to get them all in to get more information about that night. I just didn't think they were ready yet.

"Yyyess….yes sir….hehe did, bbu.." James peaked around this time but stayed behind Emmett as he stuttered out his answer, "but we didn't let him in." He finished more confidently then he started and I had to smile. I had told them to never let anyone in when I wasn't in the room I didn't care if it was a cop, a maid, or God himself.

"Good, you did good. Did he try to talk to you? I won't get mad if he did." I was proud that they remember not to let him in but wanted to see what he was trying to do. Jasper looked at me before sitting on the end of the bed and answering. I was glad he felt somewhat comfortable addressing me.

"I answered the door. He wanted to come in and talk. He said that he wanted to see how we were holding up and make sure we were being treated alright. He told me that he had the game system he wanted us to have and he could help us install it." I was furious but couldn't let it show, I didn't want to alarm them. "I told him that you said no one was allowed in without you present but that he was welcome to wait in the hallway until you woke up." I had to chuckle at that.

"You really told him that?" I flashed him a smile, I think Jasper was going to be a little spunky when he came out of his shell, he blushed at me and sent me a small grin nodding his head.

"I did. He then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to give us the game system anyway all I had to do was open the door, I told him if he wanted us to have it then he could leave it in the hall way and we would get it later." Wow smart kid, while I didn't think that Reinhart would force himself in, I was pretty sure that once he was in he would hound them with questions under the guise of 'setting-up' the game system.

"You did good son, real good. I don't think Reinhart would have forced his way in but he would probably have hounded you with questions you weren't ready for, and I told him once he was not to talk to you without me in the room, so I am proud of you." His face broke into a huge smile under the praise and I made a mental note to make sure and encourage and praise them often. I clapped my hands together and looked at the box on the floor in front of the TV, I could put that together right?

"How about we order some food and get this game system up and running!" The entire room seemed to relax as I went to pick up the menu to order some breakfast for us all. After a few hours of eating and a few curse words getting that damn Wii hooked up we ended up having a wonderful time joking around and bonding with each other. All of us took turns on the game called Mario Kart, even Bella, and since none of us had played we were all learning together.

Around mid-morning I heard a knock on my door next door. I assumed it was Reinhart back again to try and talk to the kids, not happening yet. I gave my controller to James and made my way next door.

I opened the door and melted at the sight before me. He was here, he came. I knew he would, I knew he would be able to tell I needed him. Before I had time to fully appreciate his sudden appearance I was pulled into a bone crushing hug.

"Oh god I missed you so much." He breathed in my ear and I buried my face in his neck reveling in the strength and comfort of his presence. The next few days were going to be hell on all of us and having him here to help was more then I could have ever asked for.

"I love you so much. God how did you know I needed you?" I was still in awe of him being here.

"I know you baby, I could tell from our last conversation that you needed me so I jumped the first flight I could find. Oh and I brought someone with me." He moved aside and I couldn't help the smile that took over my face.

"Marcus, what on earth are you doing here?" I pulled him into a hug, I couldn't believe this. My love, and one of my best friends had come to support me, what I did to deserve a family this wonderful I will never know. He pulled out of the hug and clapped me on the shoulder.

"Charlie, I could not allow you go to court without me by your side. This is far to important to be handled by some snot nosed intern. Now when do I get to meet these children of yours?" Man I missed this bastard.

"They are in the other room, but I am not sure bringing in two stranger without informing them what is going on is going to be a good idea.." As I was trying to work out away to introduce them all without anyone having any breakdowns I was interrupted.

"Char….I mean dad, is everyth…." Emmett stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the two men standing in the doorway and I saw him start to shake. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid!

"Emmett, son, relax no one is going to hurt you, just breath ok?" I informed him as I slowly made my way across the room to him, "Guys, wait here for a few minutes please let me explain what's going on." I asked my two visitors who just nodded not wanting to frighten the skittish Emmett more. "Son, let's go to the other room." I put my hand on his shoulder and led him through to the other room where Bella and James were laughing at the game.

They all instantly tensed when they saw the expression on Emmett's face and I knew I had to talk quick.

"We have a few visitors who have come to help us out getting James into my custody. I know you are all aware of me having a partner, a husband in a sense, well he and my lawyer friend have turned up to surprise us. They mean you no harm in fact they can't wait to meet you and get to know you." I informed them, I wasn't really sure how they would take to the new people invading their safe haven, as the hotel room had become in the last few days, but I was excited for them to meet Peter and Marcus.

When I first told the rest of them about being me gay, after Emmett found out, I had been terrified of how they would respond. Especially because from what Emmett had told me they had been beaten and called awful names after being forced to be with men. Hearing that it was in fact normal and ok came as quite a shock to them but they took it much better then I had anticipated.

"You promise they won't hurt us?" Bella looked at me with uncertainty and my heart cracked again. Would there ever be a time when they don't think that everyone is going to hurt them? Maybe after years and years of therapy, that thought was depressing.

"I trust these men with my life Bella; they want to help. They both already love you and can't wait to have you home with us." I assured her, she nodded but said nothing else. I looked at the rest of them and they all nodded also. I took a deep breath, God please, please let this go alright, I silently pleaded.

I poked my head back into the other room where Peter and Marcus were standing now.

"You can both come in, just watch the sudden movements…and…umm keep your distance for now." I instructed and they both nodded. I was really curious how they were here now but my questions would have to wait. They very slowly walked into the room and I reached out for Peters hand. I noticed that the kids all huddled together on the far side of the room.

"Guys, this is my soul-mate Peter," I brought his hand to mine kissing it softly, "and the tall creepy dude next to him is our dear friend Marcus." Marcus snorted at this shaking his head.

"Yes well this creepy dude, as you so eloquently put it, is going to make this all workout," He placed his hand on my shoulder squeezing lightly, "so why don't you tell me who these lovely children are?" I shook my head at him, freak, but I love him. I noticed that Peter didn't say anything but was just looking at the kids standing together with their heads down and hands linked, when I looked closer I saw his cheeks were glistening with silent tears. God he could be so sensitive and caring sometimes. I knew this was going to break his heart. You could easily see how broken these kids were, I gave his hand a squeeze and proceeded with the introductions.

"Alright, well first we have the bear in the middle, that's Emmett. Next to him on the right is James. On his other side is obviously Isabella, or Bella as she prefers, and next to her is Jasper." I gestured to each one as I said their name and they nodded lightly and surprisingly raised their eyes to meet us as I introduced them. They were making progress everyday. It would be interesting to see what would happen when we had to go out in public though.

"Wow, it's so great to finally meet you." Peter told them dropping my hand and moving forward slowly, "Charlie has told me so much about you all, and I truly can't wait for us to get to know each other." He came to a stop in front of them and I was shocked to see that none of them retreated back further, but then Peter had always had a way of making people feel at ease.

They all just stood there for a long time looking the other over. I almost fainted when James held his hand out for Peter to shake, and I had to admit I was a little jealous, but thrilled that they seemed to not be freaked out.

"It's nice to meet you sir." James said not stuttering once as Peter took his hand. God could these kids be any stronger? I was so proud of them I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Peter just beamed at him and went to greet the rest of them. Emmett also shook his hand Bella just nodded, but at least she made eye contact, and Jasper, well he was the only one that seemed to have an adverse reaction, and that was only stepping back a bit when Peter approached him. Overall things were going well. But I really wanted to talk to Peter alone.

"So what's with all these wires and controller thingies everywhere?" Marcus clapped his hands together looking at the gaming system like it was an alien life form.

"Oh, umm…it's a gaming system. Detective Reinhart came by and dropped it off this morning, we were just learning how to play." Jasper answered as he went back over to the control that had been forgotten.

"How about you teach an old man how to play this…contraption?" Marcus was in no way old, but I could tell he was giving Peter and I an out for a bit. I smiled and mouthed a quick thank you.

"Kids, are you ok staying here with Marcus for a few minutes so Peter and I can talk?" I didn't want to make them uncomfortable. I didn't get any verbal answers but a few nods informing me they would be ok, they were quickly becoming engrossed in the game once again. I went and took Peter's hand and pulled him back into my room but decided to leave the door open a bit, just in case.

Once we were away from young eyes I pulled him into my arms and kissed him passionately. God how I missed his plump, soft lips. I moaned and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth giving me my first taste of his sweet mouth in over a week. Peppermint, cinnamon, and something herbal, but so Peter assaulted my sense of taste, and I knew instantly what the added flavor was, I pulled away and smirked at him.

"You little shit, you smoked again." I lightly pinched his ass in admonishment and he chuckled as he rested his forehead on mine.

"I had to do something to help me get to sleep while you were gone. Don't worry I finished the stash and didn't get anymore." I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him. I never partook of the "herbal supplement" that he on occasion indulged in, and didn't particularly approve of him doing it either, but it wasn't something he did often so, yeah, I turned a blind eye.

"You know we are going to have teenagers in the house, you can't have that shit there." I scolded him. Instead of answering he once again pilfered my mouth with vigor. God I missed him so much. The kiss slowed to gentle pecks until we were just standing in each others arms basking in our closeness.

"I know baby, that's why I didn't restock. Shit I missed you." He whispered in my ear.

"How are you even here? I mean I don't understand." I was very confused as I stepped out of his embrace and made my way to the little love seat that sat in the corner of the room. Peter sat next to me pulling me into his arms and I curled into his side resting my head on his chest.

"Marcus was already planning on surprising you. He didn't want you to go into this without him by your side. After I talked to you last night I knew how stressed and upset you were and wanted nothing more then to be here with you. So I put a sign in the shop telling them we were closed, I called Leah and told her to call all my clients for the day, and first thing this morning made my way to Seattle hoping to get on the first flight out. When I got there imagine my surprise to find Marcus waiting for me at the front entrance ticket in hand." That was very much something that Marcus or Aro would do. He probably figured Peter knew he was flying out and would be missing me so why not save him the trouble and get the ticket. The few hundred dollars it could cost if he didn't end up showing up was like a drop in the bucket for them.

"So you technically didn't bring Marcus with you, he brought you?" I informed him.

"Semantics baby, does it really matter who brought who?" I smiled taking comfort in his hands moving slowly over my back.

"Well I am very glad that are both here either way." I snuggled deeper into him letting my eyes drift and succumbing to sleep as I took comfort in my lover arms.

I was shaken awake a bit later by Peter who pointed in the direction of the door. I looked and saw Marcus and the kids had come into our room and moved quickly to sit up. I wasn't sure how comfortable they would be with public displays of affection, even if we weren't in public.

"Charlie we need to discuss what's going to happen at the court appearance today. This is family court so it's a bit different then criminal court. But you know that having been to both in your line of work." I nodded, this was something I was aware of.

"I know, I just want to get this shit over with man." I was ready to get the fuck home!

"Right, well a few questions. You don't want the kids to go correct?" I shook my head.

"But I don't want to leave them alone here either." I informed him. I didn't want to leave them with Reinhart skulking around trying to get information out of them.

"How about Peter stays with them. If they are comfortable that is. That way he can get to know them a bit." I pondered that for a minute. I really wanted Peter with me but I really didn't want the kids to have to be subjected to the court system and now they had to come ahead of my own desires. I looked at the kids who were sitting around the room looking fairly comfortable considering the new people in the room.

"Would you kids be alright if Peter stayed with you?" I threw out to no one in particular. They seemed to think about it before Bella answered.

"I think we would be ok for a while." She told me. I smiled at her, ever since her break down last night and she let me hold her she was opening up more and more. She still didn't touch openly but I knew that would take time for all of them. I was happy with conversation at this point.

"Good, that settles that. Did you have fun schooling Marcus on the Wii?" I asked them and Marcus scoffed, but the kids just looked confused.

"We didn't go to school." Jasper told me and I realized they didn't understand what the term meant. There was so much that I took for granted, I never thought that the simplest phrases or experiences would be something I would have to teach them.

"No, it's a phrase, meaning you taught him, but it's more like an insult, indicating that he was so bad that you would all kick his ass." I explained to them as understanding crossed their faces.

"You mean like how you schooled the detective on not coming near us without you here?" Emmett asked and I had to laugh at that. Today was not the first day Reinhart had shown up at the hotel seeking answers so we had to have some words.

"Exactly like that!" I exclaim chuckling at the memory. Marcus and Peter just looked confused and I shrugged. I'd tell them later.

"Right, anyway you're on the docket for 3PM, it's 12:30 now so you need to get showered and dressed to impress I want to be at the court house early, so chop, chop." Marcus claps his hands together as says this, then turned back to the kids, "come school me some more on the Mary's Kart thing." The kids snickered at this but started to make their way back to the other room, Marcus turned and winked at us, "and take your time in the shower. I'll keep them occupied. You need a little stress relief." I blushed furiously and flipped him off as Peter threw his head back in laughter. Marcus retreated next door closing the adjoining door tightly behind him.

"Come on baby, I think I can help you a bit with the stress." His laughter fades into light chuckles as he leaves the couch and holds his hands out to me. He pulled me into the bathroom and leaned me against the counter and went to turn on the water in the shower. I quietly watched him move around the bathroom taking in the way his body moved and just enjoying the sight of him again. I loved the way he would hum unconsciously while doing menial tasks, or how his ass looked as he leaned over the tub to feel the temperature of the water, his ass was so tight and fit just perfect in my hands.

With that thought I pushed off the counter and strode over to stand behind that magnificent ass. My hands ghosted over the jean clad cheeks and I heard a groan escape his throat.

"God I've missed your hands on me," He told me straightening up and turning to face me, "but this is about you baby, let me take care of you." He leaned over and kissed my chin and moved his hand down my chest to the hem of my shirt pulling it over my head. Without any preamble his mouth descended upon my neglected nipples and took one in his mouth as his one hand pinched and flicked my other one.

"OH GOD BABY!" He pulled back stopping his assault and I looked at him in disbelief.

"You need to be quite, there are children next door." He scolded, and shit if he wasn't right. This was going to be hard, pun intended, I was always a very vocal person in the bedroom.

"Ughhh, I'll try, please, I need you." I would grovel at his feet if that's what it took to get him to continue.

"Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you, have I ever left you wanting?" I looked at him with distain because yes in fact he had, the ass hole, but I kind of did deserve it. That is a story for another time though.

"Ok, once but you asked for it, now shut up and let me have my fun!" I rolled my eyes but they ended up staying in the back of my head as he took my other nipple in his mouth biting and sucking them into sweet oblivion. I pulled his shirt over his head and groaned as I saw that he had put in the barbells. God I loved it when he had in the barbells. Most people wouldn't think that the straight laced Chief would love playing with his partners nipple rings, but the more you get to know me the more you realize there ain't nothing straight about me, at all!

I remember when he got them probably about ten years ago now. He had just started apprenticing at his first tattoo shop when he came home with them one day. At first I was skeptical, especially when I couldn't touch his sensitive nipples for weeks while they healed, but once they were better the amount of pleasure he got from them was worth it. From that day on they stayed in and I loved them almost as much as he did.

"Fuck, I still love these!" My mouth fell upon the sweet peaks with hard steel impaled through them, I love the sounds he made as I pulled, twisted and tweaked the rosy buds.

"I love that you love them, let's get in the shower baby, so I can clean you as I get ya dirty." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and made quick work of my pants and boxer briefs. I was quick to return the favor and stepped back for a moment to take in the most amazing sight in the world. Peter's body should be considered the 9th wonder of the world in my opinion. His cock standing proud like a statue erect and steadfast. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, thick and long, his dick could make any porn star jealous.

I followed him into the shower and when he turned to face me I couldn't take it anymore, the sight of the deep purple head leaking pre-cum was calling to me and I instantly sank to my knees. With one long lick his taste invaded my senses relaxing and rejuvenating me in ways sleep, food, and comfort never could. His back was blocking the spray of water from my face and I looked up at him smiling around his cock as his mouth dropped open into an adorable "O" shape.

"Oh, Christ Charlie," one hand flew to my hair and the other went to the shower wall to brace himself as his legs trembled from the pleasure he was receiving, "I'm supppp….supposed to be….fuckkk…helping you…oh god…relax." He strangled out as my mouth worked his shaft like it was the greatest fucking lollypop ever created, because, well, in my book it was. I moved one hand up his chest to play with the sexy as hell barbell while the other hand went to pull and roll his balls.

"This is helping me relax, your taste is the best fucking sedative ever, it calms me and throws me into a frenzy all at the same time." I told him as I released him from my mouth for a moment. Just as I was about to swallow him whole again he pulled me up by my arms.

"I want to feel your tight ass milk my cock as I come deep inside you." He gritted out through clenched teeth as his mouth crashed into mine sucking my tongue into his warm cavern. We battled, sucked, and twisted our tongues in the most sensual tango, moaning and panting as we explored and got reacquainted.

Peter spun me around and placed my hands on the shower wall; "Spread your legs baby." He requested as he licked the shell of my ear causing me to whimper and shiver in anticipation. I knew this was going to be quick with Marcus and the kids next door. Some part of me should probably feel bad about that, but the second I heard the top on the bottle of lube Peter had brought in with him all thoughts left my head.

"Shit, Peter please hurry, need you." With a slick finger he entered me as quickly as he dared after going so long with out any penetration. He made quick work of preparing me adding a second and finally a third finger stretching me to accommodate his substantial size.

"Ready….ohhhh….god Peter so ready." I breathed out pushing my ass back onto his fingers encouraging him. He kissed the back of my neck sucking lightly careful not to leave a mark, that wouldn't look very paternal going into family court, as the head of his rock hard shaft pushed through the tight ring of muscles. I growled and groaned at the same time, shit I missed his cock.

"FFuck….baby I missed….your tight ass." He continued to slowly work his way into me pulling out the pushing back in until his hips hit my ass finally sheathing him inside me fully. He paused for a few seconds to give us both time to adjust and savor being joined together and reconnecting on more the just a physical level. But all too soon my body started craving its release and my cock started throbbing from lack of attention.

"Move love, please." Needing no further encouragement from me he started thrusting and rolling his hips relentlessly. I could already feel the tightening of my muscles and the tension in my balls and I knew I wasn't going to last long.

"Ugn….baby you can…damn…never go away without me…good….again." He informed me between thrust that were becoming more erratic as his own climax approached.

"Sweetheart, I don't ever plan on it, got I love your cock in my ass…fuckkkk." I yelled out as he rolled and hit my prostate sending the most fantastic sensation rippling through my body.

"Got it!" He said smugly, as he rolled his hips hitting the spot again and again.

"Shit…only took ya….ohhhh right there….12 years!" A swift playful smack on my ass and another thrust and I was shooting my load all over the shower wall. "OH GOD, OH GOD! SHIT BABY!" He picked up the pace as I rode out my high resting my head on the back wall of the shower as he raced towards his finish. Four powerful thrust later had him screaming my name.

"CHARLIEEEEE….FUCK!" He tensed before collapsing on to my back panting and heaving with the strength of his orgasm. I felt him shaking behind me as he pulled his softening appendage out of my somewhat tender ass and started to get concerned. When I turned around instead of crying I found him fighting laughter.

"What is so funny?" Surly what we just did was no laughing matter.

"It really didn't take me 12 years to find that did it? I mean no way, I know you have head that reaction before. You weren't faking before were you?" I had to roll my eyes at him, god he was so clueless sometimes. I didn't answer instead I just grabbed the shower gel and started washing up. "No really tell me please?" I just shook my head and smiled Of course this wasn't the first time he had hit that amazing spot, but should I tell him or let him sweat it out for a bit? I am sure I owe him payback for something. No, I would not tell him, I would let him suffer wondering for awhile.

I made quick work of cleaning myself and jumped out of the shower to towel off, his voice rang through the bathroom as I left to get dressed;

"Charlie, come back here. Charlie, seriously, it's not funny, you have to tell me. Charlie, CHARLIE!" I laughed to myself. God I was so evil! Before I could even get dressed I was suddenly tackled to the bed with Peter sitting on my hips. "You are going to pay for that!" With that threat he stated to tickle me without mercy, it was my kryptonite. God this was just what I needed to take my mind off what the afternoon was going to hold.

* * *

**A/N: So there it is. Reviews equal love and previews, so send me the love and I send you the preview! See that's how it works lol! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello all, here is the next chapter for you, no lemons, but some drama, so YAY! Also Yenny2206 knew who I was referring to when I mentioned the Firefly family a few chapters ago, she wins, NOTHING! HAHA! No she won a free cookie, I bet it was yummy! Anyway just a heads up updates for the next few weeks may be sporadic at best, I have a lot of stuff going on. I am moving to a new apartment, my parents are moving out of state, and I will be having surgery in August so will be doing all sorts of pre-op stuff to get ready for that. But after the surgery I will be out of work for a month so will be able to hopefully update often. Just know that I am not abandoning my stories!**

**Also kudos to my wonderful Beta Jaspered01, she is wonderful, great, and I would survive without her!**

**CharliePOV**:

Somehow he always knew what I needed to help me get through shit. His impromptu tickle fight, which he hasn't done since we were in college, helped me lose some of the tension that had taken over my body after leaving the shower. Now just lying with him putting off getting dressed, with him gently caressing my back was relaxing me even further.

"Baby you know I was playing right. I have never had any complaints in the sex department, you know just how to play my body to make me come undone." He chuckled next to me.

"Yeah lover, I know. I can tell the difference after so many years." I smacked him on the chest and moved to get up only to have him pull me roughly back to him.

"Love I really need to get dressed or I am going to be late." He kissed me on the nose and let me go as he watched me gather my clothing, dropping my towel to get dressed.

"God, I hate seeing you getting dressed, but how I love undressing you!" He sat up on his knees and pulled me by the belt loops of my dress black pants against him.

"Don't even think about it Peter Whitlock, we have to go!" Marcus shouted through the door. Peter groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder.

"Sorry baby the man has spoken and you need to get dressed. I don't want our kids traumatized anymore then they already are." I tell him and smack his ass.

Once we were both presentable we went next door. I wanted to make sure they would be ok while I was gone. I was extremely nervous about leaving them. Not because I didn't trust Pete, God knows I trust him with my life, and my kids lives for that matter, but they had only known him a few hours. Would he know what to do if one of them had a panic attack? What if they fell asleep and one of them had a nightmare, how would he handle that? Damn it, this is not what I needed to be thinking about now.

"Hey kids, you have fun with Marcus?" I asked as I enter the room. I smile at the sight. They seem so relaxed and I am glad that they trust me enough to trust my family. Marcus is on the floor in front of the TV with his back against the bed, his suit getting wrinkled, but the smile on the face tells me he could careless. Jasper is next to him yelling at the game.

"No you missed the turn! Go left, go left!" He is trying to give directions but not really succeeding. James is laying on his stomach on the bed with his head poking between Marcus's and Jasper's as he also shouts instructions.

"No you were suppose to turn right. Oh you're in 5th place now!" I notice he isn't stuttering at all and smile at that. Emmett was next to James on his back reading some sports magazine, and Bella was laying width wise on the bed with her head resting on Emmett's stomach reading a book. The whole scene was so peaceful and normal and I found myself tearing up a bit.

Peter wrapped his arms around me from behind as he also took in the scene and I laid my head back against his shoulder.

"They will be fine Charlie, I will make sure of it." He kissed my neck before releasing me and going to sit on the floor on the other side of Jasper, who didn't stiffen up or try to scoot away.

"Ah, Charlie, you all ready?" Marcus noticed me standing in the room and passed his controller to James.

"Yes, let's get this done, I want to go home. You kids going to be ok?" None of them looked away from what they were doing they just mumbled yeses and uh huh's. I shook my head at them and turned to walk out of the room.

"Love you babe." Peter called to my back and I turned my head to him and winked.

"Love you too." With one last glance at my family we left the room and made our way to the court house to decid the fate of James.

We had about forty-five minutes before we were needed in the courtroom so we went to grab some coffee at the little café in the Court House. Once we had our coffee we went back up to the room our case would be heard in and sat on one of the benches outside waiting for our names to be called.

"Charlie, I know this is going to be hard for you. They may ask questions about what the kids went through, they may even ask you about why you're not married." I looked at him confused.

"Why would they need to know that? What does that have to do with anything at all?" My marital status should not be something that they needed to know.

"Charlie they are going to question your ability to be able to handle four teenagers, not just four regular teenagers but four highly traumatized teens, with no help at all. You need to be prepared with what you are going to answer to those questions. Are you going to tell them you have a partner or are you going to try and tell them you're going it alone?" I didn't like that. I was not ashamed of my relationship with Peter in any way, but why should it matter? If I was married to a woman they would never question it, but since I was with a man they were going to question the stability of my home life, that's bull shit!

"Well fuck Marcus, that's some bull shit right there! You know I have never been ashamed of Peter and mines relationship, but what would give me a better chance of getting custody of James?" I needed to know what to do. If he told me the court would grant me custody of James easier if I was single then if they knew I was gay then I would bite the bullet and keep it hidden. Peter would understand, it was for the kids and all, but I hated the idea that I even had to consider it.

"Honestly I don't know, I know this shouldn't matter but each judge is different. If we were in Seattle I would know which judge would be more accepting then others, but since we are here, I'm going in just as blind as you. I'm sorry Charlie, but we are just going to have to give it our best shot." I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face, which was finally free of the stubble that had graced it the last week. I was about to ask him what he would do in my situation but our names were called before I had the chance.

I stood and walked into the courtroom. It wasn't like your typical TV courtroom, it was more like a very large office. The judge was already there behind the 'bench' which was just a very large mahogany desk. He had an assistant in a smaller desk next to him. There were two tables in front of the desk for the lawyers and family and only a few chairs behind those to house anyone who needed to give testimony. I noticed the court appointed child advocate that I had met with was there and much to my surprise Detective Reinhart.

I narrowed my eyes at him and he at least had enough sense to look sheepish when his eyes made contact with mine. He knew, I knew he had come by the hotel, ass hole. The child advocate appointed the case was a woman named Charlotte Randal, she seemed to be nice but a bit frazzled. I imagine that would be because she has so many cases, as most do in the Social Work field.

Family court settings were much more relaxed then criminal court and for that I was grateful. The judge looked up as we entered the room but didn't smile. Judges in family court were stretched nearly as thin as the Social Workers and Advocates that presented the cases. The judge looked at his assistant expectantly as we were taking our seat. The assistant spoke as we sat.

"This session of family court docket number 45375 will come to order, the Honorable Eleazar Santos is presiding." She handed the judge a file before continuing, "Your Honor, we have Charlie Swan seeking custody of one James Brule. His brother, Laurent Brule, was recently killed after it came to light that there had been years of abuse. No other living relatives have been found." The assistant informed the judge.

"We are sure there is no other living relatives?" He asked reading over a file that I assumed was James'.

"No, Your Honor, there isn't" The assistant answered and he nodded.

"Do we have any background information on James Brule?" He looked up at his assistant for the first time.

"Yes, Your Honor we do. It seems James was not the biological child of the Brule family," What really, I wonder if James knows that? She proceeded to give the judge background information on James. "His real parents Liam and Maggie Hunter were killed when James was 3 years old, in a car accident, he was left in the care of his next door neighbors who died when James was 8, leaving him in the care of their only son Laurent Brule who was 24 at the time." The judge looked over the paper work quietly. I assumed he was reading doctors and police reports from that night.

"Thank you Jane," the judge said to his assistant never looking up from his paper work, "I understand that Child Protective Services has agreed to allow the minor to leave the state in cooperation with a CPS agent in Washington?" He looked up with his glasses perched on the edge of his nose. The child advocate stood to address the judge.

"Your Honor given the circumstances the state has no issue releasing him to the care of Charlie Swan. Our background search has found that not only does the child in question have no remaining relatives but that Charlie Swan is an upstanding citizen in his community as well as the Chief of Police. We think that separating James from the three other children he has lived with would cause irreparable damage to all parties involved. A CPS agent by the name of Esme Platt in Washington has agreed to work with the state of Arizona in doing the mandatory house visits and reporting directly to the agency here." The judge nodded and went back to reading the papers in front of him as she sat down again.

"I have a few questions before I just sign over a child who has been through so much trauma." He looked directly at me with a calculating gaze. "You already have three teenagers who will be in your care correct?" He asked me.

"Yes your Honor, I just found out about the kids trust me if that harlot of a mother of theirs had told me about them none of this ever would have happened." I answered with a venom in my voice I didn't even realize was there. He didn't say anything in response to that just continued with his questions.

"How do you plan on providing for four children on the salary of a small town police chief?" His hands were folded in front of him as he kept his eyes locked on me. Well that was a fair question I guess, teenagers weren't cheap after all.

"Your Honor, even though it's a small town the salary is decent. I also have an inheritance that has been wisely invested. We also have a secondary income in the house that will help fill in any financial gaps." I was torn as to whether or not I wanted to tell him about the supplemental income. If he did, I had decided, I would not lie to him about Peter, if he didn't well we would have to see. He seemed satisfied on the answer of monetary issues and was moving on to other topics.

"How do you plan on dealing with four disturbed teenagers on your own while working?" I couldn't fault him for any of his questions, honestly it was his responsibility to make sure the person he placed James with would be the best option and for that I was grateful. But I was going to have to tell him something to assure him they would be taken care of even when I was not there.

"Your Honor, being the Chief in a small town does come with perks. Crime is low, so the hours aren't as demanding as they would be in a city. I also have several deputies in my employ that are always looking for extra hours to help support their own families." I took a deep breath and decided I wasn't going to hide, "Also my partner will be there to help me as well." He said nothing just quirked an eyebrow at me. In Forks and La Push people were used to Peter and I. We were respected in our community and people just didn't see us as the 'gay' couple, here I had no idea what to expect. The judge cleared his throat but made no comment as he moved on.

"What will their living and school situation be like?" I knew these were all general questions but I was annoyed.

"We have a large house that as soon as we renovate the attic each of the children will have their own room. I don't know if it says on the paper work there but they haven't been in school since they were nine years old so my partner and I will have them tested to see where they are academically and home school them until they are caught up and mentally able to attend school." I was trying to give a thorough answers as I could hoping that what I was telling him was what he wanted to hear. The judges face gave nothing away though, he just nodded and made notes before going to the next question.

"What about getting them help for the trauma they have suffered?" I am glad that Peter and I had actually discussed this in depth he had even gone as far as to research different therapists in the area.

"My partner and I have researched and found a therapist that specializes in child abuse in the town about forty-five minutes away from us who has agreed to take on all four kids." He nodded again and I was starting to feel hopeful. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I thought it would be. Then he asked the question that sent the entire world on its axis.

"Does anyone have any objections or concerns with signing over custody of James Brule to Charlie Swan?" I held my breath praying no one said anything when I heard a throat clear to the left of me I looked over to see Reinhart standing up.

"Your Honor the Phoenix Police Department has some concerns that need to be taken into consideration before you sign off on the custody order please." I was going to kill him. What the hell was his problem?

"What concerns are those Detective?" The judge looks at him for explanation.

"The children's mother, Renee, and James brother, Laurent, were killed, and on the night in question there are major gaps in the circumstances surrounding those deaths. We have been attempting to fill in those gaps but have been unable to interview the two suspects in the case." I was on my feet in an instant.

"YOU TOLD ME IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE! YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREN'T PURSUING CHARGES YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I seethed tempted to run my fist into his face over and over.

"Chief Swan I am going to have to ask you to refrain from such outbursts please." The judge chastised me for my little explosion and turned his attention back to Reinhart, "The report does list self-defense as the reason why no charges were filled so why should I grant the request?" Good that was good.

"Your Honor, with all do respect, our initial finding support the claim of self-defense, but without actually interviewing the only people there that night we can't close the case until we have the details of the night." The judge looked thoughtful like he was actually considering it, shit this can't happen.

"Your Honor please, I am begging you, they have been through so much already." I couldn't believe that he would stoop to this level, I was livid! I mean I understand he has a job to do, but so do I, and mine was to take care of those kids. He was doing everything in his power to make that nearly impossible.

"Charlie, sit down." Marcus whispered hissed at me pulling on my arm. He was trying everything he could to fix this, but I knew it was hopeless. Shit this was going to break them.

"Chief Swan if you interrupt one more time I am going to find you in contempt of court please sit down." I sat down again and my head fell into my hands. Marcus stood up I was hoping he would work some magic.

"Your Honor, these children are in an extremely fragile state right now. Years of mental, physical, and sexual abuse have given them severe trust issues. I fear that throwing them to the sharks with the good Phoenix Police Department will cause more damage then they can come back from." Didn't I just say that?

"While I can sympathize with that I also don't want potentially dangerous children running around with us not knowing the extent of what they are capable of." The judge was making it sound like the kids were dangerous, he had never even met them!

"Your Honor, I understand, what I propose is that instead of turning the good Detective, who I am sure is amazing with thieves and criminals, onto very unstable children, we would feel more comfortable if the interviews were conducted by someone with a bit more tact. Detective Reinhart has already made some untoward attempts at interviewing the children without a parent or court appointed representative present, as you know they are minors, so that is illegal." Detective Reinhart looked at him with indignation, "Detective Reinhart here is lucky we don't press charges and lodge complaints with his superiors. This needs to be handled delicately while taking great care in making sure no further damage is done to the fragile minds of these kids." Marcus is right I should file a complaint on his ass.

"Counsel what do you suggest then?" The judge asked obviously not able to come up with a suitable solution.

"I would like a trauma counselor to conduct the interviews," He was about to continue when he was interrupted by the asshat himself.

"Your Honor, I must insist that I, or another on the case handle the interviews. We have very specific information we must obtain." Marcus looked annoyed at being interrupted.

"Your Honor, before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to suggest that the interviews be conducted by a trauma counselor while the Detectives are present. Also Chief Swan will be watching the interviews in the next room. If at anytime he feels they are getting out of control he reserves the right to stop the interview and have it continued at a later date." It was a good compromise but I still was not thrilled with it. I think their minds are still too fragile to handle this. They haven't even mentioned that night once and I never wanted to bring it up for fear of what I might have to hear. I didn't want to know what had caused my son and daughter to finally snap and kill someone, I was sure my reaction would frighten them. The judge looked to be deliberating silently as he read over more of the file. Finally he looked up and informed us of his decision.

"Alright, custody of James Brule will be awarded to Chief Charlie Swan only upon completion of the interview process, which will be conducted by a court appointed trauma counselor, the detectives on the case will be present, and Chief Swan will observe the interviews from behind two-way glass. He reserves the right put an end to the interviews at any point if he feels the stress is getting too much for the child, they also have the option of counsel being present, as mandated by the state. Does anyone have any objections to this?" The judge looked between Reinhart and me as we both shook our heads.

"Thank you Your Honor." Marcus told him.

"Oh one more thing, Detective, I don't ever want to hear about you trying to interrogate a minor without proper supervision present again, if you do you will find yourself in a world of hurt. Those laws are in place for a reason and you will abide by them. Also upon completion of the interview process you and your children, James included, are free to go home, I wish you the best of luck, take care of them, give them the life they should have had from day one," He glanced at me with intense eyes, "I admire what you are doing, most men would have been reluctant to take on three of their own children like this let alone an extra, I truly hope you are able to help them, please show them the love they deserve." He went back to signing some papers and I started to tear up, damn it!

"Thank you Your Honor, I will do my very best." And I would, I would give anything to keep these children safe from now on. With that he went back to his paper work effectively dismissing us. We stood and left the room and were making our way out of the courthouse when we were stopped.

"So, Chief, if you would please have the kids at the station by 8am tomorrow morning so we can begin the interviews, that would be great." I turned and saw a smirking Reinhart in front of me. God I wanted to hit him so bad.

"Of course, but try and pull any shit and I will put an end to the interviews faster then a virgin comes on prom night," Yes that was immature of me but I couldn't help it, " Oh, and file a harassment suite that will have you walking the beat for the rest of your career." He frowned at me and stalked away.

"Charlie I am sorry things didn't quite go the way you wanted them too." I looked at Marcus who looked upset.

"Marcus, you did your best. I should have figured that he would pull something like this, and no judge in their right mind would let two suspected murders leave the state even if it was evident it was self-defense. Everyone was just doing their jobs, unfortunately it's the kids that are going to have to deal with the repercussions." I squeezed his shoulder in assurance.

"I know, it's just frustrating. There is no telling what this will do to those kids." I just nodded in acknowledgement. I was terrified they would think this was a break in trust and I would never get them to open up to me.

"Let's get back, I know they are anxious to hear about what happened, even if I'm not anxious to tell them they have to meet with the jackass tomorrow." Marcus chuckled and we made our way to the parking lot and headed back to the hotel.

The drive back to the hotel was made quickly and in silence and I felt the sense of dread looming over me as we neared the rooms. Marcus made his way to his own room as I paused at the door and took a few calming breaths before entering.

As I entered the room I noticed it was unusually quite, I made my way further in and I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face.

Peter was leaning against the headboard with a book across his chest, I could tell he wasn't asleep but it was close, Bella was asleep with her head resting on his lower legs, James was on the other side of him curled into a ball into his side, while not resting his head on Peter he was very close, Emmett was once again curled around James snoring loudly, but Jasper was the one the surprised me the most. Jasper was fast asleep with his head in Peters lap, as Peter worked his fingers soothingly through Jaspers unruly blonde curls.

I didn't want to disturb them but like me, Peter seemed to instinctively know when I was in the room and instantly met my eyes smiling softly. His smile fell as he looked at me and I realize, while I maybe able to hide stuff from the kids, Peter would see right through me. He know immediately something was wrong. I could tell he wanted to come to me and comfort me, but extricating himself from the dog pile he was at the bottom of was not going to be easy, and they all looked so peaceful neither of us wanted to disturb them. I made my way to the chair next to the bed with Pete watching me the entire time I settled in, before whispering to me.

"What happened you don't look thrilled." He said so low I almost didn't catch it.

"It wasn't as bad as it could have been but, well custody is contingent on one small factor." He didn't ask just quirked an adorable eye brow at me I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, "Detective Reinhart showed up spewing shit about how they can't close the case until they interview the kids, they can't rule out pressing charges until they know what happened that night." The second I finished he exploded.

"WHAT! DOES HE HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS COULD DO TO THEM?" Faster then I have ever seen, James was off the bed cowering in the corner. Jasper and Bella were clinging onto each other at the end of the bed and Emmett was standing there looking confused as hell. "Shit, I am so sorry guys, its ok, I'm sorry." They all watched him warily but started relaxing for the most part, all except James, for some reason he really did not handle yelling well at all.

"Guys, Peter didn't mean to startle you, he just overacted to something I told him." I was using my softest voice as I wrapped my arms around Peter hoping to show them that he wasn't going to hurt anyone. James moved out of his corner to sit on the couch Emmett joined him and wrapped him in a secure embrace.

"Ssorrryy, I..I….don'ttt lllike yelling." James said, Shit he was stuttering again, he had been doing so good. Peter left my arms and went to kneel in front of him.

"No, James, I shouldn't have reacted like that. It's my fault, please forgive me." Peter looked broken hearted, his eyes pleading.

"It's ok, I know you won't hurt me, it just startled me." I saw Peters shoulders relax, the rest of the room seemed to take a deep breath as the tension broke. Peter moved back next to me and we sat back on the bed leaning against the headboard.

"So I should tell you about what happened at the courthouse today." I grabbed Peters hand hoping he would help me control myself, I was still so angry.

"They said no didn't they, they said he can't go right?" Jasper asked from his perch at the end of the bed, his eyes glistening with tears.

"No, they didn't say no. They actually said yes, but with some stipulations." The boys looked confused for a minute before Bella spoke.

"A stipulation means that you can only do something if you do something else first," she patiently explained to them before turning to me, "what do they want?" I closed my eyes and steeled myself for the shit storm I was sure would be coming after the next sentence.

"Because there are still some unanswered questions about the night you all went to the hospital they are requiring you to meet with a trauma counselor to give a full report of that night." I looked at Bella and Jasper, I knew they would be the most frightened of this idea, they had asked me on several occasions if they were going to jail and I had told them no, but I could see the doubt in their eyes. Bella started shaking and Jasper's face just looked vacant and blank. It was Emmett that broke the silence next.

"So in order for him to come home with us we all have to tell this counselor person what happened that night?" It didn't escape my mind that he just acknowledged Forks as home and inside my inner little girl was squealing with delight. Peter squeezed my hand to let me know he noticed it also.

"Basically yes, it is more involved then that. Aside from the counselor being present a detective will be in the room also, and Peter and I will be in another room watching. If the interviews ever get too much or we think that you can't handle it we will put an end too it immediately." I was trying to reassure myself as much as them, in reality I was terrified.

"What happens if you pull us from the interview, does that mean that James will have to stay here forever then?" Jasper choked out.

"No, if I stop an interview we leave and make an appointment to try again another day after you have had time to relax and calm down." They all seemed to be deep in thought and I felt Peter wrap his arms around my waist pulling me closer, I sighed in contentment being in his arms. I really am glad he was here. After a considerable length of time the silence was once again broken.

"I say we do it and get it over with then we can get the hell out of here and get on with our lives." It was said softly but with more conviction then I had ever heard Bella speak with before and I felt a sense of pride well up within me, I think I underestimate their strength.

"Are you sure we aren't going to go to jail?" Jasper looked at us absolute terror marring his features.

"Yes I am sure, he has already said it was self-defense, he just has reports and some gaps from the night that need to be filled in. I promise I won't let them do anything that you aren't ready for. If we need to work out a signal you can give me if it gets to much then we will. I will do anything within my power to keep you happy and safe, unfortunately it isn't with in my power to prevent this from happening." I spoke with as much authority as I could muster.

"Ok, I'll do it, I want to leave here as soon as we can, and I refuse to do it without James." Jasper crawled up the bed and laid his head on Peters lap again as Peter started working his hands through his hair. I raised an eyebrow in question and Peter just mouthed 'later' at me. I had to admit I felt a tinge of jealousy that Jasper seemed to take to Peter so much quicker then me but I couldn't really begrudge him, Peter did just have this way about him.

I was so focused on the two of them that I almost didn't notice when a small body curled next to Jasper with their head resting on my thigh and I looked down to see the long mahogany curls of my daughter and had to blink back the tears the threatened to spill.

This was the first time that she touched me that wasn't panic attack induced. I felt the bed shift and James and Emmett joined us James curling into my side and Emmett into Peters. It was a tight fit even on the king size bed but there was no way in hell I was going break apart this impromptu cuddle session. For the first time I felt like we could overcome this, we could be a family, we were a family.

We laid in bed cuddling and just enjoying this break through for what felt like an eternity before it was interrupted by Emmett's loud rumbling stomach and a knock on the door.

"Charlie you get the door and the rest of us will discuss dinner, Emmett sounds like he is housing a large bear in his stomach." Peter directed as I reluctantly got off the bed and went to answer the door. I was met with Marcus's smiling face.

"I thought that dinner might be in order wanted to see what we were going to do." He didn't wait to be invited in just pushed his way through and made himself at home. I shut the door as he greeted everyone in the room.

"Well don't you all look so cozy! Makes me miss Aro." He pouted as he took the chair next to the bed.

"Whose Aro?" James asked looking at Marcus with interest.

"Aro is my soul mate and my husband." All the kids eyes were wide as saucers. I knew they thought mine and Peters relationship was unique, so hearing that there were other couples out there like us wasn't something they were prepared for.

"Ssooo, yyyour gagay tttto." James stuttered again obviously nervous about this line of questioning. Marcus smiled softly at him before answering.

"Yes I am and if it hadn't been for your father's here I would probably be living a miserable life with my high school girlfriend instead of the love of my life." They all looked at him confused. "How about we decide on dinner then I will tell you the story, yes?" They all nodded and told me what they wanted for dinner and I placed the order. Through dinner we told the kids about how we all met, about Marcus and Aro's breaking from their family, being roommates, everything. The kids listened with rapt attention only interrupting when they had a question about something. I think they find it amazing that same sex relationships was more accepted then they had been told.

After dinner we settled in to watch a movie and relax the rest of the night. We cuddled into positions similar to the ones we were in earlier only with Marcus on the little couch while the six of us took up the bed. It was a relaxing and welcome reprieve from the tumultuous emotions of the last few days.

Once the movie was over Peter and I extricated ourselves from the holds of the kids being careful not to wake them. Marcus went back to his room for the night and I wanted nothing more then to just hold my lover in my arms and fade into oblivion and ignore that tomorrow was even going to happen.

While Peter and I were getting ready for bed in the bathroom I heard a knock on the adjoining door. I went over and saw James standing there staring at the floor.

"You ok son?" I asked scared something was wrong.

"Cccan I assk you a qu..question?" He toed the carpet not once looking up at me.

"Of course you can. You can ask me anything anytime, nothing you ask is going to make me angry, ok?" He looked up at me and I could see the tears in his eyes and I braced myself for the worst.

"Iii was wondering if they mentioned anything abbbout mmmy family today?" He lowered his gaze again and my heart broke for him. It never occurred to me that he might not remember what had happened.

"Son, why don't you come in and we can talk." He just nodded and made his way into the room. He sat on the couch and I went to the end of the bed across from him. Peter joined us just as I was about to tell him what happened.

"Do you need me to leave, I can go in the other room and read for awhile?" Peter asked being thoughtful as always. I looked to James to see what he wanted.

"Nno, you can stay." Peter smiled softly and took his seat next to me and grabbed my hand.

"To answer your question James, yes they did mention your family today. But let me ask you what, if anything, do you remember about your life before Laurent?" He visibly cringed at his name and I hated that one name could instill so much fear in this gentle soul.

"Nnot much, thhhey just tolddd me thattt my momma an…and daddy didn't want me no more. They told me that they just lefft me one day and nev…never came back." I felt the rage build up in me at this I tried to use Peters dumb ass meditation techniques and surprisingly they helped clear the raging fog that was threatening to take over my brain. Peter squeezed my hand and I looked over and saw him smirking at me, the little fucker knew exactly what I was doing. I leaned forward to look at James' eyes hoping that he would believe what I was going to tell him.

"James, they lied to you. Your real name is James Hudson Hunter, your parents were Liam and Maggie Hunter. They were killed in a car accident when you were three years old, by a drunk driver. You were in the car when they were hit and survived with minor damage. You were then put into the care of your mother and fathers neighbors and friends the Brule's where you stayed until you were eight. They were also killed, I don't know what killed them though, after that you were placed in the custody of the Brule's oldest son Laurent where you remained until all this happened." I gave him the information that Marcus had told me when he himself did the background check to make sure there were no other living relatives. He took in all this information but didn't say anything for a bit.

"So, so you think they wanted me?" I didn't know if they did but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him that.

"How could they not, you're caring, sweet, smart, and very loveable. I am sure they wanted you and I am sure that they wish they could have made things better for you, but what's important now is that you are here with us, and Peter and I want you too. You are our son and we will spend every day showing you how much we want you around." Before I could register what was happening I felt his small body collide with mine as sobs over took him. Peter rubbed soothing circles on his back as we just held onto him.

He finally calmed down and pulled away looking at me with blood shot eyes.

"For the longest time I thought I did something to make them want to leave me, that I some how deserved what was happening to me because I was bad, but I didn't did I?" He sniffled at me.

"No son, you didn't deserve it, none of you did. No child, no matter if they are bad or good, deserves to go through what you all went through. We love you and you are truly ours." I hugged him tighter too me just praying that we could all get through whatever was thrown at us from here on out.

"Thank you." He whispered as he untangled himself from my embrace, "I should go back to bed." I nodded as he made his way back out to the other room.

Peter and I didn't speak as we crawled into bed, but I felt his arms wrap around me pulling me tightly to his body and I turned into him burying my face in his neck as I let the emotions of the day wash over me. Peter just held me as I cried, cried for the innocence's lost, cried for the lies they had been told, cried for the pain they went through and continue to go through, and finally cried for the hope of a happy future. I finally fell asleep to the soft comforting words of my love soothing me, telling me that he would always be there and that he loved me. That night I dreamed of a future with laughter and hugs, game nights, and school functions. That night I dreamed of a future I would fight to the death to see come true.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will be interviews and will probably be pretty intense but I won't tell you whose POV yet, but if you review you get a preview and might be able to figure it out! Until next time thank you all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the delay everyone, this chapter was hard to write and I had a really busy couple of weeks!**

**Just fair warning again, this chapter goes into detail about what happened to the kids so if you are easily upset or offended please skip it. Deals with abuse, rape, and death so please heed the warning.**

**Thanks goes out to my amazing Beta Jaspered01, she is awesome, love ya!**

**JasperPOV:**

I woke up feeling a bit dazed. It was still dark out and something wasn't right. I looked around the room and nothing seemed out of place there then I looked over at my sleeping siblings and noticed what was wrong, James was missing, I started to panic until I saw the light on in Charlie and Peter's room and heard James' voice.

To calm myself I tried to do the meditation and breathing exercises that Peter showed me today. I was glad that he was able to help me after my nightmare. I felt a connection with him, for some reason I trusted him almost the second I saw him. Maybe it was because Charlie trusted him, and I trust Charlie, even if I haven't really told him that yet, I don't really know.

I could hear James crying in the next room and I was wondering what was going on so I eased out of bed and stood by the door to listen.

"_For the longest time I thought I did something to make them want to leave me, that I some how deserved what was happening to me because I was bad, but I didn't did I?" _I could hear him sniffling but I was trying to hear what Charlie or Peter would say. I mean obviously it was our fault, everyone has to know that, we were told that everyday. We wanted it, we deserved it, why else would they do it?

"_No son, you didn't deserve it, none of you did. No child, no matter if they are bad or good, deserves to go what you all went through. We love you and you are truly ours." _Did they really mean that? Renee used to tell us she loved us then she would hit us, or leave us with Laurent. I shivered as his name entered my head. They were all silent for awhile and I was wondering what was going on until I heard James speak again.

"_Thank you." _He whispered to them and I heard him shifting around, _"I should go back to bed." _Oh shit, he's coming back. I ran and quickly tried to settle back into bed. I don't want him to know I was listening.

I felt the bed shift as he wormed his way back in-between Bella and Emmett. I tried to regulate my breathing to seem asleep but he wasn't buying it.

"Jasper I know you're not asleep. What did you hear?" I sighed and sat up looking over Bella's shoulder at him.

"I just heard you ask if this was our fault and stuff. Do you believe them?" I asked wanting to know if he really did.

"Yes, for the most part, I guess. I don't know sometimes when we were there I would wonder what we did to deserve, I mean we are just kids, other times I would think it had to be my fault. I knew that in my heart Laurent wasn't my real family. I would get snips and clips of other people. People tucking me in, hugging me, loving me. But then I thought I had to be wrong. If they really did love me why didn't they save me. Now I know they couldn't, it makes it easier to come to terms with it not being my fault." It made sense. But at least he knew his real mom and dad didn't leave him on purpose now, but what about Emmett, and Bella, and me. Renee was our real mom and still did that shit to us, so what did we do to deserve it. Obviously James didn't, but surly the rest of us did.

"You're wrong Jasper," James spoke softly as if reading my mind, "I believe what they said that none of us deserved what happened. I also believe that they would never hurt us and that they want us to be a family. I mean if they were going to do anything they had plenty of time to, right?" I thought about it for a bit and was about to answer when I saw Bella start to thrash in her sleep. I wrapped my arms around her and James did the same as we whispered to her that she was safe and no one was hurting her. She seemed to calm down and fall deeper into her sleep.

"We should sleep, we have a long day tomorrow." I nodded at James' suggestion and laid down on my pillow and felt James grab my hand over Bella. "It will be ok, at least we will be together." I squeezed his hand as he fell into slumber, but no matter how hard I tried sleep eluded me. My mind raced with everything that was going to happen tomorrow.

I was terrified that Charlie was wrong and they would toss me in jail. I knew what happened in jail, I was to pretty for jail, at least that's what Laurent always told me. We had at one point threatened to run away and go to the cops. He told us that we were what the cops called prostitutes and would go to jail right along with him. He then proceeded to tell us about the horrors we would have to endure there. Honestly the torture we faced at home sounded like a field day compared to what prison sounded like.

I mean it's not that I doubted Charlie, he was a cop after all, but it's hard to believe something different from what you had been told for years. I thought about the differences between Laurent and Charlie. I felt safe whenever Charlie was in the room. Even when the two strangers showed up, that I now know were Peter and Marcus, I never really even thought he was going to give us to them like Laurent did. That was quite the breakthrough for me.

Peter reminded me of a nice teacher we had before we were pulled from school. Mr. Furlong was suspicious something was happening at home, and I wish with all my heart now that I had told him the truth when he asked me about it. But at that point Laurent hadn't come into the picture so the abuse hadn't escalated to anything beyond a few slaps here and there and what we now know was the neglect. Apparently a parent is suppose to make sure their children eat more than once every other day.

Finally my exhaustion overrode my mind and I fell into a fit full sleep with thoughts of Bubba complimenting me on my 'purty mouth' as he attacked me in the jailhouse showers.

* * *

I woke the next morning alone in the bed and very confused. Where the hell was everyone? I looked around and noticed Charlie sitting on the couch reading a book.

"Where is everyone?" I asked rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with my fists.

"They are eating breakfast in the other room. James said you didn't sleep well so I had them go in the other room so you could get some more sleep." He informed me as he put his book to the side.

"Oh, well thank you. I had a rougher night then I thought I guess." I could feel the frown on my face and looked at the clock it showed 10:22. Wait weren't we suppose to be going to the Police station today? I could feel the panic start to rise in my throat and my vision start to get the hazy fog that comes with the panic.

"Jasper, calm down son, you are starting to panic, breath for me." He came and sat on the bed facing me. I didn't even realize my breathing had started to pick-up and I tried to calm down and regulate it using the breathing techniques Peter taught me yesterday. "Good, good job son, just breath. Now tell me why you started to panic?" He put his hand on my knee and I actually took comfort in the small amount of contact.

"Weren't we suppose to be going to the police station today?" I asked looking down at the bedspread.

"Yes, but I told Reinhart that we had an issue and would be there this afternoon. You obviously needed the sleep and I refused to wake you. Now I want you to tell me something, who is Bubba and why does he think you have a 'putry mouth'." My head snapped up to met his gaze and I know I must be about twenty different shades of red.

"I didn't…I mean….I was talking in my sleep again?" Charlie chuckled and nodded.

"All three of you do it, I do as well it must be something genetic. But it has been very insightful, when you sleep your mind loses all filters." Shit, what else had I said in front of him? "Don't worry that's actually the first time you have said anything that I felt I needed to ask you about, once you did mention something about a chocolate cupcake trying to eat you instead of the other way around though. That was interesting." I smiled at that. I often dreamed about food and chocolate was one of my new favorites.

We had never really gotten treats like that at home, no that place wasn't home, I shall now refer to it as hell. We had never gotten treats like that in hell, yes that works much better, so when Charlie came back to the room after going to the store for snacks with a box full of cupcakes I was instantly addicted. Chocolate was like the best thing in the entire world and as if reading my mind Charlie waved something in my face that looked and smelled divine.

"It's called a chocolate croissant, it's a breakfast pastry, with a touch of sweetness, I thought my chocoholic son would appreciate it." I snagged it quickly away from him, hey I wasn't used to food not being a commodity now that it was abundant, so I may still get a little over zealous about it. I took my first bite of the gooey sweetness and I think my eyes rolled back in my head and I moaned.

"Good isn't it?" I just nodded and continued to devour sugary goodness. "So are you going to tell me about the dream?" I stopped chewing and thought about it before nodding.

"Umm, Laurent used to tell us that if we ever ran away we would end up in jail because it was against the law, and he told us what happened to kids in jail, and ever since then I have dreams about being attacked by some huge guy named Bubba." I saw anger flicker across Charlie's face and I had to fight the urge to cringe away.

"Well you don't have to worry about it because you aren't going to be going to jail anytime soon. I just want you to go in there today and tell the truth about what happened that night to the best of your ability. Nothing you say is going to change how Peter and I feel about you." I pondered that, how exactly did they feel about me?

"How do you feel about me?" I felt myself being pulled into a tight embrace and instead of pulling away I melted into it. This was so different then other times I had been embraced. This didn't make me feel dirty, and icky, it made me feel protected and wanted, and loved.

"Peter and I love you very, very much. You and the others are ours , you are our son and no matter what that will never change, we will always love you, we will always protect you to the best of our ability, and we will fight for you." He spoke with such conviction that instantly believed him.

Pulling away he ruffled my hair, he looked down and noticed the wrist cuff that Peter had given me the other day and frowned slightly. I started to get a bit nervous. Maybe I wasn't to have it. I made a move to take it off but he grabbed my hand gently. "Did Peter give this to you?" He asked and I nodded and I saw his mouth curve into a smile. "Will you tell me what happened?" He didn't look angry so I decided to be honest.

"Ummm, yesterday we were playing the games and he noticed that I was always tugging on my sleeves to hide my wrists so he paused the game and gave me this telling me it was on loan until we got home and he could make me ones of my own." I know he had seen my scars before but never asked about them. That was one of the great things about Peter and Charlie they never pressed for information, they just let us tell them stuff at our own pace. I certainly wasn't ready to tell them how I got the scars that littered my wrists and arms yet.

"Do you know the significance of these cuffs to Peter and me?" He asked showing me an identical cuff on his left wrist. I shook my head no he fingered his cuff reverently before unclasping it, "You know that gay marriage isn't actually legal right?" I nodded in affirmation, "Well we have never been a traditional couple, even for gay dudes, so we never actually even wanted a wedding and all that corny crap, but we did want something that would be remind us of our commitment to each other. So one day Peter came to me with the idea of doing just a small commitment ceremony with our closest friends." He took the cuff from my arm and placed them next to each other on the bed flat so I could see the design,

"He made these, crafty little fucker that he is, they are an intricate design that when put together show the infinity sign, it's a symbol that has not beginning and no end meant to reflect the love we have for each other. We chose to use these instead of the more traditional wedding bands,

"One Saturday about a month after we decided to have the commitment ceremony, which was on the beach behind our house and just had, Aro, Marcus, and a few other close friends, we made our vows to each other and placed these on each other where they have stayed for the last ten years." He smiled again picked up the cuffs and placed the one Peter had given me on my left wrist, which was a shock, but even more unbelievable was he took my right wrist and placed his cuff on that one also.

He pulled both cuffs to his mouth kissing the lightly before releasing my hands,

"You can borrow these until we get home, take care of them for us please." I was speechless and honored that they would both entrust something so significant to me. I was overcome with emotions again and this time launched myself into his arms.

"Thank you." Was all I managed to choke out as he squeezed me tighter and held onto me for a few minutes before pulling away.

"Why don't you finish up that croissant, don't want to waste a good pastry, then get ready the shower in here is free for you." I nodded and shoved the rest of the flakey chocolaty goodness into my mouth and got off the bed making my way to the bathroom, turning just as I reached the door.

"Oh, and umm….thanks again….dad." I didn't give him time to respond before shutting myself into the bathroom and leaning against the door. I hadn't called him dad before, but it felt right. Emmett had been calling him that for awhile, but Bella, James, and I had yet too, until now.

I quickly showered avoiding the mirror at all costs, we all had scars mental and physical but mine seemed to be worse then the others. I had a particular "client", as Laurent used to call them, who used to like to restrain me. That in and of it self wasn't the issue, it was what he chose to restrain with, as a result I had jagged cuts around the entire circumference of my wrists and up my arms over lapping each other, barbed wire is a bitch to get out of skin once it's embedded there, the scars it leaves are gruesome.

Once I was dressed and had tried to at least make my curls more manageable I made my way next door to join the rest of the family. _Family_, that was something new and I really liked it, I felt safe and secure in my new family.

"Hey little bro, 'bout time you made it over here!" Emmett called from the bed where he was sitting with Bella and James watching TV.

"Emmett leave your brother alone." Peter chastised him as I blushed and looked at my feet in embarrassment.

"Well we don't have much time so we better head out." Charlie called from the other side of the room where he was sliding his shoes on. "Oh, and remember if something gets to be to much just give us the signal and we will stop the interview, ok?" We all just mumbled our agreement and made our way to the door.

This would actually be the first time in in over a week and a half we would be going out. Once we were in the hotel room after the hospital we had stayed there. Charlie was afraid of reports finding us as the story of what had happened hit local news stations.

We made our way out into the Arizona heat and I realized I couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. I hated the heat, it reminded me of being locked in the room in hell house when Renee would get annoyed with us. I was looking forward to the green and rain that Washington would provide. I spent hours in the room researching everything that had to do with the Olympic Peninsula wanting to know what was waiting for us when we got there.

We made our way to the car and actually had to take two, Marcus and Peter drove one while Charlie and the rest of us took the other rental. The ride to the station was made in silence all of us thinking over what we were going to tell them. I knew that they found mine and Bella's prints on the knife that had killed Laurent and Renee but I doubt highly they knew anything other then the fact that we stabbed them. I wasn't sure how anyone would react when they heard the whole story, it wasn't pleasant.

We into the parking lot of a none descript building and idled there for a few minutes.

"Ok," Charlie turned in his seat so he could face us all, "Remember no matter what you say or what they tell you we love you, Peter, Marcus, and I love you all very much and nothing is going to change that." He looked pointedly at all of us and we nodded. "Alright then, let's get in there." We all pile out of the car and see Peter and Marcus waiting patiently for us to enter the station.

As we get closer to the doors I start to get nauseous and think I'm about to lose my breakfast when I feel an arm around my shoulder and look over and see Charlie standing next to me smiling.

"It will be ok, don't worry Jasper, we're all here." I nod and we enter the lobby and I see Detective Reinhart standing with a woman with black hair pulled into a tight bun and another man in an expensive looking suit holding her hand. Marcus approaches first shaking the mans hand.

"Judge Santos, is everything alright?" Marcus asks concerned.

"Oh, yes, sorry to worry you. There aren't any issues but I did pull a few strings to get you the best trauma counselor in the state. Charlie, Marcus I would like you to met Carmen Santos, my wife." They both looked shocked at the man they called judge. Charlie grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously.

"Thank you Your Honor, here let me introduce you to everyone," He released the mans hand and turned to us all, "This is Peter my partner, and then we have Emmett, Bella, Jasper, and finally James." He pointed at each of us as he said our name. Peter moved to shake the mans hand but the rest of us stayed back eyeing him warily. He made no move toward us as he spoke.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all, I wish it were under better circumstances, unfortunately this could not be helped. As I told your father if at any point it gets to be too much for you just say so and you can break for a few minutes or a few days. Whatever you need." Emmett who was always our head or leader I guess moved forward a bit.

"If we do this and tell you what you need to know we can take James with us and go back to Washington?" Emmett narrowed his eyes at the man.

"Of course." He informed Emmett sincerely. Emmett just stepped back into line with us before continuing.

"I will go first." He told them much to everyone's surprise. I think they expected us to fight this, but in all honesty we just wanted to get it done and over with.

The woman, Carmen, walked forward for the first time and held her hand out to Emmett who took it. She had a kind warm face and I found myself trusting her.

"Come Emmett, I will try to make this as quick as possible." She let go of her hand as Emmett went to follow her with Reinhart trailing behind them.

"Emmett," Charlie called out to him and he turned around, "We'll be waiting for you." He nodded and disappeared into a room at the end of the hall.

Another detective comes in and offers to show Charlie and Peter to the observation room and Marcus tells them he will stay with us and we make our way over to a small room with a couch and some chairs. James pulls out the cards and starts to shuffle them and work on the stupid tricks Peter has shown him. I just sit on the couch thinking causing my nerves to get into a frenzy. I don't know how much time passes before Emmett is brought back into the room. I can see that he was crying but he didn't seem hurt so maybe this would be ok. They asked James to go with them and he got up and left the room tossing a glance at the rest of us.

Emmett came and sat next to me and grabbed my hand smiling slightly.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. They already know the basics from me telling them and aren't mad so just tell your side and we'll be alright." I didn't say anything but leaned into him taking comfort in my big brother.

The time passed slowly eventually James came back and Bella went in. I had always wished I had her ability to go numb when things got top hard, but I couldn't, I felt everything so strongly. Every emotion was like an open flame burning through me constantly.

I notice James had tears in his eyes when he came back in and immediately went to Emmett's other side tucking himself securely against our bear of a brother. Bella was gone for the longest time so far although I still had no idea how long that was. Every once in awhile someone would ask if we needed something to eat or drink, we always declined.

Finally Bella came back into the room her expression giving nothing away, not a tear or crack in her tough exterior in sight. God I envied her sometimes. I didn't have time to ask her anything before Carmen was asking me to follow her into the room.

"Would you like anything? Some water, a soda, candy?" She asked as she motioned for me to sit in the chair across from her.

"No thank you ma'am, I'm alright." I look around the room and notice that Reinhart is in the corner of the room looking a little worse then when he left us earlier. My eyes also took in the mirror behind Carmen and I knew that Peter and Charlie were behind there and I waved slightly.

"Are you sure you don't want some chocolate or something? Your dad said it's your favorite." She questioned lightly.

"No, thank you again though." She nodded before pulling out a note pad and pen.

"Jasper I know this is difficult for all of you. You have been through so much already, and you don't have to tell us anything that happened to you any other time, but I do need you to tell me from your point of view what happened the night your mother and Laurent were killed." Her voice was soothing and sweet but the second she called that bitch our mother I was seething.

"That crazy bitch wasn't our mother!" I was out of my seat pacing the room running my hands through my hair suddenly feeling like a caged animal. Shit, we haven't even started and I was already freaking out. I ran my hands over my face and caught sight of the leather wrist cuffs resting there and was instantly reminded that I was doing this for my family, for my chance at my own happy infinity. I traced the symbols on the cuff and let it sooth me as I sat back in the chair.

"I'm sorry, I just get very…upset thinking about her." I informed Carmen keeping my head down as I continued to trace the infinity design on the cuff.

"That's understandable. Why don't you tell me about what happened that night, take your time and if you need a break just let me know." I nodded and leaned back in my chair a bit as my eyes slid closed I was transported back to that night almost two weeks ago, man it seemed like a life time ago:

_We were all sitting around our bedroom waiting for the 'clients' we were sure Laurent would have over again tonight. It was never something we looked forward to but had over time resigned ourselves too. We were all lost in our own activities not paying to much attention until Laurent's voice filtered through the house._

"_Kids get your asses down here now!" We all quickly scrambled out of the room and down the stairs not wanting to provoke him. When we got there I noticed the room was empty of anyone but Renee and Laurent, but saw the empty liquor bottles and a few syringes scattered through out the room._

_We all filed in like we normally do our heads down trying to not make any sudden movements because they both seemed to get really skittish after they had injected whatever was in the needles. Laurent paced the floor in front of us seeming to try and get his thoughts in order. Before turning to us, _

"_We are going to do things a bit different tonight. I have had a few clients request this and since I don't want you to freak out the first time we are going to practice tonight." He informed us as he came and pulled me out of the line and shoved me to my knees. This was new that was for sure. I watched him go over and pull James from the line and stand him in front of me. _

"_Jasper suck him off." He demanded and I just stood there. What, James was my brother that was gross no way in hell._

"_Nnooo, he can't do..do ththat." James stuttered out he always was so terrified of Laurent for him to even talk to him let alone defy him was amazing. Before either of us could make further protests I saw Laurent move behind James and I caught the glimmer of something in the light. Looking closer I saw that he had his arm wrapped around James chest and a knife pressed into his throat. _

"_I thought I may have to offer some form of persuasion. Do it now or I will slice his throat, I have people willing to pay good money if I can get you to do this, now SUCK HIM!" He pressed the blade into his neck and I could see a bead of blood trickle down his throat. My hands went to his pants and started undoing them and I pulled them down over his ass. I took his flaccid dick in my hand and started to pump him a few times. I knew what to do, we did it with others all the time, but looking up and seeing James staring down at me was making this harder._

_I closed my eyes and tried to picture it was someone else as I felt him start to grow in my hand. In my mind I was on a beautiful beach with a tall man who had disheveled brownish hair, a strong angular jaw, full soft lips, and piercing green eyes. I don't know where I can up with that image but whenever I needed to escape that was always the image my mind conjured up._

_James continued to get harder in my mouth as I sucked on him and Laurent kept his hold on him right, I could feel him thrusting his hips into James ass because every time he did he forced James' cock further down my throat. I opened my eyes and saw that at least Laurent still had his clothes on so at least he wasn't violating James at the same time._

_I looked around the room as I kept up my rhythm and saw Emmett looking pissed as hell, and Bella was trying to look at anything but us, I noticed Renee looking on with a mask of indifference on her face, she truly didn't care._

_Suddenly my mouth was empty and I looked up and saw that Laurent had pulled James away from me. I looked at his cock and it was still hard and leaking, that had to be painful, I had just noticed that I myself was also hard, and I hated myself for it, I wasn't suppose to enjoy any part of this._

_Laurent released his hold on James and kicked me hard in the chest before walking over to where Bella was._

"_Ok let us change things up, I have several men who have been dying to see the three of you together." My brow furrowed as I tried to process what he was saying, but I didn't have time before he continued, "Bella you stay here with me and watch your time will come in a bit, for now Emmett get behind Jasper, I want you to fuck him while he fucks James." All of us froze in shock. It was bad enough having James in my mouth and he wasn't a blood brother, but Emmett, no, no, no, there was no way, and as if reading my mind Emmett suddenly came out of his shocked state._

"_No, No, please don't make us do that, no, no,no, no….."I kept chanting over and over. I barely registered Emmett speaking._

"_No NEVER! I will not fuck my brother you sick monster!" Emmett was literally shaking and I thought he was going to explode or something. James tried to move away and I crawled over behind the couch peeking over the arm rest watching the scene unfold._

_Laurent grabbed Bella holding the knife to her throat this time._

"_You want to rethink that or am I going to have to make you watch as I fuck her, then make you fuck her then bleed her dry?" He smirks then licks his way up her neck and over her jaw, I see her cringe then her eyes change and it's like she is no longer Bella, I can sense something snap in her and everything happens so quickly I can barely see who had the upper hand. _

_I hear someone scream out loudly and see Emmett make a run for Laurent. I am having a hard time seeing what is happening when I hear another scream and see Bella and Laurent fall to the floor blood covering both of them. She's dead, he killed her, he killed her, she's dead…_

The door to the room burst open and I stared blurry eyed at the form in front of me. This was not going as well as I had hoped it would, I was failing, James was going to be stuck here and our family would never be whole, and it was all my fault.

Charlie came over and sank to the floor next to me and I immediately threw myself into his safe embrace.

"I'm sssorrryyy." I sobbed out soaking his t-shirt with my tears and snot.

"No Jasper son, your fine, she's not dead, she's alive, your all alive and safe." I could hear shuffling around the room as I looked and saw that I was on the floor, when the hell did I get here? I knew I was freaking out but I couldn't help remembering what it felt like after thinking she was dead, seeing her lying there covered in blood not moving was too much for me right now. I knew she was alive but I couldn't get the image out of my head.

I heard the door open and looked over and saw Bella standing there when she saw me on the floor she quickly came and joined Charlie and I on the floor wrapping me in her arms.

"Shh, Jasper I'm alive, I'm safe, we stopped them remember, you and me we stopped them." I clung onto my twin tightly as she stroked my hair. Being able to hold on to her made the past faded and I started to get a grasp on reality again. I looked over at Charlie and he smiled at me.

"You doing ok son?" I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder, "good, but I think we are done for the day, we can come back tomorrow and pick it up." He got up and I grabbed his hand pulling myself up with him.

"No, I'm ok, I want to get this done, there isn't much more and now that I am past that part it should be ok, please let me finish." I begged him I felt Bella squeeze my hand in support.

"Alright, but one more break down and I am pulling the plug, understand?" I nodded and he and Bella hugged me before leaving again. I went and sat across from Carmen again and she smiled softly at me.

"Are you sure you're ok to finish?" Her gentle voice soothed me further.

"Yes, and I am sorry for that, I don't know what happened." I looked down at the cuffs and started tracing the patterns again.

"Don't worry about it, the experience is still raw and you seem to get lost in your emotions. It will take sometime to move past what happened but I have no doubt that you will." Her smile light up her face and wrapped me in its warmth.

"I hope so, shall I continue?" I just wanted to finish this and get the hell out of this room.

"Whenever you're ready." I sighed and tried to remember what happened right after I thought she was dead, oh yeah that's right;

"_BELLA," screamed Emmett who threw Renee off of him and ran over to where Bella was laying and fell to his knees next to their bodies. James collapsed on the floor and crawled over to where they were laying on the ground crying as the scene turned quickly into a slasher movie. I slowly moved from behind the couch and crawled toward the bodies on the ground. I saw Emmett pull Bella into his arms and started sobbing rocking her back and forth in his arms. I made it too them just as I heard the sweetest thing in the entire world_

"_Emmy," She spoke weakly and I could see the blood saturating her shirt. I looked and for the first time saw the knife sticking out of Laurent's chest Renee who had been briefly forgotten seemed to notice this at the same time and let out an almighty screech,_

"_NO! YOU KILLED HIM! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" She screamed as she dove for the knife sticking out of his chest. I reacted without thought and moved for the knife also. Fortunately I was quicker and was able to pull it out before she got to it._

_She went to tackle Emmett which caused him to toss Bella across the floor, James went after her as they cowered in the corner while Renee started pounding on Emmett. I looked at the blood covered knife in my hands and then over at Renee who was going crazy on my brother with a freakish amount of strength and jumped to my feet. _

_Before I had even made a decision to do it I felt the knife plunge into Renee's back as she stopped fighting and collapsed onto Emmett who pushed her off of him quickly and scrambled over to where I was standing. We stood and watched as the life slowly leaked out of the woman we had called mom for the last 14 years and the only thing I felt was relief. _

_The relief only lasted a few minutes as I looked around the room my eyes rested on James and Bella who now had the phone in her hands saying over and over, "their dead, we killed them."_

"After that the police showed up and took us all to the hospital and treated us for the new and old injuries, and that's what happened." I finished the story and felt the exhaustion take over and lay my head on my arm on the table.

"Jasper, you did really well and I don't mean just today. No one blames you for defending your family that way, it was self defense, you are much stronger then you think." Carmen told me as she wrote some notes down on her pad of paper. I wasn't sure I believed her but thanked her anyway.

"Are we done now? Can we take James with us and leave?" I really wanted to get out of this room it was starting to freak me out.

"Yes we are done now, the final word on James must come from the Judge but I don't see an issue, do you Detective?" She asked shooting a glare at the man in the corner who hadn't said two words since I entered this room.

"I don't see that it should be a problem, we have all we need now." He got up and moved toward the door which opened and I saw Charlie standing on the other side of it. I quickly got out of my chair and made my way to him as he wrapped me in his protective embrace.

"You did wonderful son, I am so proud of you." He rubbed my back gently helping me calm the sobs I didn't even know were falling. I felt another set of arm come around me and saw that Peter and the rest of my siblings had now joined us.

The judge man had his arms around Carmen and several officers watched on.

"Charlie," the judge addressed him as he pulled away slightly, "take your family home."

"Thank you." He choked out as we turned to leave.

"Chief Swan," Reinhart called after him, "I just wanted to say, you know….no hard feelings right?" He looked upset.

"No hard feelings? Let me think, you made my children relive hell even after you knew what they had been through for years, you made each one of them live that nightmare again just so you could answer questions that you honestly didn't need answered, you threatened to take James away from us if you didn't get your way, and you harassed my kids after being told to leave them alone, so yeah, hard feelings are the least of your worries. You have what you want now stay away from my family." He spat at the detective before turning and pulling us out of the station and into the cars.

The drive back to the hotel was made in silence as we were all caught up with memories of the past. I wondered if I would ever get over the fact that I had actually killed my own mother. It sounds so barbaric, even after all she put us through, she was still the woman who carried us and gave us life. Maybe it was good we would be going to therapy, I think I was definitely going to have 'mommy' issues.

We made it back to the hotel and all filed into the rooms. Marcus offered to go get us all food so we didn't have to eat room service again and we placed our orders as he left to get us whatever we desired. The silence continued as we all sat around the room Charlie and Peter were on the couch and us kids piled onto the bed clinging onto each other reminding us that we were all there and safe.

"Do you guys need to talk about anything?" Charlie asked quietly.

"Sso, I..I can really go with you?" James asked.

"Yes you can. I have the signed court order awarding custody to us. After we get home we will be filing papers to have you officially adopted, if that's alright with you?" He looked at James as he spoke.

"You really want to keep me forever?" He asked tears filling his eyes. His stuttering around Peter, Marcus, and Charlie was almost non-existent anymore unless he was really upset or nervous.

"Absolutely. We love you just as much as the others, you are our son and we just want to make it official." Peter answered this time.

"Then I would like that also." He got up and hugged both Peter and Charlie all of them holding on for a long time, only pulling apart when Marcus came back with the food.

We ate and talked about nothing important before saying good night. As Charlie made his way to his room he turned to look at us all as we settled in for the night,

"Make sure you are packed up, we leave for home in the morning." He smiled at us and turned to enter his own room.

All of us were quite as we packed up our few belongings. The silence wasn't broken until we were curled up in bed in our usual spots.

"Home, I really like the sound of that." James said in a half sleep daze.

"Me too, I can't wait to get the hell out of here." Emmett agreed.

"I don't care where we go as long as it's far away from here and we are all together." Bella said as she yawned.

"I just want to be somewhere we belong." I whispered.

"You are where you belong Jasper, you're here with us, and now we have Peter and Charlie. With them is where we belong." There were murmured agreements as we all drifted off to sleep, tonight my dreams were not filled with blood and screams, they were filled with the image of piercing green eyes that held more love then I ever thought possible. I hoped one day I would get to meet the owner of those eyes, was my last thought as I fell into a deeper state of dreamless sleep.

* * *

**So there you have it, YAY! They are goin' home! Please review and let me know what you think, reviews get previews!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok everyone I am so sorry for the delay in the story, but I just finished moving and didn't have internet access for awhile and my brain was fried. But I hope this makes up for it. I am settled in so I should be able to get back on a schedule, until my surgery in 2weeks. But then I will have a full month off work so hopefully I should be able to get some serious writing done!**

**As always this story contains abuse and emotional situations. If you have a delicate constitution don't read. **

**T****here is a movie reference in here if you know what movie it is I will give you a virtual cookie! HEHE**

**I own nothing, it's all hers and you know who I mean.**

**Last but not least my amazing Beta Jaspered01, love her! **

**PeterPOV:**

The day had been long and trying. We were emotionally and physically exhausted as we made our way to the bedroom after saying goodnight to the kids. I knew that Charlie was going to break, hell I was going to break.

We both knew that what those kids went through was hell on earth, but nothing could have prepared us for what had happened that night. The amount of strength they possessed was astounding. The hardest part of the day was seeing Jasper shatter. He was always so quite and calm, watching him come completely unraveled was gut wrenching.

The other thing that surprised us was that it was in fact Jasper that had been the one to stab Renee. We had assumed that Bella would have been the one to do that. I don't know why we would assume that maybe just the idea of little 95 pound Bella stabbing a grown man, even if on accident, was somewhat dumbfounding.

That was something that we would most certainly have to work on, they were all severely under weight and in desperate need of fattening up. I knew we would have a long road of not only physical scars to heal but emotional ones.

I went to lay on the bed and saw Charlie still standing there looking a bit lost, I just watched him giving him time to collect his thoughts. I knew him well enough to know when he needed space to think about things.

"Oh God, how the hell are they ever going to get over this and be normal?" He muttered to himself and started pacing. "What if they are never able to move on, be in crowds, trust people, or us fully? How are we going to deal with all this?" He sat heavily on the bed and dropped his head to his hands. I hated seeing him like this and moved to the end of the bed and wrapped my arms around him my chest pressing into his back and my head peaking over his shoulder.

"Baby, they will never be normal, and that's alight. Hell we aren't normal, I think that makes us perfectly qualified to help them. Sure we may never have experienced what they have but we know love, and have so much more to give. I am convinced that we can help them and show them that even though they may never be 'normal' they can and will be loved." It was true I knew they would never be normal, but we could try and give them as close to normal as we could get.

"I know, I know it's just so, ugh, frustrating. I want to skip like the next however many years of therapy and shit that it's going to take to get them comfortable and living full lives, and just let them live them already." God he was breaking my heart. I knew today was going to be tough for him to deal with, hearing the details of how your son killed his own mother, I can't imagine what's going on in his mind.

I had a hard time keeping it together and they technically weren't even mine. They felt like mine, but I know the connection that Charlie has with them runs much deeper then I could ever know, they were part of him, and I know especially after hearing more about what they went through, he was feeling more guilty about not being there.

"Baby I understand, but we can't skip it, all we can do is get them the help they need and support them no matter what happens." His head fell back against my shoulder as he sighed, "Now lets get ready for bed, we have a long drive starting tomorrow." He nodded and stood from the bed making his way to the bathroom.

I stripped out of my clothes and started to pull out what I needed for tomorrow while packing up the rest of my stuff before going to work on Charlie's, the man can run an entire police department but ask him to pack a suitcase and he is utterly helpless. I was looking forward to getting on the road tomorrow. We first had to take Marcus to the airport and drop off his rental that we came in and trade Charlie's in for a bigger one so we could all fit, either way it was going to be a tight ride.

We weren't sure how the kids would react to the large crowds and being trapped in a airplane full of strangers so we decided to drive home. It also gave us more time to get to know them before real life started up again, but I think getting them set in a routine will be helpful. We were however going to take our time and make a bit of a vacation out of the trip, you know stop and see the worlds largest ball of twine, the biggest chocolate chip cookie, or whatever we happen to come across.

I was just zipping up Charlie's bag when I felt his arms slid around my waist pulling me back into him as he buried his face into my neck.

"Thank you, for everything, I love you more then you can possibly know." He kissed my neck and I groaned. We haven't been intimate since that first day here in the showers, which, ok, was only 2 days ago, but for us that was like a record. We were a very physical couple. We had toned it down in front of the kids, not wanting them to freak out, but that shit was going to stop. They needed to see the difference between healthy and safe physical contact, and what they were subjected too.

"I love you too baby, let's get to bed we have a long day tomorrow. Are you sure they don't want to go by their old house and see if there is stuff they want to take with them?" We had asked them last night at dinner if they wanted to go to the old house they lived in and they all adamantly said no. We crawled into bed and I pulled him into my arms holding him tightly to my side his head laying on my chest as I stroked lightly up and down his arms hoping to sooth his frayed nerves.

"I don't want to make them, and honestly I don't think that Renee was really the keepsake kind of parent. Anything they need we can just get them on the way. I just want to get the hell out of this state as soon a possible." He kissed my chest and my cock started to harden a bit. I tried to will it away because the door between the rooms was still cracked lightly so we could hear if anyone had nightmares so any type of sexual activity was out of the question.

"That's fine then we just go to the airport drop off Marcus and get the SUV and get the hell out of this God forsaken place. It's almost sixteen hundred miles, we could make the drive in three days but I say we stretch it for a week." He just hummed in agreement and started moving his hand to trace the muscles over my abdomen, causing them to twitch and my cock to harden further. I groaned and rolled away then turned so I was on my side facing him. He just laughed at me scotching closer to me so his face inches from mine.

"Sorry love, we will be home soon and I will spend days making it up to you." He leaned into me kissing my lips softly. There wasn't heated passion or urgency in this kiss, it was slow, give and take, loving and sweet. I basked in the pure taste of him, like cherries and honey, so sweet.

We pulled apart before we could get too caught up in the kiss neither of us really liking the idea of blue balls at this point. "We should sleep." He stated and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me to him so my chest was flush with his. At home while we enjoy snuggling and being in each others arms we usually don't hold each other like this, but I think he needed to feel the connection and honestly so did I.

With one final kiss and a sleepy 'I love you' I drifted into my dream world where everyone was happy, healthy and whole.

I don't know how long I had been asleep for when something jostled the bed causing me to rouse from my deep slumber. I could hear Charlie's soft snores for whatever had woken me had absolutely no effect on him whatsoever. I looked around and noticed a shadowy form look at us from the end of the bed, I was about to freak out when the form spoke barley above a whisper;

"I didn't mean to wake you, but I….umm….had a nightmare." The sweet sound of Bella's voice filled the room and it was laced with more emotion then I had ever heard her speak with before. She was always so stoic, not that I blamed her, but so far she had been the toughest one to crack, always keeping her distance. My heart broke for her I am surprised however that after having relieved the horror they went through they weren't all having nightmares.

"Sweetheart don't apologize for that, it's not your fault," I moved over to make room and patted the bed next to me between where Charlie and I were laying, "come here and tell me about it." I wasn't sure how appropriate this was but she was hurting and needed comfort so I was pretty much throwing propriety out the window, she was my daughter after all.

I was happy that she didn't seem to have any hesitation as she crawled into the bed, that was good, she trusted me, we were making progress, YAY!

"You want to tell me about it?" I asked as she settled in and I made sure not to actually touch her. Unless she initiated it touching was something she was not comfortable with. So imagine my surprise when she grabbed my arm and hugged it to herself. I took this as confirmation that physical contact was needed at this point and wrapped my arms around her. I noticed that her other hand was now holding Charlie's hand, and he still didn't wake up.

"I dreamed that the police officer, Renee, and Laurent all came back to take us away," she took a ragged breath before continuing, "you and Charlie tried to stop them from getting to us but they pulled out guns and shot you both before dragging us away." Her little body was shaking with silent sobs as she replayed the dream. "I could see the blood everywhere and we were screaming for you but you couldn't get to us because you were losing to much blood. Please don't leave us." She pleaded and I started crying with her.

I felt another arm join mine around Bella and looked to see Charlie's anguished eyes locked onto mine.

"Oh, baby girl, shhh, it's alright, they are gone and never coming back. Nothing is going to take us away from you, or you from us." Charlie informed her and hugged her tighter as they cried together.

"I know that it is irrational and impossible but I can't make them stop. One part brain is telling me that I am being stupid and the other part of me is telling myself that all this is too good to be true." She nestled her face in the pillow hiding it away from us. I moved one of my hands and started rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"It's not too good to be true, we are here and tomorrow we are taking you all away and we are going to go home, and heal, and you are going to live a full and wonderful life." I told her as her body started to relax and the sobs were no longer racking her body.

"Do you really think I can have a life and be normal after this?" Her question was muffled by the pillow but we could hear it. I looked at Charlie for how best to answer this, it was a tough question. How do you tell a fourteen year old that they will probably never be normal?

"Normal, no," I looked at Charlie like he was insane, how are you going to tell a child she will never be normal? "Bella I will never lie to you, we can get past this, all of us, and we can move on and live amazing lives but none of us will ever be normal, and that is ok, normal is highly overrated and in all honesty completely boring!" I heard a small giggle and the sound was like music to my ears. I would make it my mission in life to make sure to hear it as often as possible.

"Yes, how could you be normal after being raised by your father, that in and of itself is enough to dement the sanest of people!" She snickered now and Charlie reached over and pinched my side. "Ouch Charlie, that hurt!" I cried out slapping his hand away while laughing to show him it didn't hurt that bad.

"I think I can handle being raised by the two of you. It will never be boring that's for sure." She mutters and I can hear the sleepiness in her voice.

"That's for damn sure. But the excitement can start tomorrow, tonight we sleep!" I declare. Silence settles into the room and breathing starts to even out and just as I am about to succumb to the exhaustion a little voice I don't think I'm meant to hear cuts through the room;

"I love you dads." A single tear falls from my eye and I squeeze her tighter as my heart soars and I fall into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

"Ahh!" I woke with a start the next morning and realized that my soft warm bed had turned hard and cold. I was very confused and sat up scratching my head and stretching. I looked around and noticed I was eye level with the bed and peered over and saw how I ended up being dumped on the floor.

There in my soft warm bed was all of the kids and Charlie. Emmett and James were on one side of him and Jasper and Bella on the other, all sleeping soundly. It was literally the most adorable thing I had ever seen. I was assuming that at some point they had woken up and noticed Bella gone and decided to join us. I knew at some point we wouldn't be able to let that happen and that they were going to need to learn to sleep on their own, but for now we all enjoyed the connection.

I got up and made my way to the bathroom to get ready without having to rush, letting everyone else sleep a bit more. I started thinking about all the stuff we would have to do when we got home. From redoing the attic to make extra room, still needing to find another artist for the shop, getting the kids caught up on school, getting them in therapy, all while helping them adjust to 'normal' life, when I let my mind start to think about it I start to panic. What if we mess up? What if we do something and they get taken away from us? What if they don't ever move on? What if they start to hate or resent me?

"Stop it." I heard from the door and turned to see Charlie leaning against the door frame.

"What?" I ask feigning innocence. He can read me like an open book though. I am not usually the one for freak outs, I'm the calm and collected one, the one in touch with nature and meditation and all that shit, but occasionally I get trapped in my own mind.

"You're freaking out, and that's normally my job. We will have no hope if you aren't of sound mind enough to talk me down when I freak out baby, so you can't lose it." I smiled at him and he pushed off the door jam and over to me and pulled me into a hug. I was slightly taller then him but he was broader, and we just fit together, perfectly. I loved how perfect I felt being wrapped around him, we could take on anything, even the perils of raising four traumatized teens.

"You know me so well, but you're right, I'll try to keep my freak outs to the minimum. It's just I started thinking of everything we have to do when we get home, and then I started thinking about all the what ifs, and kind of got stuck in my own head for a bit, but I'm over it, we will take what the tides toss our way and roll with the waves as they come." I kissed his head and pulled back grabbing my tooth brush.

"I love it when you talk all metaphor and stuff, it's hot. My own personal Yoda." He loved calling me that, ever since I got into the meditation and Zen 'crap' as he called it, it cracked him up. But he humored me and I love him for it. I smacked his ass and moved to the sink to brush my teeth as we started to hear the natives stirring in the next room.

"Do wou know how they all endwed up in wed with us wast night?" I slurred out the words coming out jumbled around my toothbrush. Charlie grabbed his shaving cream and razor looking at it as if debating whether or not he wanted to bother, I took the razor from his hand and put it back in the bag, "I wike wou scwuffy." I tried to say as a bit of spit and toothpaste leaked out of my mouth.

"That was sexy," he chuckled sarcastically, I rolled my eyes and flipped him off, "and no I don't know. All's I know is that I woke up and you weren't in bed and I was part of a Swan sandwich." I laughed and spit my toothpaste out. I loved our morning rituals it made me feel like everything was going to be ok, I don't know why but it did.

I made my way back out to the bedroom to grab the clothes I had laid out and picked up Charlie's also. I heard the shower running and as much as I would have loved to jump in with him I wasn't sure it was a good idea with the kids still sleeping in the same room. I would just put his clothes on the counter and shower when he was done.

I snuck back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid.

"Are you excited to get on the road?" I asked over the roar of the water and laughed when his head poked out from behind the shower curtain covered in shampoo.

"I am, but why don't you join me, we can conserve water." I groaned and shook my head.

"That isn't a good idea. I won't be able to control myself and the kids are in the room that's just creepy." I looked at him and he had on the full Charlie puppy dog pout and I rolled my head back groaning again in frustration, he knows I can't resist that damn face.

"I'll be good I promise, I just want you with me, nothing sexual scouts honor." He held up two fingers in mock solute.

"You never were a boy scout!" I snorted and started to strip.

"'No but I ate a Brownie once.'" I tossed my head back laughing full out as he quoted one of our favorite movies.

"No, no you really didn't, now if you said something like I blew an eagle or something I _may, _and I stress _may, _have believed you. But I know for a damn fact that I am the only cock that has ever passed those luscious lips of yours." I pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower behind him. "Now remember you promised to behave," and surprisingly he did.

We showered gently washing each other lingering here and there on occasion, but mostly just getting clean. He shut the water off and leaned out of the shower giving me a perfect view of his amazing ass, shit, abort, abort, must not fuck husband with kids next door, danger, danger. Wouldn't you know the little fucker knew exactly what was going on in my head and chose that moment to wiggle his tight little ass at me.

"Oh you are going to pay for that…..at some point." I added because he and I both knew I couldn't do anything right now.

"Promises, promises." He tossed a towel at me and stepped out of the shower.

We didn't say anymore as we got dressed and I moved to put my watch on and reached for my cuff that I had put on every morning for the ten odd years and remembered that I gave it to Jasper. I will never regret doing that, but I did miss it.

"Miss your's too don't you." Charlie asked putting his watch on but leaving his left wrist bare.

"Yes, I saw you gave him yours also. That was really nice." He turned me and pulled me into his arms again resting his forehead on mine.

"What you did for him, you will never know how much it meant to him, and to me. I did however tell him they were only on loan until we were able to create him some of his own." I smiled up at him and kissed him briefly. I knew what it meant for both of us to give up the physical evidence of our union, it was not a decision I came to lightly, even if it was only temporary.

"I do know baby and I'm not going to say it was nothing because it was, I feel naked without it, but to see that smile on his face and the comfort they brought him, it was worth it, but we really need to get a move on so lets go." I kissed him again but didn't deepen it we really had to get our asses moving.

"Ok finish up I'll go wake the troops I wanna get the hell outta this state!" He left the bathroom and I sighed I really was looking forward to getting on the road. I hate sitting around waiting, I am a man of action, just as Charlie!

* * *

Finally after about three more hours of showers, and packing and one minor breakdown, Bella this time, we hit the road. I was a bit nervous about how the kids would take to saying goodbye to Marcus, they had become attached in the few days he had been here. I noticed that Bella seemed to feel most comfortable around him, she tended to naturally gravitate to him for some reason. I think that may have been what caused the breakdown.

She saw him as part of our new family unit and was not happy with the fact that it was being broken up. After we explained that we would see him and she would get to meet Aro when we got to Seattle she calmed down a bit.

We made it to the airport with out much trouble and I was getting more worried about the kids actually saying goodbye to Marcus. Pulling up to the drop off point the tension in the air was palpable. Charlie and the kids were in the other rental car while I had driven Marcus in the one we came in.

"You think they will be ok, they seem to have gotten pretty attached." He asked sadly. I sighed and leaned my head on the steering wheel.

"Marcus man, who knows. I don't know what will set any of them off. I know Bella seems to be very close to you, we already had a mini breakdown this morning where she thought she did something wrong for you to not be going with us, I just don't know. You have become part of the routine, the everyday, with that being disturbed who knows how they will react." I told him honestly. We never pulled punches when we talked. Marcus and I were both brutally honest all the time, we lacked sometimes what Charlie calls tact.

"Well I am not sure if I should tell you this, but Aro and I have been talking and we decided that we wanted to be closer to you and the family," he paused and looked at me, "yes we think of you and the kids as family, so I am quitting the firm and am going to open a smaller private practice in Port Angeles, and you know Aro's work can be anywhere so it works out well." I stared at him dumbfounded. I thought he loved his job and was hoping to make partner in the next few years.

"Marcus what about partner and all you have worked for? I thought you loved your job.?" I just couldn't believe that they were thinking about uprooting their lives and moving to be closer to us.

"Well it's not set in stone and in all honesty I am getting pretty annoyed with my job, have been for awhile. It's long hours and I am really only helping the rich. I never wanted to go into corporate law in the first place, but it's what made the most money and since Aro and I had both been cut off I did it to help us get established. Now that we are I don't want to defend accountants who steal money from clients and CEO's who cheat their employees out of their retirement funds." I could understand that, "Bottom line is I don't like who I have become and after what these kids have gone through I have been thinking of switching to the other side and possibly turning to the prosecution." I could understand that also. What happened with the kids had changed us all in profound and lasting ways, changing our views and opinions of justice and the system.

"Well we would love to have you both closer you know that. Just make sure that it's really what you want because you might not get another chance like the one you have at this firm. Partner is a huge deal and I thought that was always something you wanted." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"So did I, but now I am not so sure. Like I said it's not set in stone just something Aro and I are tossing around." I could tell it was more then that but didn't say anything.

"Ok, well keep us posted you know we are always there for you. Now lets get you home to your man." We shuffled out of the car and unloaded his luggage.

Charlie and the kids joined us also but I noticed Bella kept staring at the ground and shifting nervously. Marcus walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. I was happy to see she didn't stiffen up or pull back. I could see her eyes glistening as he whispered something in her ear and she nodded pulling back and kissed him on the cheek. It was very sweet and I found myself choking up a bit.

"Thank you." Was the soft whisper I heard come from her as he pulled away and I wondered what that was all about. The rest of us said goodbye to him and he left making his way to the ticket counter. I could tell he was excited to get home to Aro.

We made our way to the car rental place and dropped off the two cars and picked up a huge Ford Explorer. This would be much nicer for all of us to travel in. Once everything was situated we headed out of the airport and onto the highway leaving Phoenix behind hopefully for good.

We rode in silence for a while as the city flashed by and you could almost hear audible sighs of relief when we past the _"Thank you for visiting Phoenix, Please come again." _Not fucking likely.

I heard some snickers from the backseat and turned to look. Bella's hand was over her mouth trying to hold back her laugh, but the boys didn't seem to be trying to hold back and were full on laughing, then I realized I must have spoken out loud.

"Yeah, your inner monologue seems to be broken again." Charlie chuckled from his seat behind the wheel and just like that the fun started.

* * *

We have been on the road for four days and had seen some amazing things on the way. We stopped and saw the Grand Canyon, the kids loved it and were amazed. Bella of course got a book about it and proceeded, much to her brothers annoyance, tell them all about the historical events, and different facts that surrounded the canyon, it was adorable. We stopped and got pictures of the giant Redwoods, and we took the kids to see the ocean, they loved that. I couldn't wait until they realized we actually lived right next to it.

We were at a rest stop just about to cross into Oregon and decided to stop for food and gas. The first time we went into a public restaurant the kids were nervous and we had to order for them and ended up taking most of the food to go because they couldn't eat in public very well. It was something we worked on over the drive and now they could eat and all but James could order for themselves. I think it had more to do with him being embarrassed about his stuttering. He didn't do it with us anymore but with strangers he had a very difficult time getting anything out.

Charlie and I talked about it and we don't think he needs to see a speech therapist because he can speak without stuttering we think it's more mental so we are hoping that a counselor will be able to help him, we were hoping it would help all of them actually. While they were more comfortable with us they did still tend to be skittish and hand shy. The other day I went to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Bella's ear and she flinched away from me, it broke my heart. I knew she didn't do it on purpose but I hated that she felt she had to pull back in the first place.

"All right guys go to the bathroom, and then meet us in the restaurant when you're done. Bella I'll go with you." Charlie had taken to following her around. The boys were able to go in a group together but Bella had no one to go with her and offer that protection she needed so Charlie would go and stand right outside the bathroom door waiting for her.

We all split up and I made my way over to the restaurant part getting a large booth for all of us. I was looking over the menu, loving the truck stop choices, when we got home Charlie and I were going to have to go on a diet, but for now we feast. I was pulled from my drooling over the pie options by Emmett's frantic voice.

"DAD! Help!" I heard Emmett's panicked voice filtering through the rest stop as he ran around frantically looking for Charlie.

"Emmett, what's going on?" I asked as I rushed to his side my menu forgetten.

"Where's dad? It's James, he's in the bathroom, I don't know what happened." Shit, where was Charlie when I needed him. I knew I was going to have to man up and learn to deal with the breakdowns and stuff but in all honesty I was scared shitless. What if I messed up and made it worse?

I didn't really have time to think about it as Emmett took off towards the bathroom. I pulled myself together and followed quickly behind him. I was in no way prepared for what met me once I got to the restrooms though, what I saw nearly broke my heart in two.

James was in the corner of the bathroom curled into a ball sobbing there was a man on the other side of the bathroom looking shocked and visibly shaken as well and I found myself thinking the worst. If this man did anything to hurt my son I would kill him. I was torn as to what to do first beat the shit out of this man or comfort my son. The sob that came from him quickly made my decision for me and I raced over and knelt in front of him.

"James, son, shhh, relax you're safe, I'm here." I reached out for him but he didn't seem to recognize me and flinched back. I looked up at Emmet and Jasper and they were crying and looking just as lost as I was. Without thinking about it I grabbed him and pulled him onto my lap as I sat on the floor. He started to try and fight me but I just held on tighter.

"Son, you're ok, no one is going to hurt you, you're safe. Listen to my voice, it's Peter, I got ya." I was rocking him back and forth while trying to sooth him after a few minutes he finally stopped struggling but I could still hear the whimpers. As he continued to calm more I looked over at the man.

"What happened?" I asked him through clinched teeth. I was assuming that since he was still here he didn't mean to do whatever he did to set James off.

"I don't know I just came in and went to the urinal and you know, pulled it out and he freaked out." I closed my eyes normally I was with them and would direct them to the stalls, it didn't even cross my mind that they would try the urinals and I can only imagine what he must have thought having a guy come up next to him whipping his junk out.

"It's ok, it's not your fault, they ummm….." I didn't know what to say to the man to make him feel better, he looked like he actually felt really bad about what happened, "they just came out of a bad situation and are nervous around strangers. I am sorry." His eyes flashed something that looked to be understanding and he nodded.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset them. I would never hurt a child." He told me with sincerity as he let the bathroom.

"James, can you talk to me?" I whispered noticing that he had stopped crying.

"I..I….I'm so..so…sorry, ple…please ddddon't sse…send mme away." He stuttered out looking down at his hands and I pulled him tighter to me.

"Never, James, look at me," I pulled his chin up so he was looking in my eyes, "you are ours. We will never send you away no matter what, we all love you, you are our son, remember when we told you that in the hotel?" I asked and he just nodded and I released his chin. "Well nothing you do will ever change that. We, I love you." I kissed his forehead in assurance.

Emmett kneeled down in front of us and pulled James out of my arms and into his.

"I am so sorry, please forgive me." He whispered into James' ear.

"S'not your fault I'm a freak that can't even use the bbbathroom." He told him and Jasper hit his knees in front of him this time.

"You are not a freak!" James started to shake his head in disbelief but Jasper stopped him by placing his hands on his face, "You're not, I would have probably done the same thing. We should have waited for enough stalls to be open it was my suggestion that one of us try these things here," he pointed to the urinal, "so this is my fault." He finished with a strained voice his eyes shining with tears threatening to spill over.

"Hey all of you listen to me right now," I was trying to make myself sound authoritative but not harsh, they all looked at me but didn't flinch so I think it worked, "none of this is anyone's fault. I should have come with you, but other then that this is just a little bump in the road, we can deal with it and move on alright?" They all nodded at me. "Now let's get off this nasty floor wash up and grab some food. We will take it to go and get back on the road."

We got up and I made sure to stay close to James, people were coming in and out of the bathroom again, I think someone must have been outside telling them it was closed or something because the whole time we were on the floor not one person entered. I made them all wash their hands several times and really wish I could have changed our clothes but I didn't think them getting naked in a public bathroom to change would really help the situation, so we would just deal with it.

We got out of the bathroom and I saw Bella and Charlie immediately. Bella rushed forward and threw her arms around James asking if he was ok and to never scare her like that again. He apologized over and over for causing a scene and I could tell that he felt bad and no matter what we did to assure him I could see the guilt eating at him.

We ordered the food and made our way out to the car James climbed into the back with Emmett as I passed out the food and we ate in silence. Once we finished we started back on the road and James fell asleep with his head in Emmett's lap and I found myself wondering when simple little things like using a public restroom wouldn't be cause for a panic attack.

Charlie reached over the consol and grabbed my hand squeezing. He looked back and checked to make sure all the kids were asleep before speaking.

"You did good baby, today, you were there when he needed you and you helped pull him through it, he will be fine, you did real good." I looked over at him and noticed his eyes shinning with the emotions of the day.

"Thank you, I was freaking out. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to be what he needed." I still had my doubts if I was going to be able to be what they needed me to be in the future but I would try my damndest to be everything and more to them.

We didn't stop again for anything fun, just bathroom breaks (where they never went alone), gas, and food. We didn't even stop to sleep we just traded off driving and continued through Oregon into Washington. We just wanted to get home and start the healing.

Sixteen hours and one ferry ride later we were pulling into town.

"Welcome to Forks guys." Charlie informed them.

"Yeah don't blink or you might miss it!" I scoffed and got a glare from Charlie. He loved this town always has, I loved it too but if he wanted to move tomorrow I wouldn't have any problems leaving it behind.

"It looks cozy." Bella said looking out the window intently.

"It looks wet!" Jasper stated as it began to drizzle a bit.

"Well it is one of the rainiest places in the continental US, but you get used to it." I actually enjoyed the weather here. I liked gloomy days spent curled up with my man reading, watching movies, and doing…other things. I winked at Charlie and he blushed, he knew right where my mind was.

"So we don't actually live in town, we live about 20 minutes outside of town, on the boarder of another little town called La Push, it's an Indian reservation. It's a small town and we know pretty much everyone in either town, I would just ask that you don't stray into the woods too far. We do have animals." Charlie was always worried about animals and I had a feeling this would be a lecture he would give often. I didn't think we had to worry about them wondering off to much right now.

We left the small town and wound through the back roads that lead up to the large clearing our house sat on. The space across from us was empty, open, and for sale. If Marcus and Aro were really considering moving out here they should by that land and build, it's been available for years. There weren't too many houses on our lane and for that we were grateful. Charlie turned the car down the drive that lead to the house and I could feel my excitement starting to bubble over. God I had missed home.

The house came into view and I heard a few gasps from the back. It wasn't huge or ostentatious by any means, but it was large and I had a feeling compared to their old place it would look like the Ritz. The house it self sat on a low cliff that over looked the ocean. We had access to the beach via a trail that leads down the cliff and right onto the beach. It was about a five minute walk and I loved it. You could find me out there almost every morning catching waves and enjoying the water, even in the winter months I would go down and just sit on the beach, it was my holy temple.

We pulled up in front of the house and climbed out.

"Let's get the luggage in a bit I want to show you guys around." I informed them. I really hoped they would be happy here and would see this as their home also.

Charlie and I made our way up the stairs to the front door and I noticed that they weren't following us.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked them as he turned to look at the four of them huddled together in front of the house.

"Is this seriously where we are going to live? This is your home? " Emmett asked in disbelief taking up his role as leader when the rest of them were too nervous to speak.

"No," Charlie started, "This is our home, all of ours, your's included. We want you to feel like this is your's so we didn't really decorate anything in your rooms yet so that you can do it. So come on let's show you around and get you settled into your new home." He was beaming at them and I knew that he was just so thrilled to finally have his kids here. Charlie motioned for the kids to join us on the porch and they all quickly raced up it. You could see the excitement rolling off them. I couldn't wait to see there reactions to everything inside.

Charlie opened the door and stepped over the threshold, holding the door open he gestured for the kids to enter and they all filed in, I followed behind them closing the door behind me. Charlie started giving them the tour and I just followed around behind them. We were home, and it never felt more complete then it did in this moment. I felt Charlie come up behind me as we showed the kids the entertainment room. He slid his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder chuckling at Emmett who was gawking at the flat screen TV that took up most of the east wall in the room

"Good to be home." He stated squeezing me tighter.

"It feels different now," he stiffened a bit and I rushed to clarify, "a good different. It feels like something that I didn't know was missing before has finally arrived, it feels…. complete." I turned in his arms and laughed when James shrieked at all the DVDs we had in the closest. I looked around the room while in Charlie's arms and noticed how everything just felt right. James and Jasper were bickering over what they were going to watch first, Emmett was still staring in awe at the flat screen flipping through the channels, and Bella was reverently sliding her finger over the spines of the books on the shelf that dominated almost the entire west wall.

"You're right, it does feel different. I feel whole now." He leaned in and kissed me gently but passionately. When he broke away he pulled me over to the overstuffed leather chair sitting down and pulling me with him. I burrowed deeper into his arms and let the comforts of home surround me.

"Welcome home."

* * *

**So there you are a little peek at Peters mind. A few more chapters and we should be seeing some of Alice (hehe) and Edward (woot woot)! As always review get previews so please review and let me know what you think!**

**Also last time I may have missed replying to some review and for that I am truly sorry and I won't let it happen again. But with moving and stuff things just fell by the wayside. So please forgive me!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay, if you read my other story then you know I just had surgery a few weeks ago so it took longer to get this posted then normal! The fog of pain meds made it hard to write, lol, but they felt damn good, hehe! **

**So as always I own nothing, and this story deals with mental, physical, and sexual abuse of minors, if you are offended easily, DO NOT READ! I also own nothing, well except a new pair of really awesome shoes! Oh and since my surgery (I had gastric bypass, I'm a fatty don't judge!) I have lost 40 pounds and fit into a pair of jeans I haven't worn in 3 years! WOOT WOOT!**

**Thanks also to my awesome beta who has tons going on and still edits for me! Love ya Jaspered01, So on with the story, hope you enjoy!**

**BellaPOV:**

I loved the look of Forks. The second we crossed into the town I felt at ease, calm, like I had finally come home. It was a foreign feeling to me, never having really known what home felt like before. Yes, I took comfort in my brothers and wherever they were was where I was most comfortable, but I could see myself here. The self I had always wanted, not the one I had been forced to be over the years with Renee.

I know that I seem like the quite closed off one, and while yes it takes me time to open up, I do have a strong mind and will. I had kept that will locked away for years because it brought nothing but pain, not to me but to my brothers. Laurent and Renee had learned early on that the best way to break me was to punish my brothers in my place. So whenever I messed up, one of them took the beating. I learned quickly to control my temper and my tongue that way, I couldn't stand the thought of someone else being hurt because of me.

I was hoping that now that I was no longer afraid of messing up I could really start to be myself again. I still had some issues that I knew would have to be dealt with, the Pavlonian responses I had would need to be worked out, but I knew that with Charlie and Peter around everything would be alright.

I was surprised by how quickly we all got comfortable with Charlie and Peter, especially after having so many strange men come in and out of our lives all the time. But they fought for us, they grieved with us, they laughed with us, and most importantly they loved us, of that I was certain.

I actually found myself starting to hope for the future here. Hope that I could have a life, and happiness. What Charlie had said the last night in the hotel had been playing over and over in my head. We would never be normal, this I had already known, but I never imagined that we would ever find acceptance without being 'normal', Peter and Charlie had proven me wrong in that regard. They love us damaged goods and all.

One thing I had a hard time getting over was the house in Forks. It was amazing. When we had first pulled up to it I thought I was dreaming. It sat on a low cliff overlooking the Pacific and it was stunning. It wasn't overly huge or gaudy. It was homey and pleasant, and utterly intimidating. I couldn't believe we would be lucky enough to live here.

Our house in Phoenix, and I call it a house not a home, that place will never be home, was despicable. No matter how much I tried to clean it and keep it up it was always littered with used needles, and empty bottles and cans. Layers of dust, dirt, and blood caked on the floor because I never had the proper cleaning materials to do a thorough job. I was almost afraid when we walked into Charlie and Peters home, what if we broke something, or got something dirty? What kind of punishments would they have for us? I didn't want to find out so I told myself I would just have to be extra careful.

I know that they are different but I can't hope to assume that there would never consequences for causing a mess, or breaking something. I just hope they made the punishments quick.

They took us on a tour of the house but we were all quickly deterred by the large living room. Emmett instantly went for the flat screen, while James and Jasper took stock of the movies, of course fighting over who got to pick first. The two of them fought more then anyone I had ever met, but at the end of the day they were still brothers through and through.

I looked around the room and was drawn in by the huge bookshelves that were overflowing and occupying an entire wall in the room. I quietly made my way over and started to peruse the selections lightly tracing my fingers across the spines. I didn't dare touch them more then that or take them out, they weren't mine after all, but I was in awe of the selection they had. Everything from then Bronte Sister, to Dickens, Poe, King, Shakespeare, to Austen. The collection was eclectic and broad and I made a mental note to ask Charlie and Peter if I could borrow them sometime.

"You are welcome to read any of the books at anytime. You don't even have to ask." A voice startled me from behind answering my internal question. I turned and saw Charlie smiling at me.

"Are you sure, I wouldn't want to ruin them?" I wanted to make sure it was truly alright for me to partake of the bounty.

"Of course, and don't worry everything is replaceable, and what good are they just sitting there on the shelf? Someone should get some enjoyment out of them." He smiled at me and turned to join Peter back on the chair they were occupying earlier.

Watching them together was a sight to behold. You could feel the love radiating off of them and it made the house feel warm and safe. Like their love for each other encapsulated the entire house and everyone in it. I could only hope I could have a love like that someday. I know I never will, who wants someone who is used and broken? But it's a dream I will always have tucked away in the recesses of my mind and heart.

"Hey guys," Charlie spoke from his seat on Peters lap and we all turned to face him, " Come on in here and sit down so we can talk." We all made our way to the couch squeezing in and getting comfortable.

"I just wanted to let you know that everything and anything in this house is your's. Nothing is off limits. We want you to feel comfortable here. So if you want to watch a movie don't feel like you have to ask, or if you want to borrow a book, that's fine. If you get hungry help yourselves to anything in the kitchen. We will obviously have meals together but if you want snacks or are thirsty please just have at it. There will be a few rules that we need to discuss but nothing major and we will lay out the consequences for breaking the rules as well so you know exactly what to expect." And there it was, the other shoe just dropped. Rules and consequences were something we were used to, we just had to wait and see what form of punishment they choose to inflict. Probably going without food for days on end, or getting locked in a closet. I can't see either of them being violent, but I have been wrong in the past.

"Charlie is right." Peter said reiterating what Charlie had just informed us. "No room in the house is off limits, internet and computer access is granted, we just ask that you are respectful of us and each other. If a door is closed, knock. If someone is occupying something wait for them to be done. If we run into an issue were someone is monopolizing something we will come up with a schedule to rotate the item. If you use something put it back, if you break something or make a mess clean it up and let us know. You would be in more trouble if you try and hide it then if you come clean." Ok these were all perfectly acceptable expectations but I wanted to get to the consequences.

"As for punishments some of that will be at our discretion depending on the misdeed. For the most part though punishments would be grounding, or taking away privileges." See I knew it, food was a privilege that I had been forced to go without on several occasions. All of us had, it's part of why we are so skinny.

"Do you have any questions?" I really wanted to ask some things but wasn't sure how to, fortunately Emmett seemed to be on the same wave length as I was.

"So when you say grounding and taking away privileges you are talking like closet time and fasting right?" Emmett was looking at the floor not meeting there eyes.

"What? Closet time? Fasting? What do you mean?" Charlie asked sitting up more.

"Well when we did something wrong Renee would ground us by giving us closet time. She would lock us in one of the closets for a few days with no food or water, and food was another thing, to Renee food was a privilege so if we were really bad she would make us fast for days sometimes weeks giving us nothing but a piece of bread, if she had it, and water." Emmett explained the punishments to them and they actually looked disgusted. Maybe I was way off base here and they didn't have the same idea of punishments as I thought.

"Oh my God. NO!" Charlie yelled as he jumped up and was pacing the floor and Peter was sitting with his head in his hands. Peter sighed and grabbed Charlie's hand as he made a pass in front of him halting his pacing and pulling him back to him.

"Let us elaborate shall we?" Peter said as he looked at us. I am surprised at this point that none of us have had a panic attack, that was a good thing at least.

"When we say grounding we mean no going out with friends or siblings if they are doing something. When you start school you would basically be allowed to go to school come home, do homework, but you wouldn't be allowed to do stuff outside of that for a set time, usually a week." Charlie elaborated on their idea of grounding and that didn't seem to bad.

"When we say taking away privileges we mean, you would lose TV time, or have your cell phones taken away, which on a side note we need to get you all, we could stop your internet use, except for school work, take away pleasure reading books, things like that. You will never be denied food, you will never be locked in any room. You may be confined to your room for a brief time in order to think about your actions but you would never be locked in for days at a time." ." Peter was rubbing Charlie's back as he finished the explanation where Charlie had left off.

There was a silence as we all took in the information that had been laid before us. If that was all they would ever punish us with it wasn't so bad really. I mean it would suck to not be able to read for fun but the fact that I go to read for fun at all was a big deal and made me want to make sure I followed the rules so that I would never have to do without again.

"We also want to make sure you are aware that hitting, punching, sex, any of those punishments you were used to before are no longer things you need to fear. We will never raise a hand to you, we will never force you into anything sexual, and if anyone ever tries we want you to tell us immediately. From now on your bodies are your own, no one can tell you what to do with them. Do you understand?" Charlie was looking pointedly at all of us trying to convey the seriousness of what he was saying.

He was ultimately giving us back the power that never should have been taken from us in the first place. None of us said anything in response we just nodded and prayed that they were right.

"Good, now lets show you your rooms shall we?" Peter said enthusiastically nearly landing Charlie on the floor with the speed in which we got up causing us all to snicker at the face Charlie made.

"You will pay for that later." Charlie whisper yelled in Peters ear, I would have worried if it wasn't for the playful smirk on his face.

"Can't wait, no let's get a move on." Peter smacked Charlie's ass as he walked by causing him to yelp and we were all full out laughing now.

We followed them up the stairs and I took in the various pictures of Peter and Charlie that are hanging around. They are always smiling and happy, in some they are surrounded by people who are equally happy, in others it's just the two of them staring intently at each other. Even through the pictures you can see the love they hold for each other. I recognize some of the locations in the pictures from various travel books I had read.

One of the two of them at Diamond Head in Hawaii, another of them at Wine Glass Bay in Australia, Tasmania, the another of both of them in jeans and white shirts billowing in the wind foreheads leaning together and hands linked looking more blissful then in any of the other pictures.

"That was the day we had our commitment ceremony." I jumped and turned on the stairs nearly losing my balance, thankfully Peter caught me before I had to make a trip to the hospital. That would be something I would do. First day in the new house and having to make a hospital run, not so much.

"It looks like it was beautiful." I let me eyes drift back to the photo taking it in. It truly was stunning the scenery did look oddly familiar also.

"It was. The ceremony took place here, actually just down on the beach. We only had our closest friends, not much family, just small but meaningful to us." He looked wistful and lost in the past for a moment and I couldn't help but smile at that. They were still so in love. He snapped out of it quickly and looked at me holding his hand out to take, I hesitated only for a second before taking his hand. He squeezed it gently and pulled me up the stairs.

"Let's see how we are going to arrange the rooms." We joined the rest of them in one of the rooms at the end of a long hall.

The room itself was fairly large but completely empty except for what looked to be a double bed and small nightstand. It was painted in light blue and had huge windows that over looked the cliff. The bedding was a crisp white and looked soft and fluffy. It put me at ease.

"So what I was thinking is we can bring the other double bed in here and push them together so you can all share for now." Charlie started explaining his plan to us. I was thankful they were going to allow us to stay together for now. I knew at some point we were going to have to move on our own, but I most certainly wasn't ready for that. "We can put all your cloths and other belongings into the other spare room, so you would sleep here and then get ready, do school work, play games or whatever in the other room." That made sense, it wasn't big enough for all of us to keep our stuff in this same room so using the other also would be perfect.

"We are planning on converting the attic into two other bedrooms so that you will each have your own room. At some point in the next few month we want you to start becoming more independent from each other and sleeping in your own beds will help with that." I was dreading the day I would be alone in a dark room surrounded by nothing but my nightmares, but for Peter and Charlie I would try.

We spent the next several hours getting our meager belongings brought into the house and settled into the two separate rooms. The boys helped move around the furniture and beds to make it all fit and I made the bed with the king sheet set that they had laying around. It looked comfy and warm, it felt like home.

No one really wanted to cook so Peter convinced Charlie that take-out was in order. Charlie groaned obviously not happy about the prospect of having to eat out yet again.

"Pete, we just spent the last almost month eating out, I want real food, cooked home." He whined to Peter who just cocked an eyebrow at him as the rest of us tried not to laugh.

"I understand baby, but we are exhausted and I sure as hell am not cooking, and well you can't so this is our only option. I promise tomorrow we will get on a better meal plan, I'll make you your favorite tomorrow if you do this today." Charlie groaned in annoyance as Peter kissed him quickly.

"You don't play fair." He pouted looking utter ridiculous and adorable at the same time as he made his way over to a drawer and pulled out a file that he came and placed in front of us.

"Never said I did babe." Peter walked by him and slapped him on the ass on his way to the fridge, "You kids want something to drink? We have juice, water, milk, and coke?" He looks over at us from the fridge waiting for an answer.

"I'll have a coke please." Jasper says with no hesitation.

"Me too, please." James agrees with out stumbling over his words. He has been doing much better at that and I am really proud of him. I am hoping that he will have enough confidence by the time we start school they won't try to thrust him into speech therapy. That's the last thing he needs is something to make him feel even more like an outsider.

"Milk." Emmett says, and I kick him under the table and he jumps looking at me like I'm crazy. "What was that for Bells?" He asks leaning down to rub his shin.

"Seriously? Emmett I know mo….Renee never cared about manners but I know I taught you, what do you say when you want something?" I was glaring at him. I didn't want him to slip up already, I know they explained the 'rules' and 'consequences' to us but being polite was just well polite.

"Oh, sorry, milk, _please._" He asks again emphasizing the please and I roll my eyes at him.

"Thank you Em, and may I please have some water?" I ask.

"Of course." Charlie answers and goes to help Peter with drinks. "You guys look through the menus and decide what you want to order." Before I could even look at the folder in front of me Emmett swiped it away and out of my grasp, figures.

"I'm good with whatever anyone else wants." Jasper told us all sipping the soda that Charlie had placed in front of him. He was never a picky eater. None of us really were, we usually just ate whatever we could find.

"Yeah Emmett you and James can decide I don't really care either." I told him and he looked at the folder in front of him before pushing it over to James who looked at him like he was crazy.

"You choose doesn't matter to me, I'll eat anything you all know that so get whatever you want." I was shocked, but I had a feeling I knew what he was doing. He was trying to help James with his confidence in the family.

"I…I, I don't know, I mean what iiif, what if I choose wr…wrong." Oh shit there it is again. Before any of us could say anything Peter was in the seat next to him.

"You can't choose wrong, there is no right or wrong here, just what you want. But if it helps how about you and I decide together." Peter told him and opened the folder so it was between them but closer to James. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice to have an actual adult help in situations like this and to not be the one comforting or reassuring. Not that I minded doing it, but it's a lot of work for a 14 year old.

James just smiled timidly and started going through the menus looking for something that peaked his interest. After about five minutes of looking over one particular menu he closed the folder.

"Here, I want to order from here." Peter smiled at him and took the menu from him.

"What would you like from here?" He asked him as he grabbed a piece of paper presumably to write down everyone's orders.

"Umm, I think, the, umm, Sweet and Sour chicken with plain fried rice?" It sounded more like a question but he nodded at himself as if he made the right choice.

"Good choice that's what I get also, very good here." Peter informed him before passing the menu to Jasper who looked at it.

"May I have the Beef with Broccoli and white rice please?" Jasper then handed the menu to me and I looked over it. We had had Chinese a few times but it was always cold leftovers that we found in the fridge so I wasn't really sure what I liked.

I looked and saw some things that looked decent, but was currently torn between Sesame Chicken and Vegetable Low Mein.

"Ok, umm, I think I would like the Vegetable Low Mein please." I told them decidedly and handed the menu to Emmett, this should be interesting. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them like he getting ready for the biggest moment in his life as he took the menu and looked it over, staring intently. After about five minutes he spoke up.

"Alright I got it! I want the General Tso Chicken, with fried rice, wanton soup, and an egg roll, plus an order of the spare ribs, and some fried noodles." He finished proudly and handed the menu back to Peter who was looking at him like he was crazy. "What?" Emmett asked not knowing what the big deal was before a knowing look flashed across his face. "Oh sorry I forgot to say please, sorry, that is what I would like please." He finished and there was a silent pause in the room.

I jumped slightly when loud laughter burst through the room and looked over at Peter and Charlie who were both gasping for breath they were breathing so hard.

"Charlie, he is most definitely your son, his appetite is just like your's was!" Peter gasped between breaths.

"Yeah, yeah, place the order before I pull out the picture of you in high school, before you started working out!" Charlie retorted and Peters laughing immediately stopped.

"You wouldn't?" He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Try me, pudding pop." Charlie challenged and quickly took off towards the living room.

"Oh no you don't." Peter said before shooting after him. We all looked at each other before bolting out of our seats and following behind them.

When we found them they were in the living room Charlie was sitting on the leather chair with Peter in his lap. Charlie had something in his hand and was holding it out of reach as he tried to fend Peter off. I would have been worried but I could tell they were laughing. Suddenly Peter started wiggling around and I noticed Charlie's other hand on his waist and I assume he was tickling him.

"Not FAIR!" Peter yelled. "You can't use my kryptonite!" Peter was giggling like a school girl.

"What was it you said earlier, oh yes, 'never said I did.'" Charlie repeated in his horrible impersonation of Peters voice. I notice Jasper moving closer to them and was wondering what he was up to. But before I could ask he quickly snatched whatever Charlie was holding away from Peter out of his hands and quickly ran back to us.

He looked down at it and started laughing hysterically. It was only then the Charlie and Peter stopped fighting each other and realized that the item had been absconded. I heard Peter groan as he noticed Jasper looking at the item and laughing.

Emmett quickly snatched it out of his hands and quickly joined Jasper in his laughing fit as he passed the photo on to James who took it as I peered over his shoulder to get a look at the item.

My eye's widened at the image in front of me. It was a picture and old on. The person in the photo looked to be around our age and was fairly short with a bowl cut, and blond hair. He had braces on his teeth and a slight case of acne. He was short probably just about five feet and was what some would say a bit on the pudgy side. Ok actually the kid was fat. He was beaming at the camera holding up a blue ribbon.

On the one side of the kid was another teen about our age also. This teen was taller about 5' 4". He had dark brown hair, and deep brown eyes, his teeth were perfectly straight and his skin clear as day. He was fit you could tell he had the body of an athlete. But it was the eye's that gave him away, it was like looking into a mirror and I knew instantly that the tall boy in the picture was Charlie.

I remember them telling us that they were friends during there childhood so I was assuming that the pudgy kid in the picture was Peter and when I looked at the piercing blue eyes I knew it was. I couldn't help it I joined the others and busted out laughing.

"HA, HA, people, gesh you all act like you never went through an awkward stage, or for some of you are still going through it." He quipped at as and we all shut up instantly.

He was right we had no right to laugh at him. We were still in the middle of our 'awkward' phase as he called it. Emmett was still a bit on the pudgy side, resembling Peter in that aspect. The only difference was that he also had the height to even it out a bit more. Jasper was all arms and legs right now, the rest of his body needed to catch up. James, he had some skin issues, and I think worse then any of us also had the stuttering issue.

Me, well maybe I was overly critical of myself but I thought I was the most awkward of them all. Aside from being a proverbial klutzy person, my hair was mousy, my top lip bigger then my bottom, I had no boobs, my legs were gangly, and my eyes were the color of mud and were too big for my face. Nothing about me screamed attractive. At least Emmett had the amazing dimples and bright smile, Jasper had the piercing blue eyes, and surfer cool blond hair. Me I got the short end of the stick when it came to the genes we were handed. I could only hope I would fill out and grow into my face a bit.

Peter came up and took the picture from James hand. He wasn't smiling and I was starting to worry. Maybe he was really upset that we had seen it. Maybe this was one of the things that would bring about swift punishment. I remember one time Laurent had fallen when he was high and we all laughed at him the beating we got from that was suddenly clear in my head and I started to shake.

I noticed Jasper and James were as well. Jasper stepped forward and started speaking.

"Peter I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I wa….." He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before Peter was laughing now also. I was confused. Wasn't he angry?

"Jasper, don't apologize. This picture was taken when I was thirteen years old. I had just won first place at a young artists contest. It was also taken before I started working out and learned about proper hygiene. So you can laugh at it. Charlie and I were just messing around." He explained to us and we all visibly relaxed. I still couldn't believe these men were for real sometimes, and that they were ours. I don't know what we did to deserve it but I would make damn sure we didn't mess it up.

"You were adorable babe, now let's get some food!" Charlie said as he stole the photo again and tossed it on the coffee table in the room before heading to the phone to place the food order.

Later that night we were all cozy up in bed and settling down after a very busy day. For some reason I was still having a hard time sleeping.

"Can you believe we are finally here?" Jasper whispered in the darkness from behind me.

"No, it's amazing." James answers with a voice of awe.

"I think life is only going get better. I think we can finally heal." Emmett said from the other side of the bed.

"Do you think they will ever hurt us?" I asked feeling bad that I apparently was the only who was still feeling a bit uneasy about the situation.

"Bells', I know that you have major trust issues. But I really think we can trust them. I mean they fought for us, for James. They didn't have to do that." Jasper reminded me. I knew he was right. But my brain just couldn't shut off.

"Yeah Belly. They seem great, nothing like mo….Renee said he would be like. I really do think we can trust them, and I kind of love them both like fathers. They have helped us all in so many ways." Emmett said and I was taken back to the other night in the hotel when I was cuddled between the two of them. I suddenly remembered something from that night that I hadn't.

I had called them dad's.

"You're right." I told them as we one by one slipped into a blissful sleep full of dreams of the future.

* * *

"I don't freaking get it!" Emmett screamed as he threw his pencil on the table.

We had been in Forks for about two months now and had been started home schooling about a month ago. We took the placement tests and I was actually ahead of where I should be thanks to my constant reading. The boys however were a bit behind, but not as bad as the Dad's thought they would be.

We were hoping that with home schooling through the summer we would all be able to start our freshman year at the local school come fall. I was currently sitting at the kitchen table while helping the boys with math. Emmett obviously wasn't getting it.

"Emmett, calm down. If you get frustrated it only makes trying to learn it that much more difficult." I didn't mention that it also made it more annoying for me to try and help. Usually Peter was here helping as well but today he and Charlie had a meeting with the CPS lady. She had been in once to do her in home visit and was actually a really sweet lady.

Her name was actually Esme Royal, she just used her maiden name as Platt in a professional setting. She was married to a man named Caius and found out that they had no kids. Caius was some sort of doctor. She was actually pretty vague about it but I didn't really think anything of it.

I knew that she would be making more visits and some of them would be unannounced and we were all always nervous about them. What if something happened and she didn't think that Peter and Charlie had been doing a good job? I thought they were doing amazing. I almost never flinched anymore and the nightmares were coming less and less. Things were going well, I just prayed that she didn't end up ruining it for us.

"Bells, I'm dumb, I will never get this! I might as well just start working at the local gas station now and save myself the trouble and time!" He sounded so despondent I hated that. This was all _their _doing.

Emmett was not dumb in anyway. In the testing we did a few weeks ago his IQ tested above the normal range, the problem was getting it to translate from his head to the paper. That seemed to be the break down, and because of this in his mind it was just confirming what Laurent and Renee always said about him. They used to tell him he was slow and stupid and would end up pumping gas, not that there is anything wrong with that, or selling drugs because he was too dumb to do anything else. God I hated them!

"Emmett you are not dumb, you actually tested higher then James and I on the IQ testing, we just have to find your learning style is all, everyone learns differently." Jasper who was sitting on the other side of Emmett working on his own issues, Biology, told him hoping to cheer him up with the fact that he had the second highest IQ out of all of us.

It seemed to do the trick and a huge smile broke out on his face.

"That's right bitches! I am smarter then you so there!" Emmett fist pumped the air and stuck his tongue out at Jasper and James.

"Oh and don't forget so mature as well!" James scoffed never raising his eyes from the English book he was reading.

James and Jasper had both also tested above average on the tests but were still slightly lower the Emmett and I. In truth I had only beaten Emmett out by a few points and in all honestly that was probably due to the fact that I was such an avid reader and learner.

I told Emmett to focus and went back to helping him. I knew I just had to find a way to help him make sense of the problems. Maybe Peter would be better. We worked for another hour or so when we heard the car in the driveway. We all looked at each other no one saying a thing. We were nervous to find out what this meeting was about and what it meant for us.

We didn't move but just waited for Peter and Charlie to make their way inside. They came into the kitchen and each grabbed a beer before sitting at the table with us.

"How's the studying going?" Peter asked as Charlie just sat there looking grim.

"It's alright. We had a minor break down a bit ago but we are working through it." I told him hoping he would just let it slid and he did just nodding in understanding.

"We have some news." Charlie started and I could feel my panic rising. This was it they were taking us away, or James. They found some sick demented family member that wanted him and were going to take him from us.

"Calm down, everyone breath, it's nothing horrible, no one is getting taken away. We just got back from seeing Ms. Platt and she informed us that we still have one condition that we have to fulfill to met the judges requirements for us to keep custody of James." Charlie sighed and took a gulp of his beer.

When I first saw him and Peter drinking it a few days after we got here I was nervous. But they had only ever had one or two at a time and had never gotten drunk so slowly my fear of them getting wasted and losing control left.

"What was the condition that still had to be met? I mean she's come here given the all clear and stuff so what else is there?" I asked confused. Charlie looked down at his hands before sighing and going on.

"The judge also required that you all four attend therapy for a time no shorter then one year but up to when the doctor clears you." Peter reached over and grabbed his hand and I could tell there was more. "Your first sessions have been scheduled with Dr. Caius Royal for tomorrow. Some sessions will be with all four of you and some will be individual. The doctor wants your first sessions to be individual so he can get to know each of you and see what you need to work on." After he finishes he takes a huge gulp from his beer and I can tell he is not happy about this. I look around the table and none of them look to particularly thrilled. I know I wasn't.

"We don't have a choice in this do we?" James asked sounding a little panicky.

"You do have to go, what you choose to discuss is between you and the doctor. Unless he thinks you are a danger to yourself or others he is bound by doctor/patient confidentiality, which means he can not tell us or anyone what you talk about." Peter explained to us, and that did put me at ease a bit. I still didn't know how comfortable I felt talking about stuff with them, but I would do it if it meant we got to stay with the dads.

"There isn't much we can do about it so let's finish up here and we can order food and maybe watch some movies and just relax tonight." Peter declared getting up and placing a kiss on Charlie's head making his way to the phone to put in an order.

The rest of the night was filled with food, fun, and laughs. No one talked about the impending visit but you could tell it was on everyone's mind. We would just have to wait and see what tomorrow would bring.

* * *

None of us slept really well the night before and woke up cranky and on edge. It didn't help that Jasper, James and I all ended up having nightmares so bad that it caused Peter and Charlie to rush into the room. They ended up curled up on the floor beside our bed.

We were now on the way to the therapists office and the tension and dread in the car was mounting. None of us had any idea what to expect. We didn't know this man, therefore we didn't trust him. We did figure out that he was Esmes' husband and he practiced in the town of Port Angeles about an hour from Forks. So we actually had quite a bit of time to let our imaginations get the better of us.

We pulled into the front of the nondescript office building and the urge to vomit became almost overwhelming. I bit back the bile and forced myself out of the car. I felt someone grab my hand and looked up and saw Charlie smiling at me.

"Don't worry, we will be there no matter what happens. You are safe here. Do you trust us?" He asked and I nodded immediately.

"Dad it's not that I don't trust you, it's him I don't trust. I don't know him and that scares me." He beamed at me as I told him this and I couldn't understand why.

"You just called me dad for the first time while conscious." He informed me as his smile got bigger and I couldn't help but laugh. He was right I did, and it felt good, natural.

I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him so tight I heard him squeak a little bit.

"I love you kid, don't worry everything will be ok." He kissed the top of my head.

"I love you to dad." I squeezed him one more time and we broke apart him taking my hand and leading me into the building.

Peter was already giving our names to the receptionist when we walked in so we all took seats in the waiting room. I sat down next to Charlie clinging on for dear life. The urge to vomit was coming back ten fold. Peter came and sat next to me on the other side grabbing my hand as well. The boys were reading magazines and trying to look macho and not as terrified as I knew they were.

The panic was setting in and I could feel myself starting to shake and the need to run was almost over powering.

"Please don't make me do this. I don't think I am ready." I started breathing heavier.

"Bells, I'm sorry but we don't have a choice. I wish we did but it's not up to me." Charlie told me firmly and wrapped his arm around me. I breathed in his clean scent and let it calm me for a few minutes until the panic rose again.

"Please, please don't make me do this." I begged again and I could see Peter starting to waver. I really, really did not want to be here. It was to soon, to much, to fresh, and I wasn't convinced that it would help anyway.

"I am sorry Bella but you have to. It's not an option." Charlie answered from next to me and I silently cursed him in my mind. My hands were starting to sweat and I could feel my breathing pick up. Just as I was about to break into a full blown panic attack when the door to the office swung open.

"Isabella Swan, Dr. Caius will see you now." I gave Charlie and Peter one last pleading look but saw the resolve in their eyes, I swallowed hard and got up from my chair, and headed toward where the receptionist had just called me from.

"We will be right here if you need anything. We love you." Charlie told me just as I walked through the door and into the shrinks office. I gave them a shaky smile as the door shut behind me. This was not going to be pretty.

I followed the lady into an office and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was currently empty and I wondered where the doctor was.

"He will be right with you he just had to take a quick phone call please make yourself comfortable. Would you like some water or a soda?" The lady asked me and I just shook my head.

"Alright then, if you need anything my name is Amber just let me know." With that she left the room leaving the door slightly ajar.

I took my time alone to take in my surroundings and do some deep breathing exercises that Peter had taught us when we asked him about his meditation stuff. The office it self is very calming and homey. I bet Esme had something to do with that.

The couch where I assume I will be sitting is an over stuffed cotton fabric in a dark brown and looks amazingly comfortable. There is a giant coffee table in front of it with books and magazines on it. The walls are lined from floor to ceiling with bookshelves and is overflowing with hundreds of books. I look briefly and notice they are all reference and medical journals. Places where there weren't books were filled with nick-nacks and pictures. I saw a wedding picture of him and Esme and smiled brightly they looked very happy.

Dr. Caius himself looked very young, but so did Esme. He was tall towering over her, with blond almost white hair and piercing green eyes. He was an attractive man and his smile in the picture helped to put me at ease. I continued to look around the office taking things in until my eyes landed on a stunning piece that was hung behind the couch. How I had failed to notice it earlier I have no clue.

It was a quilt I had seen them before, but this one was stunning. I don't know what about it drew me in specifically but I couldn't look away. It was difficult to explain what it looked like. The quilt was a stunning twilight ocean scene. What made it so amazing was that it was patched together with different fabrics that made up the amazing scene. It wasn't just a fabric picture that someone sowed together on the sides. Someone took the time to locate each individual piece that would make up the picture.

It was so stunning and complete and made me sad. For some reason I was comparing myself to the stunning piece of art in front of me. Why couldn't I come together so beautifully like this? My life was so broken I didn't feel like my pieces would ever fit together.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I jumped at the voice behind me and turned quickly. I stood facing the man from the picture and knew it was the doctor.

"Umm, ye..yesss?" It came out as more of a question and I felt myself starting to panic again.

"It's alright no need to be nervous. I'm Dr. Caius, but you can call me Caius, or Dr. C whatever you are comfortable with." He smiled kindly at me and I couldn't help but relax a bit.

"Thank you." I replied quietly.

He doesn't make a move to sit or tell me I have to either. Instead he comes and stands next to me, not close enough to cause me to tense but enough that I can sense his presence next to me.

"Tell me what do you think about this quilt." He asked gently. I pause collecting my thoughts before I tell him.

"While it is stunning, the detail and time it must have taken to find separate fabrics to complete the landscape and all I find myself more intrigued by what it represents." I tell him feeling more confident. This I can talk about, this isn't my feelings or my past this is discussing art and I could handle that.

"Interesting. What do you feel it actually represents?" He is still studying the piece on the wall.

"I think it's amazing how so many random pieces can come together to form on whole piece. How out of the different colors, shapes, and fabrics you get this complete and functional piece. It's whole and useful. Where at one point each individual piece was just floating around, now they all come together to form a beautiful piece of art….." I finish confidently before adding more softly, "if only everything in life would come together so beautifully." I said almost to myself.

"Have you ever seen one of these made or up close?" He asked me as he leaned forward taking the quilt off the wall.

"No, I have seen quilts before but never close or in the process of being made." I inform him.

"Well there are two sides to a quilt the front which is stunning and the back which is actually quite a mess." He tells me as he turns the quilt over. It doesn't look like a mess to me. It's plain white, pristine, and clean looking. I scrunch my brows in confusion and he chuckles lightly placing the quilt down on the couch before going to his desk. "The white is just the backing, it hides the mess on the other side." He explains coming back over with a pair of scissors. He sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him.

I slowly made my way over and sat. I was wondering what he was doing with the scissors and found myself getting a little nervous. What if this was all a trick? What if he really was bad? Before I could let my thoughts run away with me he started cutting into the side of the quilt and up the seam. I gasped in shock, how could he destroy such an amazing piece of work?

"It's ok don't worry, Esme can fix it right up. I just want to show you something." He continues to cut up over the corner and along the next seam. When he has a descent size hole and is able to pull the backing back he turns toward me and places the quilt between us.

I look at where he had exposed the inside and stare at it in amazement. It was a total wreck. There were threads going every which way and you couldn't see any resemblance of the beautiful scene that made up the front of the quilt. I ran my hand lightly over it in awe. It was amazing that something that looked so horrid on one side could look so amazing on the other.

"Wow." Is the only thing I am able to conjure up at the moment. I was stunned really.

"I know, it's amazing how something that is such a mess to start with can ever be pulled together and turned into something functional and beautiful but it does." He smiles over at me and it clicks in my head. I gave up more about myself in this session then I ever intended. The sneaky doctor got me to open up about my biggest fears without once asking me about my past or about myself.

"I see you get the metaphor now?" He asks and I nod. "Good. I know that this is going to be hard for you but you are here and willing and that is the biggest and hardest step of all. Now all we have to do is pull all the messed up threads of your past together so we can make your future as stunning as you are." He tells me and I instantly blush.

"Do…do you ever think I will be able to function normally?" I ask him remembering what Charlie and Peter had told me in the past. He smiles at me and puts the scissors down.

"No I don't, normal doesn't exist Bella. Normal is just what some people call themselves so they don't feel like the freaks they are." I chuckle at this and am amazed at how at ease I feel here. "We all have our messy sides. The key is to be able to pull it all together to make them work for you. To be able to deal with our past and make it a part of ourselves and not just throw a backing over it to mask it." He takes the quilt from my hands and pulls the backing back over the messy side giving me time to take in what he said.

I want that. I want to be able to deal with what we went through in the past and move on and make it part of who I am, because I will never be able to escape it. I can however integrate it into the tapestry of my life.

"I think that would be good. Can you….I mean will you be able to help me with that?" I ask him looking down at my hands. I want to be the strong, independent woman I know I can be. I also know I need help in getting there.

"I would love nothing more then to help you deal with your past and help you move on to the future. But you have to be willing to open up and let me in. I know it will be hard but I can't help if I don't know what we are up against." I look at him confused. Doesn't he already know about our past and what happened to us. Surly they sent him the files. He notices my confusion.

"They sent me your medical files," I take a sharp breath but he quickly continues, "I have not read them. It is my opinion that it is best to hear about the events from the source so I know nothing about what happened to you except that you experienced some form of abuse and are now living with your father and his partner. That is all I know until you decide you want me to know more." He got up from the couch and went to his desk. I saw he had four huge folders in his hand.

"These are all your's." He paused looking at the folders before he pulled one out, "this one is yours specifically." He takes the folder and walks over to a file cabinet I didn't notice before. He opens the cabinet and puts the file in and closes and locks it. "That is your past and it will only be opened when you decide to open it." He goes back to his desk and sits behind it just as a buzzer goes off causing me to jump slightly.

"So I guess that means time is up right?" I ask him feeling a bit sad. I really like Dr. C. He is nice and comforting and I feel like I can trust him which is a miracle.

"For this week yes. Next week I would like to meet with all of you together. If that's ok with all of the others." He tells me getting back up and walking towards the door. I get up off the couch and make my way to the door also.

"I wouldn't mind but I have to ask my brothers. I don't want to push them." I tell him as he opens the door and I am face to face with Amber and a very nervous looking Jasper.

"Don't worry, I will discuss it with you all when I finish meeting the rest of them." He holds out his hand for me to shake and I take it lightly. "You did well Bella, don't worry, we will get everything patched up with time." He winks playfully at me and I giggle a bit before heading out the door.

I smile reassuringly at Jasper as he goes in leaving me alone with the receptionist.

"I'll take you back out to your family." She tells me sweetly and turns on her heals walking back out to the lobby.

Once I step through the door leading to the waiting area all eyes are on me and the dads stand up opening their arms to me. I don't hesitate and quickly make my way to the safety those arms provide.

"Hey baby girl, how did it go?" Charlie asks me as we pull out of the hug.

"Nothing like I expected. But your right I…I think it will be ok. I think everything will be ok." I tell them and yawn.

"I think that took a lot out of you. Emotional stress can do that. Why don't you take a little nap we will be here for awhile." Peter tells me as I lean my head on Charlie's shoulder falling into a peaceful dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: So there you are. As always feedback and reviews are much appreciated, Alice and some other characters should be introduced in the next chapter, if things go to plan (sometimes the chapters just write themselves and what I plan isn't what they do so we will see.) Edward will still be a few off but don't worry it will be good! **

**Reviews get previews so please review! Thanks to everyone who already supports this story and reviews, much love! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! I am sooooo sorry for the delay! But I unfortunately had some major drama to deal with and had to push off this chapter for a few weeks. I won't get into the details but it's been a very rough few weeks to say the least. **

**So i would like to thank Jaspered01 who helped me out tons with this chapter when I lost my point of view on who was talking lol, so how I had a brain fart and went from Jame's POV to a third person narrative, yeah don't know how that happened but she caught it and we fixed it so go her!**

**Also as always I own nothing, except a new and exciting Christmas tree, that yes I already put up *don't judge me!* So on with the story. **

_JamesPOV:_

Therapy. What can you say about therapy, it sucks monkey balls. All the, 'how does that make you feel', 'what do you think about that', and 'yes, take that and use it'. I'll say it again monkey balls! Not that I don't like or appreciate Dr. Caius and what he is attempting to do, I do, he is a great guy and really understanding.

The first time we went in there we had a standoff for an hour. I sat on the really comfortable leather couch staring at him as he looked at me, waiting. Well he was going to be waiting for a long time. I'm not like Emmett who can just talk about anything and everything, I'm not comfortable with myself and my feelings like that.

So for the first several sessions we just sat, it was like something out of freaking_ Good Will Hunting _except I wasn't a math genius and I wasn't nearly as buff as the main character was in that movie. Why I noticed how buff some dude was something I would have to explore at a later date right now I was focusing on staying strong and ignoring the man sitting in front of me.

"So, James you want to talk to me today?" Dr. C questioned. I didn't say anything just shrugged my shoulders. "You know we can talk about anything it doesn't have to be about the past, how are you and your siblings getting along since coming here?" It was a neutral enough question so I decided to answer it.

"We are great, same as always." I answered him thinking about it more in depth now that the question was out there. Now thinking about it things had changed. I noticed that while we still shared a room and bed, during the day we ended up on our own more. I loved to sit in the sun room, that often housed Bella as well, drawing and pouring my emotions out onto the paper.

It was an amazing form of release for me, and also a way that Peter and I had bonded. He came across me on the beach one day drawing and sat next to me just keeping me company but not talking. It was nice and after awhile I felt myself relaxing more and was able to actually start talking to him about my art. I never showed him anything that was dark or really deep, but kept it to showing him my landscapes and pictures of the family. He was impressed and the next day found him and I in town on our first of many excursions to the art store in Forks.

He also showed me some of his art, and not just the tattooing that he does. He showed me some of his early works and some of the stuff from when he was a teenager going through everything with coming out and almost losing Charlie because he was too stubborn. Some of his stuff was on the dark side and it surprised me. Peter was always happy, caring, and so full of life, it was hard to imagine a time when he was ever in despair or in pain. But he had the dark pictures with pencil lines nearly tearing the paper apart to prove it.

"Are things really the same as always James?" His voice broke me from my thoughts and I looked at him my brow creasing.

"Now that I think about it no they aren't." I didn't elaborate and he noticed.

"What's changed?" He questioned me.

"I…I guess we are spending less time together and more time on our own." I informed him with a frown.

"Do you think that's a bad thing?" He was looking at me. One thing I noticed about the Doc was that he didn't take notes like I thought most doctors did. Maybe he had a photographic memory?

"I don't know if I would call it a bad thing, but I don't really know how to describe it. We still share the room and that hasn't changed but we are often doing things on our own." I told him and noticed that I wasn't stuttering. That must mean I am more comfortable here then I thought, or my stutter magically disappeared overnight. Yeah right, I don't have that kind of luck.

"What do you do when you are on your own?" He asked sounding genuinely interested so I told him about my art and drawing and the bonding with Peter. He asked me more about my mediums and art specifically and mentioned that he would love to see some of my work. I didn't know how I felt about that but I told him I would think about it.

"James I am going to be honest with you here." He waited for me to acknowledge the statement so I looked at him and nodded for him to continue. "I think the time you are spending away from your siblings is great. I think it is helping you build your individuality and identity separate from each other." I cocked my head to the side in confusion. I didn't understand what he was talking about. I have always been James.

True I wasn't as athletic as Emmett, or as talented as Jasper-who could pick up any instrument and play it almost perfectly-, or as smart as Bella. But I was still me, sure I was a little on the short side, and a bit skinny compared to Emmett and Jasper, but they were also a year older then me. But I think he was right to an extent over the last few months I have started to develop my own skills and had stopped comparing myself to my siblings as much.

"I know what you're thinking," He told me, "you're thinking 'I have always been me' right?" All I could do I nod my head in the affirmative and he chuckled and leaned forward in his chair across from me a bit.

"You have always been James, that's correct. But you have also been part of another whole that was solely defined by your circumstances. The abuse you suffered caused the four of you to bond together in away where you lost your sense of self and had to rely on each other as a single unit for survival. Now that you are out you are able to break off from the others and not be fearful of being hurt, now you are free to explore other interests and develop a more defined personality that you would otherwise have been punished for." I pondered that for a few minutes.

He was right. We never had our own space, we never were allowed to express opinions, or even make decisions. The only time I ever was able to draw was when I found stray paper and the occasional broken pencil. My sketches were rudimentary at best. Now that I had time and proper implements I was able to develop my technique, which Peter helped with also, the dads even went so far as to tell me when I was ready they would find me some art classes so I could expand my knowledge and learn new things.

I couldn't wait for that to happen. I had always wanted to try painting, or chalks. There were so many other mediums to explore and I realized it was one thing that set me apart from my siblings and made me special and I liked that. It didn't feel dangerous standing out anymore, it was empowering. It made me feel like I was my own person and I liked that. It also made me want to explore more of myself and see what other things I was good at or liked. But I was still scared and I was having a hard time figuring out why.

"Yeah Doc but it's scary also and I don't really understand why it's frightening. I know that Peter and Charlie won't ever hurt me, I trust them but something still holds me back from opening up and expressing feelings or opinions around the others." I couldn't understand this. All of them have slowly but surely opened up around the dads. They were able to express their wants and needs and had never once been punished for them, so why was I still having a difficult time doing so?

"I think I can help with that." Doc said standing up and going grabbing a leather bound journal from his desk. He sat back down keeping the journal in his lap before speaking again, "You are not blood related to Charlie like the others are." I scoffed at him and he chuckled.

"I am aware of that doc." I said back and he held his hands up telling me he wasn't done making his point.

"This is just a theory but something I would like you to think about. Since you aren't related by blood to any of them, I think on a sub-conscious level you are afraid that if you express yourself or opinions and it's not something they all agree with it will make them not want you any longer. I think you have a fear in the back of your mind about being sent away still and it is hindering your development." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the couch blowing out a puff of air.

That was some deep shit and that thought caused me to smile. Damn Doctor getting me to open up with his ninja like interrogation skills. Getting me all comfortable talking about my art and my siblings, then laying the heavy on me. Damn he was good, and suddenly my respect for the man grew tenfold. Not saying I like him or anything but respect him, yeah I couldn't deny his skills.

"We are out of time today," he stood up and held the journal out to me, "I want you to have this. I want you to use it for anything you want, art, writing, whatever you deem it worthy of. The only thing I ask is that you allow me to look at it from time to time." I took the journal and told him I would think about it and the other stuff we talked about and made my way out to the lobby where my family was waiting.

Then what he said came back to me. I wasn't really treating them like a family. I was still closed off and scared and while I opened up with my art to Peter for the most part I just floated around the background. I said that I trusted Peter and Charlie but my actions didn't really show it, so before I made it out of the office I decided to not just say I trust them, but show them also.

* * *

I sat on the beach staring at the journal that Doc had given me. I had yet to write anything in it and I had had it for a few weeks. We had several sessions since the one where he gave it to me and in everyone he asked if I had used it and I would tell him no and he would let it drop. He never pushed or pressured me about doing it.

So here I sat contemplating my first entry. I was terrified what if I wrote something in here that got me in trouble or made them send me away. Peter and Charlie told me that nothing I could ever do would make them not want me anymore. That I was just as much their son as Emmett and Jasper were even though I didn't have any matching chromosomes with them. So I started writing my most personal thoughts and feelings, my desires, and my fears. I added sketches on occasion when the words wouldn't come.

I showed my journal to Doc he never commented on anything just read it and then handed it back to me. He would ask me questions about entries and how I felt I was coming along with fitting in with the family. I told him about wanting to ask the dads for something but was frightened they would be angry. Emmett had asked them about joining a gym and getting in shape so he could do sports when school started. Jasper had started music lessons, and Bella was taking a creative writing class over the summer.

So with the Docs encouragement I now find myself sitting at dinner sweating and feeling nauseous. The banter around the table is common, talk about the day, what we learned in our studies, interesting clients Peter had had, the drunken guy streaking across town that Charlie had to arrest, small talk. Finally there was a lull in the conversation and I took my chance.

"Ch….Chaar….." I started but didn't get much further then that as I was cut off.

"Oh hey dad, so I met the football coach at the gym today." Emmett's voice drowned out my own and I hung my head trying to blink back the tears. I couldn't hope to ever compete with Emmett for attention.

"You met Coach Clapp? How did that go?" Charlie was grinning from ear to ear. He knew that Emmett really wanted to play football and over the last few months he had really started to grow. It was amazing what proper diet and exercise can do for a body. He had shot up several inches and now towered over Jasper and I. Last measured he was at about 5'8" for a 14 year old boy that was pretty impressive. You could tell he was going to be a giant. I was on the short end of the spectrum at just 5'2", and Jasper came in at about 5'5". If Charlie was anything to judge by they would both be very tall. Charlie came in at about 6'4".

"We talked a bit and he said that he looked forward to seeing me on the field. So I was wondering if you could help me with my ball work?" Charlie's face lit up and the conversation quickly steered to training techniques and formations. I quietly finished my meal and took my plate to the sink leaving the kitchen.

"James." I heard a soft voice behind me and turned to see Bella's eyeing me speculatively.

"Yes?" We were in the hall way and she came closer.

"You had something you wanted to ask them, why didn't you speak up?" She was in front of me her arm on my shoulder.

"I…I didn't want to interrupt. Charlie was so happy about Emmett wanting help, I didn't want to burden them with my silly request." I lowered my eyes to the floor trying to blink back the tears again. This was just another way I didn't fit in. The rest of them had no trouble speaking up anymore, but me I couldn't. I was still so broken.

"Bella, James you both alright?" We turned to see Charlie standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Yyesss sir." I stuttered out. I hadn't stuttered in front of them in ages.

"Bella why don't you go finish up dinner." She quickly leaned up and kissed my cheek before retreating to the kitchen table once more.

"James what's wrong son?" He came toward me and I backed away from him.

"That's the problem." I wiped the back of my hand over my eyes as the tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks.

"What? James if you don't tell me what's wrong I can't fix it son." He moved forward again and I stepped back.

"Stop calling me that, it's obvious I'm not your son, you don't have to pretend. I'm not yours like Emmett and Jasper and Bella. The only reason I'm here is because you pity me and they didn't want to leave me." I stepped back further and was met with the wall and now had nowhere else to go. Charlie was in front of me and I instinctively cringed away from him. I looked up and saw the hurt in his eyes and felt guilty but couldn't help my reaction. He took a step back giving me room but didn't leave.

"James, I…I know that you're not mine by blood, but that doesn't mean I love you any less then the others." He sighed and hung his head in what looked like defeat. "Why would you even think that? What have we done to make you feel that?" He was pleading with me.

In all honestly they didn't actually do anything specifically to make me feel that way. It's my fault for not speaking up louder, but shouldn't they notice that I was trying to get some attention? Aren't parents suppose to be able to tell when a child is in need? Then he has been so thrilled that Emmett is going to follow in his footsteps with sports and football and stuff that he has been spending so much time with him, I guess I just feel pushed aside.

"Please James tell me what we can do to make this right? I love you just as much as the others please talk to me." His voice cracked at the end and I looked up at him. He had tears I his eyes and he looked sad. I never wanted him to look like that ever again.

"I..it's, well it's just that I was trying to ask something at the table and no one noticed. You were so wrapped up with Emmett and his sports and I just felt….invisible." I had started crying again and felt like crap for telling him this. I mean they really had done more for me then they needed to so really I shouldn't complain.

Charlie was silent for a few seconds before felt him pull me into a bone crushing hug.

"Oh, James, I am so sorry." I could feel his shoulders shaking. "I never meant to ignore you or make you feel like you were anything less than my son. You mean the world to us." I wrapped my arms around him his waist and buried my head in his chest letting my own tears full.

"I'm sor….sorry I'm not a…as athletic or as talented or as sssmmart as they are." I sobbed out wishing more then anything I was worthy of being their son.

"Shh, don't say that, you are more than enough, it's me who messed up." I shook my head in his chest, they had been nothing but great and here I was complaining because I didn't get something. "Yes, James I did. This is all still new to us, we are trying to do everything and be everything to all of you and sometimes we slip up and things fall through the cracks. I never wanted that to happen but things just get away from you sometimes. Please, please forgive me? I should have noticed you needed something." He held onto me tighter like he was afraid _I _was going to disappear or something.

I didn't say anything but just took comfort in my father's arms. He was right this was all new to them also, and I guess I should give them more credit it can't be easy to go from just you and your partner to the father of 4 in a few days time.

"Now let's go back in the kitchen and you can tell us what you wanted to ask us." I nodded and followed him back to the table which had been cleared of dinner and an amazing looking cherry cheesecake sat in the center. Bella started dishing out large slices to us and once everyone was served Charlie looked to me and nodded his head for me to start.

"Well what I wanted to know, was umm, and if not it's ok, I just, well the thing is…" Why was this so hard? I could just ask a simple question? What was wrong with me?

"James it's ok, nothing you can ask for or say is going to make us mad or love you any less." Peter assured me this time and I looked around the table at my family and sighed.

"Ok, I was wondering if maybe you would still sign me up for the art class you mentioned a few weeks ago." I said and then help my breath waiting for the answer.

"Of course we can. I think that would be an awesome thing for you to do. I'll call them first thing tomorrow and set you up for the next class they have." Charlie beamed at me and I felt my mood shift from apprehension to happiness.

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"On that note I wanted to ask something also." Jasper spoke up looking over at Peter who nodded at him to continue. "Well I watch you out there surfing all the time and I was wondering if you would be willing to teach me?" Before Peter could answer Emmett was bouncing in his seat.

"Oh, oh me too, me too! I want to learn!" At that we all busted up laughing. He really was a big kid but I loved him any way. When that thought crossed my mind I felt my heart flutter. What the hell was that? I shook my head to clear it and was brought back into the conversation at the table.

"I would like to learn also, granted I can't walk in a straight line without tripping but maybe surfing would help my balance a bit." Bella bit her lip as was her habit when she was nervous or embarrassed.

"What about you James? You want to learn also?" Peter looked at me and I thought about it for a minute. Did I want to learn to surf? I mean really did _I _want to learn? Or was I just considering it because all the rest of them wanted to? After my last few sessions with doc about finding out what I wanted as an individual I found myself questioning little things like this. But thinking about surfing did sound cool, and relaxing, and there wasn't any reason why we couldn't all like some of the same things and still be independent right?

"Yes, I think I would like to learn as well." I finally answered the expecting table.

Peter clapped his hands together in excitement. You would have thought he was Emmett's father from the way they acted sometimes.

"Great we will start with basic lessons tomorrow."

For the rest of summer Peter taught us how to surf. Most days it was just Jasper and I out there. Emmett had a hard time getting out of bed, and Bella found that she was just as clumsy on a surf board as she was on dry land. But occasionally they would both join us. They didn't get as good as Jasper and I did because we both truly loved it. Not just the surfing part of it, which rocked, but also the tranquility of being on the water.

Whenever Emmett would come he could never stay quite long enough and ended up getting bored when we would just sit in the water taking in the calm relaxing waves, and when Bella would come the silence was usually ended by the splash of her falling off the board, even though she was just sitting on it. Don't ask how she did it but that girl couldn't bob in the water to save her life!

Because of the surfing I had also found that I had filled out a bit. I was still short and a bit skinny but at least now I had some muscle definition and that made me feel better about myself. I had also gotten better at speaking up. The construction was done on the two attic rooms and now we were just decorating them. I was going to be taking one and Emmett the other so they were constantly asking what we wanted and liked. At first I was nervous about voicing what I thought I wanted in the room. But eventually opened up and picked colors and furniture.

After painting and decorating the rooms were finally ready and tonight would actually be the first night any of us spent apart in about 6 years. It was scary and exciting at the same time. I was excited about having my own space that was just mine. When we were decorating Esme helped with some ideas for us also. She apparently liked to remodel in her spare time. One of the ideas for my room that we did was we left one whole wall blank of any color and got some special pencils that I could use to sketch on the walls whenever I felt like it.

It was a good idea on several levels, it not only gave me the chance to be creative whenever I wanted and have it show clearly on my walls, it also worked to give me a sense of control over something. I could decide what to draw on it, how often to change it, and I found comfort in that.

The rest of my room was a deep green with black and white accents, at least that's what Esme calls them 'accents', it had a platform style bed that was placed in front of a huge picture window. I loved it, the window added so much light to the room, it didn't seem like a attic room at all. The platform bed and desk and dresser were all black, and the bed was so comfortable I couldn't wait to sleep in the feathery goodness.

Emmett's room was across the hall from mine in a similar set up but he chose red and white for his colors. He said he like simple and clean looks. I can understand that. Our last room before coming here was dingy and dirty, had no light, and smelled from the bedding never getting washed. Instead of the platform bed he had a loft style bed with a futon under it so he could sit and play video games. He also had a large picture window that let in tons of natural light. Something that we both loved.

We shared a bathroom that was connected to our rooms. It was done in dark brown and tans, simple yet masculine is what Esme called it. Jasper was keeping the room that we all stayed in but the twin beds that were pushed together were being removed and he like Emmett and I got a queen. He changed the décor of the room also.

He chose to go with blues of all shades, said it reminded him of being on the water and relaxed him. I could understand that it was very soothing. His furniture was a bit more rustic and oversized, it fit him well. What really truly shocked us were Bella and her choices for her room. I think sometimes we forget that she is actually a girl.

Bella's new room was the one across from the room we all slept in. It was where we kept all our cloths and other belongings until we had our own space. She also had a new bed in place it was a white slated bed with dark and light purple accents everywhere. Feminine but not prissy, was how she described it, I still thought it looked pretty damn girly but hey I don't have to live in it.

All in all we were pretty happy with our respective rooms. We were still anxious to actually be staying on our own and the dads made it clear that if we had a nightmare or needed help that we were to come to them and not crawl into bed with our siblings. They said that the habit had to be broken completely especially now that we were getting better. Whenever they would say that they would get a funny look in their eyes and look from me to Emmett. I had no idea what it was about but just went with it.

As night rolled in the tension in the house grew. All of us, even the dads, were nervous about us being in our own space tonight. Night was when the monsters came out in our minds, it's when the shadows took on the forms of those who used and abused us, it's when we remember that some nightmares are real. I was getting lost in my own head thinking about it when I was brought back to reality but Charlie's voice.

"Ok, I know you all are nervous about staying on your own tonight, but I want you to know that Peter and I are very proud of you all for trying." Charlie told us all as we sat in the living room putting off bedtime as long as possible.

That was one of the rules in the house bedtime. When we had gotten here we were all malnourished, underweight, and severely sleep deprived. As a result we were put on a strict high calorie diet with regular meal scheduled every 4 hours with high protein snacks in between. We were also forced to go to bed by 10:00pm every night. The structure was soothing to me, and I felt better because of it. I didn't think that having a bedtime was a bad thing and never complained about it, since the dietary and sleep changes I have never felt better.

"Charlie is right. This is a huge step for you all and even if you don't make it through the night tonight, or any other night for that matter, doesn't mean you are weak." Charlie was nodding in affirmation to Peter's statement.

I saw Charlie look at the clock and knew what was coming. It was 9:30pm and every night at this time we would go upstairs wash up, brush teeth, and get settled in by 10. We were allowed to read or write, draw, or do whatever quietly until 10:30 when it was lights out and time to actually sleep.

"Alright kids, it's about that time. Go on up get ready, and settled in we will come in and tuck you in and chat before actual lights out." Charlie and Peter stayed on the couch while the rest of us filed up the stairs to our respective rooms.

I made my way to my sanctuary and changed into my pajama pants and a old t-shirt I had stolen from Peter before making my way to the bathroom adjoining my room with Emmett's. Emmett was already in there brushing his teeth and I didn't hesitate to join him. We were always comfortable with one another and nothing had changed there.

I grabbed my toothbrush and slathered it with paste and started giving my teeth a thorough cleaning. As I spit the foam out the first time I looked into the mirror only to see Emmett still there looking at me.

"Whas wong." The brush in my mouth hindering my speech and I saw Emmett smile at me.

"Nothings wong…." He laughed at me and I rolled my eyes, "I'm just nervous about tonight and was wondering how you were dealing with it." He looked down at his feet toeing the rug nervously. I held my finger up indicating him to wait for my answer as I spit again and rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash and spit again.

I replaced my toothbrush in the holder and made my way over to the one person who was always so strong but suddenly looked like a lost child and wrapped my arms around his waist. I wasn't used to seeing him look so vulnerable he was the protector, the one who would stand and fight even if it meant he got hurt. It killed him that he was unable to save us from Renee and Laurant and no matter how many times we told him it wasn't his fault the guilt was something I was afraid would be with him forever.

"I am scared but I also know it's time. We are safe here and how can we expect to move on with our lives if we can't sleep in separate rooms." I loosened my hold on his waist pulling back to look in his eyes, so blue. I shook my head and continued my thought. "I mean we can't very well go to college and still all share a bed, I don't think more dorms accommodate that and what about when we get married…." I stopped there as something unrecognizable briefly flashed across his face but he quickly covered it.

"No I know your right, it's just weird is all and I am, I guess I just, I worry about you all and what will happen if I'm not there for you." He sighed and pulled me into a hug again. Normally I hated being touch or close to people but with Emmett it was comfortable and familiar and I didn't mind so much.

I don't know how long we stood there when we were broken out of our embrace by a clearing throat. I turned to see Charlie and Peter in the door to that connected my room to the bathroom. The looks on their faces were unreadable but they didn't look angry so that was good.

"Time to finish up and jump in bed." Charlie said looking at us with appraising eyes. I just nodded and pulled away from Emmett making my way out of the bathroom and past the dads. "We will be in in a few minutes Em." Charlie told him before turning to follow me into the room.

I went over to my bed and crawled under the blankets curling up and wiggling a bit to get comfortable. It felt weird to have so much room now that I wasn't crowded by Emmett on one side and Bella on the other. This was so new and I was sort of looking forward to being able to spread out in my sleep a bit. Charlie joined me on the bed sitting on the side holding my sketch book and pencil in his hand.

"How are you handling this?" Peter asked as he sat on the side of the bed next to Charlie. I snorted a bit. That was like the third time someone asked me that question today.

"It's fine. I know we need to do this." I answered simply. They nodded.

"We know this will take some time to adjust to but we would really like you guys to give it your best effort and again if you have a nightmare or something come to us and we will do what we can." Charlie finished and leaned in kissing me on the forehead when he pulled back he handed me the sketch book and pencil. "You can draw but its lights out at 10:30. Please don't abuse that trust. I love you." He told me getting up from the bed as Peter moved forward.

"Thanks dad." I told him. It had been getting easier to call them dad but saying I love you was still a struggle for me. Peter leaned in repeating Charlie's action and kissing my forehead and added a hair ruffle as well. I slapped at his hand and he laughed.

"Hey kiddo, you will be fine, you're all so strong. If tonight goes well and you are up for it we can catch some early waves before I go to the shop." I smiled and prayed that we would be able to. I just nodded as they turned to leave and head into Emmett's room.

I took my sketch book and flipped to the next clean sheet and let the pencil glide over the crisp white paper losing myself in the calming stokes and the sound of the graphite scratching the paper. I didn't even know what I was drawing I didn't look. I just let my mind go and my hand followed.

I was so lost in my own head that I was startled when I heard a voice coming from the doorway. I looked up slightly fearful and saw Charlie staring at me with a look on his face I never wanted to see ever again.

"My boy you were suppose to have lights out 15 minutes ago." A maniacal grin crossed his normally kind face as he stalked into the room. "We talked about consequence when you first got here do you remember?" He stood next to my bed now looking down on me.

"Yyesss sirrr." I stuttered out a fear I hadn't felt in months edging its way back into my body.

"Could you manage a coherent sentence just once in your life you sniveling baby." He seethed out through clenched teeth as he reached out and grabbed me by the shirt pulling me up out of bed and dropping me on the floor.

"Pp….please I…I'm sosorry." I was on my knees in front of him a position I was all to familiar with as I started to sob.

"God you are so pathetic, SHUT UP YOU STUPID INGRATE." He yelled and I felt the sting of a back hand on my cheek and whimpered at the pain. "Now you are going to learn to listen so you are going to open your mouth and swallow whatever it is I give you." He moved his hands to the buckle of his pants sliding them down his hips as he grabbed the back of my hair pulling me toward him, in one swift motion…..

"James, James." I bolted upright on the bed panting and shivering looking around the room in a panic. I looked at the voice that called me and saw Charlie standing over me and my fear spiked again causing me to scramble to the far corner of the bed.

"Nn..no, ppplease I'm sor….sorry I..I misssed lights out." Charlie reached out for me but I flinched and tried to move further away. He just held his hands up and backed away from the bed slowly.

"James, son, you just had a dream. You fell asleep sketching, no one is mad at you, no one is going to hurt you." He kept his distance but kept on repeating that I was safe and no one was mad over and over again. I looked into his face and saw the calm, kind eyes I had come to know and love staring back out at me and launched myself across the bed and into Charlie's comforting arms sobbing.

"Shhh, son, you're safe." He rocked me back and forth rubbing my back and soothing me. I finally started to calm down and my shaking was getting under control. I looked up at the clock and noticed it was about 5:30 in the morning and smiled slightly.

"That's a good smile care to explain?" He loosened his hold on me a bit and I moved to lay down in bed again feeling more like a little kid then ever and for once I didn't mind it was nice that he was taking care of me.

"I didn't realize it was already morning, so I slept through most of the night." I informed him of the reason behind my smile and his eyes twinkled a bit.

"Yes you did. You all did great tonight and I know Peter would love to hit the waves with you, but only if you tell me what the nightmare was about." He told me leaning up against the headboard. I sucked in a breath at the thought of telling him that it was him that was terrorizing me tonight.

"Do I really have to? I would just like to forget it, please dad." I pleaded looking at him the tears threatening to spill.

"I know you would like to forget it but we can't do that. You know that if we don't talk about it, we will never be able to overcome it." Charlie smiled at me in sympathy and I sighed knowing I wasn't going to get out of it.

"It was you." I whispered to him turning my head to look at the wall my bed sat next too. I didn't want to see the hurt or anger in his eyes at my admission.

"What was me?" I could hear the confusion in his voice and closed my eyes as I continued to explain.

"In my dream, I..I umm, I missed lights out and you came up to tell me and you had this look in your eyes just like they used too." I paused to take a calming breath and finished. "You told me there were consequences for breaking the rules and you slapped me then, then….." I couldn't finish. I couldn't get the words to pass my lips and I started sobbing again.

"Oh James." He pulled me into a fierce hug again. "Never, not only would I never hit you but I would never, ever do what I am pretty sure I did to you in the dream, and no one else will ever force you to do that ever again and if someone tried you _must _tell Peter and I immediately." He continued to sooth me running his hand gently through my hair. For being the gruff, tough, police chief he could be very peaceful and tender.

We talked a bit more about my dream and he continued to offer reassurances that he would never hurt me, and I believed him. I knew the man in my dream and the man I called dad in front of me were worlds apart. After about twenty minutes we got up to get ready for the day. Charlie left me to get my surfing gear on. When I got off my bed I noticed that my sketch book I had fallen asleep with last night was on the floor by my bed.

I leaned over to get it and looked at what my sub-conscious mind conjured up. What stared back at me both thrilled and confused me. The eyes ones I was so familiar with and comforted by now burned with something I couldn't recognize in my drawing. The eyes unnerved me and excited me all at once and I wasn't sure what to do about it. So as I normally do I slammed the sketch book closed and decided to ignore it. Leaving the book on my night stand I made my way down the stairs to get breakfast and head out to the beach. We only had a few weeks of summer left and I was going to savor it.

* * *

The last few weeks had flown by and we were going to be starting school today. When I woke up this morning my stomach was in my throat and I thought I was going to hurl. Fortunately over the last few weeks I hadn't had anymore nightmares about Charlie or Peter for that matter so that was comforting.

We had a few rough nights on occasion but for the most part the separate rooms were going well. I had found out the same night I had my Charlie nightmare, Jasper had one as well. Not a Charlie one, but a nightmare. He ended up in bed with the dads because he was so shaken up after it. It made me feel better not to be the only one. So far all of us but Emmett have had a few bad nights. I'm not sure if he is just trying to be strong and not tell us or if he is just dealing better then we are. I hope it's the latter, I don't want any of us to have the nightmares.

I made my way down to the kitchen where everyone was at the table eating a light breakfast, none of us had the desire to vomit up much if we did in fact end up ill. We all seemed to be nervous for very different reasons. Bella was nervous that she wouldn't do well academically, Emmett was afraid he wouldn't make the sports teams, and Jasper was afraid people wouldn't want to be his friend because of his scars. Me I was afraid the separation between us would get wider and I didn't want to lose them.

Charlie was sitting at the table looking rather morose as he sipped his morning coffee. Peter and Bella were working in the kitchen making what smelled like bacon, hell yeah! Peter looked over at the table and smiled at us before turning back to the sizzling bacon.

"Kid's I know you are all nervous. But you are ready for this. You have grown so much in the last few months and this is just another step in the growth and healing process." Peter spoke as he began platting the fantastic breakfast meat. I had never had bacon before moving here, at least that I remember, and I found it was my absolute favorite thing in the whole world. Bacon was to me, like chocolate was to Jasper, it just made me happy.

Peter sets the plate down in the middle of the table and I go to sneak a piece, we are suppose to wait for everyone to sit before we eat, only to be thwarted in my mission by Bella swatting my hand as she sets down a stack of pancakes. I scowled at her and she giggled. It was a nice sound, anytime one of us laughs it makes us all feel good.

"Behave and wait for everyone else." She chastised with a smile on her face and as she turned away again I snuck a piece from the plate popping it into my mouth. "I saw that." She says with her back still to me, how she does that I will never know.

Finally a few minutes later Peter and Bella came and sat with the rest of the food and we all tucked in. Breakfast this morning was a quite affair all of us lost in our own thoughts and fear of what the day will hold. Before long we were all piling out of the house to the car. Charlie was taking us to school, Peter had to go open the shop because Leah had been sick the last few days. Peter made his way to each of us hugging us and wishing us good luck.

"If you need anything don't hesitate to call, I love you." He whispered in my ear when he got to me and I just nodded at him before turning to get in the car. The entire ride was silent and the closer we got to the small school in Forks the more the anxiety in the car grew. Charlie was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel a sure sign that he was nervous as well.

I could understand why he was. This was the next in a long line of milestones that we would all be forced to endure and while moving on and healing felt good it was also scary as hell. Aside from the fact that we didn't know how we would all react to large groups of strangers, there was also the possibility of failure that loomed in front of us as well.

As we pulled up into the near empty lot of the high school I felt my stomach lurch but managed to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. Charlie turned the car off but made no move to leave the car. He turned so he was facing us with a small tight smile on his face. We all sat with bated breath awaiting the pearls of wisdom he would bestow on us.

"Umm, so, I want you to look out for each other and remember that you are strong and have overcome so much. Don't let stupid high school ass holes get to you and if you need anything call me anytime, even if it's just to talk." It looked like he was about to have a panic attack himself and that would have been an interesting switch in roles.

"Char…" Bella started but caught herself, "dad, we will be fine." We had all been trying to get used to calling them dad and sometimes we slipped up. They didn't say we had to, but most of the time it felt right to assign them that title. They were, after all, the epitome of what father should be, loving supportive, caring, and every other word you associate with a good responsible parent.

"Yeah dad, I mean we have your's and pops numbers programmed on speed dial, I mean what's the worst that can happen?" Emmett asked from beside me. I had to smile at his term for Peter. Emmett said it was confusing having two "dads" so took to calling Peter pops, much to everyone's amusement. It was kind of growing on us all also.

"Right, ok, well you kids better get to class don't want to be late on your first day." Charlie informed us in a thick voice and turned around to face the front again. I looked around the lot and saw that it had filled up considerable since we had been sitting in the car. "Oh and don't forget Peter will be here after school to get you." He called after us as we headed into the school.

We had been mailed our schedules so we didn't have to detour to the office which was good because the last thing we needed was more attention drawn to us. I think every eye in the entire school was trained of the four of us as we walked in. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Charlie had explained that this would probably happen. Most of the kids that went to this school were born and raised and had been in the same classes with each other since kindergarten. We were the first new kids in well, ever!

We got to Bella's classroom first and reluctantly said goodbye making sure she knew if she needed anything to come and find us immediately. Next we found Jaspers room and he grudgingly entered before Emmett and I went to find my room.

"It won't be so bad. At least we all have the same lunch period." Emmett mused as we made our way down the halls.

"Yeah, but at least you three have some classes together, I'm alone all day." The weight of the separation was starting to get my nerves in a tizzy.

"I know it sucks J, but there isn't much we can do about it. I wish there was, I don't like being separated from you." Emmett came to a stop outside room number 102 and I noticed it was my room and that it was time to separate.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll see you at lunch." I turned and went into my room pouting like a child, but at this point I didn't care. My safety-nets were scattered and I was feeling on edge. Fortunately when I looked at the room to find a seat I saw that I was the first one there, not even the teacher had made an appearance yet. I made my way to the back of the room and took a seat close to the window and pulled out my sketch pad.

I was really nervous suddenly that not even sketching seemed to placate my nerves. I knew coming to school was going to be hard but I never expected this amount of anxiety. When the first warning bell rang I was afraid that I was going to pass out at any moment.

I had worked extra hard over the summer to make sure I would be able to join my siblings in high school. I was a freshman they were able to test in as sophomores, they were going to be 15 in September. This way they will actually graduate on time. Technically I am younger and could have ended up in middle school my age right on the edge of the cut off, but I pushed myself and was able to test into high school, thank God. I just wish we had some classes together.

I was trying to focus on my calm breathing exercises when I heard the chair next to me scrape across the linoleum and a body sigh as they sat. I looked over and saw a mass of curly red hair out of the corner of my eye and turned to get a better look. When I looked I was stunned to see the bright smile of a girl about my age.

"Hey, I'm Victoria." She held her hand out to me and I looked at it for a moment before taking it.

"Ja…Ja.." I cleared my throat quickly hoping to cover up my stutter and tried again, "James." I managed to get out before releasing her hand and looking down at my desk.

"So you're one of the new kids? The Chiefs kids?" She asked curiously and not wanting to embarrass myself with stuttering I just nodded.

"Must suck moving here from a bright, and sunny, to rainy, and dreary! I can't wait to get out of here." She was looking at me with a sweet smile on her face that sort of put me at ease.

"It…its not so ba….bad." Damn it stupid stutter. She's going to realize what a freak I am and hate me.

"Yeah, well each his own I guess. Although if I had awesome gay parents who owned a tattoo shop and were fun I wouldn't mind so much either." Her voice sounded wistful as she stared off into space for a few minutes and I had to laugh. Don't get me wrong the dad's were great, but they weren't always fluffy bunnies and kumbaya. They were real parents with real rules and I loved them for it.

"Tthey are great. But they aren't always fun." I told her keeping my stutter in check.

"Really? I would imagine they would let you get away with anything you wanted. They just both seem so chill, even the Chief." I nodded and was about to answer when the final bell rang and the teacher started taking roll.

I try to pay attention but get distracted when a note slides onto my desk. I quickly read it:

_What is your schedule?_

I quickly reply handing her the copy of my time chart. After she reads it she passes it back to me with another note.

_We have three classes together, History, Math, and Spanish. Do you want to sit with me at lunch?_

I smile at the note happy that I will know someone in a few of my classes at least. I quickly write a reply:

_Can my brothers and sister join us?_

I pass it back to her and she reads it. She looks over to me and smiles brightly again and nods her acceptance. I sit and listen to the teacher talk about the rules and expectations of the school and classes before he jumps into his lesson. Homeroom and first period are in the same room and held by the same teacher so there isn't any moving or switching around. We didn't do much in class Mr. Greggs just passed out the books we would be using and the syllabus we would be working from for this semester.

Finally the bell rang signaling the end of class and as I gathered my stuff I noticed Victoria waiting for me.

"So I can show you your next class if you'd like?" She offers sweetly. I just nod averting my eyes to the floor and follow her out the door. We walk in silence for the most part until we reach my classroom. "You don't talk a lot do you?" She asks as I turn to leave her.

"Umm, nnnno, no…not really." She smiles sweetly at me.

"That's alright, I can talk enough for the both of us, and I think the shy stutter is kind of sweet." She laughs lightly but it's not fake or judgmental and I feel my face heat up. Before I can even answer she turns and walks away heading off to her next class but stops and turns back around. "Oh and I will see you at lunch, don't forget." Before I can answer her again she's gone.

The rest of the morning went by fairly uneventfully and before I knew it the bell for lunch rang. I was feeling nervous again I didn't want to walk into the lunchroom alone and have everyone stare at me again but I didn't know if Victoria was going to meet me here or at the cafeteria. Once the room I was in was empty I got my things together and made my way out of the room turning left into the hall I ran into something in front of me and got knocked on my ass. I yelped in pain as my tailbone came in contact with the hard floor and was about to start panicking until I heard a voice I knew well.

"Oh god J, are you ok?" I looked up to see Emmett's concerned eyes looking back at me. "Please tell me I didn't hurt you?" He bent down to my level his eyes looking glassy like he was about to cry at the thought of causing me harm. My panic instantly subsided and I placed a hand on his bicep.

"No Em, I'm ok, just a little jarred is all." It was true but I was starting to feel the stinging radiate through my tailbone and shifted uncomfortable to alleviate the pressure I put on it. Emmett grabbed my hand that was on his arm and helped me to stand up. Once on my feet I promptly moved my hand from his and started to massage my quickly bruising ass.

"Shit J, I did hurt you, I am such a giant klutz. Do we need to get you some ice? Do you need to go to the nurse? Should I call Charlie?" He was ranting while looking at me his own panic now rising and I had to smile at him.

"Em, seriously it's fine, we've had worse. Just a bruise I'm sure. I don't need to go home or to the nurse. But food would be great. Were you waiting out here for me?" I was suddenly curious why he was out here in the first place.

"Oh, umm, yes I was waiting for you. I didn't want to walk into the lunchroom alone and figured you didn't either and Bella and Jasper have the class before lunch together so they will be alright with each other." He looked down toeing the floor with his shoe, like he always did when he was afraid he did something wrong, and I couldn't help but smile that he cared enough to make sure I wasn't alone for this.

"Thank you Em, it was worth the knock on my ass to not have to go into the lions den alone." I laughed and he joined me as he grabbed my hand pulling me along the corridor that lead to the cafeteria.

"Good, now let's get this show on the road. I am _starving!_" He emphasized as we walked quickly to the large room.

We got to the lunchroom and right before we entered Emmett turned to look at me smiling a worried little smile.

"It's sink or swim time little guppy, you ready?" I snorted at the new nickname he had given me over the last few months.

Little guppy had originated on our first surfing excursion in the actual water while waiting for waves to practice on. Emmett decided it would be fun to pretend to be a shark and would attack us all and pull us under the water. After nearly drowning me he held me tightly while helping me onto my board again and proceeded to tell me, 'I'll never let any shark ever get you my little guppy' at first I was a bit insulted but have actually grown to enjoy the term of endearment and the promise it represents.

"As I'll ever be." I sigh he squeezes my hand before letting it go and pushing open the doors to the lunch room. When we entered the room hushed and turned to look at us. We ignored it and went to stand in the food line to grab something to eat.

Nothing looked that appealing to me. I was used to Bella and Peter cooking amazing food and for some reason the cafeteria food just didn't seem to hold a candle to it. I settled on a slice of pepperoni pizza, some fries (don't judge I was trying to bulk up a bit I needed the calories), and chocolate milk while Emmett piled a sickening amount of food onto his plate. I looked at him in mock disgust.

"What, I'm a growing boy! Puberty and all ya know!" He said in defense of his food choices and I just rolled my eyes. Once we paid for our food we searched the tables and I spotted Bella first she was sitting at a table in back with Jasper and another girl but I could only see the back of her head. Her hair was short and black and she appeared to be chatting away and Jasper looked thoroughly uncomfortable.

I elbowed Emmett in their direction and looked around the lunchroom but didn't spot Victoria. As we approached the table Jasper looked up to greet us with wide panicked eyes and I wondered what was wrong and started to feel a little trepidation the closer we got to the table. When we got closer I heard a high pitched giggle coming from the unknown person at the table and inwardly cringed, I did not like that sound at all and from the look on Jaspers face he didn't either.

"Hey my bro, sis, and…stranger I don't know yet." Emmett says casually as he sets his tray down next to Bella across from Jasper and the girl. I hesitate on where to sit for a minute when Emmett pulls the chair next to him out for me to sit next to him. I sigh in relief as I lower myself into the chair keeping my head down.

The girl across from me turns her dark almost black eyes on us and it creeps my out a bit. She smiles at us but it seems forced and not entirely pleasant.

"I'm Alice Brandon, and you must be the other Swan's." She says with a tone in her voice that I can't quite place and she starts bouncing in her seat like a rabbit on crack. "Jazzy here didn't tell me much about you, he's not much of a talker but that's ok, I talk enough for everyone." For some reason the way she says that it irritates me more then when Victoria told me the same thing earlier. I look over at _Jazzy _and quirk my eyebrow at him and he looks a bit more distressed but just shrugs and goes back to eating. Bella's looking at Alice with wide eyes and I can tell she's not sure how to take her, that feeling seems to be mutual all around. Even Emmett who usually is good with strangers is thrown by her.

I didn't notice she was still talking until she suddenly stopped and narrowed her eyes at something behind me I turned and smiled a bit when I saw Victoria standing there. Her eyes narrowed on the Alice girl for a moment until she looked at me and smiled.

"So James can I still sit with you and your siblings?" I nodded and she turned and grabbed a chair from another table setting it at the end of ours. I briefly wondered why she didn't sit next to Alice and across from me but didn't have to wonder long.

"Hunter, why is your white trash ass sitting here, shouldn't you be with the other stone head losers out on the grassy knoll?" The acid dripping from her voice as she addressed Victoria pissed me right off.

"She's sitting here because I told her she could." I spat out and my entire family looked at me like I had grown a second head for minute before turning back to the two women.

"Yeah, _Brandon, _I was invited." Victoria said smugly before continuing, "so how was your summer, I heard that nasty case of crabs you had finally cleared up, good for you." I heard a screech and Alice jumped up from the table causing her chair to fall backwards with a loud crash.

"You little bitch…." Her voice was raising and I flinched back at it, I hate yelling. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU FLEA INFESTED FILTHY…." The voices kept raising and I didn't realize that I had my hands over my ears and had pulled my legs to my chest. I was vaguely aware of Emmett shifting beside me and felt a comforting arm come around my shoulder.

"If you are going to yell and argue you can both leave." I heard Emmett's voice filter through and the yelling died down. I peeked my eyes open to see Victoria looking at me with concern and Alice looking at me with disgust.

"Hey James are you alright?" Victoria asked with concern as I leaned into Emmett a bit taking comfort in the protection he offered and nodded. I knew it was irrational but yelling really made me uncomfortable. Now that they had stopped yelling I was able to relax again. Jasper and Bella were both looking uneasy and concerned also. I just nodded my head at her but didn't try to speak I knew I would make a fool of myself if I tried.

Lunch was silent after that and honestly a bit uncomfortable. It was obvious the two girls had issues with each other. What they were I neither knew or cared at this point. I didn't want to be around fighting if I didn't have to be. I just got out of a house that that's all I was subjected to. Finally the bell rang signaling the next period was about to start so we all moved to clear away our trays throwing away the food I had been unable to stomach after my almost panic attack.

Alice offered to walk Jasper to his next class and without waiting for him to answer grabbed his arm tugging him to the door. He let out a sigh but didn't fight her as she pulled him away from us. I gathered my bag and made my way to the door. I felt someone come up next to me and looked to see Victoria smiling at me.

"Look, James, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." She said her eyes cast down in guilt.

"Ddd….don't worry about it." I told her not wanting to talk more then I had to.

"Well we have the same class can I walk with you?" She asked and I looked behind me to see Emmett looking at us with a thoughtful look on his face, Bella was next too him.

"Yeah, she can take you J, then I can walk Bells to her class." Emmett informed me before turning down the opposite hallway with Bella trailing after him. I was puzzled he seemed upset but I had no clue why he would be. I shrugged it off and turned back towards Victoria.

"Sure we better get a move on though." Nothing else was said as we made our way to the classroom and I was pretty thrilled that the rest of the day went by without incident. Victoria would talk on occasion and ask questions which I would answer as simply as possible. It was a comfortable sort of union and I was glad to have a friend.

Maybe school wouldn't be as dreadful as I had assumed it would be.

* * *

**So there we are. Jame's starting to exert himself a tiny bit, and come into his own. It's a process people it will develop more over the years. Next chapter is Emmett's POV and we time jump a bit, there may or may not be a tiny lemon depends on how many reviews I get! HEHE, as always reviews get previews! Send me some love, I need it! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:BETA HELP!**

**Hello all! So I know I haven't posted in a while but here is the deal. I have the next chapter of the story done, but my beta went and had twins on me, I know right how rude! LOL! Kidding I am super happy for her. **

**So I was hoping to get a second Beta to help out cause well she is just going to be overwhelmed with adjusting to life with babies and all. So if anyone is interested in helping me out with this please let me know.**

**Like I said the next chapter is done just waiting on a set of eyes to proof it and make sure I don't look or sound like a total tool! If you are interested just drop me an email! Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay on the chapter. But it's up and long with a lemon for you so hopefully that will make up for it!**

**So first I want to congratulate my first beta Jaspered01, she had twins a few weeks ago so go her! Better her than me honestly! But I am happy for her. With that being said unfortunately being able to continue being my beta and caring for twins would prove to be difficult so I have a new beta, and she rocks also!**

** My new beta PAIGET is super cool and got this chapter to me super fast! So let's all thank her for helping me not look like a total fool when I post this!**

**Also disclaimer you all know I own nothing.**

**Oh and warning there is mention of abuse in this chapter and also some derogatory terms so if any of this offends you please move on. I don't want reviews about how insensitive I am, lol, you have been warned! **

**EdwardsPOV:**

"Christ almighty…..keep your voice down damn it." I whisper yelled to the person currently trailing behind me as I tripped up the stairs nearly rolling back down them. I heard the snickering behind me and looked over my shoulder to see Felix laughing at me from behind his hand.

I couldn't help but smile at him. He really was kind of adorable and totally drunk, which worked well for my nefarious purposes. I just prayed that my parents stayed at the benefit late. It wouldn't do to have my father walk in on us. He would lose his shit.

My father, Liam Cullen, was old Irish money and was currently trying to get appointed to the Bench. He was one of the best defense attorneys in all of Chicago and very old fashioned in his thinking. My mother Maggie wasn't much better. They were blue blood through and through and had little to no tolerance for 'alternative' lifestyle choices.

Of course that wasn't my father's "official" stand on things; he had to appear unbiased in the public eye. That didn't mean that in our house talk about homosexuality wasn't instantly met with hostility and degrading slurs. I was locked away in a closest I no longer wanted to be in but had little choice in the matter at this point.

I had always known I was gay for the most part. When boys started talking about girls in the locker room in junior high I took more notice of the boys that were doing the talking. My parents and I never talked about sex or anything that went along with it. I do remember a few years ago hearing my dad go off on a rant the made me realize I would never be able to come out to them though. It was a few years ago, I was just starting high school, when one of the society families had a daughter that came out.

My parents ranted and raved for days on the subject. It was a huge deal in high society and turned into a big scandal making the _Chicago Tribune _society pages. Apparently the Hales were more supportive of their daughter than my parents thought they should be. It wasn't long after the 'scandal of the decade' as my mother called it, that the Hale's packed up and left to pursue 'new business ventures'. I felt jealous that they were willing to make sacrifices for their daughter's happiness that I was sure my parents would never make for mine.

The only person I knew who would sacrifice anything for me was my older brother, Carlisle. He and Rosalie had actually known each other. They went to the same high school and were in the same grade. He was currently studying pre-med at Northwestern University here in Chicago. He just started his junior year. He was a bit older than me, and I idolized him. He was caring and compassionate, for the most part.

One thing about Carlisle that most people never saw was that he had an explosive temper when pushed. I had personally never been on the receiving end of his fury and honestly had no desire to. I was never afraid of him, he was fiercely loyal and protective of those he loves and fortunately I was counted among those very few. I think it comes from being forced to bottle up his emotions for so much of his life.

I was brought out of my musing by a warm body covering me on the stairs and I snapped my head up to see Felix staring intently at me as he leaned over me.

"Where did you go? I thought you were going to have your way with me?" He asked huskily and I couldn't keep the cocky grin off my face.

"Sorry, just lost in thought for a moment." I leaned up and captured his lips with mine plundering his mouth with my tongue. Damn he tasted like peppermint and cream. Probably from the weird holiday drink he had had at the benefit. Yes we were underage but like that mattered when your parents were completely snookered. Holiday benefits were just an excuse for everyone to get shit faced under the pretense of helping those less fortunate and no one ever paid attention to us kids at those things. Most benefits kids didn't even attend but this one was a family affair.

"Let's go up to your room, you have some promises to keep." He got off me and tugged me up off the stairs.

"Oh, and what promises are those?" I asked playing ignorant.

"I seem to remember you saying you could make me scream your name without even touching my cock? Were you just blowing smoke or is this actually a skill you possess?" His eyes darkened at the thought and I grabbed his hand pulling him up the stairs to my room.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and find out." I pulled him into my room and slammed him against the door, which was difficult seeing as how he was about 3 inches taller than me. Felix was huge for his age; he was 17 and a year older than me. He clocked in at about 6' 4", and was built like a damn cage fighter. He was stacked and I knew the only reason he let me dominate him was because he knew I need to feel some control in something.

Renewing my attack on his mouth and trailing kisses over his jaw and down his neck. His hands found my hair yanking on it tightly causing me to moan. He threw his head back hitting the wood door hard as I moved my lips down over his clavicle and up to suck on his Adam's apple. There was something about an Adam's apple that just did it for me, I thought they were sexy as fuck.

"Oh God, Edward, more." I ran my hand down his chest to his khaki covered bulge. He was hard as a rock and panting with need, hell I was also. We had been teasing each other all night. So I finally gave myself over to the lust and let myself go pushing all thoughts of my family and drama to the side and just enjoyed the sensations flowing through my body.

I worked my hand back up and over his chest not currently having the patience to deal with buttons so I grabbed each side of his shirt and pulled hard effectively ripping it open and exposing his chiseled chest and torso for my viewing pleasure.

"Fuck, Edward, I love it when you go all animal!" He moaned out with a slight chuckle. I didn't answer verbally instead moved my mouth down his throat and used my tongue to trace the defined muscles of his chest. My tongue flicked out against his peaked nipple and I heard the thumb of his head hitting the door again.

"So good, please…more." He panted out as I continued my assault on his amazing chest. I moved lower trailing my wet tongue over his defined abs loving the way they twitched and flexed with the attention I was lavishing on them. My hand moved to his belt and made quick work of ridding him of the offensive khaki that covered my promise land.

I looked up and I sank to my knees and ran my tongue over the waist band of his tight black boxer briefs. The moan that followed was wanton and needy and I loved that I was able to do this to him. I quickly yanked down the briefs narrowly missing getting slapped in the face by his heavy cock being set free. He quickly stepped out of them and spread his legs a bit wider for me.

I leaned back on my heals taking a few minutes to admire his gloriousness. His dick was a thing of beauty in all honesty, it was long and thick the head flaring out just right glistening with pre-cum and begging for a taste. I was about to lean in to savor it when I remembered my promise to him and smiled up at him wickedly.

"I almost broke a promise, that's a shame cause I really wanted a taste. Oh well I will have to settle for something of a different flavor." With that I flicked my tongue out and lapped at each of his balls, giving them an obscene amount of attention. Felix's hands were almost painfully tight in my hair and his moans had turned into almost strangled sobs as he begged me to go to the one place that would relieve him of the tension I could see building.

I removed my mouth from his sac and stood up taking his hand and leading him over to the bed I pushed him down and pulled his legs so his ass was hanging over the edge giving me better access to what I wanted to do.

"Stay there, and don't move or even think about touching yourself." I commanded as I moved away from the bed and to my night stand picking out the lube and condom I would need when I was ready. I strode back over to where Felix was on display for me, popped the cap on the lube, and coated my fingers in the sticky substance. I reached my hand down again bypassing his twitching cock and balls altogether this time and going for the sweet spot just behind his sac.

I applied light pressure and watched in fascination as he arched completely off the bed and started whimpering. I moved my fingers slowly over his perineum and down over his entrance. I continued to tease him with my finger pressing against his opening but never actually penetrating it was a sweet and wondrous torture watching him come undone.

"God, Edward, please, please I can't take much more fuck me please." I may be a sick fuck but his begging was like music to my ears and I decided to have mercy on him and myself and finally allowed a finger to breech his tight hole. He let out a low hiss/moan as I slowly worked my finger in and out of him stretching him at the same time.

Carefully I continued to add digits, I may be a disconnected prick to most people but Felix is one of the few people that get to see the softer side.

"Shit, Felix, I can't wait to have my dick in you, always so tight." It always feels like the first time with him and I can't wait much longer.

I feel his muscles start to go slack around my fingers as he starts to rock his hips in time with my thrusts. I have purposely avoided hitting his sweet spot, he is so worked up it wouldn't take more than a couple of well place thrusts for him to be screaming.

"I'm ready, please for the love….ahhh, please now Edward." He pleads to me. I remove my fingers and grab the condom hissing as I roll it down my much neglected shaft thanking God that Felix is this worked up because I know once I enter him I will be about five seconds away from nirvana. I coat myself liberally with lube and my eyes roll back in my head from the friction I am finally getting.

"Shit, shit, fuck….so ready for, you're going to be screaming my name soon." I pump my cock a few times to make sure the lube is spread and move into place.

I stand on the side of the bed and position myself at his entrance grabbing his legs and pulling them up so they are propped on the side of the bed opening him up for better access. I lean in and capture his mouth with mine and slowly push my way into tight silky heat.

"Oh, mother of…..ugh….damn so tight." I pulled out slightly only to push back in going deep this time. Once I was fully encased in his warmth I paused to give us both time to adjust.

"Edward, oh…..yes….I love the way you fill me up." He pushed his hips down on me letting me know he was ok and that I could move again. I started to slowly pump myself in and out as his moans and groans got louder. His head thrashed from side to side.

"Felix, so good, ahhh….shit please tell me….fuck….your close?" I grunted between thrusts.

"So….close….need more, harder…..ED…..faster, something." I grabbed one of his legs and placed it over my shoulder and did the same with the other the new position causing me to go deeper and brush against his sweet spot.

"FUCK, FUCKIETY, FUCK, EDWARD!" He screamed and thrashed as each thrust rammed into his prostate. I could feel my own balls tighten as the burning in my stomach told me I was close.

"Shit, so…good…..come for me, NOW!" I commanded and thrust forward violently making sure to pound into his sweet spot causing him to scream as stream after stream of sticky white cum splattered on his chest and stomach.

"AHHHH, FUUUCKKKKK!" His head was thrown back and his muscles taut as he shuttered with the force of his orgasm. His tight cavern grew even tighter with the magnitude of his climax and clamped down on me like a vice sending me spiraling over the edge into near insanity.

"YES….SHIT….." That was all I could get out as I pulsed and twitched inside him as I filled the condom with my release.

After what felt like the longest orgasm ever I finally started to come down and collapsed on top of Felix utterly spent and softening inside him. His hands stroked up and down my back gently as my breathing returned to normal and I started to get my cognitive thinking back.

I pushed myself up and slid myself out of him causing him to groan and whimper.

"Shit sorry, was I too rough?" Damn I never wanted to hurt him.

"No Edward, just a little tender. I like it when you go all primal on me!" He chuckled as I pulled off the condom tied it up and tossed it in the trash next to the bed.

I move back to the bed and fall into it throwing my arm over my face. Felix moves and I feel him next to me but we make no move to cuddle or coddle each other. It's not our style.

Felix and I were not dating; he for all intents and purposes was actually straight (at least that's what he likes to think.) I tell him no straight man would love me shoving my dick in their ass the way he does. But it works for us both. No attachment, no commitment, just fucking. On occasion though I wish I could have more. Not with Felix, no there is no love there, only lust, but with someone that would accept and love me. At this point in my life I am not sure it's in the cards though.

"Well you kept your promise." I heard him say from next to me and I smirked but made no move to look at him. My thoughts now that I wasn't distracted were coming back full force.

"Hey man, what's your deal tonight?" I finally moved my arm and looked at Felix lying next to me confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You have been distracted all night, even when you were pounding into me you were somewhere else. Not that I'm offended or anything, just curious." I sighed and blew out a breath turning my head to look back at the ceiling.

"I don't know. Just a lot on my mind lately. Wondering if my life will always be like this. Hiding who I am to keep the rents happy even though I am miserable." I really hate being in the damned closet.

"Your parents are assholes just like mine. In two years you'll be 18 and can move out. Go to college, find your perfect man and live happily ever after." I snorted and laughed lightly.

"Not if I want them to pay for college. They could cut me off and then what the hell would I do?" Yeah I sounded like a spoiled snob but college was expensive. I was already having a hard time convincing my dad that Graphic Design was not a waste of time. He didn't understand my art or my desire to pursue a career in something that could use my talents.

"Oh, I don't know, you could get a job and student aid like every other red blooded college student out there." He was mocking me, I knew this and believe me I had actually considered it at one point. But without my dad's money I may have an issue getting into the school I wanted.

I wanted to attend The University of Washington badly. I know it was random wanting to move to the Pacific Northwest but I wanted to get away from my parents and all the high society shit and for some reason Seattle appealed to me. I would hate being so far away from Carlisle but we had talked about it and he told me if I went to Seattle he would try and find a position at a hospital out there once he graduated.

I smiled at the thought he really was the greatest big brother ever. I really should have told him about being gay ages ago. But it was honestly the one subject that I had no idea where he stood on. I could deal with my parents disowning me, it's not like they were mom and dad of the year anyway, but Carlisle hating me would absolutely break me.

"I thought about it and if something happens and I have to then I will. It would just be easier for them to foot the bill, it's the least they can do after all the shit they put us through." I rolled over and leaned into my nightstand pulling out a package of smokes lighting one up.

"I thought you quit?"

"I tried but it didn't take, obviously." I like Felix we were friends, with benefits, but sometimes I just wanted him to leave me in peace. Yes I can be a broody bastard but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't.

"I'm gonna head out. Wouldn't want mommy and daddy finding me here like this now would we?" I took a drag from my cigarette and watched in appreciation as he climbed over me and off the bed. He did have a fine ass, which I admired as he bent down to pickup his pants off the floor.

"So you want me to come over this weekend?" He asked as he pulled his pants over his hips and reached for his shirt.

"Not this weekend, Carlisle is coming home for the holidays and we are going to pretend to be a happy family." He chuckles and grabs his coat.

"Well you would be a happy family if you could just get rid of the parents." I nodded and sat up against the headboard smoking and watching Felix get his shoes on.

"Tell me about it, God life would be perfect if they would just disappear." Yes I know it sounds harsh but honestly I can't remember a time when my parents were ever there for me. Not as a child when I would do well in school would they offer praise, or when I was hurt would they offer comfort. Carlisle was the one who patched up my scrapes, and told me how proud he was of me. Sure he was only four years older than me, but that was just the way he was.

Felix leaned over the bed and pecked me on the lips scrunching his nose.

"I really hate the taste of those things." He said I got off the bed and pulled on my pajama pants as he turned to walk out the door. I leaned over and put out the cigarette so I could walk him out. He opened the door to my bed room and I froze instantly. Shit. This was not good.

"Edward you want to introduce me to your friend?" What was he doing here? He wasn't supposed to be here yet. I was panicking and didn't know what to do. Thankfully Felix saved me by introducing himself.

"Hey, I'm Felix, a…..friend of Edwards." He stuck his hand out and my intruder grasped it firmly.

"Nice to meet you Felix, I'm Carlisle, Edwards's older brother." He released Felix's hand and looked over at me quirking his eyebrow. I eyed him wearily not sure what he was thinking. It was some weird silent standoff that no one seemed to want to break. The tension was thick before Carlisle sighed and stepped aside.

"Don't let me keep you." He said as he moved out of the way of the door. Felix told him it was nice to meet him and moved down the hall, as I went past him he grabbed my shoulder.

"Walk your….friend out, and then meet me in the game room. We need to talk." I nodded and made my way down the hall to the front door where Felix was getting his coat on.

"Shit, Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was out there. I mean if I had known I would have snuck out the window like usual. I'm so sorry, he didn't seem mad though." He looked behind me and I turned to look at what he was seeing. Carlisle was just making his way down the stairs past the foyer on his way to the game room.

"No he didn't seem mad. But that doesn't mean anything. He is a master at hiding his emotions. A trait I wished I had learned." It was true Carlisle could be raging mad and be the calmest fucker in the world. It was kind of eerie at times. Not that he got mad often, but I have seen him take on this whole other voice and persona when he was angry. I really hoped I wasn't on the receiving end tonight.

"Alright, well if you need anything let me know. See you after the holidays." He made no move to kiss me again as he turned and made his way out the door. I just ran my hands through my hair, which I am sure, gave away the fact that I had just partaken in a thorough fucking, and turned to head to the game room.

Carlisle was sitting on the leather couch with a glass of what I assumed to be whiskey. He wasn't much of a drinker and usually didn't indulge due to not being of age yet. Yes he was only twenty and already a junior in college, can we say overachiever much?

"Edward, pour yourself something and come and sit with me, please." I didn't say anything as I made my way over to the bar and poured a tumbler of scotch for myself. I wasn't a huge fan of the stuff but I liked it better then the whiskey. With my drink in hand I went and sat on the opposite side of the couch and stared intently into the fire in front of me. I was not looking forward to this conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Carlisle asked his voice sounding hurt and barely above a whisper. I looked over at him and he was staring down intently at his glass. I suddenly felt guilty for not being honest with him earlier, and for knowing that I would have kept it from him for, well probably ever. Maybe I can play it off.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat hoping he would let it go, but his exasperated sigh informed me that he wasn't going to.

"What do you take me for Edward?" He said in a sardonic voice that actually made me shiver. I looked up at him and what I saw made me cringe away, his eyes told the story his voice wouldn't portray, he was angry, not just angry he was livid.

"I'm…..I'm sorry, I can't help it….." I was cut off by the sound of glass shattering and saw Carlisle had thrown his tumbler into the hearth. The only sound was his deep irritated breathing and the hiss of the alcohol as it trickles down the fireplace walls and into the flames.

"Christ on a cracker Ed, I don't care if your gay. Fuck, you could tell me right now that you had a horse in your room you planned on fucking later and I wouldn't be upset. What pisses me off is that I had to find out like this. Why wouldn't you tell me?" He stood up and started pacing in front of the fire. I have never seen him this angry. I mean I know we both have some anger issues you know never really being taught as children how to handle emotions and shit and our go to instinct is to get pissed first. I was about to talk but his rant continued on.

"What would you have done if it had been dad there instead of me? What were you thinking bringing that into this house when you know their views on the topic? I don't know what he would have done to you if it had been one of them that caught you, how could you be so irresponsible? God Damn it!" His voice was rising slightly but still never quite reaching a full on yell, always the calm mother fucker even when roaring angry, never letting the façade slip.

"I'm sorry Car, I know I should have told you, but honestly I didn't know where you stood on the whole subject. It's the one thing we never really talked about ya know? I couldn't bear the thought of losing you; you're the only person in my life that really gets me." I look down at the floor feeling real guilty all of the sudden. I should have given him more credit from the start. I didn't even realize I was crying until I hear him cuss under his breath when he hears me sniffling.

"Damn it." He sighs and plops down next to me on the couch and puts an arm around me. He is the only one I have ever felt comfortable being this vulnerable with. No one has ever seen past the outer shell that I created. To everyone who 'knew' me I was confident, cocky, arrogant, and a bit of a prick. Only Car ever saw the true me and never so much as he was seeing right now. I was terrified, depressed, angry, heartbroken, and hiding. I longed more than anything for parents who would love and except me but knew they never would, and I was more hurt than I would ever tell anyone.

"Ple….please don't hate me." I manage to choke out hating that I am so emotional about this. He pulls me into a hug as I sob harder into his shoulder.

"Ed, I could never hate you." He sooths as he gently rubs my back. It's calming and reminds me of when I was a child and upset. He was always the one who comforted me. I should have had more faith in him and that just made the tears fall harder.

Nothing was said for a long while as he just comforted me and let me know he loved me and supported me no matter what. After what felt like an eternity I was finally able to pull myself together and pull out of his comforting embrace. He went back over to the bar and got a new tumbler filling it up before joining me on the couch again.

"So this Felix guy, is he your boyfriend?" Carlisle asked breaking the tension with his smirk.

"No, just a, well you know, friend with benefits sort of thing." I felt kind of dirty admitting that to him. Surely Car never did anything so untoward as to have a fuck buddy. I felt the need to try and justify it. "You know I can't really have a normal relationship, and Felix is 'straight' so he has just as much incentive to keep it quiet as I do and…" I was going to continue my rant but noticed him chuckling next to me and I lowered my eyes to my lap in shame.

"Ed, I understand, truly I do. What do you think Tanya is for?" My head snapped in his direction my confusion clearly on my face as he laughs harder. "What did you think I was a pure innocent virgin or something?" He asks incredulously.

"Well, I….no, but I thought you and Tanya were like a couple. Mom and dad think there are wedding bells in the near future. I think moms even gone so far as to book a reception hall for the summer after you graduate." I watched in amusement as he choked on the amber fluid that he had been drinking, I lightly patted him on the back and watched in bemusement as he tried to control himself. Once he was done wheezing and righted himself he looked at me with shear horror on his face.

"Are you serious?" I only nodded the affirmative as he stood and started pacing again mumbling to himself. "That's asinine, I have never even brought her home or in any way made it seem as though she was more to me than a quick tension releaser. I have no desire to marry at this point especially not a whinny socialite who wants to ride the coattails of whomever she marries. Damn it what have I gotten myself into?" He ran his hands through his hair in annoyance.

"Maybe you should have decided to dip your wick into someone who wasn't in the blue blood circle. I'm sure Tanya is the one who opened her mouth about it to someone. You know that while the Denali's are social elite they are lower on the rung then we are so she would see this as a chance to climb the ladder." I had to point this out to him. If there was one thing dad ever taught us it was when you needed to bust a nut, yes he said it just like that too; you never do it with someone in the same social circle as you.

I know I sound like a hypocrite, but my situation is a tad different. I figured if I went outside my social circle it would open me up to blackmail and all sorts of nasty little headaches. While staying within the inner circle, if you will, the person has just as much to lose as I do if it ever came to light. Made sense to me and at least Felix can't try and show up with some illegitimate child claiming it's mine like I am sure Tanya would do if she felt her status with Car was ever threatened.

"No, she wouldn't do that. I was straight with her from the get go that this was nothing more than a matter of convenience. Damn it this isn't good." He collapsed back on the couch holding his head in his hands pulling on his hair.

"Well then I don't know where mom would get the idea that you were dating if it didn't come from one of the Denali's letting it 'slip'." Carlisle growled lowly next to me and I looked at him in shock. Like I said he was a very even tempered man most of the time, but one thing he hated was users, and liars, both of which our parents were. I have no idea how he ended up as normal as he did with my parents trying so hard to get us to be mini versions of them, but I am glad he did.

"Well nothing I can do about it now. When I get back to school I will break it off with her and maybe just pay for my company in the future." I looked at him in shock. "What, it would be less messy." I thought about it for a minute before nodding in agreement. It would be less messy for him.

I know with his schedule he doesn't have time to deal with the mess of relationships and the drama that goes with them. Especially a high maintenance one like he would have if he decided to actually date Tanya. Society girls were so demanding and in all honesty quite annoying. Thank god the idea of actually being with a woman repulses me, because the options of suitable companionship around here were pretty slim.

"At least you found out about it before she could come up with some plan to trap you or something." I told him hoping to give a positive light to the situation.

"Yeah, you're right." We sat in silence for a while just enjoying the company of each other without the stress of pomp and circumstance that was sure to come in the following days.

"We should head to bed, you know keeping up appearances is exhausting and I have been pulling all nighters for weeks studying for finals." I glanced at my brother and noticed the dark circles under his eyes for the first time. He really did work too hard. He stood from the couch stretching his limbs as he did.

"Yeah, pretending to be upper crust Cleavers' really is draining." I snarked and pulled myself off the couch and followed him as he turned to leave the game room flipping switches as he went to shut off the fire place and lights.

We made our way upstairs, Carlisle and I shared the second floor, and I got to my door but turned to look down the hall before going in.

"Hey Car," I called out just before he disappeared into his room.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, for you know everything." I looked down at the floor in embarrassment. I wasn't great with emotions.

"You're welcome Ed, I love you." Then he disappeared into his darkened room.

"I love you too." I whispered as I shut the door to my own sanctuary.

* * *

The next few days passed by with an annoying amount of normalcy. If we were any other family it would be wonderful but we weren't, and what was worse was the Chicago Times was doing a story on dad so they ended up spending all of Christmas morning with us. It was wonderful just close family and 10 strangers just poking around capturing the hypocrisy live and uncensored. I wanted to vomit.

The article that ran was a comparison piece on each of the candidates running for the bench again this year, and included everything from case histories to family dynamics. It was bullshit and Carlisle and I knew it. But we pretended anyway. I gave all the right answers when asked and smiled when told. Wasn't I a great child? Yeah I thought so too.

After the first of the year Carlisle left to go back to school with the promise from me that if I needed anything ever I would call him. He in return promised to cut ties with Tanya and find a more suitable companion to scratch the itch that sometimes demanded attention. I was worried about the fallout from the whole Tanya thing but he swore it would be fine. I just had to trust him and I was going to from now on.

Life fell back into the normal routine and I craved for something else but was honestly too chicken shit to go after it. So here I sit in my room waiting for Felix to come over and help me escape the monotony of life for a few hours. We were into our second semester of our junior year and I couldn't wait for it all to be over. I was starting to fill out college applications, mostly to appease the rents, the only one I really wanted to go to, had been sent in weeks ago. I took an early SAT test and did amazingly well so I was able to send off college applications fairly early.

I was just waiting to see if I got my early acceptance letter. I was nervous to say the least. I wonder what dad will say when he hears I don't want to go to Dartmouth or Yale but the University of Washington. I can already see the vein in his head throb in furry. I was brought out of my musings by my bedroom door flying open and Felix strolling in like he owned the place.

"Hey sweet cheeks, how's it hanging?" He smirked at me as he tossed his shirt to the side wasting no time.

"Why don't you come over here and find out exactly how it's hanging?" I snarked back to him winking. He stalked over to the bed and pushed me back and hovered over me. Now usually I like to be the dominate one in the bedroom but on occasion I like to give up control and have more then once bottomed and for some reason Felix always seemed to know when I needed to give up the control.

"You have had a rough few weeks." It wasn't a question he knew he saw me at school and saw the weight of everything I was hiding dragging me down. He was giving me a chance to let everything go for a few short hours.

He leaned in and kissed me gently allowing me to feel his acceptance and love. Yes love, not romantic love, but the love of friends who understand each other.

He slid his hands down my chest and to the hem of my shirt slowly lifting it over my head only breaking the kiss so he could pull it over my head. The second it was off his lips found mine again.

"Let me make it go away for awhile." He whispered in my ear and nibbled lightly and I nodded giving myself over to the feelings of his hands on me. Before I knew it I had been rid of my pants and boxers and was getting lost in the sensation of his fingers wrapped around my cock.

If I had been paying attention I might have notice the door opening and the form that stood in shock just inside, but I didn't at least until I heard the roar which quickly snapped me out of my lust induced haze.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!" My father yelled and Felix stilled all movements. Before I could react Felix's weight was off me and I saw him slumped on the floor.

"Da….." I started,

"NO, YOU DON'T GET TO TALK!" He screamed at me getting in my face before turning to Felix, "You get the fuck out of my house you faggot!" He seethed as Felix scrambled to get his cloths together.

"Sir, I really think you should just calm down and we can….." Felix was trying to sooth my dad I could tell he was worried about leaving me like this but he was cut off before he could finish his thought.

"WE can what? Sit down and have a nice chat about you FUCKING my son! How about we invite your parents, you know the SENATOR over for tea and discuss how this will ruin any chance he has for re-election?" He looked at Felix with malice waiting for a response but he just kept his head down, not that I blamed him I would have done the same.

"No? I didn't think so. Get the fuck out of my house and if I ever see you here again not only will your parents find out but there will be a nice editorial in the paper the next day about family values and how the good Senator must be raising his family to have a cock sucker for a son." Felix paled and gulped not saying another word he grabbed his stuff and bolted for the door.

I looked at my father and was honestly terrified, I had always been a little scared of him, but right now I was damn near about to piss myself I was that petrified.

"Cover yourself you ungrateful little shit!" He spoke with an eerie calm as he threw a pair of pants at me. I moved to quickly put them on and scrambled off the bed to stand in front of my father.

"Dad please just listen….." I felt the sting before I even saw his hand move.

"You don't get to talk, you listen. I have done everything for you! I have clothed you, fed you, kept a roof over your head, sent you to the best schools, and this is what you do to repay me!" I could feel my own anger start to bubble to the surface and was getting ready to blow. "This is just a phase you, were just experimenting. You ARE NOT A FUCKING FAG!" He screamed in my face again and I lost it.

"YES I AM! I LOVE COCK! I LOVE HAVING IT IN MY ASS, IN MY MOUTH, I LOVE POUNDING INTO SOMEONES TIGHT ASS AND WATCHING THEM SUCK ME OFF! I FUCKING LOVE TO SWALLOW!" I screamed back and before I knew what was happening he was on top of me raining hits anywhere he could. I tried defending myself but the pain I was in was unbearable. I just curled myself up and prayed for it to stop.

"NO, NO SON OF MINE!" He continued the insults and assault on me my pleas and screams not deterring him in the slightest.

After what felt like an eternity I felt a final blow land hard to my head and was suddenly fading into darkness. I welcomed it.

I don't know how long I was out for when I finally started to come to but I could hear a soft mumbling coming from somewhere. I tried to hear what was being said and who was saying it.

"_No, Maggie, we can't just ship him off to boarding school." _That had to be my father.

"_Liam, I don't feel comfortable just tossing him out into the world, he is our son."_ Hmm, guess mom did have a heart after all.

"_He is no son of mine! As of now, I have one child, that thing in there is dead to me."_ Just like that I shattered again and started sobbing. It was worse than I ever thought it would be. Yes I thought they would be pissed, did I ever actually think they would disown me? No, I didn't.

"Get your ass up." My dad said as he came back into the room, lightly kicking my leg. I rolled over and groaned as every muscle in my body ached from the brutal beating I just took. "You have 3 hours to get your shit packed and get the fuck out of my house. Your mom convinced me to give you a thousand dollars and allowing you to take the Volvo. Consider yourself lucky I wanted to toss you out with nothing but the clothes on your back." With that he left not sparing a look at me when he got to the door he turned back to me, "Oh and don't even think about going to your brother. If you do I will cut him off also and do you think he can afford to finish med school while working and taking care of your fairy ass?" Fuck.

What the hell was I going to do? I pulled myself up from the floor when I notice a shadow in the door way and looked over to see my mom standing there with tears in her eyes. It looked like she was going to say something but just shook her head and walked out. Great just fucking great.

I can't go to Carlisle I refuse to jeopardize his education because I couldn't keep it in my pants. I had no real friends that would be able to take me in without causing even more issues. Granted he said I could take the Volvo but I technically only had a permit being only 16. I was supposed to be going to get my license in a few months and honestly a grand wasn't much these days.

I continued to think about what I could possibly do while I started tossing stuff into duffle bags. I had a stash of my own money tucked away around here somewhere but it wasn't much. I grabbed my laptop and my iPod and tossed them into a bag with my clothes. There wasn't much by way of personal items I was really interested in taking with me, I honestly wanted no memories of this place. I wanted to start fresh and that's what I was going to do.

As I was packing I realized I already knew where I wanted to go, sure maybe it was two years earlier than expected but I could get there get a job, find a place to stay or something. It would work, I would make it work. With my decision on my destination made I picked up my few bags and made my way downstairs.

Neither of my parents was in sight but I saw the wad of cash sitting on the foyer table. I took it pulled out my coat and walked out the front door leaving the cell phone on the table. I wanted a clean break with no ties to Chicago at all.

One last look at my childhood home I got in my car and took off ready to start the next chapter in my life. Free to be who I wanted without the social restraints and archaic traditions being thrust upon me. I was going to Washington and I was going to be me for once in my life.

* * *

Alright so this isn't exactly what I thought it would be. Driving by yourself halfway across the country is boring as hell!

Minnesota too much snow couldn't wait to get out of that state! Not that Illinois doesn't have a lot of snow but for Christ sake that was just ridiculous.

Iowa, ummm, moving right along.

South Dakota, I got excited when there was a bump in the road!

Wyoming, all I can say is thank God I was only in that state for a few hours.

Montana, let's stop and talk about Montana for a few shall we? Long as fuck state that took for damn ever to go through, but scenery was very nice and I don't mean the landscape. Can we say hello Cowboys! Hell yeah, Yee Haw! I may or may not have spent a few extra days in this particular state and I will tell you why, rodeos and a nice cowboy named Blake!

Once the rodeo moved on, taking the tight ass cowboy with him I moved on as well. I had been on the road for almost two weeks and my funds were dwindling fast. So I figured I better haul ass as quick as possible to get to my destination.

From Montana driving straight through I made it to Seattle in about 9 hours, yes I may have sped just a bit. Rolling into the city I was in awe of it. Yes I lived in Chicago and it was a great city but Seattle had an artistic quality to it that just spoke to me.

I loved the sculptures that were set at seemingly random places throughout the city, the sporadic parks that seemed to pop up in the middle of the concrete, and truly unique places like Broadway (no they don't put on plays there), and the theater district (where they do put on plays). It was the type of city that went from upscale classy to grungy goodness in the span of a few streets and I loved it instantly.

My only issue was at this point money. I only had about one-hundred and fifty dollars to my name left and knew I would need to find a job but I wasn't sure how that would work having no address and no legal guardians. I had my permit still so maybe I could just make it up.

I couldn't afford to stay in hotels anymore so I decided to just find a deserted parking lot and hanker down in my car until I could find a job and more stable accommodations. The lot I chose seemed fairly safe so I locked all my doors leaned my seat back and drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up several hours later with a tapping on my window and looked over to see the cop staring at me. Shit, not good. I sat up and rolled down my window to address the cop.

"Everything alright officer?" I asked trying to sound as innocent aa possible.

"I was going to ask you the same thing? Why you out here, it's not safe son." Damn it I had to come up with something good I couldn't afford to have him try and take my information or try to reach my parents. Thinking of family I was suddenly hit with inspiration.

"Yeah, I know, sorry about that. I was on my way to visit family and got tired so decided to pull off and sleep for a few hours, you know better safe than sorry." He looked at me skeptically for a minute.

"Why didn't you just pull into a rest area?" Damn didn't think of that.

"Well, I have heard some horror stories about people getting mugged at rest stops and decided it would be safer in a more populated area." I watched him for his reaction and he looked a little pensive.

"Alright, here's the deal, I am taking your plate number and am going to put it on the vehicles to watch for list. This is your one warning; if you are caught sleeping in the city again you will be taken in. So get to this family's place and stay safe please." With that he turned around and walked back to his cruiser. I wasted no time in starting up my car and getting out of dodge.

I was a little bummed only having spent a day in the city but didn't want to chance getting hauled in and ending up in the system or worse having them call my parents. I made my way out of the city before pulling off at a rest stop and let my thoughts get away with me.

At this rate I was never going to get into college, I had little to no money, no prospects of getting money, no home, no family, and no idea of where I was headed. Despair started to set in and I broke down. The excitement of the new adventure and getting free from the hypocrites was fading. I was turning into the scared teenage boy I tried so desperately not to be.

I allowed myself a bit to cry before pulling myself together. Feeling sorry wasn't going to get me money, a place to stay, or a job. I pulled out a map and searched the state for something that looked appealing. I just got to my state of choice I didn't feel like leaving it so soon.

Looking at it I noticed a name that actually made me laugh out loud. Forks, I liked forks, you eat with them and I like eating. It was a little jaunt to get to but something was telling me that was the place to go. Any town named after my favorite utensil is a win for me.

With a new sense of purpose I pulled out of the rest stop and made my way to Forks.

* * *

I had been in Forks for about 6 days and had yet to find work. I am officially out of money now and was getting a bit desperate. I had tried the coffee shop, the diner, a gas station, a sporting goods store, and a garage. Nothing, no one was hiring and the desperation was filling me again. I was going to have to start eating out of garbage cans if something didn't break soon. At least I felt safer sleeping in my car here then I did in Seattle.

I pulled into the park that I had been parking at since I got here after spending most of the day at the beach. I thought back to what I had seen today. There was a man and two teenagers out there, two boys. Both of them were attractive, honestly all three of them were attractive, but one of the boys stood out to me. He was tall and skinny, and had this wavy blond hair that fell into his eyes. He was too far away so I couldn't see what color his eyes were, but I imagined they were blue, the deepest blue of the sea he was bobbing up and down on his surf board.

I wanted to know him, they all looked happy joking and splashing each other between waves. Carefree and young, I envied that, craved it. I had never been able to just let go and be a kid like that. It was always the best private schools, the extracurricular activities that would look good on my college applications, volunteering, anything that made my family and parents look good. No relaxing down time for the Mason's.

I pulled my jacket around myself and laid my seat back, shutting my eyes as I welcomed the images of the blond boy bobbing on the ocean, the sun fading into the background creating a halo around his golden locks and making him look like an angel.

I woke with a start to a tapping on the driver's side window. I groaned as I looked out the window and saw the uniformed officer staring back at me. Why couldn't things just ever go how I wanted them to? All I wanted was a few hours of sleep before I tried to find a job again.

The cop knocked again and gestured for me to roll down my window. I sighed and looked around looking for an easy escape. I noticed his cruiser had blocked me in. Hmmm, looks like we got a smart cop on our hands. I resigned myself to having to actually talk to him and rolled my window down.

"You alright in there son?" The cop asked with concern. Something about his voice set me on edge and soothed me at the same time. I didn't like it.

"Yes sir, I'm fine. Just resting my eyes before moving on." I told him truthfully.

"Hmm, may I see your ID please?" Shit, why did he have to ask for that? Stupid little bored hick cop.

"Officer really if you just move your car I will be out of your town and on my way never to bother you again." I looked at him pleadingly he just shook his head.

Sighing I handed over my permit he took it looking at it a frown now firmly in place.

"Son, this is only a permit, do you actually have a license?" This was not good. I was going to have to be honest with him. Instead of speaking I just shook my head trying to avoid eye contact.

"Where are your parents son?" I felt the tears start to build at the concern in his voice, something I never heard in my own father's voice and I found myself wanting to tell him everything.

"They kicked me out." I told him sniffling a bit.

"I see, and why did they do that?" He sounded concerned for me but I wondered if he would feel the same way once he heard the reason. This was a small town and I wasn't overly confident in the open mindedness of the good officer here. But I figured I go for it anyway.

"My father walked in on me in an intimate position," I looked up at him and he didn't say anything but his eyebrows rose to his hair line in question, "with a man." I finished the unanswered question looking away from him to hide the tears that started forming again. I heard a quick intake of breath and chanced a look at him once again.

He didn't look disgusted, more sympathetic.

"Alright, out of the car and into the cruiser please." My heart sank as he pulled my door open and I stepped out making my way over to his vehicle. I went to get in the back but was surprised when he opened the front passenger side. He just shrugged and I threw myself into the seat.

He made his way to the driver side and got in pulling out his cell phone.

"Hey baby," He paused for the person on the other end and he broke out into the hugest grin you could see the love etched in his features.

"Well, I wanted to see if you would please meet me at the dinner?" He paused again.

"Can't Leah watch it for a few hours?" More waiting.

"Thank you babe, see you in a few, love ya." Another short pause and smiled again before closing his phone and looking at me.

"When was the last time you ate a good meal?" He asked me as he started up the car. I was confused and it must have shown on my face.

"I'm not taking you in Edward, I want to talk to you find out what's going on, I don't want to arrest you." I blinked a few times and he laughed lightly.

"Thank you sir." I didn't know what else to say to him.

"Please call me Charlie." I nodded and we fell into a companionable silence as he drove to the dinner. Once there we hopped out and made our way in.

"Hey Chief." I heard a few people call out as we entered.

"Hey everyone, how's it going on this fine day?" He greeted in return as he made his way to a booth and sat. I followed behind sliding in across from him.

"It's going," The waitress said placing an orange juice and coffee down in front of Charlie and handing me a menu. "Peter joining you?" She asked him and I was even more confused.

"Yeah he should be here…" He never got to finish as a voice behind me answered.

"Now," I turned and saw the man I saw at the beach yesterday. He slid in next to him and leaned over kissing him soundly on his lips and my jaw hit the table and I knew I was staring.

"Son, you may wanna close your mouth, never know what you could catch with it just hanging open like that." My mouth snapped shut and both of them just chuckled at me.

"So baby, you brining home strays now?" The new man asked Charlie.

"You know me, can't help it. Peter, this is Edward, Edward this is my husband Peter." I just continued to stare at them.

"Hey Edward, you both want to tell me what's going on?" Peter asked. Before anyone could answer the waitress came to take our order, well my order, Charlie and Peter just ordered their usual.

"Well, I have noticed Edward around town for a few days," Oops, this was news to me; "I noticed this morning that he was sleeping in his car and wanted to know what was going on. I was worried, he doesn't look much older than ours, so here we are just waiting to hear his story." With that they both looked at me in anticipation. I felt better knowing they wouldn't be judgmental about me being gay, but I wasn't sure how they would respond to everything else.

The food arrived and I launched into my story deciding to trust them and maybe they could help me. I told them everything from my dad finding me with Felix, the beating, our family history, my trip, having to leave Seattle so quickly, I didn't spare any detail. When I finished they looked at each other seeming to have a silent conversation with each other. After a few minutes Peter spoke up looking at Charlie not me.

"We need to call Marcus."

* * *

**So there we have Edward! YAY! As always reviews get previews! Hope you liked it! Drop me a line and let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey all, I know two chapter in a month, crazy and next chapter is halfway done! Can't believe it! I have gotten back into a groove!**

**So thanks to my two amazing Betas Jasper01 and Paiget. Both rock my face off and help me not look like a fool.**

**Oh little note in case you didn't catch it from the Edward chapter there was a bit of a time jump since Edward and all of the kids are the same age (accept James who is a year younger) and Edward is 16 so the rest are as well. Don't worry next chapter will clear it up, just bear with me! So enjoy!**

**Oh yeah and I own nothing, but you know that!**

**Marcus POV**:

I sighed and leaned back in my chair rolling my neck to work out the kinks that had formed from hours bent over my latest client file. I had opened my own practice just over a year ago and it was going well. I dealt mostly in estate law, but would occasionally branch out if need be. I had built a steady client base and was actually making a profit now.

It was a tough decision to leave Seattle two years ago but Aro and I decided that we wanted a simpler life then the fast paced one we had in Seattle with its endless parade of benefits and corporate dinners. It was stuffy and honestly not us at all. It may have been the 'us' we had been breed for by our parents but in the years since our fallout we had learned more about what we wanted in life and it didn't really include tuxes and fine crystal every weekend.

Ever since Charlie and Peter had moved out of Seattle several years ago, taking the only family we really had left away, we didn't really feel like we belonged in Seattle anymore. When Charlie had gotten the kids and Aro and I had taken on the role of uncle, the void we felt with the distance grew even larger. So we made the decision to pack up and move closer to them.

I decided to open my own practice in Port Angeles, which was a commute but really was worth it to be closer to the family. Granted I was young, at only 32, to be opening up my own practice, but there wasn't a whole lot of competition in the area and the slower pace really suited us at this point.

Aro was able to work mostly from home designing his building only having to go into Seattle once a month to meet with clients and go over plans. In the last few months he and Esme have been talking about opening their own firm also he would design the homes or offices and she would offer her services as interior designer. She had decided she no longer wanted to work in the Social work field, like most in her line of work she was getting burned out.

I looked back at my desk and studied the forms in front of me. It was honestly heartbreaking sometimes working with people putting their affairs in order. My newest client was a 43 year old husband and father of 2 who had just found out he had stage 5 liver cancer and had only been given about 6 months left to live. He came to see me early to set up some trusts for his kids and to make sure that his wife was taken care of.

The way he talked about his children, with such love and reverence, was really moving and I felt a little twinge in my heart thinking about it. Aro and I had never really talked about kids and have never really even considered adopting. Our niece and nephews honestly filled any void that we would normally feel in regards to that. But after hearing the absolute devotion coming from this man as he spoke about his daughters love for all things Justin Beiber (much to his annoyance) or his son's accomplishments in making the soccer team was really something that got me thinking.

Maybe Aro and I need to discuss the options. I'm not sure really what his feelings on the subject are. I know that he is scared of turning into his father if he ever had a child. We had discussed that much at least and I had informed him that I would never let that happen. His father was an asshole to the extreme even more so than mine and he was quite the piece of work. All he cared about was image, and having a gay son did NOT fit in with the carefully constructed persona he had come up with.

I was just finishing up with my paper work for this client when my phone rang startling me a bit. I wasn't used to it ringing in my office but I had given my secretary and paralegal the week off, so I had all the calls forwarded to my office phone.

"This is Marcus." I answered simply.

"Marc, hey man its Charlie." I smiled at the voice on the line; he and Peter really were like brothers to us.

"Hey what's going on man?" We really needed to all get together soon, it had been a few weeks since we had seen them and I missed the kids something fierce.

"Well, I was calling for a reason and I am sorry to do this to you, but I need your help again." He sounded a bit nervous and I instantly started to worry.

"What's wrong is it one of the kids? Is someone trying to lay claim on them? Let me know wha..." I was cut off mid rant.

"No, NO it's nothing with the kids everything is great with them, no long lost relatives trying to lay claim or anything." I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't know what I would do if anyone tried to take those kids away. It would crush us all; there is no way any of us would survive. They had drastically altered all of our lives for the better.

"Oh, oh good, good, you had me worried for a moment. What can I help you with then?"

"I need you to get me all the information you can on an Edward Anthony Cullen and his parents and family." That was strange. He was the chief of police; honestly he had just as much if not more resources than I did if he needed to find info out on someone.

"Charlie, I have no problem doing it, but if you don't mind me asking why? I mean you have just as many resources at your disposal as I do." I was really kind of confused by the request.

"I know it's weird, but I don't want to alert the authorities that I would have to in order to dig up the information. I want this done discreetly and as quickly as possible. I can give you a bit of information to help you if you need." I was even more perplexed as to why he wouldn't want it linked to him officially but I wasn't going to question it.

"Of course and any information you have will speed things up." I grabbed a pen and legal pad waiting for whatever he was about to tell me.

"Edward Anthony Cullen age 16," Oh, interesting, "father Liam Cullen," that sounded really familiar, "mother Maggie Cullen, and brother Carlisle Cullen. Current residence of mother and father Chicago Illinois, brother studying at Northwestern University." Charlie rattled off the location details quickly, but never mentioned the location of the minor, this had my curiosity peaked.

"Charlie, you never mentioned the location of young Edward?" I asked really intrigued as to why he needed this info.

"Yeah, about that, his current location would be in the booth across from me." Oh snap!

"Charlie, why are you having breakfast with an unaccompanied minor?" I was now very concerned, if he didn't want this to leave a trail back to him, I was wondering what the boy had gotten into and why he seemed to have hit a chord with my friend.

"Marcus I will answer all your questions but please can you get me the information I need and meet us at the house as soon as you can. It's very important." I could hear the urgency in his voice.

"Alright, I'm on it. I will meet you at your place give me a few hours to see what I can dig up." I was already pulling up my databases to search for the info I wanted. I would only be able to get surface information with such a short amount of time, but it would give us something to go off of.

"Thank you." We ended the call and I started my research. To say that I was shocked by what I found would be an understatement. On the surface the family looked to be the ideal blue blood family but the surface is where it stopped. There was nothing that could be legally brought back to the family, but there were plenty of shady business deals and what appeared to me to be kickbacks. But again nothing that would hold up in a court of law.

I saw that the father, Liam Cullen, was running for the bench in Chicago under the banner of moral reform and family values. The mother, Maggie, was honestly just like every other Blue Blood wife in the world spending her days drinking under the guise of charity planning. The only thing that really shocked me was the brother Carlisle. He seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, pre-med at Northwestern, straight 'A' student, holding down an internship at Chicago Memorial while taking a full course load. It was pretty impressive.

Then I got to the information on the youngest Cullen. He was supposed to be going into his junior year, just turned 16 a few months ago. Good student, straight A's also, playing football, on student council, in photography club, and art club. He seemed to be very well rounded and put together. So why was this 16 year old, with a seemingly charmed life, thousands of miles away from his family and friends sitting in a dinner in the Podunk town of Forks Washington?

I printed off some of the things I had found bank accounts, business dealings, associates and the like, shut down my computer and straightened up my desk. I was anxious to see this boy and hear what his story was.

Locking up I pulled my phone out and called Aro to let him know what was going on and to have him meet me at Charlie and Peter's. I had a feeling we are going to need all the support we can get. I hit speed dial 1 waiting for the love of my life to answer.

"Hey baby, you on lunch?" He asked when he picked up.

"Hey yourself, and no I'm not I am leaving early." I informed him getting into my car. I loved my car; it was new Dodge Charger in black with black and grey leather interior. It was my baby, well my other baby.

"Why, is everything ok?" He was sounding a little panicky so I was quick to reassure him.

"Aro, I'm fine but I am not sure about Charlie and Peter honestly. Can you meet me at their place I am on my way over there now?" I really wanted him there for the support he could offer us all. I knew he was at home so he was only about 3 minutes away.

When we decided to move to the area we bought some land just down the street from Peter and Charlie; it was nice because we were the only two houses in the area. Yes it made my commute a little longer to Port Angeles, but being close to the family made it worth it.

"Of course I'll meet you there. I'll see you in a little bit cara mia." I had to laugh at him. He had recently taken to learning Italian because we wanted to take a vacation there in a few years. He was trying to get me to learn also but I was linguistically challenged and argued that as long as he spoke it I wouldn't have need to. My logic made sense to me and that's really all that mattered.

"Thanks, I love you."

"Love you too, be safe." We hung up and I made my way home.

I pulled up into the driveway of beach front house and quickly made my way inside. I didn't bother to stop and knock, we never did, and I could hear voices coming from the sun room and made my way back there.

My eyes immediately sought out my partner, they always do, it's like a pull and I can't help but have to know where he is the second I enter a room. He was sitting on a chair across the room from me and was staring intently at something. It was the first time in all our years together his eyes didn't instantly find mine when I entered a room so I followed his line of sight.

My eyes fell on a young boy with crazy hair and the greenest saddest eyes I have ever seen. He looked similar to the picture I had found of Edward Cullen but this boy was dirty, had stubble on his face, a laceration that looked to be infected, and several bruises that were very light almost completely healed. He looked like someone had used him for a stomping ground and I can't imagine how he would have looked right after the beating took place. My heart instantly swelled with sympathy for him. There was something about this boy that called to me and made me want to hide him from every hurt in the world.

The feeling was more intense then I had ever felt even after meeting my niece and nephews. I didn't care what had happened at this point, I would find out who hurt him and make sure it never happened again.

I heard a throat clearing and turned to see Peter and Charlie had noticed me in the room. They both stood causing Aro to snap his attention over to me also, the boy kept his eyes on his lap.

"Hey baby, you made it." Aro made his way over and pulled me into a hug so tight it almost hurt. He kissed me lightly on the lips before pulling away and taking my hand in his leading me to the chair next to where he was sitting.

"Yeah, sorry I'm late traffic was bad for some reason." This was a little awkward. It seemed like no one really knew what to say at this point so the silence that followed my declaration drug on. Finally Charlie decided to take control.

"So, first things first, introductions. Edward?" Charlie prodded and Edward's head snapped up to look at him, "I would like you to meet some dear friends of ours. This is Aro Volturi and Marcus Gallo. Marcus is a lawyer and Aro is an architect, they live just down the street from us. They are like family so you can trust them." Edward didn't' say anything he just nodded and avoided eye contact.

"Son, these two here," Peter gestured to Aro and I, "will understand what you have been through better than anyone else in the world; but, if you want we can tell them what happened to you then Marcus can tell us what he found out." Edward just nodded again indicating that one of them could tell us what happened and how he came to be here.

Charlie launched into the story of Edward getting caught by his father with his "friend", then his father beating the shit out of him, kicking him out of the house. He told us about driving cross country Edward's run-in with the cop in Seattle, which had me pissed off all over again, making his way here, and finishing with finding Edward this morning. I knew there was more to the story then what any of us had been told but at this point the basics would work.

I could tell that the story hit Aro hard. While we had both been kicked out of our homes, Aro's father was far crueler then mine and came very close to getting physical with him. I know he pushed him but that was the extent of it. I can't imagine having my father beat me so bad that I blacked out then proceed to kick me out of the house at 16 years old. It was heartbreaking.

"Marc, did you find anything helpful out?" Charlie broke into my inner musings.

"Well that depends on what you are trying to accomplish. I have some basic information on the family, business dealings, bank information, and family background. If you're trying to do what I think you are, it could get a little sticky. His father is in the public eye, he is running for district judge and I am sure he hopes to go further than that at some point."

"He does." My head snapped over to the timid voice that made its presence known for the first time.

"How much do you know about your father;s affairs?" I asked him hoping he didn't know about all the shady dealings I had uncovered.

"Not much, all I know is that he dreams of the Supreme Court at some point." He seemed nervous. "What did you find?" He asked timidly.

"For the most part it was just basic information like I said. I would have to dig deeper to get specifics. It does seem that some of his business dealings are a bit shady, but nothing that would stick in court; also, it appears that he may have taken some kickbacks at some point. but again, nothing that would actually hold up under legal action. If the information got into the wrong hands, or right hands depending on your view point, it could be used as leverage to get something out of him." I don't know what reaction I was expecting from the boy across from me but was expecting more than what I got. He just furrowed his brows but made no move.

"What about a police report? Certainly people must be wondering where he is. Someone has to be looking for him." Aro grabbed my hand as he asked this. He was hurting; this was bringing back so many memories for him.

"I didn't see anything about him being reported missing. I don't think we will know more on that matter until we call them and find out what story they are spinning about the sudden disappearance of their son." I sighed this was going to be a long day and I had no desire to talk to pompous blue bloods that think they are better then everyone and can dictate the lives of those around them. But I knew that I was the most equipped to deal with him, I just needed to talk with Charlie, Peter and Aro and see what exactly they wanted to accomplish from the phone call.

"Edward, why don't I show you where the bathroom is and you can shower and change. I am sure Jasper has some clothes that will fit you; you both have a similar build. Then if you would like you can take a nap for a bit. I can't imagine sleeping in your car is very comfortable." Edward stood and followed Peter out of the room looking like the idea of a shower was the answer to all the worlds' problems.

Once he was out of the room I turned my attention to Charlie.

"What do you actually want to accomplish when I speak with the parents?" I asked him not wanting to beat around the bush so to speak. He ran his hands over his face.

"I'm not sure Marc; all I know is that he can't go back there to them. Not that I think they would take him anyway, but I refuse to knowingly subject him to possible abuse again. If we can't find someone to take him in, Peter and I are willing to take him, we just worry what adding a strange boy to the mix with the others would be." I nodded in understanding. While the kids had made great strides in recovery they craved routine and strangers still made them nervous. Throwing a stranger into the only place they felt 100% safe could set them back.

"Hey Charlie, can you come here for a minute?" I heard Peter's voice filter through the house.

"Yeah, coming." He called back and made his way into the main house.

I leaned back in my chair and let my mind wander to all that we had learned thus far.

Edward had been kicked out of his house by his parents for being gay, been there.

Edward was homeless and had spent the last few weeks living in hotels and his car, also been there.

Unfortunately that's where the similarities end.

Edward had been beaten unconscious for how he was born.

Edward didn't have the support of a loving partner.

Edward didn't have great friends who were willing to help him through this.

Edward was only 16 years old!

That last fact simply broke my heart. I just didn't know what to do about it. I was so lost in my thoughts I barely registered Aro climbing into my lap and hugging me tightly to him. I buried my face in his neck and took comfort in the familiar scent.

"I want to help him." He whispered in my ear as he ran his hand up and down my arms. I just nodded. I wanted to help him also but wasn't sure what we could do.

"What can we do though?" I murmured against him.

"We could take him in, adopt him." My head snapped to attention so quickly I winced in pain at the movement.

"Aro, are you serious? Last time we talked about adopting you nearly had a panic attack thinking about how you were going to turn into your father." I wasn't trying to be rude or judgmental but I just needed to understand what was going through his head.

"I know I freaked out but after hearing what he went through and how close it was to our story it made me realize how much of a monster these people are. I could never turn into my father or his for that matter. I feel connected to him and I don't just mean because of what we went through. The second I entered the room I felt a pull to the boy also, so I understood it.

"Let's talk to the father, see what's going on before we get in our heads that he is ours, but I agree I want him too. I felt the need to protect him before I even heard his story. I can't explain it but I felt it too." He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes his deep blue meeting mine.

"Really, we can consider it?" I could hear the hopeful tone in his voice as he started to bounce in my lap; I had to smile at this, sometimes Aro was more like a kid than a mature adult. That was until I noticed the bouncing more than the excitement and started to have a minor issue.

"Yes really, now please stop bouncing!" He stopped instantly and laughed until he felt my problem hitting him in the ass and his smile changed to a smirk and I could see the evil glint take over his eyes.

"You have an issue their cara mia?" He ground his ass into my lap making me hiss at the torturous friction he was causing.

"YES, and if you don't want to put on a show for everyone I suggest you cease your little evil plan right now." I hissed out at him. I was about 2 seconds away from launching him off my lap onto the floor when a throat cleared behind us. I looked over and saw Peter and Charlie looking at us laughing.

"It's not funny." I told them as they busted up.

"It is funny actually but we don't have time for that now. I want you to call Edward's father and see what we can find out. Give as little detail as you can about what we know about him, but see if you can get any information about how they are spinning this to the media and friends." I knew that Charlie wanted to play this close to the chest and not give away anything until we absolutely had to.

"Alright give me the number I'll make the call." I was not looking forward to this at all. I took the number and Aro moved off my lap. Fortunately my previous issue decided to rectify itself with the weight of the task before me. I wasn't sure what I was going to say so I would have to play it by ear. I dialed the number and waited as it rang.

"This is Liam Cullen." Came the voice on the other end.

"Mr. Cullen, my name is Marcus Gallo. I'm an attorney in Port Angeles, Washington. I have a matter of some importance I would like to discuss with you." I was trying to sound as cordial as possible.

"Mr. Gallo, I'm afraid I am not familiar with any business I would have in Washington state unless you are looking to support my campaign to the bench." The bastard actually had the nerve to chuckle. I tried to keep my anger in check and chuckled along with him to keep it as amicable as possible, for now.

"No sir, I can assure you the business I speak of is of far greater importance than any campaign would be." His light chuckles stopped instantly.

"Then why don't you quit stalling and inform me what this call pertains to." He was a man of little patience that I could tell already.

"Of course. I was wondering what you know about a young boy named Edward." I decided to just jump in with it. The silence on the other end of the line was deafening.

"I'm not paying bail if that's what you're looking for. The little shit can rot in jail for all I care." This guy was pissing me off already and we had just started this conversation.

"Mr. Cullen, I can assure you I am not looking for money for bail or any other reason." I needed to give him some information and looked over to Charlie to see what he thought. Charlie just nodded at me. "Your son was found sleeping in his car in a small town in Washington state and we were wondering why he was here." I knew that he was between a rock and a hard place right now. He already mentioned that he didn't care what happened to his son so now to try and play off concern for his child sleeping in his car wouldn't really work.

"Look, we had a falling out and he ran away from home. We have had issues with him in the past; he is honestly a problem child. We tried everything we could to help him but he just went off the deep end." Oh so he was blaming this all on Edward, nice.

"Your child is a runaway?" I asked for clarification.

"Yes, it was about a month ago. We got into a fight, he attacked me and ran out of the house, we haven't heard from him since then." Did he just really accuse his 16 year old son of attacking him? I am about to lose my cool.

"Why didn't you file a police report? If he was a problem child and as unstable as you are suggesting certainly the authorities should have been notified. He could be a danger to himself and others." I was baiting him and I prayed he took it.

"No, it's...the situation is complicated. We hired a private detective to search for him but right now my family doesn't need the scandal of a missing child." Private detective my ass and I was so angry that he was putting his career above his child's well being.

"Well we found him so what would you like us to do." I was putting the ball in his court knowing he didn't want him back; but also not knowing how to fix it so that it didn't bite him in the ass later. I heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line.

"Does he want to come home?" I could tell he didn't really want to know the answer to that.

"I haven't really spoken to him about it but what if I could make it so that you never have to worry about him again?" Wait that came out wrong.

"What! No I don't want you to kill him..." I stopped him needing to rephrase that but was glad he at least had some semblance of a soul and didn't want his son dead.

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant Mr. Cullen. I was simply saying that I know of a couple who would be willing to take over guardianship of young Edward. You know with him being a minor all records would be sealed. It would obviously still be on public record that there was a court deposition but the contents of such deposition would not be public record. You would no longer be responsible for Edward in anyway and you can rest easy that your precious image would remain intact." I waited for his response.

"I have to talk to my wife but draw up the paper work and fax it to my home office; we will look it over and call you back. I just want to wash my hands of the little faggot once and for all." I got his information to send the forms once I had them drawn up, said my goodbyes. and disconnected the call. Once he was off the line I exploded.

"I can't believe the nerve of that man!" I was fuming.

"Calm down Tesoro." Aro ran his hand up and down my back in a soothing manner; he always knew how to calm me down. I took some deep breaths to calm myself before moving on.

"I'm good," I reassured, "They are claiming he is a runaway but choose not to go to the police instead using a private investigator to try and locate him." I felt my blood pressure rising again thinking about the conversation I just had.

"What? That's crazy what kind of parents would do that?" He was just as upset as I was. Truth was we knew exactly what kind of parents would do that. Ours did after all to an extent.

"So what did he say about the proposition?" Charlie asked.

"He said he had to talk with his wife but to draw up the paper work and send it over. They will look it over and call us back. We just have to decide who's going to take over guardianship." I looked over at Aro who looked to be deep in thought.

"Aro?" I prodded hoping to get a response out of him.

"Let's do it. I can't bear the thought of some strangers getting him and I think we would all be good for each other. I can't put my finger on why but I want to do this. I have to do this. Please Marc; please say we can keep him." My heart melted and in that moment I couldn't tell him no. Not that I really wanted to because I understood what he was feeling, I felt it too.

"You don't have to do this you know? We would be more than happy to take him." Peter informed us. He knew that Aro had daddy issues and that we never really seriously talked about adopting.

"We know you would Peter, but you already have 4 teenagers living in this house. Adding another one to the mix could cause some issues and we don't want to have anyone's progress set back due to a disruption. We also feel like we can relate to him on a level that others can't, having grown up with similar backgrounds. I think we can really help him out and honestly I love him already. He just looks so lost and broken." Aro's speech was full of conviction and passion and I had no doubt that we could do this.

I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, he was hurt, untrusting, broken, and scared. We would probably need to get him into therapy and it would definitely take time for him to see that we weren't like his parents, but we would do it. I didn't even realize Charlie was speaking until I heard that Edward might choose another option.

"We are going to need to speak with Edward about it, make sure he is alright with the situation. He may prefer to become a ward of the state..."

"NO!" We all turned toward the door and saw a very broken Edward standing there with tears in his eyes. The urge to comfort him was almost too much for me to bear but I stopped myself from rushing to him. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

"No what Edward? How long have you been there?" Charlie asked as he gestured him to come in. Edward shuffled into the room and sat in the chair he had previously occupied. He looked better than he did. His bronze hair in disarray and in need of a cut but he looked clean and refreshed. The bags under his green eyes were still dominate and he looked like he could use several days of uninterrupted sleep but in general he was looking more together.

He settled into the chair looking uneasy and again I was hit with the urge to comfort and protect him. Aro seemed to not be able to restrain himself and moved his seat next to Edward and placed a hand on his arm. Edward stiffened briefly before relaxing again and clearing his throat.

"I came down right after he got off the phone with the sperm donor. I know they don't want me and don't care what happens to me. No one does." His voice was small and barely above a whisper. He pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees hugging them to himself.

"That's not true; everyone in this room cares what happens to you." My love told him fiercely.

"Why?" I saw a tear roll down his face and moved my chair next to him on the other side wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

"Because we know what it's like to be tossed away and hurt by those that are suppose to protect you just because of the way you were born. We know what it's like to have your family care more about their image than they do about their child. We want to help you, we want you to stay with us, and let us be what your parents should have been to you in the first place." I heard a sniffle and was surprised when he leaned his head on my shoulder.

"What happened to you?" He asked quietly. I sighed not sure we really had time to get into this. The other kids were going to be home from school soon and the story was involved and we still had to decide if he wanted to stay with us and I had to get the paper work drawn up.

"It's a long story that we don't really have time to get into right now. What we need to discuss is how you would feel about Aro and me becoming your legal guardians?" I prayed that he would agree to stay with us. I don't think either Aro or I could take it if he decided he didn't want to.

"You really want me?" His voice was so timid. There was nothing in his voice that showed the cocky self-assured boy I had read about in my research and I was determined to help him get back his life.

"Yes we really want you. We have a lot to discuss but if you want we would love to have you as our son." Aro was beaming at him but I could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.

"I think...I think I would like that. I can't explain it but I feel comfortable here at home already with all of you. I don't think I have ever felt like this even as a child. I feel like I can be myself." I noticed Aro visibly relax and felt myself lighten at his confession. I was ecstatic that he felt at home here and I hoped that we could continue that.

"Well now that that's decided I really think that sleep is in order for you, son, Aro and Marcus can take you to their place and I can take Peter to get your car and we can drop it off there for you. I know Marc needs to get to work on the forms and until we hear back on those, there isn't much we can do." There's good old Charlie taking control. I looked down at my watch and realized it was almost 3. The kids would be home soon I didn't think now was the time for them all to meet. Charlie and Peter needed to explain the situation and prepare them before just showing up with a random boy in their home.

I stood up and Aro and Edward followed suit.

"We should head out before the kids get home. You need to talk to them before they all meet, prepare them and what not. Baby, how about you take Edward in your car and I will meet you there in a few minutes." We all stood as Aro and Edward made their way to the door.

"Edward, I'm glad that you are safe now. Don't worry we will take care of everything for you. You're safe now, welcome home son." Charlie grasped his shoulder lightly.

"Thank you Charlie. You didn't have to do this, you could have just been like the other cop and let me go but you didn't and I have a feeling I am going to be in your debt for that." He bowed his head embarrassed about something.

"Just be happy and settle in with Marc and Aro and consider it paid in full." Edward nodded and followed Aro out the door and through the house.

"Marc," Charlie stopped my progress towards the door, "I think you need to give him some details about the kids. I mean obviously not the whole story, but enough that he won't feel like if they shy away it's personal against him." I understood his concern. We were adding another member to our family and we wanted the transition to be as painless for all parties as possible.

"I will just give basic detail. If the kids decide they are comfortable and want him to know more they can tell him in time. Don't worry it will be an adjustment but we will all get through it together." We hugged a typical man hug before I said my goodbyes and made my way out to the car.

I had no idea what exactly was going to happen over the next few days. We still had to get Edward's parents to agree to sign over custody; but, I didn't think that would be a problem as long as I was able to keep all the documents sealed so it never came back to them. With Edward being a minor all records pertaining to him would be closed anyway so it really depends on the story that they chose to tell on their end.

They could just say he is overseas studying or that he is staying with family to finish his high school career. Any number of scenarios are believable so I don't see any major issues with this going through. It would absolutely break Aro if something happened and Edward was forced to go back to Chicago though. I was just crossing my fingers hoping that didn't happen.

I walked into the house and could here Aro excitedly showing Edward around. I wasn't sure what room he was thinking about putting him in; there were two that he could choose from, one on the second floor where our room was and then one on the third. The one on the second floor was larger but overlooked the front forest area and had an en suit bathroom; it was decorated in neutral colors and had large furniture in it. The second option was smaller in comparison but I wouldn't really call it tiny, it didn't have its own bathroom but the view in the room was incredible. It faced the water and made it almost look like you were hanging over the cliff's edge.

Aro had designed the house so of course it was amazing. It was basically three layers that looked stacked on one another, each floor of the house jutting out further than the one below it. The smaller room upstairs had a bathroom across the hall from it. The only other room up there was Aro's studio but it was on the other end of the hall so he would be relatively undisturbed if he chose that one.

Esme had decorated that room in light tans and blues to flow with the water that looked almost like it was part of the room from the large picture windows that ran along the back wall. The house was simple in its elegance and it suited us perfectly. I really hoped that Edward would feel comfortable here.

"Baby, where are you guys at?" I called out. I could hear the voices but couldn't pinpoint in the open house where they were at.

"Third floor Tesoro." I kicked off my shoes in the mud room and made my way up to them. As I got closer I could hear them talking about the room, Aro was telling Edward that he could change anything in it and in a few days he told him we can go furniture shopping to make the room his.

"You don't have to do that, it's fine the way it is." I could tell that he was uncomfortable and we were going to have to nip that in the bud real quick. If he was going to be living here and essentially be our son than he was going to have to be comfortable here and with us spending money on him. I stepped into the room and took over for Aro.

"Please, Edward this is your home now what's ours is yours. We want you to feel comfortable here. If you need something you have to tell us, if we tell you we want you to redecorate anyway you want we mean it. You belong here, by fate or chance I don't know, but either way you belong with us and we are going to take care of you." I honestly believed that he was destined to be here and to be our son. He may not have been born by either of our seeds but he was ours none the less, the only other thing I had been this certain of in my life had been Aro.

"He's right Edward; we finally have someone besides Winston to spoil!" I had to roll my eyes at that, speaking of Winston.

"Hey baby, speaking of Winston, where is he? I wasn't attacked or slobbered on when I came through the door?" I was talking about our English bulldog that we have had for about 2 years. He is overweight, grumpy, and impossible to train, snorts constantly, and spoiled beyond belief. He was Aro's choice of dog and like always all he had to do was flash me his puppy dog eyes and I caved like a fat guy in a Krispy Kreme.

You wouldn't think that Aro was actually the older of the two of us by our personalities. I have always been the more responsible and reasonable. He was a big kid at heart, always excitable and bouncing. You would think that it would be annoying but to me it was just adorable and endearing.

"I put him out when we got in. I didn't want him to scare poor Edward off. You know how he is with new people." I nodded.

"Of course darling. How about we go and talk about a few things make sure we are all on the same page. We can go to my office so I can put together the paper work while we talk." I grabbed Aro's hand as he gestured for Edward to follow us out.

We made our way down to the ground floor that housed the kitchen, dining room, living room and my office. The bottom floor was a large open floor plan where the kitchen flowed into the dining room, into the living room. It made it so that you never felt alone if you were in the living room and someone was in the kitchen. My office was the only closed off room on the bottom floor.

I dropped Aro's hand and moved to my desk as he took one of the leather chairs in front of it gesturing for Edward to take the other.

"Edward," Aro started not wasting any time," there are several things you need to know about. First, I would like to give you a brief rundown of mine and Marcus' story. Then we need to talk about Charlie and Peter's children a bit. Please feel free to stop us at any time if you have questions alright?" He was turned in his chair facing Edward. I saw him nod as I booted up my computer and pulled up the programs I would need to draft the forms for a change in legal guardianship. I had done this so many times I was able to listen and work at the same time.

"Well, first you should know that Marcus and I have known each other our whole lives. We were born a few months apart and our parents all ran in the same social circle in Seattle; they were blue bloods just like your family." I looked up to see if there was any reaction out of Edward and the most I saw was a slight frown on his face. He seemed to be very good at hiding his emotions.

"My father Vladimir Volturi was very well known in the import/export business. Marcus' father Stefan Gallo was a very high powered attorney who ran for congress and eventually won. Our mothers were your typical society wives, my mother, Sulpicia, and Marcs' mother, Didyme, worked on different charities together but like most in our world it was all for show.

"Marc and I were best friends all through our childhood and into our teen years. I was the first one that started to think I was different from other boys our age, we were about 12. I won't get into all the details but it wasn't long after that when Marcus realized he also had a preference for boys also. So we started experimenting together." I looked up from my work again and saw the blush on both his and Edward's faces and chuckled.

"Baby I think you can skip that part of the story." I told him.

"Oh thank God!" Edward sighed out in relief causing me to laugh harder.

"Don't worry; we won't subject you to our past sexual exploits." I assured him as Aro continued on.

"We never really made it official in the traditional sense, we were just always us. We never had any desire to ever date anyone else but we also knew that we couldn't come out. So for years we hid our relationship. When our parents would ask why we didn't date or have girlfriends we just told them we were focused on school and things or that we didn't have time. They believed us and we made it all the way through high school with no one being the wiser." The look on Aro's face as he went back in time was beautiful.

It was a great time for us, despite having to lie to our parents, the learning about each other and exploring each other's bodies, hearing his moans of pleasure when I found a new spot that drove him crazy, bringing him to his first orgasm, all of these moments flashed in my mind, and it was glorious. But reality is quick to make its presence known and in our second semester of our sophomore year at college our lives would change forever.

"Things were going well for us. We both attended the University of Washington in Seattle, Marcus was pre-law and I was in the Architecture program. We decided to save money and stay living in our individual homes through school while our parents fronted the bill for our education. Things were going great until a few weeks into our second semester." I could see the start of tears glistening in Aro's eyes. He was always so much more sensitive about the whole situation then I was.

I moved out of my chair and over to where they were, knowing that this was going to get emotional for him. I pulled him up and set him on my lap and started rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Thank you Tesoro," I pecked him on the lips and he snuggled into me. I looked over at Edward who was watching us intently. I couldn't place the look on his face but didn't have time to analyze it as Aro started up again.

"We were in our second semester of our sophomore year when the shit hit the proverbial fan. We were studying at my house and one thing lead to another and you know," Edward nodded in confirmation that he did indeed understand, "well my mother came home from the club early and for some reason decided to come and check on us. To say she was shocked would be an understatement of epic proportions. She screamed and yelled, called my dad who immediately came home and sat us down in his study. He then proceeded to call Marcus' parents who came over." Aro paused and swallowed hard. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer.

"You want me to finish it?" I asked him.

"No, I want to." He took a few calming breaths before going on.

"We all sat around talking. They tried to tell us this was just a phase and that we would grow out of it. We told them we had been together basically since we were about 12 years old and my dad flipped out on us. He attacked me and got a few good punches in before Marcus' dad could step in and pull him off of me. Once he was calmed down they told us that we had two options. One, we could break up, they would continue to pay for our school and let us live at home, or two, we could move out and be cut off completely.

"Marcus and I looked at each other stood up from our chairs and told them we would pack and be out by the next day. We left the room and went back to my room and packed a suitcase and my essentials before leaving and doing the same for him. We haven't seen or talked to our parents since then." I could hear the sadness in his voice. We had always held out some hope that they would come around eventually but thus far they haven't.

"We spent several weeks living in a motel until in one of my classes Charlie and I got to talking. I, to this day, don't know why but told him about what happened and how we were living in the motel but running out of money. He called Peter and they talked and offered us to live in their spare room until we got our feet under us. We both had scholarships, so we only had to work to make rent and live. It was tight but we got jobs and ended up living with Peter and Charlie until they moved here for Charlie's job." I finished up for Aro he was having a hard time holding it together. We didn't talk about that day often but it always ended up with him in tears.

"So there you have the basic story. You see what we mean when we say that we really do understand what you went though. Unfortunately, you are so much younger then we were and alone. That breaks my heart; I can't imagine having to go through that without Marcus by my side. But you never have to worry about anything like that happening again no matter what, we want you here." No one said anything, we were all processing everything. It was a lot to take in or in our case remember; but, I had work to do so I tapped Aro on the thigh indicating I needed to get up. He climbed off my lap and I stood and went back over to my desk. I really needed to get started on this paper work.

"I don't understand why there are people like that out there that treat their kids that way. Just to toss them aside with no regard. Makes me sick, at least we haven't had to endure what Charlie and Peter had to." Oh, nice segue baby.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked confused.

"We can't tell you everything but the basics are something you need to know. Charlie and Peter didn't find out about Charlie's kids until about two and a half years ago or so. There are four of them, actually only three of them are blood related, the triplets Emmett, Jasper and Bella. James is their brother in every way but blood." Their story was one that put all others to shame really and I focused more on the work in front of me not wanting to hear of the terrors they faced yet again. I knew Aro wouldn't give too much away but even thinking what they had to endure was almost too much for me.

"How did Charlie not know he had triplets?" With this question my love went on to explain Charlie and Peter's story, the one night stand, how they finally got together and finally about finding out about the kids and very limited details about the horrors they had endured. He didn't tell them that the lives of the mother and boyfriend were in fact ended by the hands of two of the kids or that they had been bought and sold many times over.

"Oh wow. I can't believe that anyone could do that. It makes what happened to me seem inconsequential." My head snapped up from my desk and noticed Edward looking at his lap ashamed.

"NO, Edward we don't know your full story yet but I can guess at some of it. Mental abuse can be just as harmful as physical and leave just as many lasting scars. Don't trivialize your life or experiences. What happened to you was just as real as what they went through. Granted we haven't told you everything, we think that it is best if they do that once they are comfortable with you but we thought you should know that if they are shy or a bit skittish around you it's not personal." I felt bad that he thought what happened to him was somehow lessened by the experiences of the others when in all honesty abuse in any form is deplorable.

"So now that we have gone over everything I need to go let Winston in so Edward can meet him, you cara mia, need to finish up here and get that paperwork to the Cullen's, and Edward once you have meet Winston I think a good nap before dinner is in order." My baby always the organized one.

"I can, I can help you if you need? I can cook and clean or anything you need me to so I can earn my stay here." He was fidgeting with his hands looking nervous and Aro gasped in horror at his suggestion.

"You most certainly will not! This is your home you don't have to earn anything. At some point we will sit down and discuss rules and chores and things; but, you living here holds no requirements, other than to let us help you heal, move on, and live a happy healthy life." I just nodded in agreement. We didn't' want him here for household help we wanted him here to be part of the family.

I felt so disheartened watching him over the last few hours; he looked so lost and broken. Nothing like the young man I had read about or seen in my research. But I realize that could have all been a front he had to put on for his family and to protect himself. I just hoped that we could help him become the man that he was meant to be. I knew that getting him in therapy would be essential but we would wait until he was more settled to broach that subject.

"Alright you two leave me to this I am almost done then we can have a nice dinner and talk some more." They left my office and I could hear them throughout the house and had to laugh when I heard his reaction to Winston. We would have to work on his language that was one thing I was not a fan of cussing.

A few years ago we had to institute a potty mouth jar because some of Aro's co-workers were rubbing off on him. We may have to put that into practice again. I heard them moving back from the back porch making their way to the stairs just as I was faxing the last of the forms when the front door opened. Who was that?

"Aro, why is Marcus home, did you need to cancel today." I heard Jasper in the mud room and remembered that he and Aro meet a few times a week to talk about art, look at things that Aro was working on, and basically just hanging out. He didn't know Edward was here and this could be bad.

I made my way out of the office and hoped that the introductions went well and that no one freaked out. When I got to the great room I was glad to see no one huddled in a corner crying but Jasper and Edward were eyeing each other intently. Aro was just making the introductions.

"Jasper, it's ok. This is Edward he is going to be living with us now." Neither made a move toward the other.

"I didn't know you were interested in adopting, you never mentioned it before." Jasper asked quietly not taking his eyes off of what he perceived a potential threat.

"It's a long story Jas, it just sort of happened today. Your dad and pops were going to sit down with you all after school and talk to you about it but I guess it slipped our mind that you would be coming here and not home first." Jasper just nodded and I noticed Edward staring at him with a very familiar look in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to frighten you Jasper but it's nice to meet you. I hope in time we can get to know each other and be friends." Edward had a hopeful look on his face as he studied Jasper who was still looking a bit alarmed. The intense moment was interrupted by Jasper's phone ringing.

"Hello,"

"It's ok,"

It must be Charlie or Peter calling when they remembered he wouldn't be home.

"No I am looking at him right now," and he was watching him with appraising eyes.

"Yes I'm fine." Of course they were concerned this house was a safe house for the kids also and it was being invaded.

"Ok, I'll be home as soon as we are done...I love you too." He disconnected the call and put it back in his pocket.

"Well Jas, why don't we head up to the studio, Edward still needed to take a nap so he should get to that, and Marcus you can start dinner since you are done in the office." Oh my little OCD freak always in control.

Aro and Jasper head for the stairs as Edward lagged behind letting them go first before going up. When Jasper hit the first landing he turned around looking down at us.

"It was nice to meet you Edward, and ummm, yeah maybe we can work on being friends." I was shocked. That was a lot for Jasper to say, he didn't handle strangers well at all. Out of all the kids he was the most skittish when it came to new people.

The smile that broke out on Edward's face was breathtaking, "Thank you."

Their responses to each other were not at all what I had imagined a first meeting would be. I think the next few years will be interesting to say the least.

* * *

**So there you have it! As always review get previews so leave me some love please! I love love and with Valentines Day coming up I need all the love I can get cause alas I am alone! **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I have had a few people who seem to be getting impatient about the boys hooking up, all I can say is please give it some time. With the amount of trauma they have both endured in their short lives it needs to be handled delicately. So it will be a bit of a slow burn, and all honest that's reality. Most people don't fall in love two days after meeting. There is still issues they both have to work out, but they have met so you can expect more interaction now! Just stick with it please!**

**Also my awesome Beta's rock my world, Jaspered01 and Paiget, you both are awesome and I love ya both! I mean that, I could just kiss you! Well maybe not but you get the idea!**

**So moving on, I own nothing, except a really cool new TV and that's actually my roommates so never mind! **

**Oh I forgot, Marcus and Aro pictures are on my profile. So if you want to see how I picture the two of them check it out. It took me forever to find an Aro I liked but I think I did. Let me know! I didn't use the movie actors for them because honestly they weren't very warm, and kinda creeped me out! So enjoy!**

**Jasper POV**:

The smile that broke out on Edwards face for some reason made my stomach flutter. That was weird but I didn't really feel like analyzing it right now, so I made my way up to the third floor with Aro. I loved the time I got to spend with Aro away from the others.

He was teaching me about architecture and I was finding that I loved it. It was a very different form of art than James did and I was actually good at it. I had a math mind so was able to do the necessary calculations that went along with the creative aspects of being an architect.

As we sat and went over some of his latest projects and I worked on some of the sketches I had started, I found my mind wandering back to the green eyes and crazy bronze haired boy that is now in the room down the hall.

He made me nervous but not in the typical way normal strangers do. I couldn't explain it but I found it disconcerting. I was hunched over lost in thought as green eyes danced across my mind, I couldn't shake them.

"Jasper," I jumped lightly when I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over to see Aro looking at me with concern etched on his face.

"Yeah, what's going on?" I put my pencil down and turned toward him.

"Are you ok? I have been trying to get your attention for five minutes. What's on your mind?" I wasn't sure if I could talk to him about this. I didn't even know what was up with my head. Maybe he could help me figure it out.

"I was just thinking about Edward." I pulled on my sleeves making sure they covered my arms fully and fiddled with the cuffs that were a constant presence.

"Did he scare you?" It was a simple question but the answer was complex. Yes he did scare me but only because he really didn't scare me in the traditional sense. Yeah, it sounded messed up in my head also.

"Not really, he was intense, but I can't really explain what I am feeling. He makes me nervous but not in the same way new people normally do. I've never felt anything like this it's very odd." I was messing with the colored pencils in front of me feeling the need to keep my hands busy.

"Jasper you don't need to know what you feel right away. Sometimes it takes time to sort through what we feel about a particular situation or person. Take your time, sort through your thoughts and feelings, and get to know him a bit. His life hasn't been easy and he could use some good real friends." My brows pulled together in question. The thought of him in pain elicited another unusual feeling for me, pain. There was pain that radiated through my chest at the thought of him being hurt or alone.

I didn't know his story but I wanted to. I was afraid though, new people had the chance to hurt you if not physically then emotionally.

"Just give it time Jasper and think about it." I bit my lip, a nervous habit of mine and Bella's, and nodded my head. We got back to work; he looked over my sketches and gave suggestions on improvements and ideas. He would tell me when something worked well or when I needed to adjust my measurements to make the structure sound.

We were so lost in our work that my phone startled me causing me to mess up my drawing with a huge black pencil line going through the music room I was adding to this house.

"Damn it!" I was pissed.

"Language Jas, we can always fix it. Check your phone it could be important." I sighed and pulled the phone out of my bag and checked the caller id, Alice. Double damn. Everything was always an emergency with Alice. I debated not answering and knew I would get shit for it later but I really didn't want to deal with her right now. I don't know what it is any more but I'm not really sure this is how a relationship is supposed to go.

"Someone you don't want to talk to?" Aro asked me over the desk head bent over his own work. I sighed and tossed my pencil on the slanted artists desk.

"It's Alice; I just don't feel like talking to her right now." I told him fluffing it off.

"Hmmm, everything alright with you two?" The slight eye roll didn't escape my notice as he asked me about our relationship. I knew that pretty much no one in my family liked Alice but she was the first person after we got here that wasn't family to actually accept me.

I use the term accept lightly though. While I knew that in the beginning once the newness of my siblings and I wore off, I knew there was many things about me that she wanted to change and I honestly let her. She bought me cloths that were "Alice Approved", told me what I should and shouldn't play, what activities I should peruse, the group of people I should hang out with, and for the most part I just sat back and let her have control. It wasn't worth fighting over in my book. But I was starting to realize that the me I had fought so hard to get back to, with Caius' help, was slowly being consumed by her and her demands.

It wasn't only those things that were making me question my relationship with her lately either. One of the major things that is causing a rift right now is her insistence that we move our physical relationship forward. She doesn't know a lot about my past. All she really knows is that I had been abused growing up, she doesn't know the extent of what we all went through. No one but family and Doc really know everything.

One thing that I craved and was pretty sure I would never get from her was unconditional love, for someone to see my scars as a sign of my survival and not just an ugly reminder of my past. I longed for a love that would transcend what had happened to me, for a lover that would see I am so much more than what happened to me, that I had feelings, dreams, and aspirations. My past didn't define me anymore and I didn't want it to define my relationships either.

Alice however seemed to have other ideas. She was constantly pushing for more information than I was willing to give. She always wanted to know more about what happened to us, to me, where the scars came from. She wanted to know if I would ever consider having plastic surgery to fix them. She was always asking questions and it was getting on my nerves lately.

I was brought out of my musing by a snap of fingers in my face.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you sure you're alright you seem to be zoning out more than usual today?" Aro was looking concerned now.

"Just a lot on my mind." I paused trying to think about how I wanted to ask my next question. "Hey Aro, can I ask you something personal?"

"Of course Ragazzo, you know you can ask me anything." I smiled at the nickname he had taken to calling me. He really was getting good at his Italian. I know he and Marcus are excited about going to Italy this summer. I wonder what will happen with Edward being here now. Will they still go? Will they take him? Will they have him stay with us while they go? My eyes widened and my heart and tummy fluttered at that train of thought and I wasn't sure what to make of it. So like usual, I ignored it for the time being.

"How did you know that Marcus was really the one?" I knew that they had only ever been with each other and I was wondering how they figured out that they were supposed to be together when they never experienced anything else. I looked at Aro over the desks and he had a gleam in his eyes and a bright smile on his face.

"It was easy actually. He was the only person I ever felt comfortable being myself around. I never had to hide, never had to pretend to be something I wasn't, he saw through the facade we had to put up within our world and just loved me flaws and all." Flaws? He didn't have any flaws; he and everyone else around us were basically perfect physically and mentally.

"I know what you're thinking," He looked at me with knowing wise eyes, "you're wondering what flaws? Well let me tell you we all have them. I could tell you stories about some of the things Marc does that just piss the hell out of me," He paused and chuckled a bit.

"He leaves his shaving clippings in the sink in the morning, his is so fastidious about the way his clothes are ironed that he refuses to let me do it for him. One of our biggest fights was when I didn't center the crease of his pants just right. We had been running late-one of my biggest pet peeves-so I wanted to help. We ended up missing our dinner date and fighting for almost 3 hours it was awful but the make-up sex was outstanding!" Eww, gross.

"That's nasty I don't need to hear about that!" My face must have been comical because he busted out laughing.

"Alright sorry I won't bring that up again. The point is that even though we fight and annoy the ever living crap out of each other at the end of the day whether he pisses me off or not one thing I know for certain is that I would rather fight with him than make love with anyone else." I thought about that for a while.

Alice and I didn't fight ever but she sure as hell annoyed the ever living crap out of me. I never saw the point in arguing with her she always got her way no matter what I said. It was just easier to go along with her than it was to disagree. But now hearing about what Aro said about their relationship I was wondering if that's not really the way it's meant to be.

"But isn't it normal for one person to give in more than the other? I mean isn't one person in the relationship more, I don't know...domineering than the other? Someone has to be in control don't they?" I was confused. I just always thought that one person usually made all the major decisions. Laurent always made every major decision in our house before we came here and I assumed that Charlie usually did here. Granted we never really saw them fight or talk about stuff but I just thought that they didn't need to because Charlie made all the decisions, maybe I was wrong. From the look on Aro's face I could tell that my line of thinking was skewed.

"Ragazzo, no that is not how a partnership works, When Marc and I decided to move here we sat down and talked about all the possible scenarios, we talked about the financial risks of starting our own businesses, we discussed all the options from every angle, then we made a decision together that it would be to our betterment as a couple to make the move." This was news to me. I just assumed that Marcus wanted to open his own firm and said 'that's it were moving' I guess I was very wrong.

"But what about Charlie and Peter? I never hear them discussing stuff or fighting. I just thought Charlie decided everything." I was startled when the loudest laugh I had heard in a while erupted from him.

"Oh boy, no no no. That's priceless," he wiped his eyes a bit as tears started leaking out from laughing so hard.

"Glad I can amuse you." I grumbled and threw my arms across my chest pouting slightly.

"I'm sorry Jas, but it's just that honestly in their relationship if anyone was the more 'dominate'' it would be Peter. That man is a force to be reckoned with when he gets his mind stuck on something. I think I need to have a talk with the two of them though. I think that because they don't want to upset you all they try to hide any major discussions or fights from you guys. I think maybe they shouldn't be doing that though. You need to see how a real relationship that is based on equality works." That might not be a bad idea actually. We are no longer afraid of Charlie and Peter so I doubt seeing them disagree would cause too much discomfort and seeing real working relationships with all the ups and downs may help. I think I may also need to discuss some of this with Doc.

"So it's not normal for one person to give in all the time or for all the decisions to be made by one person only?" I just needed confirmation.

"No Jas, that's not normal in a healthy functional relationship. Granted when you have a relationship where one person has a very strong personality and a person who has a more docile personality it can tend to get unbalanced. But if they truly love one another the more dominate one will make sure and consult their partner on matters. No one should ever take away your choices in a relationship and you need to be with someone that you feel comfortable with in order to speak your mind. Do you have that with your Alice?" The way he said her name made it sound more like a curse than anything else and I wondered if he didn't like her. I knew my siblings sure didn't.

"Umm, well...no not really. She is pretty...umm, well see she likes things a certain way and it's just easier to let her have her way than fight about it. I just don't like..." I wasn't sure I should really be talking about this.

I felt guilty thinking negative thoughts about Alice she was the first person who befriended me here and made me feel welcome. Now though it seems like she just sees me as someone she can mold and manipulate into being exactly what she wants. The perfect boyfriend wearing what she tells me to wear, saying what she tells me to say, going where she wants to go. I had turned from the fierce protector of my family into a pansy ass lap dog. There was almost nothing of the man my siblings and I had fought so hard for. I just gasped at the realization. We fought so hard for our freedom from the iron rule and here I was willingly allowing myself to be subjected to an emotional manipulative and borderline abusive relationship.

"What is it Jas?" Aro was next to me and I realized I was now almost hyperventilating. Aro rubbed soothing circles on my back trying to help me calm down. "That's it Jas, just breath. Remember the breathing exercises that Doc taught you, in through the nose out through the mouth, relax." He stayed by my side helping me breath and soothing me with his calm voice. After a few minutes I started to relax and breathing became more normal.

"There that's better, good job, keep the deep breathing. When you're ready you can tell me what happened, take some time, how about you go to the bathroom and splash come cool water on your face." I didn't say anything just nodded and moved out of the room to the bathroom down the hall.

As I rounded the corner out of the room I ran into something hard and could feel myself falling backwards. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact but was surprised when it never came. I felt strong unfamiliar hands wrapped around my arms and started to panic.

"Please, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I'm sorry." The hands quickly released me and I backed up until my back hit the wall stopping my retreat.

"I'm sorry man, it was my fault I didn't mean to, shit...are you ok?" I looked up at the voice and saw green eyes looking down on me. Crap this was not a good protective position to be in. My entire body started shaking and my breathing that had just calmed moments before spiked again.

"Please, don't hurt me...it was an accident, I'm sorry." My body slid down the wall and assumed a fetal position with my arms covering my head to protect it from any form of attack that may come my way. I could hear voices surrounding me but I didn't recognize them through the fog that was clouding my irrational mind.

"Aro, Marcus, help." The unfamiliar voice called out. I heard two sets of footsteps one pounding up the stairs and one in the hall already.

"What happened?" Another voice demanded gently.

"I'm sorry, I was just coming up to let you know dinner was ready and he ran into me, I went to grab him to make sure he didn't fall and hurt himself and he started shaking and breathing heavy, he started apologizing and then begging me not to hurt him." The voice broke into a sob, "I would never...I...I didn't mean to." I almost wanted to hug the person who belonged to the voice they sounded like they were in so much pain.

"Edward," Oh that's who it was, shit now I felt like an ass, "it was an accident. He was already on edge from a conversation we had been having and this just pushed him over, it's not your fault." I felt a familiar and soothing hand start to move up and down my back and relaxed a bit at the touch.

"Jasper, you need to calm down son, breath for me, relax, you're safe no one is going to hurt you." I knew this voice; it was calm and soothing, Marcus.

"Edward, can you please go into the studio and in Jasper's backpack there are some pill bottles can you please bring them to me?" The only response I heard was the retreating footsteps moving to comply.

"Come on Ragazza come back to us. You're safe, Edward didn't mean any harm, he was trying to help you, come on back, breath, and relax." The voice was calming and reassuring and the fog was slowly starting to lift. Words of encouragement and safety were being whispered and before long I heard the footsteps returning.

"Here I brought some water also."

"Thank you Edward," I felt someone trying to move my hands from my head and on instinct held them tighter to me, "come on Jas, I need you to calm down, and you need to take this pill, come on move your hands kiddo." The familiar hands continued to rub calmingly up and down my arms. I could feel my body relaxing under the familiar touch and my arms slowly started to come down.

"That's it, good job. Now I need you to take this pill Jas, open up for me." The voice was calming and I wanted to comply so I opened my mouth and someone place something small and round on my tongue; it was immediately followed by something cool and wet and I swallowed it down.

"There you go, just give it some time; the pill should kick in soon. Marcus did you call Charlie?"

"Yes, he should be here in a few minutes. They were just getting Edwards car so were further away than normal." No one said anything else and I was starting to feel the effects of the pill.

"We should move him down to the couch while he is still coherent enough to help. Once he's dead weight from the pills maneuvering the stairs will be difficult." I felt someone pulling me up and wrap an arm around my waist as they put my other arm around their shoulders. I could feel my feet dragging as the pills pulled me further under. I hated this feeling and hadn't had to deal with it for so long; its effects were almost foreign to me now.

"Come on Jas, work with me for just a few minutes and then you can sleep. One foot in front of the other." I tried to help and shuffle myself along but it was difficult to make my feet move even an inch.

"Would it be better if I carried him for you?" The unfamiliar voice asked from behind me and I stiffened up a bit. I didn't like the idea of a stranger so close when I was so vulnerable.

"Thank you Edward, but no, I fear that would make it worse at this point." I internally thanked the person holding me.

"I'm sorry; I'm just trying to make it better; I didn't mean to hurt him." He sounded so upset at himself, but it wasn't his fault. It's mine, I'm the freak, and I'm the one who can't run into someone without having a massive panic attack. That's so depressing, I thought I was making so much progress but then stuff like this happens and makes me realize how far from normal I am, and probably will ever be.

"Edward, really it's not your fault, sometimes things just get overwhelming sometimes." Damn skippy they do. Between the stranger in my safe place, the conversation about love, my relationship with Alice, and then running into the stranger, Edward, I was on overload.

After a few minutes of stumbling down the stairs I was finally set down on something soft and I assumed we had made it to the couch. I was lain down and felt myself slipping further under the control of the medicine. I was vaguely aware of the front door opening and voices that I was sure I knew but couldn't bring myself out of the dense fog to do anything about it.

I couldn't even make out what was being said, it sounded like the teacher from the Peanut's special we watched at Christmas time. I don't know how long it was but I started to feel like I was floating then was placed in something soft again. After getting comfortable in the new softness I quickly succumbed to the blackness letting it crash over me like waves over jagged rocks. Oh, that sounded good I should write that down for a song. I went to try and move to get my notebook, but my arms wouldn't cooperate. I gave up and fell fully into the blackness.

Too soon I woke groaning. I rolled over but my body protested and felt like I had been hit with a MAC truck and my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. I looked around and noticed I was in my bed, but had no idea how I got there. I racked my brain trying to remember what happened and why I felt this way. I looked around my room to see if anything would jog my memory but was coming up blank

"You had an episode." I looked towards the door and saw Peter standing there.

"Was it bad? I don't remember anything." He sighed and entered the room sitting on the edge of the bed handing me some Tylenol and a glass of orange juice. I took them gratefully and drained the juice in seconds while he told me about what happened.

"It was a bad one, one of the worst in a long time, but Aro told us you had been having a really intense conversation which started it and then you ran into Edward and he grabbed you to steady you so you wouldn't fall, and you spiraled from there." My brows knitted together. I was trying to remember this Edward he talked about and was drawing a blank.

"You don't remember meeting Edward?" I pulled my knees to my chest after putting the glass on the nightstand by my bed and shook my head in answer to his question.

"That's alright, it was a brief meeting before you and Aro went to the studio. Honestly we all forgot yesterday was your day to meet with Aro if we had known we would have called you and told you to come home first so we could explain what was going on, so that you wouldn't be taken by surprise." My face was set in intense concentration as I tried to remember anything but it just wasn't coming to me.

The memory loss wasn't that abnormal after an episode especially one where I had to take the Ativan, that stuff messed me up, which is why I hated having to take it. I just hoped that my memory would come back; it usually did after a while. The need to remember this Edward was something I didn't understand.

"You are staying home today in case you were wondering, the others left for school already. I want you to sleep a bit more and when you get up we can talk more about what happened. With the added rest your memory might trigger. We also need to talk to you about Edward seeing as how he is going to be living with Aro and Marcus indefinitely."

"I'm sorry I was a bother. I didn't mean….." I was trying to apologize but was interrupted.

"No Jas, don't worry about it, it's not your fault. This is the reality we face every day and may always have to, and that's fine. You did nothing wrong." I hated that he was right about my, well, all of our, panic attacks never going away completely. Who would ever want to stay with me forever when I flinched almost every time someone tried to touch me, or panicked when I had to meet strangers? No one, that's who.

"We love you Jas, so much, and you are doing so well despite what your head is trying to tell you. Now get some sleep." He leaned over and kissed my forehead while ruffling my hair lightly. I swatted his hands away and he chuckled.

"Don't mess with the do." I joked.

"Please you look like you stuck your finger in an electrical outlet! Nothing I could do would make it worse." He laughed as he moved out of the room calling back over his shoulder for me to go to sleep.

I lay down again and snuggled into my pillows trying to get comfortable. I brought my hands up to run through my hair when I stopped short. My wrist cuffs were missing. What the hell, where did they go?

Someone had to have taken them off when they put me to bed, but where did they put them? I started tearing through my room frantically trying to find them. Even if I wasn't wearing them I had to know where they were and that they would be there for me when I needed them. They had just as much sentimental value to me as they did practical.

I remember when they were given to me_._

_It was only a few weeks after we had moved here from Phoenix and Peter and Charlie had graciously let me keep wearing their cuffs. I had wanted to give them back because I knew the meaning they held for my fathers, but I was selfish and needed them also. I took to looking on-line to see if I could find some for myself, but nothing ever caught my eye. I was about to give up and just give them back and go back to wearing only long sleeves to cover the scars when the dads asked me to go for a walk on the beach with them._

_They had often tried to spend quality time separately with all of us to make sure we knew they saw us as individuals and while there was still some anxiety being away from the others that early on, I was comfortable enough with both of them to be alright. _

_As we walked down on the beach Charlie started the conversation by asking me how I felt like I was doing and if I was settling in well. I was still a bit nervous talking much but was able to answer that I was doing well and felt like I was finally safe and at a place where I could be myself, I just had to figure out who that self was._

_They told me they would help me figure it out, but that they thought the first step would be to relinquish the hold I had on the wrist cuffs they gave me. I admit I did start to panic a bit, but they were actually their cuffs and I really had no right to them. They had been gracious enough with the cuffs already._

_I was just going to have to deal with it until I could find my own, after all my scars were part of me so I might as well get used to it._

I continued rummaging around my room trying to find my bag wondering if maybe someone had put them in there as my mind kept drifting back to that night. It was a turning point for me and I smiled as I remember it:

_I could feel my heartbreaking at the thought of relinquishing the cuffs. They had become more to me then just hiding my scars; they offered security, and a show of acceptance._

_We were walking along the beach and I saw a faint glowing in the distance, but couldn't make out what it was._

_"What's that down there?" I asked the two men walking next to me._

_"That's a beach fire, and that is where we are going." Peter informed me._

_"Yup, we thought it would be nice to have s'mores." Charlie was smiling hugely at something, but I was confused._

_"Some more of what?" We hadn't had anything so how could we have more of something?_

_"No, that's what it's called a s'more, its marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. You know what? It's just easier to show you, you'll love it." The rest of the walk was made in silence, Charlie and Peter walking hand in hand seeming so in love as they would steal glances at one another._

_After a few minutes we made it to where the fire was burning bright and I could feel the warmth of the flames permeate my body. There were white logs set around the fire pit, the pit itself was set about 30 feet from the water, and you could hear the waves crashing on the sand. It was soothing and I found that I enjoyed the beach at night._

_"Have a seat, we'll get the stuff ready and show you how to make a s'more." I was still confused as to what that was exactly, but if it had chocolate I was pretty sure I would like it._

_"Oh, Jas, you have to see this." Peter came over to me holding a much smaller looking log then the one I was perched on. "See how the bark is white?" I nodded, "Well it gets that way because of the salt from the water and air around here, and watch what happens when we put it in the fire." He took the log over to the fire and placed it in._

_"Watch the flames; it will take a few minutes." Peter came and sat next to me again as we stared off into the flames. I could hear the hissing and crackling, and then suddenly the log was surrounded in the deepest green and blue flames I had ever seen._

_It was stunning and I was mesmerized. I couldn't look away as the blue and green danced around each other seeming to almost try and consume one another but unable to meld together._

_"Beautiful isn't it?" I looked to my left to see Charlie smiling at me as he sat on my other side._

_"Mesmerizing."_

_"Good, so now here is your lesson on how to make a s'more." He pulled out a bag of marshmallows, some graham crackers, and several Hershey bars. I quickly grabbed one from the pile and proceeded to tear into it. I couldn't help it, chocolate just calls to me. The chuckling from next to me didn't even phase my progress on the wonderful sweet treat I was consuming._

_"Good thing I brought extra. So Jas, now here's what you do. You take the 'mallow and you put it on the stick, you then place the stick over the flames being careful not to let it burn or fall off in the fire." He held the 'mallow' as he called it just over the flames being careful not to burn it, turning it on occasion to 'promote distribution of even brownness'._

_"That is not how you roast a marshmallow properly." Peter informed me as he glared at Charlie who just laughed._

_"It is if you don't like it charbroiled!" He shot back. Their banter was funny and I watched as they fought over the fire, hitting the other's stick trying to knock the other's into the fire. After a few seconds Peter squealed and pulled his marshmallow out of the fire and it was flaming._

_"Perfect," he pulled it to his face and my eyes about popped out of my head. Surly he wasn't going to eat it while it was on fire? Just when I thought he was going to pop it in his mouth he blew the flame out. "Now that's how you cook a marshmallow!"_

_"Whatever baby, moving along. Once you have your 'mallow cooked, or as Peter likes flame seared, you take the graham cracker that has the chocolate and put the mallow on top of the chocolate, the heat melts it, then you take the other graham and put it on top holding it firmly you then pull the stick out, and enjoy the ewey gooey goodness." I followed each step carefully and when he was done he handed me the sandwich looking thing._

_I wasn't sure how to eat it; it had chocolate and marshmallow oozing out. My hands were already sticky. Peter seemed to notice my dilemma._

_"It's messy, but just stuff it in and bite down, you're fine." I put the corner in my mouth and bit through the layers of graham cracker, chocolate, and marshmallow, the combination was amazing. It was my new favorite treat and I wonder if there was a way to make them without fire._

_"These are amazing!" I told them moaning as I took another bite, then proceeded to lick around the outside to get all the gooey goodness that had been leaking out. We each ate 3 s'mores, and the last one I was actually able to make myself. I even doubled up on the chocolate, which in hindsight may not have been a smart move. I was sticky and had chocolate running down my finger. Yummy._

_"So Jasper, there was a reason we brought you out here." Charlie turned toward me looking at Peter expectantly._

_"Oh, right you want the cuffs back." I moved to take them off and hand them to each of them._

_"You're right Jasper we do want them, but we would never ask for them if we didn't have something to replace them." I was confused again. That seemed to be a permanent state for me, confusion._

_"I'm sorry it took so long to get these to you, but I had to come up with a design that I liked that worked well. So here take this." He shoved a box into my lap. I looked at it for a while not sure what to make of it._

_"Open it up." Charlie prodded._

_I took the box in my hands and pulled the box open. It was difficult to make out details but sitting in the bottom of the box were two dark brown leather cuffs they were etched with an intricate design. The name Swan was etched in the design of one cuff, and the name Whitlock woven through the other. I understood the Swan but the Whitlock confused me a bit. It didn't matter though I loved them; they were perfect, even better than the other ones I had worn because these were mine and I would never have to give them back._

I stopped and smiled as I remember the moment I realized what the cuffs signified and what the name Whitlock meant. It was Peter's last name and that night they had proceeded to explain to me how Peter wanted to adopt us so that they were both legally our parents. It took some time, but about six months ago the paperwork was finally done and we were all Whitlock-Swan's and we loved it.

"Argh, where are they!" I tossed my bag across the room after not finding them there.

"Jas, what's going on?" I heard Peter calling up from downstairs. He must have heard the rummaging.

"I can't find my cuffs, I need them." I was getting frantic.

"Jasper, check in the drawer of your nightstand." He called back. Oh, why didn't I think of that?

I went to my nightstand and opened it up, sure enough there they were. I sighed in relief and shut the drawer again climbing back in bed.

"Now, go to sleep!" I laughed as Peter called back up knowing I found them.

I drifted into a deep and for the most part dreamless sleep. The only thing that came up in my subconscious was the green and blue flames of the fire from that night on the beach. After awhile the flames changed and I noticed a pair of deep green eyes that seemed to be on fire staring into a cerulean blue set. The intensity in both sets of eyes was scary but something about the green pair was also comforting. I couldn't figure it out, but suddenly one word filtered through the images. Edward. My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright in bed.

Everything from last night came flooding back to me. I remembered meeting Edward in the foyer, then the conversation with Aro about Alice, and finally bumping into what I now know was Edward in the hall, and going into the panic attack.

Well shit, great way to make a first impression. I did also remember that I wasn't really scared of him, there was something soothing, almost calming about him, but his intensity did something to me. I couldn't figure it out, but like Aro said I didn't really need to right away.

I was slowly coming out of my sleepy haze when I noticed something strange. I looked down and sure enough there was a tent in my pajama pants. Oh shit, this isn't good, why is this happening? This hasn't happened since we were in Phoenix and were forced to take the little blue pills when men would come over. Did someone slip me something? OH, GOD, What if Alec found me? He always told me when he had me tied to the bed that I was his and his alone.

I frantically look around the room trying to see if I can see where he might be, but come up empty, it's just me in the room, and that thought calms me a bit. I try breathing deep but my hardness is making me uncomfortable and I am not sure what to do about it and it is freaking me out. My body isn't supposed to do this is it? Maybe I should have paid more attention in health class.

Looking at the clock I see that the others should be home by now, so I decide to go and talk to Emmett. He seems to have the answers about everything. I scramble out of bed and make my way to my door. I peek out to the hallway hoping no one is there and sigh in relief when it's all clear. I try to run down the hall to get to the stairs that go up to the attic rooms, but my situation is making it difficult to move quickly.

I finally make my way up the stairs and stop just outside the door. I try to decide if I should knock or just go in. I'm about to turn the handle when I hear a moan coming from the other side of the door. I have heard that sound before, it's the sound the men that used to visit us would make when we did something that made them feel good.

Did they find us again? My thoughts start going a mile a minute. Was one of the men in there with Emmett hurting him? Where were Charlie and Peter? Were they hurt also? What do I do?

The panic is starting to settle in and I start to get all fuzzy. No, no I was not going to be weak anymore! I wasn't going to let anyone hurt my family again. I was going to be strong like I was the night I…..I stopped that train of thought. I didn't want to think about what I had done to her that night, even if it was in defense of the rest of us.

With my resolve fixed, I turned the handle and threw open the door launching myself across the room where I saw the two bodies twined together.

"Get off him you son of a bitch!" I screamed and started blindly hitting at anything I could find purchase on.

"What the hell! Jasper, stop!" I heard a voice trying to break through to me but I was single minded in my task to protect my brother and would not be deterred.

"Jasper, calm down no one was hurting anyone in here!" The other voice filtered into my head and I recognized it as James. What was he doing in here? Were they hurting him too? Was there more than one? I couldn't fight off more than one, oh shit, what have I gotten myself into?

With the thought I quickly halted my attack and ran to the corner of the room to try and hide. I wasn't in full panic mode yet, but it was close.

"Jas, no one is trying to hurt us, it's just me and James in here." I could feel Emmett as he came and crouched in front of me.

"I don't….I don't understand. I heard the noises that those men used to make when they hurt us, why?" I looked up at Emmett and saw James behind him, that's when I noticed they were both naked. Before he could say anything Charlie and Peter burst in the room.

"What the hell is going on, what's all the commotion?" Charlie was frantically searching the room for any sign of a threat but Peter was solely focused on the three of us.

"Charlie, I think that what we thought would happen between Emmett and James has happened, and I think that Jasper walked in on it and freaked out a bit." Charlie snapped his head over to us, his eyes widening as he took in the forms of my naked brothers and me in the corner.

"Oh, wow, umm…ok how about," he was turning pink and started rubbing the back of his next with his hand nervously, "how about you two get dressed and we can all talk downstairs. Jasper why don't you come on down now and let these two have their privacy to get dressed." We all nodded and I moved from the corner and made my way over to the door.

Moving was surprisingly easier then it had been on the way up and I looked down and noticed that the issue had come up here for had seemed to resolve itself. I decided to talk to Emmett after we talked about what was going on here in the first place.

I made my way to the door keeping my head down not wanting to see either of my brothers in the state they were currently in. I had so much going through my mind right now and I wasn't sure how to process it all.

I had so much running through my mind and didn't even know what one thing to focus on. I decided to not think about any of it yet and just let the dads do what they felt they needed.

I made my way to the sunroom and curled up in the round papasan chair. It was my favorite, the cushion was so plush that when you sat in it you just sank and it enveloped you completely. I would fall asleep here often, it was a great place to sit and think.

The dads came in and sat on the love seat. Peter looked at me and smiled.

"Jas, you feeling better after sleeping more?" I nodded and blushed. He looked like he was going to ask another question but didn't get the chance as James and Emmett came in right then.

"We will have to talk to Bella later she is at the library studying and not able to join us right now. So first and foremost as always this house is a safe house with no judgment and no yelling." Peter was quick to remind everyone of the rules when we had 'discussions'. Yelling still sent James into a panic and Emmett still at times felt inadequate against the rest of our "talents" as he called them.

"Thank you Peter, so first things first, James, Emmett," Charlie turned his attention to each of them who were close together on the other couch, but not quite touching, "how long have you two been….doing whatever it is the two of you are doing?"

"Well," Emmett starts but isn't making eye contact with anyone, "I have never really felt overly brotherly with James like I have with Jasper, I guess that's good though all things considered right?" He peeks at Charlie and Peter with a smirk on his face, while they are chucking, Emmett was always the jokester even when he should be serious.

"Yes, I would say that is very good, but I want to know when it stopped being platonic and moved into the next step?" Charlie leveled his best 'I'm a cop; take me serious' face at them.

"Honestly pop, dad, it's only been a few months. It started out real innocent and we didn't mean for it to happen, but it did, and I'm not sorry." I blinked in shock as James, who on occasion still stuttered when nervous, stood up for his relationship with fervor. The dads must have been shocked too because it took them a few moments to respond.

"Ok we get it we really do. So you are together, that is going to change things a bit. When this happened, and yes we knew it would, we had initially thought to make one of you switch rooms with Jasper." There was a collective gasp from all three of us, but before we could start the protests Peter jumped in.

"But we decided that wasn't fair to anyone. Your rooms are your sanctuaries and we won't make you give that up. However, you both must be in your own beds every night. We don't care that you are dating you are still only 16 and 15 years old respectively. This brings me to our next question. How far have you actually gone, physically?" I blushed bright red, and felt bad for James and Emmett who were a similar color to me. At least I wasn't the one on the receiving end of these very embarrassing questions.

"Well, see…not too far, we have just been ummm…..exploring." I think Emmett was hoping this answer would appease the dads but it didn't look like either of them was going to let them off easy.

"Look guys we know this is hard for you to talk about with your history, but we need more specifics. If you have gone to the point of….penetration," Charlie cringes a little and Peter takes his hand sweetly rubbing circles on the palm to calm him, "if that's the case then we need to discuss protection and preparation, well actually we probably need to discuss that anyway, damn it." I could tell Charlie was uncomfortable he wasn't good with the more sensitive topics like Peter seemed to be.

"Here, let me take over for a few minutes." Charlie visibly relaxed when Peter suggested that and leaned back into the couch. "I am going to ask you some questions and I just want yes or no answers for now alright?" They both nodded and Peter continued.

"Have you touched each other with your hands on the other's, penis?" I have to snicker cause it's a funny ass word, say it a few times and you'll laugh too, penis, penis, penis, hehe, it's just funny and I have to smile at myself.

"Can't you use a different word besides penis, like shaft, dick, cock, purple headed monster, anything?" Emmett asks.

"I was trying to keep this as technical as possible, but I guess I could use something else. Have you touched the other person's…..dick?" Peter blushes slightly and I just laugh quietly to myself.

"Yes." They both answer at the same time.

"Ok, so you have done hand jobs, that's when you stroke your partner's…..dick until they orgasm."

"Is that what it's called when the white stuff comes out and you see stars and get all happy and relaxed." James asked in a super sweet innocent voice.

"Oh Christ," Charlie groans, "haven't you boys taken health class, or sex ed. yet?" We all just shook our head. I was in health this term but didn't really pay attention like my early problem has already proven I was pretty clueless.

"We have had it happen before when we were in Phoenix, we just never knew the 'technical' terms for it and we didn't know it could feel so good without pain and humiliation being involved. Like I said it sort of happened on accident. The first time I got hard I kind of freaked the fuck out and was about to call for help, but ummm… well worked it out after a few minutes." I was so confused by what they meant by a lot of this, I mean I had in the past had the white stuff leak out of my well, you know, but I was always in so much pain I never understood what they meant by seeing stars or getting that happy relaxed feeling. It was anything but relaxing.

"Jasper, I can see you're confused and we will talk more in a bit, but I just want to finish up with this first." Peter smiled at me and I just nodded.

"Alright, moving along, have you used your mouths on each other like you did your hands?" Ewww, why would you want to put someone else's dick in your mouth on purpose?

"Yes, I like that a lot." James blushed and hid behind a large pillow that he was hugging onto like it was a lifeline.

"Yes, most men do." Charlie laughed lightly.

"Last question," Peter sighed and looked a little reluctant at this one, "have you umm….put your…..dick's in each other's….well shit….anus?" I think I just choked on my tongue.

"NO!" James and Emmett both yelled at the same time and I saw Peter and Charlie relax with great sighs.

"Thank God! Not that it's bad or wrong, but you're both young and we don't think you are ready for that type of activity yet." Charlie backtracked a bit.

"I don't know how I feel about that at all, I'm not sure I would ever be comfortable doing that. I mean you know from our past it's happened before and it always hurt so much, I don't want to be in pain again." James' voice cracked slightly and Emmett put his arms around him pulling him closer to his side.

"Shhh, baby, if you're not comfortable with it then we don't ever have to do it. Remember we promised we would never push each other or do something the other was uncomfortable with." James nodded and leaned into Emmett and the affection they had for each other was evident.

"Well to set the record straight, and again this is all something we should have talked about a long time ago. We are sorry for putting it off, but we assumed we would have more time. So let's go over some basics. James, Emmett, I am aware that you already know some of this, but it wouldn't hurt you to hear it anyway." Peter turned to me, "Jasper, I don't know how far you and….Alice have gone." He sort of stumbled over her name.

"We umm….we hold hands that's about it, and I kissed her on the lips once." I blushed and wished I had a huge pillow like James to hide behind. I saw Peter and Charlie exchange looks that I didn't understand before Peter launched into a very detailed lecture on the male anatomy.

He told us everything from what happens when you get aroused (your dick get's hard which is apparently what happened to me earlier), to lube, to preparation, and penetration. We learned about the prostate and how to stimulate it and about foreplay and how it is vital to keeping an intimate relationship happy.

I was still caught up on the fact that I had my first non-little blue pill induced 'hard-on' and that it was in fact caused by my dream of a certain green eyed boy. I really couldn't wrap my mind around it and didn't really want to think about it. So like I did with everything I decided to push it off until later. I was already overwhelmed by the information overload we had just received.

About an hour after our talk started we were done, and it was just in time to hear the front door open announcing the arrival of our sister. She came in and we briefly explained to her about Emmett and James being together and she was happy for them. It was going to take some getting used to for everyone, but if they were happy and in love then, hey, more power to them!

"Ok, everyone go get ready Aro, Marcus, and Edward will be over for dinner in a bit." At the sound of his name my stomach did flips and I was stuck somewhere between thrilled and nauseous. I had no idea why I was having this reaction to him, I had never had this strong of a response to anyone. It excited and frightened me at the same time. I was at war with myself and didn't know which side was winning, the side that said to run away as fast as you can, or the side that said get to know him, open up to him, and see what happens.

I decided to just go with the flow and see what happens when they arrived. I moved up to my room to get dressed for dinner. I pulled on a long sleeve _Billabong _shirt and a pair of ripped up jeans that hung low on my hips. I loved them they were my favorite, broken-in and worn out in all the right places, and they fit me perfectly. I forgo the socks opting to stay barefoot, I didn't like having my feet constricted and would try and avoid wearing shoes and socks as much as possible.

I think it's because I spend so much time on the beach in the sand and water. I love feeling the sand between my toes and the chilly water crashing over my feet. I wish I could hit the beach right now but being winter it was going to be dark soon and the temperature will drop even more making the subzero wetsuits pretty much obsolete. I was thrilled when Peter had gotten us the subzero suits for Christmas last year, so that we could surf even in the winter. It was one of the best gifts ever.

I ran a hand through my unruly hair. No matter what I did the curls just would not be tamed, I can't be tamed, I can't can't can't...great now I have Miley Cyrus stuck in my head, curse Alice and her need to listen to that pop music crap!

"Jasper, hurry up and come set the table, Bella I need you to get drinks for everyone, let's step it up guys!" Charlie called up the stairs. I walked out of my room and bumped into Bella in the hallway.

"You ok Bells?"

"Yes, sorry I wasn't paying attention, as usual." She chuckled and looped her arm through mine as we made our way downstairs to do our tasks. "So what do you think about James and Emmett?" She asked quietly as we worked side by side helping with dinner.

"I'm not sure what to think. It's weird, I mean I think of James as a brother so to think of my brother with my brother, it's kind of like a mind fuck ya know?" Just thinking about it had my head spinning. I wasn't sure what to make of them being together. But Peter was right, when true love comes around, it doesn't matter the form, you embrace it.

He was right, it didn't matter how anyone else saw it, if they loved each other, and wanted to be together I would support them, and would stand with them no matter what.

"I understand, but I think it's sweet. They are cute together and if they make one another happy who are we to tell them they can't be together. After all we went through I think we deserve to be loved and they love each other, so more power to them." She turned to grab the ice tea from the fridge as I gapped at her back.

Bella had made a lot of progress over the last year or so with Caius' help. She and I struggled the most with the feelings of worthlessness and the fear of not being loveable. So for her to come out and say that we deserve to be loved was a huge step for her. Without even thinking about it I turned her around and pulled her into a tight hug. Because her revelation just helped me also. If she could accept the fact that we all deserved to be in loving relationships then so could I.

"I want to fall in love, I want to feel that acceptance and know that someone loves me no matter what. It's so romantic, but scary at the same time." I released her.

"Well you can have Alice if you want." I told her going back to get the silverware to go with the plates I had already gotten down.

"What trouble in paradise?" She giggled at me as she filled glasses with ice.

"Let's just say that after several discussions with people I am starting to realize that maybe her telling me what to do all the time and never letting me have a say isn't the way a real relationship should be going." I paused thinking about my next words, "I mean I care about her. She was there for me when we got here, so I think I will talk to her and see how things go. I just know that things need to change."

That was a conclusion I had come to after much thinking. If we were going to stay together then things were going to have to change. She was going to have to start letting me have a voice, a voice I was just realizing I really wanted.

"Well I hope things work out for you." She told me amicably, but I knew she was just trying to be supportive. In all honesty she didn't like Alice at all they clashed in every way. That was one of the things we would be talking about first and foremost. She needed to be treating my family better. I felt bad not having stood up for them more in the past but that was over now.

Just as we were finishing setting the table and Peter was pulling the tortilla shells out of the warmer, yummy taco night, the doorbell rang signaling the rest of the family had arrived, although I wasn't sure how things might change with Edward thrown into the mix. There were the flutters again, damn it. Maybe I am coming down with something?

I heard the voices in the foyer making their way through the house and to the dinning room my heart started beating in my chest, but it was different from when I would have a panic attack. It felt almost like...anticipation.

The second I saw him my thundering heart stopped and calm I hadn't experienced in, well, ever, settled over me. It was a weird feeling and I wasn't sure whether to run from it, or embrace it. So instead I just ignored it, deflection is something I'm good at.

Aro and Marcus followed him into the room and introductions were made. The others had already heard some of the story yesterday while I was at Aro's, but I was still mostly in the dark about how he came to be here, and why he was staying with them.

Once the introductions were made we all sat and I somehow ended up next to Edward on one side with Bella on the other. It didn't escape my notice the side long glances that Bella was making at him during the initial introductions and I was hit with a surge of emotion I couldn't identify toward her. We all made small talk while fixing our plates and found out some minor details about Edward. He was 16 will be 17 in a few months, going into his Junior year after this term, he likes art and music, and he is from Chicago.

All of this information just made me want to know more, like what kind of music does he like, does he draw or paint, what does he want to do with his life? All sorts of questions floating around in my head and I catch myself glancing at him from under my eyes.

"Well, let's get this family meeting started shall we?" I looked up at Charlie at the head of the table suddenly in cop mode.

"Yes, but first we have another announcement to make that just came out today." Peter looked at James and Emmett who were sitting across from us. This was part of what we talked about today, Emmett and James being strong enough in their relationship to announce it to the rest of the family, they were nervous with a veritable stranger here now though. We didn't know how he would react; I mean granted he seems fine with Peter and Charlie, and Aro and Marcus, but was it all show?

I saw a twinge of fear pass through both of them, but it was quickly replaced by determination. Emmett grabbed James hand holding it tightly to him. I looked to Marcus and Aro who were also across from us too as they just raised their brows in question.

"James and I, well, we're dating, we're in love, and we are going to be together." Emmett spoke quickly but forcefully leaving no room for anyone to argue. The tension was thick as everyone waited for someone to say something.

"'Bout time." I heard someone mutter but couldn't tell who it was, but just like that the room lightened and we moved on. Marcus took the floor and moved us to the next issue.

"Next matter of business, Edward here, will be staying with us indefinitely. At least we hope so. We are still waiting for some paperwork to come through, but I don't think it should be a problem. I will let Edward tell you why and how he came to be here if he is comfortable, but someone tell me the rules of family meetings please?"

Edward cleared his throat awkwardly and started fiddling with his burrito. I had the urge to try and comfort him, he was obviously nervous, and who wouldn't be in a group full of strangers. I decided to be the one to speak up and tell the rules of the meeting.

"Umm...first rule is no yelling, and ummm..." I paused to breath a few times before continuing, "and the second rule is, ahh...no judgment." I looked down at my lap shyly.

"Thank you Jasper, that's correct. So Edward, no one here will ever yell, and no one here will ever judge. Those rules have been set for several years and we won't break them now. So please feel free to give as much or as little detail as you want." Marcus was gentle while talking to him as he always was. Marcus had a very disarming way about him I could imagine it was very useful in court.

"Alright, well I guess just to let everyone know that I was umm...kicked out of my home several weeks ago. My father walked in on my friend and me in a compromising position, and beat me up and ummm, threw me out." His voice cracked a little and I again had the urge to take his hand.

"Why would they do that? That doesn't make any sense, so they caught you with some chick and tossed you on the street? What are they monks or something?" Emmett always has a way with words. He wasn't judging he was just honestly confused as we all were.

"Well...my friend was actually...his name was Felix and my father, well he is very anti-gay." Edward's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink and we all sat in stunned silence. Charlie and Peter had explained to us that not everyone in the world would accept homosexuality and some even responded with hostility, but to see the result of that right in front of you was a big eye opener.

"Oh, wow, dude, that just blows monkey nuts."

"Emmett, language." Peter chastised but the grin on his face showed he wasn't really all that angry.

"Sorry pops, I just can't wrap my head around it. I don't know what we would have done if you had tossed us out," he paused to think about that statement for a moment, "but I guess that wouldn't really happen cause you know you're gay too, so yeah, never mind." God bless him.

"Well you don't have to worry about anything like that happening ever again, 90% of this family is gay." Bella told him patting his arm tentatively.

"Yeah, just Bella and Jasper aren't, but honestly I still have my doubts about him!" Emmett bellowed and my eyes about popped out of my head. Before I could respond the subject jumped back to Edward again, and I breathed a sigh of relief. After our talks earlier I wasn't so sure about myself either.

"Why don't we let Edward continue his story?" Aro jumped in saving me.

Edward proceeded to tell us about his life growing up and how he had to pretend to be something he didn't want, we could all relate to that, I found myself becoming more intrigued with him.

"I just want a chance to really learn who I am supposed to be, not who they were trying to make me be." Oh lord please save my bleeding heart, what is this boy doing to me!

"Well, we will help you discover who you are in any way we can." Charlie smiled at him and we all nodded.

"Why don't we have that amazing chocolate mint pie Bella and Peter made last night then we can play a game or watch a movie or something." Peter and Bella made their way to the kitchen to get the most amazing treat I have ever eaten in my life. The first time I had it was a few weeks after we moved here. Now I make them make it, or some variation of it, at least once a month.

Once dessert was done the adults decided to give us a break for the night and did the dishes themselves, therefore allowing us some free time before we either played a game or watched a movie. I decided to go to the sunroom and watch the water, I loved the water. I was so focused on it that I didn't hear anyone enter the room until a throat cleared next to me. I looked up and was met with emerald eyes again.

"Mind if I sit?" I looked up and stared at him wondering what he was doing and why he was talking to me after what happened. I must have been staring longer than I realized because a throat clearing again brought me out of my daze.

"Oh, umm….sure." I moved my books off the bench to make room for him.

"So I really wanted to apologize for the other night. I didn't mean to frighten you." I looked down at my hands in my lap hoping to hide the blush that crept up my cheeks.

"No, it was my fault; I'm the freak that can't stand to be touched." I stuttered out willing the tears that threatened to spill over away. Unfortunately I was unable to and felt a lone tear slid down my cheek. I saw a hand come up to my face and much to my credit only flinched a little as the hand rested on my cheek and the thumb wiped the tear away.

"Well, we will just have to work on that then won't we?" My skin was tingling and my mind was going into overdrive. My body's reactions to him were so confusing. I mean I wasn't gay, and even if I was why would he even want to be my friend? I'm just a fuck up who freaked out on him. I tried to clear my thoughts.

"I…I'm not…I mean I don't think I'm… you know gay, I mean I'm not. I have a girlfriend." Something briefly flashed across his eyes before disappearing again.

"That's fine; we can just be friends maybe? I haven't had any real friends or people who would really accept me for me in the past, so if you are willing it would be kind of nice." He sounded desperate and lonely and I never wanted him to feel that way, he was too beautiful to be feeling like that. Wait, what? Did I just call him beautiful? Well anyone straight or gay can see that he is attractive, doesn't make me gay to admire another man's looks. Right?

"I would like that. I don't have too many friends outside of my family and Alice so, yeah." He smiled showing off a line of perfectly straight white teeth.

"Good, now how about you tell me about surfing. I saw you, Peter, and James out there a few days ago while I was sitting on the beach. How is it you don't freeze in the winter?" And just like that a friendship was born.

* * *

**A/N: As always reviews get previews! How did you like the sex talk? I thought it was funny, next chapter has some fun conversations planned! So help motivate me and review! Love you all, thanks for everyone who has review so far!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I know, I know! Sorry, but seriously life just gets away from you sometimes and stuff happens you have mental blocks and just crap. So I am soooooo very sorry for the delay in this chapter. I will try to do better I swear! I hope I don't have any continuation errors in here, I think I went back enough to make sure everyone is still in the grades they should be in. They are at the end of the current school year cause when Edward left home it was just after Christmas and he was in his second semester of his Sophomore year. As is James. So that means Jasper, Emmett, and Bella are in the second semester of Junior year. I hope this helps a bit. Any questions please ask!**

**As always I would like to think my beta Jaspered01. I usually have another beta but she is on vacation so I didn't want to disturb her and I wanted to get this out. So decided not to wait for her to get back. Even though she is equally as awesome! So enjoy!**

**JasperPOV**:

I woke up with the same problem I have had for the past month and I was no closer to being comfortable dealing with it now then I was 4 weeks ago. It was getting very frustrating, and very uncomfortable.

I knew what I was supposed to do and had come close to letting my hand drift to that general region; I had even rubbed myself over my boxers a few times. It felt good, but after a few seconds I started having flash backs. Suddenly it wasn't my hand palming me through my boxers, it was Alec.

It was like I was back in the room, the wire holding my wrist tightly to the bed while he forced my body to do things a 12 year old boy should never be forced to do. If I couldn't even touch myself without having a flash back how was I going to let anyone else?

Today was my half day at school because I was going to see the Doc today and I was pretty sure this was something that I was going to need to discuss with him, among other things.

Those other things being Alice, mostly. I had tried to get up the courage to talk to her, but every time I tried I chickened out. I wasn't the type of person who liked to rock the boat, but I knew I needed to try and assert myself now, or I never would. I just didn't know how to go about doing it.

Another issue I needed to talk with doc about was Edward. He and I had started to forge a tentative friendship. I was having a difficult time with it because being around him made me nervous, and not in the same way normal strangers did, but in the tummy butterflies, heart racing kind of way. I didn't know what it meant and I didn't like it at all. It didn't help that the dreams that lead to my uncomfortable situation contained images of green fire, and burning green orbs piercing into my soul.

Sighing I turned my mind to the one thing I found that would fix the current problem in my pants, Alice. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that thinking about my girlfriend to get rid of the problem in my pants really should be a giant sign that some thing's not right, but like everything in my life, I'll think about that later.

I get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. I have a therapy session with doc in a few hours and I think it will be an intense one. I have so much to talk to him about. With the introduction of Edward into our lives I can honestly say that I am confused as fuck.

I loved spending time with Edward and it was great getting to know him. We had so much in common. We both had a passion for art and music; while we both enjoyed different aspects of each we found that it didn't put a damper on anything. Edward leaned more towards the graphic and computer design aspect of art (he was still amazing with a paper and pencil though) I tended to lean towards more hands on designs, much like James.

Music was another thing we had in common. We both played, as well as composed, him on the piano, and me on the guitar. Our taste in music was similar in that it was very eclectic. Though he leaned more towards the classics and classical genres, I loved more modern styles and country. I thought this would cause contention in our friendship early on as we more than once got into heated debates over the artistic creativity of one style over another. Edward informed me, however, that differences of opinion made things more interesting.

When we were hanging out, be it in a group or alone, I found I was more comfortable with him than I had been with anyone outside the family. It was when I was alone and my mind started wandering that I started to get nervous and uneasy. I was filled with questions that I didn't have answers to and was honestly a bit frightened to find them out.

What if I was actually gay? Did that mean I was born that way, or was I made that way due to my past? If I was gay would I be doomed to the life of a monk? I couldn't imagine ever being comfortable enough with another man to let him touch me, in that way. Would anyone ever even be patient enough to give me a chance to find out?

My talk with Emmett was imminent; he and James would have better first-hand knowledge of what I was dealing with, having just recently been through it themselves. I am sure they both had many of the same questions that I have and really wanted to see what they had to say about it.

"Jasper, hurry up we are going to be late!" I heard Emmett call from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm coming, gesh." He was always so impatient.

I checked myself in the mirror quickly and rushed to my room to grab my stuff, tossing on my boots and jacket quickly, while hearing Emmett bitch and moan in the foyer about my slow ass and missing first period. I pick up my books and backpack and shoved them in running out the door and down the stairs.

"About damn time! We still have to pick up Edward and you know I hate rushing in the morning." I didn't answer I just rolled my eyes and headed out to the monster Jeep that Charlie and Peter had procured for us. We actually had another car that we used also, but we all liked to drive together, and the Jeep was the only car large enough to fit us all.

Thus far, Emmett and Bella were the only ones to have their licenses, I had a permit but honestly was pretty nervous about driving, and James wasn't old enough yet to get his. He actually would be in few months, but until then we were content to be driven around by the ones that do have them. Edward had his permit and even though he had been driving for the last few months with it, dad made him promise that he wouldn't do it anymore until he was a fully licensed driver. So we picked him up on the way to school every day.

We arrived at Edwards a few minutes later, and like he had been everyday since he started going to school with us, he was waiting on the porch. Edwards's fate with Marcus and Aro was still up in the air to an extent and it was making us all nervous. He had worked himself into our family so thoroughly that if something fell through and he had to leave the loss would be monumental.

Just the thought of the possibility of him not staying with Marcus and Aro made my heart hurt in ways I didn't feel comfortable exploring just yet. Marcus kept saying that it wasn't a big deal they were just waiting on the courts to approve the documents that were signed by Edwards's parents, but we were all antsy.

I looked at Edward as he made his way to the car I noticed he was wearing a pair of ripped up jeans that hung low on his hips, a grey t-shirt that hugged his chest, and a pair of red converse. His hair was perfectly disheveled and looked like he just rolled out of bed, but it worked for him. He really was a beautiful man and as I continued my ogling I noticed the now familiar stirring in crotch area and I shifted uncomfortably. The door open as Edward climbed into the back next to me.

My eyes made their way up to his face as he settled in and noticed a smirk on his face as he took in my perusal of him. I turned away and blushed at being caught staring at him and shift my position again trying to hide the problem I was having and my confusion at why I was having it. Nothing and no one had ever caused this reaction from me.

"Morning Jasper, how are you today?" There was a glint in his eyes as he spoke that told me he was aware of my situation but thankfully made no comment about it. I tried to speak but my voice cause in my throat and I tried to clear it.

"Uh..umm, yeah, I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm alright. Not looking forward to today, I have a test in history and it is my worst subject." He pouted adorably at the idea of history and I couldn't help but laugh.

Edward was in the same year as James they were both sophomores and a year younger than us, much to his dismay. We only had a few more weeks left of school this year then we would be seniors and He and James would be Juniors. He was upset as James was when he found out that he would be at Forks high for a whole year with just him and James. They got along great, James and Edward, but we all sort of protected each other and they were nervous to be without us.

"If you are struggling with history I can tutor you, I actually enjoy it, and did fairly well last year. Mr. Franks isn't so bad if and all his questions are right out of the notes." I offered my help to him. I had gotten an A in his class last year.

"Yeah, I may take you up on that. I just don't do well remembering dates and shit. I don't see the point in it." His bottom lip jutted out and I was hit with the sudden urge to bite it and I felt my eyes widen. That was a new thought, humm, I'll think about it later.

"Umm, well, it's not for everyone, but it helps if you can associate a date with something like a rhyme or song, for example 'in fourteen hundred and ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue'. If you put it to a rhyme or song it's easier to remember." I smiled at him in triumph. School and history in particular was something I could talk about easily.

"That makes sense. Maybe you could help me after school sometime?" I looked at his face and could see the hopefulness reflecting there, but wasn't sure why. It made me a bit nervous. I was comfortable with Edward for the most part, but a small part was still monumentally terrified of my reactions to him. I cleared my throat and found myself agreeing to help him. There was something about him that made it difficult for me to say no to him.

"Great Jas, thanks, that will be a huge help." The 1000 watt smile that lit up his face made it worth it. I wish that smile would grace his face every day for eternity. Unfortunately, like us, his eyes still held a deep rooted sadness much of the time. It was the look of children who have had their innocence stolen from them in one way or another and it was gut wrenching.

I smiled back at him before turning back to look out the window. I saw that we were pulling into the lot of school and I could see Alice bouncing next to the spot that we always parked waiting for us as usual. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

I reluctantly got out of the Jeep and was instantly knocked into the side of the car by a tiny body that just didn't feel quite right as I wrapped my arms around it. After a few seconds we pulled apart and she leaned up on her tip toes trying to reach my lips. I tilted my head down and pecked her briefly on the lips. She tried to deepen it by grabbing on to the back of my head but I was quicker and able to move back before she got a hold.

She sighed heavily and grabbed my hand pulling me along behind her. This wasn't the gentle leading of someone who cared or loved you, this was her pulling me almost against my will away from my family and I was about at the end of my rope with it.

I looked behind me and saw James, Emmett, Bella, Edward all staring after me all with various expressions on their faces.

Emmett and Bella were pissed; I knew they didn't like Alice. She was constantly trying to drive wedges between us all. She had yet to succeed but I could feel a gap starting to form and I knew it was going to come down to a choice, and well, I hated choosing. So I generally put it off as long as possible. I had a feeling that I would lose a lot more then my movie option, or favorite dinner with my indecision this time though.

James looked annoyed and concerned at the same time, but I think the concern was more for Emmett, James didn't like when Emmett was angry. None of us did, but it seemed to affect James more than the rest of us. It was probably because their relationship was so different than the rest of ours at this point.

Edward, well his reaction was more interesting than the rest of them. He looked pissed, but also hurt and I couldn't tell really, but that might have been jealousy I saw flash across his face briefly. I was sure I was seeing things though. I did notice his hands were clenched in fists at his sides though.

I didn't know what any of it meant, but he wasn't following me, or trying to get me to stay so I decided to let it go and let Alice do what she does best, pull me along against my will behind her.

I guess she doesn't really know it's against my will though, I never really told her I didn't want to follow her anywhere and never tried to pull away, so once again I only had myself and my spineless nature to blame for my current situation.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't realize she was talking until she turned to look at me expectantly. I saw that we were in an empty corridor that was used mostly by the janitor and led to closets with cleaning and supplies. We were alone.

"I'm sorry what did you say?" I asked looking a little sheepish.

"I swear to God, sometimes I feel like I am talking to a damn retard! Don't you ever listen, what is wrong with you?" She was seething as she threw her insults at me and I shrank into myself a bit.

"I'm sorry, I just, I didn't, maybe…." I was interrupted as she lifted her hand up and slapped me across the cheek. I was stunned. She had never slapped me before. Shoved me? Sure. Yanked me along with her like a damn dog? You bet. But actually hit me never and I didn't know what to do or how to react. I lift my hand to my burning face and just starred at her as I felt my eyes well up.

"Damn it, Jas, can't you even form a coherent sentence? Man the fuck up or something. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you at all, I think you maybe more trouble then you are worth…" She was right though, I wasn't really worth much of anything. I looked down at my feet trying to hide my shame and hurt at being hit by a woman.

She started pacing the hall before sighing again and turning back towards me again coming towards me but I backed away from her.

"Shit, Jazzy, I am so sorry, I don't know why I did that. It's just you get me so frustrated sometimes. You barely talk to me, hardly ever touch me, it's like you don't even want to be with me." This was it my perfect opportunity to "man up" and take stand. All of us had sworn we would never let anyone ever hurt us like those men did ever again. So now all I had to do was say the words and finish it.

I opened my mouth to tell her she was right I didn't want to be with her, but was instantly interrupted by the one minute warning bell.

"Damn it, we have to go," she turned to head back to the main part of the school, "this isn't over. We will talk more about this later." Then she was gone disappeared around the corner.

I slumped against the wall sliding down it not having the strength to stay upright anymore. I let my tears fall.

Why did I let her do that to me? Why couldn't I stand up to her? Why did I have to break the pact I made to my brothers and sister? Why was I the weak link?

I just let all my doubt and pain eat at me as I cried in the dark hallway. I don't even know how long I sat there and I must have been lost in my self-deprecating thoughts because I didn't hear the footsteps approach me until I saw the familiar red chucks standing in front of me.

"Jasper, what's wrong are you alright?" I jumped slightly and looked up to see the moss green eyes looking down on me with concern. He squatted down in front of me studying my face intently. I started feeling weird under his intense gaze and turned my head to look away. When I did I heard a gasp escape his mouth.

"What the hell happened?" He grabbed my chin and tilted my face up to the light. "Did that bitch hit you?" He seethed the question and I whimpered slightly. He gently turned my face to him making me look into his now evergreen eyes. He was angry, and anger never led to anything good.

He must have noticed the fear in my eyes and let me go before sitting on the floor cross legged in front of me. I moved to mimic his position but turned my face down not wanting to look at him anymore.

He was so strong and brave. He had the strength to run from his abuser, he didn't stay and take it. He didn't cower in the corner, or let someone keep on hitting or hurting him like I did. I didn't deserve to have him here with me comforting me. He was so much better than I was.

"Jasper, please answer me. Did. Alice. Do. This?" He gritted each word out with a viscous malice that made me afraid not to answer.

"Yes." Was my whispered response.

He didn't say anything but I heard him rummaging around in his bag for something. A second later I felt something on my cheek and jerked away at the sudden pain.

"Sorry," he said gently, "I should have warned you. Your cheek is bleeding a bit, is it ok if I clean it for you?" He asked holding his had close to my face but not touching me. I didn't even know it was bleeding and sub-consciously reached my hand up.

Sure enough there was a small gash and I could feel the sticky liquid slowly making its way down my face. I looked up at Edward again; his brow was furrowed in concentration waiting for my answer. I just nodded a bit and tried not to wince as he brought the tissue to my cheek.

His touch was gentle but my cheek was still tender and I couldn't help wincing when he made contact. He didn't stop but continued cleaning me up he wet the napkin with a bottle of water he kept in his bag wiping the blood from my cheek.

"Well it doesn't look deep or like you need stitches. I am assuming it was one of her many rings that caused the cut when she slapped you. God I am going to kill her when I see her!" I was shaking my head but he just kept right on ranting, "No one should ever raise their hand to you in anything other than a gentle caress, I don't care if she is a girl, she has no right to put her hands on you in anyway!" He stopped ranting but kept mumbling something that I was having a hard time catching. It was something about being so much better than this, and not deserving something or other. I was really having a hard time following him.

"Umm, Edward?" I tried to get his attention but the mumbling continued. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly but not enough to cause pain. He jolted slightly but stopped his ranting and looked at me.

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away." He blushed lightly and I was mesmerized by it. I had never seen him blush before. It was always a trait I attributed to Bella, it was adorable.

Wait did I just think he was adorable? Damn that had been happening a lot more lately.

"It's ok, umm, we should ahh, get to class." I stood up and he followed suit but grabbed my wrist lightly holding me in place.

"I don't think you should go to class. I think you should call your dad or pops and talk to them before you go to see Dr. C today. They should know about this and it's not like you can really hid it from them anyway. They will notice the cut and honestly you lie for shit, family trait I think." He chuckled lightly, but I was unfortunately starting to panic. I can't tell the dads about this no way!

"No, Edward please, I don't want to tell them! Can't I just say I ran into a locker or something?" I pled with him, but I knew it wasn't going to work. He was right I couldn't lie for shit.

"Jasper, you know you shouldn't, and can't keep things from them. Why would you even want to try?" He was close to me, very close, and instead of being afraid or uncomfortable I found it just the opposite. For some reason anytime he asked me a question or talked to me I had to be honest with him. I could never hide anything from him and that was scary.

"I'm ashamed." I muttered and dropped my face into my hands.

"Why would you be ashamed?" He asked.

"I broke a promise Emmett, Bella, and James and I made to each other. On top of that I didn't stand up for myself and let myself be hit, by a women no less. What kind of man am I?" My tears started to fall again only adding to my shame. I didn't want Edward to see me weak and crying.

Before I understand what is happening I feel arms wrap around me and pull me into a tight but comforting embrace. I burry my face into his chest and let his scent sooth me.

"You are a brave man Jasper, not many who have gone through what you all have endured would be able to function much less get through everyday life without breaking down and sobbing. You have so much strength in you. I envy you." I couldn't believe what he was saying. He envied me? He thought I was strong? Brave? I started shaking my head against his chest not willing to believe him.

"You are the brave one Edward, you had the strength to get away from your father, you embraced who you are, and don't let anyone hold you back." I pulled away from him as I spoke and looked into his eyes that were turning a stunning jade color as they glistened with tears.

"Jasper, I wasn't brave. If my father hadn't caught me, I never would have come out; I never would have told them. I didn't actually even leave of my own volition they kicked me out! I ran like a child instead of standing up for myself. I let them make me feel like I was less than dirt for being gay, so I tucked tail and ran as far away as I could." A tear rolled down his cheek.

"I guess neither of us sees ourselves very clearly." I moved my hand up and brushed away the tear that slid down his cheek with my thumb as we starred at each other. Something passed between us and I couldn't place what it was but in that moment I felt safer and more complete than I ever had before.

Almost as quick as it came it passed as he broke eye contact lifting the fog from my mind.

"We should call your dad." He whispered quietly and I nodded.

He pulled out his phone and dialed the number for the station.

"Yes, can you transfer me to Chief Swan please?" He waited a few moments for the receptionist to put him through.

"Charlie, hey it's Edward…Well there was a bit of a situation….No they are ok for the most part….Yes…Can you come to the school to get Jasper?…We will be out front….Thanks see you soon." He hung up and turned to me.

"Come on let's go wait for Charlie." We left the hallway and made our way to the front of the school. I knew that dad would call the office and let them know that he was coming to get me.

We didn't have to wait long for dad to show up. He pulled up and rushed out of car to greet us stopping dead in his tracks as he caught a glimpse of my face. I saw his face get redder and redder as he took in the slight gash on my cheek. I could feel it throbbing and burning now. I knew it was going to bruise up also.

"Who did this?" Dad asked through clinched teeth. I instinctively flinch. Unfortunately it wasn't something I could stop and thankfully dad understood and wasn't offended.

"Can we please talk about it at home; I just want to leave please." I ducked my head in embarrassment.

"Of course son, get in the car. Edward you need to head back to class." He nodded his head and turned to leave. "Oh, and Edward," Dad called after him, "Thank you for calling me." He told him when Edward turned around.

"Of course." He flashed me his little smirk of a smile and left.

"Come on Jasper, let's get home and you can tell me what happened." I nodded and climbed into the front of the cruiser.

We didn't speak on the way and it gave me time to collect my thoughts. I was none too thrilled with having to tell dad about Alice slapping me but I could not see away around it. He was going to be upset and I didn't know what to tell him.

I knew I had to cut it off with Alice but I also knew that it was going to be a huge fight with lots of dramatics and possibly more violence. I was not looking forward to that at all.

When we arrived home we immediately went to the back sun room. It was the most comfortable and where every major conversation seemed to take place.

I settled into the papasan chair and dad took one of the soft leather recliners across from it. I kept my head down and I mulled over the best way to explain what happened.

"Jasper, son, please tell me what happened. Let me help, don't shut me out." I looked up at him and saw the sincerity that was always there but hurt also that I seem to be the only one in the family that isn't able to open up as readily as the others. I have always been introspective and almost detached. Even when we were in the hell house I was the quiet one, the sensitive one, the one who had a difficult time relating to the others.

Yes were all bonded and were close and I never felt left out but I also didn't feel like I fit in as well as they did when we started school. Maybe that's why I decided to keep Alice around. She made me feel normal. I mean it's normal for teenage boy have a girlfriend. I guess maybe I figured people wouldn't think I was so much of a freak if I had her around.

That obviously backfired.

"Please son, who did it?" He tried pleading one more time. I lowered my gaze again and told him the name that had been a thorn in my side.

"Alice."

To say dad was pissed would be an understatement. He jumped up and started pacing the room clenching and unclenching his fists.

"I'm sorry I weak and let her push me around. I should have broken up with her ages ago but I was weak." The tears started flowing again and I cursed my weakness.

"Jasper, look at me son, please." I looked up and he was crouched in front of me. "You are not weak; you are so strong and have been through so much. You are not weak in anyway." He pulled me out of my chair and into his arms. It was comforting and familiar. It had taken me time to get comfortable with hugging but now I crave them embraces like I crave chocolate.

Oh, I want chocolate!

"How about we go to the kitchen and get some ice cream with hot fudge and you tell me what happened today as well as in the past." I nodded as we separated and went to the kitchen.

Dad pulled out the mint chocolate chip as I grabbed the hot fudge and Oreos along with the whipped cream. Dad scooped out large servings of the ice cream while I crushed the Oreos to put on top and put the hot fudge in the microwave to warm up.

Yummy, owey, gooey, hot fudge! This ice cream sundae had the best of everything in it!

We took our bowls and made our way back to the patio sitting in the side by side chairs looking out over the cliff.

As we ate I went on to explain what had transpired today as well as throughout our entire relationship. How I really stayed with her because she made me feel more normal. How I didn't really like her like that and she just sort of latched on and never let go. I told him how she belittled me, and tried to get me to do things I wasn't comfortable with, how she would shove me. I spilled everything.

It felt great! It was like a purging of my soul and I felt lighter afterwards. I knew I would still have to talk to doc about it. But there was something about going to daddy that seemed to make everything alright again, that and the chocolate helped also.

"Jasper, I want you to promise me going forward that you won't be with someone or stay with someone just because you feel like it's something you 'should' do. You deserve to be happy and whether that happiness comes from a woman, man, or any combination there in that's fine with us, as long as you are happy and being true to yourself." I felt the urge to start sobbing again. They were so loving and accepting.

I always knew this but hearing it in direct response to a situation where I felt weak just reinforced the point.

"Well, you still have therapy so we better get to that." He stood up and pulled me up with him. We took our bowls to the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher making sure to hide the evidence of our afternoon treat from pops. He was trying to get us to eat healthier, it was so not working!

"Hey dad," he turned to look at me as I put the Oreos back in their hiding space, "thanks, and umm, I love you." He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug so tight I almost lost my breath.

"I love you too Jasper, you kids are our life, we love you more than anything in the world and would do anything to see you safe and happy." He kissed the top of my head and let me go but the feeling of warmth I got stayed behind.

* * *

An hour later I was sitting in the doc's office getting ready to spill my guts again.

"So, Jasper, how has your week been?" He asked ignoring the blatant sign of trauma on my face.

"Um, it was good, for the most part. Until today, but even that turned out alright." I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. I knew he wasn't going to let it slid for long but I would be damned if I made it easy on him.

Don't get me wrong I loved the doc. But that didn't mean I didn't enjoy giving him a hard time. He needed to earn his paycheck after all.

"Why don't you start by telling me how you got that gash on your cheek?" He looked at it and winced a bit. Yeah it wasn't pretty to look at. Alice must have put more force behind the hit then I originally thought.

When I went to the bathroom before we left the house I noticed it was bright red still and around the cut was turning black and blue. It wasn't the worst I've had by a long shot, but for some reason it made me feel worse then any scar or mar on my body.

"Alice and I got in a fight this morning. She told me that talking to me was like trying to talk to a retard and she didn't know why she bothered and that she wasn't sure I was worth it. She slapped me, hard, and one of her rings cut my cheek…" I had thought that all the tears I had already cried over the incident would have been dried up but alas here I was tearing up again! It must be something about this office that instantly causes the water works.

I continued telling him everything I told dad earlier. The whole story. When I was done he looked at me tilting his head to the side curiously.

"Jasper, how long have you known you didn't want to be with Alice?" His question was not what I was expecting. I was waiting for the standard "and how did that make you feel?" bull crap. Now he's gone and thrown me for a loop.

"I, umm, well, awhile." He gave me a pointed look telling me that the answer wasn't going to cut it.

"Try again Jasper." He prodded and I sighed in frustration.

"Since she latched onto me. I never wanted to be with her but it was easier to just go with it than fight. I was so tired of fighting and she made me feel normal. I mean teenage boys have girlfriends. It's what they do. So I did it, but it felt wrong the entire time,

"She was always trying to change me, make me dress the way she thought I should dress, talk how she thought I should talk, do things she thought would make her look better, hang out with the people she approved of. She was always trying to come between me and my siblings, but I didn't want to deal with the confrontation so I just let it go on. Like I always do when something bugs me or gets too uncomfortable." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Jasper, this is really something we need to work on. I understand that now that she has hit you, you intend to break up with her and even if you didn't I am sure your dad and pops wouldn't let you around each other anymore. But let me ask you this, what would have happened if she hadn't hit you?" I was confused with the question and told him so.

"Let me elaborate." He leaned forward in his chair watching me intently. "If Alice hadn't hit you today would you still break up with her?" I thought about it long and hard but in reality I already knew the answer. No.

I didn't like the way our relationship was. I didn't feel anything for her but I also didn't want to be alone and she for the most part tolerated me. So no I would have stayed.

"No, I don't think I would have." I told doc looking down at my hands again.

"So basically you would have stayed with her even though you didn't have feelings for her, she treated you and your family horribly, and she didn't honestly accept you for you. Is that what you are telling me?" I could look at him and my throat started closing up because when he puts it like that it sounds way worse than I thought. I just nodded my agreement and he continued.

"So, in 20 years if you had kept going the way you were, you would wake up next to a woman you don't love, and never intended to be with all because you didn't want to rock the boat. You have kids with this woman, maybe Alice maybe someone else who came along and latched on like she did. Bottom line you wake up in 20 years and realize you are living a life you never wanted, with a family you never intended to have all because you couldn't put your foot down and decided to do what was best for you and make a decision that was right for you instead of what you felt everyone else thinks is right for you." Wow that's a bit harsh doc.

"I ahh, well. I like to think that I would never have let it get that far." It was a miserable attempt at justifying my actions but I knew he was right. If I didn't deal with my inability to make decisions and face things head on in 20 years if it wasn't Alice, it would be someone else in her place. Someone I let railroad me.

"Close your eyes for me Jasper." Doc told me and I looked up at him. He had never asked me to do that in our sessions. I didn't like not being able to see what was going on around me. He knew that. Alec used to blind fold me before he would torture me. He said he liked me to be surprised. "I know you are uncomfortable with this but I want to try something, will you trust me enough to close your eyes for just a few minutes?"

Doc had never hurt me and I did trust him. I just wasn't sure it was enough to do what he was asking. I kept hemming and hawing in my mind when I realized this was just another decision I didn't want to make but had to in order to take control of my life.

"Ok, I'll try." I told him with determination.

"Good, now close your eyes, and breathe for me. Deep breaths in, longer breathe out on the exhale and relax." I did this a few times and felt my body start to relax. "I want you to picture yourself in 15 years, you don't have to say it out loud yet, just picture it. Where do you see yourself? Who do you see yourself with? Are you alone? Do you have a career? Where is your life in 15 years?" I thought about docs questions.

I had never thought about much past the day I was living in. For so long the future was incomprehensible but since coming here I did realize I could have a career, a family, and a life. I just never thought to picture what that life would entail. So I let my mind drift to when I would be thirty years old.

_I was sitting Pops tattoo parlor. Music was blaring in the background but it was nothing I recognized. I looked around and saw James sitting at one of the stations with a tattoo gun in his hand working on a man that was covered in ink._

_I looked at myself. I was dressed comfortably in ripped up jeans, and a long sleeve t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up reveling full tattoo sleeves on both arms. I had a ring on my left ring finger. I was married._

Interesting_._

_I looked down again and saw I had a sketch in front of me that looked pretty cool. I was just about to add some finishing touches when cool thin fingers covered my eyes. I thought I would feel panicked but I just smiled. The hands were familiar, they were the hands of someone I trusted with my life, hands that had explored the most intimate parts of me. _

"_Guess who?" A smooth velvet voice whispered in my ear. I reached up to feel the hands covering my eyes and noticed they were soft and smooth but strong and, and masculine at the same time. _

For some reason that didn't upset me like I thought it would. I thought before going back to my daydream.

"_Umm, let me think, Peter Facinelli?" I snickered quietly until I heard a low growl and the hand moved from my eyes to my waist long dexterous fingers start assaulting me with tickles._

"_You think you're so funny don't ya baby." He growls into my ear before sucking it into his mouth causing my laughter to turn into a moan._

_Before I realize what is happening I am pulled up and turned around swiftly and I am suddenly caught in the piercing gaze of jade green eyes!_

My eyes snap open and I start panting.

Oh.

My.

God!

I knew those eyes. They were the same ones that pierce through my soul this very morning. Oh God, what the hell was wrong with me?

"Jasper, what did you see?" I looked up at the doc who had been watching me with interest.

I wasn't sure I was ready to answer him. I had felt for several months that I may in fact be gay but didn't really want to admit it. It wasn't that I thought that it was bad or anything. I did feel like it would just be one more thing that would make me different.

Then I thought back on what Charlie had said the other night about not caring who I was with as long as I was happy. I thought about the eyes in my dream and the ones that were in my vision just now. They were the same and I knew whose they were. I wasn't sure how I felt about that aspect of the dreams. I was sure it was just a crush and one that would never be reciprocated but the message of the vision was still loud and clear.

"Jasp…"The doc started but I jumped in.

"I'm gay." I blurted out. I almost laughed at the shock on the docs face when he realized I spoke. His eyes were as big as some of those Anime characters James likes to draw.

"Ok then, that's great. How do you know?" I furrowed my brow in confusion. What did he mean how did I know?

"I don't understand?"

"How do you know you are gay? Is it because of what you went through? Is it because that's what you have been exposed to? Or…or are you really and truly attracted to men? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with one?" His questions were all good and valid. I was tempted to push them aside and not worry about they how's or why's but that would defeat what I was trying to accomplish.

"No I don't think I am gay because that's what was forced on me for so many years. If anything that is what caused me to try and be straight, and look how well that turned out." I chuckled cryptically.

"Good, I am glad you are able to embrace that. We are just about out of time so a few things before you go. First next session we are going to delve more into what you saw in your future. I would like you to go home and write it all down in your journal and maybe even expand on it." I nodded. "Next, you have homework, you must everyday this week make a decision you would normally try to ignore or push off on someone else." I almost swallowed my tongue at this.

"Doc, can't we ease into that. I mean I already have to break up with Alice and that's a huge deal, I just came out to you, and know that I have to come out to my family as well. I mean I've already had to make a lot of decisions that I normally wouldn't! Can't we just say I'm cured and move on?" I was hopeful but realistic. There was no way he was going to go for it.

"Ok Jasper, I will make you a deal alright?" He looked at me expectantly, but I was no fool I wasn't going to agree to said deal until I knew what it entailed!

"What's the deal then I will let you know if I agree." He smiled at me.

"Smart boy; never agree to something until you know the full weight of what is being offered!" I beamed at his praise proud that I didn't just jump at the chance to make someone else happy by passing the buck to them.

"So the deal: you are correct, you have made great progress. First you were strong enough to tell your dad what happened, that took a lot of guts. Most people who have been abused when presented with a situation where it starts again they tend to think they deserve it and you don't! So because you already made strides in the right direction as long as you do actually break up with Alice and come out to at least your dads we will call this week's homework complete. Sound good?"

Wait, did he just agree with me?

"Really? That's it? You are letting me off the hook?" He stood up and I followed suit.

"Oh, no. You are most definitely not off the hook by any means. But for this week you do have a lot on your plate. I think what is going to happen with Alice is going to require a lot of strength and fortitude on your part. Just remember to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Next week we will see how it went and go from there." He patted me on the shoulder as we made our way out of the office.

Dad stood up as we entered the waiting room and smiled.

"Ready?" He threw his arm around my shoulder pulling me into the comfort of his side.

"More than you know." I smiled up at him, waved bye to doc and left the office with a new sense of peace and a mission!

Operation dump the pixie bitch was now in place.

* * *

When we got home I had called Alice and asked her to come over. She told me she would be over after she finished with cheer practice, God why did I ever date a cheerleader? Not that there is anything wrong with cheerleaders, I'm just not exactly the peppiest of people.

Shortly after that the rest of the family came rolling in. I was afraid to tell them what happened but knew I needed to. I didn't want them to think I let them down though.

I made my way downstairs just as Emmett burst through the door.

"Jasper, Jasper, where the hell are you?" He was looking around frantically.

"Emmett I'm right here." He turned to look at me as I descended the stairs. He took in my appearance and immediately zoned in on my face. I saw his jaw clench and his eyes narrow.

"What the hell happened? Who did that to you? I swear to God I will break…."

"Emmett that's enough!" Pops called out from where he was coming in through the garage door. "I am sure everything will be explained shortly."

"Yes, let's all go to the sun room and chat shall we?" Dad came into the room from the office. He made his way over to pops and pulled him into his arms kissing him deeply. Most kids hated seeing their parents display affection we, however, didn't. It was nice to see that love could be shown physically and not cause pain.

Once they finished there greeting we made our way to the sunroom. Once we were all situated dad looked at me and nodded.

I took a deep breath and plunged in telling them all everything that happened. Emmett was furious and started yelling which in turn caused James to start to freak out a bit. He was getting better with raised voices but still didn't like them. Once he calmed down and James had relaxed again Pops spoke up.

"So what are you planning on doing Jasper?" I knew that dad had already told him what happened and what I was going to do but I think he wanted to hear me say it.

"I already called her she should be here soon. I am going to break up with her. I don't love her, hell; I don't even really like her that much!" That was met with chuckles from around the room.

"Thank GOD! He finally sees the light!" Emmett bellows and gets up pulling me into a hug.

"I love you brother and if the bitch ever raises a hand to you again, girl or not, I will fucking end her." I shivered at how serious he was. I had no doubt in my mind that he would indeed follow up on that threat.

"Ding dong, the witch is dead!" James sang as he walked out of the room following Emmett up the stairs smiling at me as he left. I could only shake my head at him.

Bella who had been silent through the entire exchange came up to me.

"Jas, it's no secret that I never liked her and I honestly didn't like what she tried to turn you into. You're better than that and I love you for you, not for who she tried to make you. You should only ever change if it's something you truly want." She pecked me on the cheek and turned to walk away but paused, "Oh, and I will stab her with her 5 inch hooker heals if she ever hurts you again!" I did not expect that at all but smiled at her just the same.

Dad and Pop hugged me telling me how proud they were of me and that they loved me. After that I made my way up to my room to play my guitar for a bit and try to relax.

* * *

"Jasper," Dad and Pop came into my room as I was playing around with my guitar.

"Yeah?" I put it aside as they sat on the bed across from where I was sitting.

"So Alice is on her way over right?" Pop asked the concern evident in his voice.

"Umm, yeah. I am going to break up with her. Then I need to talk to everyone." I was going to get this all done today and hopefully everything can settle down.

"Not a problem. The only thing is, is that we don't want you to be alone with Alice again. I mean you can talk to her alone but we don't want you to leave the house with her. You can talk in the living room or the patio but we don't want you wandering off with her." I nodded in understanding. They were just trying to keep me safe and I was fine with that. I didn't really want this situation to escalate.

"That's fine. I am hoping it will be quick and she will leave and let me be." They both just nodded and stood to leave. As they were walking out the door the bell rang through the house and everything froze.

The music that had been blaring from Emmett and James rooms was cut off, the sounds of Bella in the kitchen making some dessert ceased and dad and pops froze in the doorway.

This was it. Time to suck it up and finally get what I want and that was OUT! Out of this relationship, out of the closet, just out.

"You better go let her in before one of your siblings gets there. I doubt Alice would fair very well if any of the others see her." Dad turned pulling pops with him down the hall towards their room and I swear I heard him mutter 'or if I see her.' But I can't be sure.

I made my way out of my room and saw Emmett and James' head peeking out from the doorway that lead to the stair up to their rooms.

"If you need us just call and we will be there in a heartbeat." Emmett said quietly as James nodded.

"Thanks, but I have to do this myself." They both nodded and disappeared up the stairs. The bell went off again and I heard a pot slam in the kitchen.

"I have a frying pan if you need it!" I looked up and saw Bella's head poking out from the little cubby hole between the kitchen and dining room. She was brandishing said fry pan looking like she was about to attack and invisible foe! I just laughed at her and nodded.

I love my family.

I got to the suddenly ominous front door and grabbed the handle. I took a few deep breaths before opening the door and saw my tiny devil like girlfriend on the other side.

"Jasper, what took so long? I've been out here for like ever!" She didn't even say hi or wait to be invited in just pushed her way through.

I closed the door behind her.

"Hello Alice, let's go to the sun room and chat." I didn't give her time to respond as I turned and moved down the hall into the enclosed patio.

"Jasper what's going on? You just left school without telling me, I don't hear from you all day then you call and expect me to just run over here…."

"Shut up!" I interrupted her for the first time in our relationship and the look on her face was priceless. I had never told her to shut up before either, it felt good!

She started stalking towards me and I was tempted to back away but held my ground. I wasn't going to let her push me around any more.

"How dare yo….." She stated.

"NO!" I yelled, "You don't get to talk right now! You listen." She sputtered and flinched slightly. I never yell. It's not something we do in our home but I knew I had to be forceful to get my point across.

"Jasper, I don't appreciate," I stopped her again.

"You want to know what Alice, I don't appreciate you trying to run my life, I don't appreciate how you treat my family, I don't appreciate being yelled at, and I most certainly don't appreciate being hit!"

"Is that what this is about? A little slap in the face? For god sake grow a pair! What kind of man can't take a little slap on the face; you are such a little bitch! Now I will forgive this little outburst from you as long as you promise never to let it happen again. I mean after all without me you would be nothing. So let's just move on and put this behind us."

Now in the past I would have just nodded pecked her on the cheek and followed her to the mall where she would proceed to dress me like a fucking douche bag but not now. I had enough. I was taking control.

"No. No, Alice, not this time. I am going to tell you this one time and one time only. We are done. I don't care who you are no one deserves to be hit, degraded, or made to feel like they are less than human. It doesn't matter that it was just 'a little slap' it was a hit none the less." God it felt good to stand up for myself.

"You, you're breaking up with me? With me? No one breaks up with me! I'm the most popular girl in school I can get anyone I want, you should feel privileged I choose you!" Her voice was starting to rise.

"For some reason, Alice, I am having a hard time mustering the feeling of being grateful. You know you are almost worse than the people who used to tie me up and abuse me." I heard her gasp but didn't stop, "at least they didn't pretend to care about me, and at least they made no pretense of loving me. They were monsters and never pretended to be otherwise. You are a cruel, selfish wench wrapped in a nice sweet package used to make you seem innocent and sweet when in reality you are nothing of the sort. Now for the last time we are done. I don't want to be with you, so please leave."

Then it happened quicker than I imagined it could. It was like a switch flipped on in her mind and she was launching herself at me. I closed my eyes bracing myself for impact but after a few minutes I realized it wasn't coming.

I opened my eyes and saw Edward standing there with a flailing Alice in his arms screaming at him to let her go. She was clawing, kicking, screaming, and biting at him. All hell was breaking loose and it was only a matter of seconds before dad and pops were in the room with Marcus and Aro following behind them.

Dad took control of the situation talking quickly to Alice. I couldn't hear what he was saying but I didn't care. I was currently focused on the green eyes locked onto mine.

I was snapped out of my daze when I saw dad pushing Alice toward the front door of the house.

"Alice you are no longer welcome here, and if you ever try to hurt my son again I will slap a pair of cuffs on you faster then you can say juvie! Do you understand?" Dad's voice was low and left no room for argument. I didn't hear a response but was pretty sure she nodded her head.

"Oh wait one more thing," I pushed my way through the family that had gathered, "Alice?"

"Yeah Jazzy?" I rolled my eyes at the hopefulness in her voice.

"I'm gay!" The screeching started again this time louder. It was quickly drowned out by my family who was yelling questions at me and pulling me into warm accepting hugs.

I heard the front door slam as dad made his way back in. Everyone got quiet waiting to see what he would say. He came up to me and put his hands on my upper arms looking at me for a few minutes.

His face broke out into a huge smile as he pulled me into his arms.

"I am so proud of you son, not just for standing up to her, but for embracing who you are. Never let anyone tell you who or what you should be or feel. We love you!"

God here come the tears again!

"I love you too. All of you."

* * *

I was sitting on the steps soaking up the last rays of sun watching it dip low into the ocean. It was stunning and one of my favorite things to do. I heard the back door open and felt a calming presence sit beside me.

At this point I didn't even need to look over to know who it was next to me. My body had always known it was him even though I tried to ignore it and push it off to deal with another day. I realized I didn't want to ignore it anymore.

I also realized I wasn't ready for any type of relationship yet. Not that he would want one anyway. But I could still dream.

After Alice was tossed out of the house we decided to order food and we all talked about my latest revelation. Dad and Pops had the same concerns doc did. But I was able to reassure them. Emmett and James of course were great, Bella just hugged me and told me she wanted me to be happy, and Edward well; he was a different story all together.

All through dinner and dessert he just kept looking at me. He never spoke, never injected a witty comment like he usually did. Nope he just looked at me with a look that I couldn't even place.

"So, you're gay?" I was confused hadn't we all just spent the last several hours covering this topic.

"Umm, yes?" It came out more like a question and I heard him chuckle.

"Ok."

"Ok." I agreed. Not really sure what had just passed between us.

"So Marcus and Aro got the paper work from my parents. I am officially no longer a Cullen." He sounded like he had mixed feelings about it and I was confused.

"I thought you were happy that you were adopted by them?" Uncle Aro and Marc were great.

"I am, don't get me wrong. I already love them like fathers but changing my name to Gallo-Volturi means I am no longer a Cullen." I thought that was the point.

"I thought that was the point Edward?" I was still so confused.

"It is it's just that. I had hope that my brother would try and find me some day and if I change my name the chances of him finding me when he is ready to look as slim. I love my brother and miss him." In all the time we had talked and hung out he never mentioned his brother.

"Why haven't you talked about him before?"

"I get really sad when I think about him." A tear fell down his cheek and I instinctively wrapped my arm around him pulling him to my side. He fit perfectly.

"When your parents kicked you out, if you were so close to your brother why didn't you go to him?" If I was ever homeless the first person I would go to would be Emmett.

"My dad told me that if I went to Carlisle, that's my brother, for help he would cut him off too." I was confused, again. Cut him off of what. Edward must have notice my confusion and elaborated for me.

"My parents are paying for his way through medical school. They are paying for his living expenses and schooling so he doesn't have to try and work while working on his degree and going through his residency. He is studying to be a doctor and it's expensive. If he had to work his way through it, it would take twice as long. I couldn't force him to do that. Being a doctor is all he ever dreamed of. He even graduated high school early. He's brilliant." I could tell how much he loved and looked up to his brother and it broke my heart that he had to give him up.

"So why don't you just call him. Let him know your safe and will be in touch, but that you can't go to him." He was shaking his head.

"No I can't risk my parents finding out. I won't jeopardize his dream for my selfishness."

"But Edward, he is going to worry about you. When your parents tell him that you ran away, if you are as close as you say then don't you think he would sacrifice it all just to find you?" He lifted his head off my shoulder and I immediately missed the warmth of having him there.

"I never even thought of that, shit! He would throw his life away in a heartbeat trying to find me! What am I going to do?" He buried his face in his hands.

"Edward, you can call him. Let him know you are safe and loved, and that once he graduates and starts his career you will get in touch with him again." He pondered that for a few moments.

"You're right, I could do that. Umm I need to use a phone that doesn't show up on caller ID so he doesn't try to call back." I laughed. "What?" He asked offended.

"Sorry, but you can block your number from showing up, you don't need a different phone, just *67 then the number and it shows up private or unavailable or something."

"Really? How did I not know that?" He was perplexed and I just shrugged.

He pulled his phone out of his pants and started dialing the numbers. I watched as he held the phone to his ear waiting for someone to answer on the other end. He was looking a little green so I grabbed his hand a squeezed letting him know he wasn't alone.

After a few rings I heard a voice on the other side.

"_Hello?" _

"Carlisle, its Edward…"

* * *

**So there you have it! Next chapter Edward. I am thinking about doing an outtake with Emmett and James and how they got together so if that is something you are interested in let me know! **

**As always reviews get previews, and if I didn't respond to your review I am sorry. I had my email account hacked and had to change it so I lost a few of who sent reviews. Please forgive me! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey all! So this isn't a 'chapter' it's an outtake that several people requested wanting to know how Emmett and James got to be where they are now, so this is how it happened. So here it is.**

**I own nothing, as you all know. Also my beta's Jaspered01 and Paiget (which might not be her screen name anymore I forgot to ask her lol) But either way they rock my face off, and here it is let me know. **

**Also no preview for this chapter cause if you review last chapter you already got the preview of the next chapter, which is half way done! Should be done soon!**

Emmett POV: Outtake! **NOTE THIS GOES BACK IN TIME A BIT HENCE OUTTAKE!**

My legs burned like mother fuckers and my lungs were on fire! Why was I putting myself through this again? Oh yeah because I wanted to make first string tackle this season for football.

Last year was great, difficult, but still amazing. It had been our first year at school. Jasper, Bella and I were sophomores and James was a freshman. I trained really hard with Charlie that summer before we started school, after I had run into Coach Clapp, and it paid off. I made the team but was not first string. I got to play on occasion if we got far enough ahead, but it wasn't consistent.

I spent all spring and summer packing on the carbs, running my ass off, and everyday so I could pack on the muscle. I was now coming in strong at about 5'11" and 195lbs! I hit a major growth spurt in the last few months it was really amazing.

I spend every morning getting up at the crack of dawn and running 8 miles on the beach. The first few times I ran on the beach I hated my life! The extra resistance made it miserable but I got much faster results so I kept at it. After my run I went home and made a protein shake and ate a huge breakfast! Then I would hit the weights that dad and pops had in the basement. Some days Jasper or James would join me, they weren't as serious about fitness as I was.

I liked the days that James joined me, my workouts seemed to go much faster when he was there to talk to me. James had started filling out more himself, especially his upper body. He surfed almost every morning before school and spent hours in the water on the weekends and now that it was summer he was out there almost all day everyday.

He was tanned and toned and looking less like a boy and more like a man every day. Growing his hair out helped him look older also. At first I wasn't sure I was going to like it longer, even though it was never overly short, but it had never been as long as it is now. He looks like the quintessential surfer boy and it was hot as fuck!

Yes, I realized that my feelings for James have evolved, not that they really ever were 'brotherly'. Now though, they weren't even in the same stratosphere as brothers.

Which leads me to where I am now; running along the beach hoping to catch a glimpse of him bobbing up and down in the water looking sexy on that surf board. I should grab my board and join him. I haven't been out in ages. I don't want to intrude though.

I know he and Jasper would never be upset if I went out with them but the tranquility they feel on the water is much like I feel while I am running. It's the time when I am able to wrap my head around stuff and just mull shit over.

Lately I have been trying to figure out how to find out if James would ever feel for me what I do for him. I had worried for awhile when he and Vicky got close but nothing more than friends ever really came of it. He had been devastated when she had to move at the end of this year though. I felt awful for him. He didn't make friends easily, hell none of us did.

It has gotten better I will admit but trusting people is still a struggle. Bella still has yet to make any decent friends. There are a few people she will talk to but anytime a boy approaches her she clams right up making her seem weird. Because of this most girls just avoid her. There is one girl, Angela, that continues to make an effort and I hope she keeps trying. I think she would be good for Bells.

Jasper had the little pixie shit, Alice, but I can't really talk or think about her without wanting to cause harm to something so we will just leave that alone for now.

Me, well I had buddies from the football team, but not anyone I would really call a best friend. James honestly filled that roll and he and Vicky had always made sure to include me, which was nice. Mike, Tyler, and Ben were some of the guys on the football team that I got along with pretty well. Although if Mike kept looking at Bella like he was we were going to have some issues. I didn't really feel a connection to them though.

I was just rounding the last bend on the way to the stairs that would lead me back up the cliff to the house when I spotted a lone figure sitting on the water. I squinted and smiled when I saw the familiar long blond hair. His back was to me so he wouldn't notice me watching which was good. At this point I just sort of admired from afar. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

I used to be nervous about him being out in the water alone. I was afraid he would get hurt and not be able to make it back to shore or fall off his board and hit his head and no one would notice if he didn't resurface. Fortunately dad or pops always made sure to keep an eye out for anyone who was out in the water. They would usually sit in the back sunroom with their coffee and watch so that eased my worry considerably.

I watched as he lifted his face up to the sky soaking in the morning sun. It was mid-august we would be starting school in a few weeks. I was not looking forward to it. I loved the freedom that we had over the summer. It was so different than when we were in the "hell house". We went camping and hiking as a family, though most of the time dad, pop, or I had to end up carrying Bella or we would never reach the campsites.

James turned on his board and started paddling in. It didn't look like the surf was all that great today. I quickly made my way up the cliff to the house so I wouldn't get caught. When I got there I saw Pop's peek out of the sunroom with a weird smile on his face. Did he know I was basically stalking my own brother? God that sounds sick!

"What are you up to?" Pop's asked as I made my way to the kitchen.

"Not much just finished my run. Gonna grab a shake then head down to work out." I kept my eyes focused on mixing the powder into the milk. I hated getting the nasty clumps of protein powder in my mouth.

"If you say so, be careful down there if you use the free weights instead of the machine you call one of us to spot you, understand?" I rolled my eyes. You almost kill yourself by dropping a free weight on your chest once and they freak out! Parents!

"I know don't worry. I plan on taking it easy today. You leave for work soon?"

"Yes, I have an earlier appointment today so should be gone in about an hour. Jasper should be leaving to go to Aro and Marc's soon, and I think Bella is working at the library today. Will you and James be aright? You can come to the shop if you want?" Being alone for long periods of time still made us a bit nervous but we were getting much better, especially if another sibling was home with us. With so many of us it was rare that we were home alone anyway.

"No, I think we will be fine. If there are any issues I'll call." Pops nodded and headed back to the sunroom and I moved to the basement. When I got down there I turned on the stereo and turned it up as Godsmack started playing through the speakers.

I spent about an hour lifting and thinking about what to do about the James' issue. Should I talk to dad and pops about it? Would they think it sick that he is sort of like my brother? We weren't blood related and I have always felt differently with him than I did with Jasper and Bella. But still, I am pretty sure people will think the worst. Do I care about what other people think? Not really, but I don't want any negative attention to be brought to dad and pops.

Then I start thinking what if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way? Would things get weird? Would I lose him as my best friend, and pseudo brother? Was it worth the risk? That one thought caused me to pause mid bicep rep.

Was it worth everything changing for the chance to be with the man I was sure I wanted to be with forever? Images of us flash through my mind, us going off to college together, holding each other at night, and waking up in each other's arms every morning, standing with him on the beach in a commitment ceremony. With a final image of us sitting on a porch watching the sun set over the water; as I look over and see the laugh lines and graying hair of a much older James with eyes shining full of love and passion I know my answer.

Yes, with out a doubt the risk is worth it. If there is even the slightest chance that the future I just saw could become a reality then it is worth it. Now I just have to figure out how best to approach him and not scare the crap out of him.

I decide to finish for the day and make my way upstairs. I need to shower desperately; I was starting to offend _myself _with the stench that was coming off of me!

When I got up to the third floor I saw the bathroom was occupied. I had a sudden flash of being able to just walk in there and joining him and actually felt my hand hovering over the knob but quickly restrained myself and turned away. I made my way to my room and turned on some music and flipped on the TV and PS3. I looked around for the controller but couldn't seem to find it anywhere.

Thinking back I tried to remember the last time I had it. I remember playing Call of Duty with James and him beating me, I totally let him win by the way. I remember him jumping up and running from me as he giggled playfully still giddy from his win. I immediately followed after him with my controller still in my hand, AH HA! Now I remember.

I made my way to James' room and started looking around where it might have fallen when I attacked him on the bed. I remember tackling him to the bed and tickling the shit out of him the memory of him writhing under me made my dick harden instantly and I knew what I would be doing in the shower. Back on task the controller must have slipped from my hands in the attack, maybe it fell behind the bed?

I went over and leaned over feeling around behind the bed by the wall and came up with nothing. I turned my body and moved so that I was looking between the bed and the nightstand when I caught a glimpse of my target. I couldn't quite get my arm to fit in the small space so I pushed the nightstand a little to make more room. When I pushed it a bunch of shit fell to the floor.

Damn it, ignoring it momentarily I continued on my quest to reach my intended target. Reaching further my fingers brushed it, just a bit further and I would have it. Just as I got a good grip on it my fingers brushed something else.

Never being one to let a mystery go to waste I had to know what was under there. It was probably just some scrap piece of paper James tossed away and missed picking up when he cleaned. Reaching just a bit further I found purchase of my second item and pulled it along with the controller from behind the nightstand. Once I pulled my too large frame out of the tiny space I had crammed myself into I sat on the edge of the bed.

I was right about the second item it was a folded up piece of paper, it didn't look like it would be one for the discard pile though, no, and those were usually balled up and tossed haphazardly in the direction of the trash bin. This one was folded on itself several times. It was worn and looked like it had been folded and unfolded multiple times.

I was debating on whether or not I should open it. I mean it was not mine and meant to be private. Since we had moved here we had learned that privacy was something that we valued greatly. Having our own space that belonged to just us was amazing and we took it very seriously. So I felt bad even considering looking at what was on the paper. But hell this is me we are talking about and I rarely ever do what I am supposed to and if this can maybe give me some insight on what is going through James' head maybe it will help me in the long run.

That was all the encouragement I needed at this point and I started to unfold the paper. I caught a few glimpses of pencil here and there as I opened it but couldn't make out what it was yet. I was going slowly so as not to rip the worn paper. Just before I had the final fold open I glanced toward the bathroom door and listened to make sure the water was still running. Convinced I had time I unfolded the paper the rest of the way.

When I looked down I gasped quietly as all the air left my lungs. On the page in front of me was a man, a huge man, who had his back to me, his bare back ripped with muscle, and you could only see his profile, he had one dimple on the side of his smiling mouth, with short waves falling into his eye that was visible.

None of this was what caused me to gasp though, oh no, it was the man that was actually staring at me from the picture as he looked to be sinking into the warm embrace of the man with his back turned in the picture. You could see the love shinning in the eyes of the man that was visible the man that currently held my heart.

My James was staring at me in the picture wrapped in the arms of a man I had no idea about. Who was it? Was he someone I knew? Did they love each other? Was he hurting him? The barrage of questions that was hitting me was overwhelming. That coupled with my heartbreak was threatening to swallow me whole. I could feel my breathing coming out faster and harder as the images of my James being intimate with someone other than me hit me.

I was so caught up in my thoughts and emotions that I didn't hear the door to the bathroom open. I was brought out of my thoughts by James.

"Hey Em, what's going on?" He hadn't notice what I was holding yet. His back was to me facing his dresser. I looked him over; his long blonde hair was dripping down his shoulders and running down his back disappearing into the towel that was dangerously low on his hips. I could see some of the scars that marred his back and thought they made him even sexier.

I must have been silent longer than I realized because I was now staring at the thin yet toned chest of the boy who held my heart.

"You alright Em? What you got there?" He nodded his head at the paper in my hands and the question seemed to pull me out of my daze.

"Who is this?" I asked turning the picture around so he could see it. His face drained of all color and he started to shake slightly when he caught sight of what I was holding.

"Where did you get that?" His voice was low and steady wavering only slightly.

"I was looking for the controller to my game and found it balled up behind your nightstand. Now answer my question. Who. Is. This?" I said forcefully. I was close to losing it but knew that he would clam up even more if he felt threatened or vulnerable.

"I do…don't haaave toto tell you anything. I…it's nno…nonone of yo…your b…b…business anyway. Yo…you shouldn't b…b…be looking atat sttt…uff th…that doesn't be…be…long to you!" Oh shit, this wasn't good. He was on the verge of a major freak out, he rarely ever stuttered anymore and never around me. I instantly felt horrible!

I made my way over to him but he backed away and that nearly killed me.

"James, I would never hurt you, please, I just I'm worried that whoever this is will. Please tell me. We used to tell each other everything, please." I was pleading with him.

"I…I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm sorry I reacted that way it's just I didn't mean to draw that it just was something I dreamed about and woke up and had to get it on paper." Ok well that's better than I thought it would be and at least he stopped stuttering. Not that I would care if he always had the stutter but I knew it was a sign of him being nervous and afraid and I never wanted him to feel those things in my presence.

"Will you tell me who was in the dream? Please, obviously it's someone you know there is too much detail." He sighed lightly and went to sit on the bed picking up the picture. He ran his hand over it reverently.

"You will hate me if I tell you, please don't make me." I saw a few tears roll down his cheek and drop on the picture. How could he even think I would hate him? How can he not know how much I care about him? How can he not realize I would do anything for him, even if it meant letting him be with someone else if that's what made him happy?

I made my way over to the bed and sat next to him. The heat rolling off his body was almost distracting. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him to my side tightly. He fit perfectly as he dropped his head to my shoulder. It was a familiar position but felt different this time.

"James I would never could never hate you no matter what you tell me. I love you so much, more than you know, please don't shut me out." I heard him sniffle and mumble something that I couldn't make out.

"Could you please repeat that, I didn't hear you?" I chuckled lightly. Before I knew what was happening he was out of my arms and pacing the room running his hands frantically through his hair.

"Jam….."

"IT'S YOU ALIGHT!" He screamed as he turned to face me he was breathing heavy and had a look of fear and uncertainty in his eyes. I wasn't sure I heard him correctly but I am pretty sure he just said it was me!

I grabbed the picture off the bed again and looked closer. Now that I wasn't overwhelmed with heartbreak and jealousy I could see the resemblance.

I was a bit dumbfounded. I need more answers before I allowed myself to hope it meant anything. I went and stepped in front of him as he paced. When he was in front of me I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly to me.

"James I think we need to talk." I pulled away from him and saw that he was looking down in shame. I wouldn't have that even it was just his subconscious that caused him to draw the picture and he didn't have feelings for me I never wanted him to feel shame.

I pulled him back over to the bed and sat leaning against the head board pulling him to sit against my chest. I was very aware that he was still wrapped in a towel and was really trying to keep my body's reaction to him at a minimum.

"James how often have you had this type of dream about me?" This was one of the most pressing questions to me at this point. He cleared his throat and I saw a blush tint his cheeks. Sometimes I wonder if he really was related to us with the blushing and all, but thank God that he isn't.

"Well, it's umm…..been a few months." He cringed slightly when he told me that. I rubbed my hand up and down his arm hoping to calm and sooth him.

"Hey, it's alright, everything's fine. I'm not mad in anyway. So, is this like how you see me now, or is it just I don't know some fantasy you have about being with another man but it's projected onto me because you feel most comfortable with me?" Man I sound like the doc! Maybe I should be a head shrinker!

He didn't answer but I started to feel water drops onto my chest where his face was buried. I didn't think I was going to get anymore out of him right now and in all honesty so far he had been the only one putting himself out there so I decided it was time to bite the bullet and let the chips fall where they might.

"What would you say if I told you that I don't want this picture to be just a dream anymore James?" I said quietly in his ear. He looked up at me with tears shinning in his eyes and a confused look on his face.

"I…I don't understand." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and plunged head first.

"I don't want to be just your brother or best friend anymore, I don't ever want to see you draw a picture like this with anyone else but me holding you in their arms, I don't want to ever see anyone else kiss you, hold you, or make love to you. I want to be the one to do that. I…I love you James, not as a brother or friend, but as my soul mate. I can't imagine ever being with anyone but you." I leaned down and captured his lips gently with mine.

I felt him freeze and was about to pull away when his lips finally relaxed and started moving against mine. It was a slow kiss, sweet, and gentle. I poured all the love I had for him into. There was no tongue it wasn't a passionate or sensual kiss but it was perfect.

After a few seconds we pulled apart and I saw his face flush again and thought maybe I overstepped my bounds or misread something. Maybe he kissed me out of fear or reflex after all we had been through?

I moved to sit up and get off the bed while I started to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, I shou…." I was cut off by his lips crashing to mine again. This time the kiss was heated and full of want and need. It was still fairly innocent but the heat that was coursing through my body had my cock throbbing and hard in seconds.

This kiss lasted a bit longer than the last one and when we pulled apart we were panting trying to catch our breaths not breaking eye contact. I reached my hand out and gently cupped his cheek running my thumb over the apple of his cheek. He leaned onto my touch and sighed softly.

"Is this real or am I going to wake up alone and cold?"

"No baby this is real. I'm here and I'm never letting you go." I sat back against the headboard again and instead of sitting with his back against me he turned around so he was straddling my thighs. I noticed his towel was open slightly and about five seconds away from falling off but I was focusing on his face at this moment.

"What does this mean?" He asked me and I realized I never really found out his actual feelings on the subject.

"What do you want it to mean?" I made the first move but I wasn't going to make him feel like I was forcing him into anything.

He was deep in thought and I watched his face change from emotion to emotion; fear, excitement, anxiety, trepidation, happiness, lust, and finally determination.

"I don't know when it changed but I haven't seen you as a 'brother' for quite some time Em, I started having the dream several months ago. The first night it happened I almost freaked out, I ahh, you know woke up and was well…." He trailed off and I thought it was adorable that he still couldn't talk about this stuff.

"You mean you got hard." I finished for him not wanting him to be uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it was the first time that ever happened without the pills they used to give us and I was freaking out. I almost ran into your room but umm well I thought I would try to figure it out on my own first." My interest was most certainly peaked at this confession.

"Oh, and were you able to work it out?" I wanted to laugh but didn't want to embarrass him. I had learned about the joys of self-loving from locker room talk. At first I was terrified about what was happening to my body when I got my first hard on. I didn't know what to do and just lay in bed until it finally went away. The next day I was in the locker room when I heard some guy talking about the hand job he got. He went into great detail and me being the inventive fuck I am thought 'hell if her hand worked on him I'm pretty sure my hand would work on me.' and wouldn't ya know it? I was right!

"Well, I was trying to get it to go down so I put my hand over it and kind of….man this is embarrassing…." he buried his face in my chest again and I chuckled but wasn't going to save him this time, "after pushing on it a few times it started to feel…good so I just kept doing that until well this pressure kept building and I felt like I was going to explode and then it did and it was incredible but scary too. I didn't know what it was or if it was right or wrong so I didn't tell anyone."

Oh my sweet baby. I didn't think it was wrong not according to the guys in the locker room anyway. I didn't really want to discuss it with any of the adults around not that I think they would hurt me or anything it was just awkward.

"James, babe, I don't think it's wrong, I think most people especially guys do it. I've heard things in the locker room and I think it's perfectly normal to do that. In fact the thought of you putting your hands on yourself after dreaming about me kind does things to me." His eyes went wide and looked down at my lap. I was hard but what did you expect the love of my life was in a towel straddling my lap and I was a teenage boy to boot, sue me!

James was biting his lip staring at the tent in my mesh shorts. I grabbed his face and pulled it so he was looking into my eyes.

"Baby, don't worry it's not going to bite you and we won't do anything until you and I are both ready and comfortable alright?" He nodded at me and leaned forward so he was laying flush against my chest with his face buried in my neck.

"So what are we? Are we dating or what? Do we tell dad and pops or hid it? I mean what does it all mean?" He asked sounding unsure. I didn't have the answer to all his questions at this point but I didn't think it would be good to tell dad and pops at this point. I don't want to hide forever but I was pretty sure they would set ground rules that I just didn't want to follow at this point.

"Well I want you as my boyfriend, I don't think we should tell dad and pops yet I want us to get used to being us and not brothers you know as for what it all means, well it means that I love you and as for the future we will just have to see. As long as we stick together and make sure to talk to each other when we get scared or something then I think we should be fine." He nodded but didn't say anything and neither did I. I was busy relishing the feeling of holding him in my arms.

Some people may say that I was too young to know what love was or that there was no way I could have found my soul mate while still in high school but I knew my feelings and what I wanted. I wasn't going to let anyone tell me who to love and who not to love ever. We had spent too many years being told what to do when it came to our bodies and who we had to do it with I refused to fall into that again.

"Em, can we…can we kiss more? I really liked that." He looked up at me through his lashes while smiling coyly at me.

"Oh, I think that can be arranged." He leaned in and captured my lips with more force than before and after a few seconds I knew I wanted more. Kissing was one thing that the men who came to visit us really weren't interested in and I thank God for that. Kissing seemed much more intimate to me than anything else.

I leaned forward into the kiss and swiped my tongue across his lips gently requesting permission to enter the sweet untouched cavern. Permission was tentatively given and his mouth cautiously opened slightly allowing me my first taste of his sweet flavor. Damn I sound like a woman! But there was something about James' scent that was so sweet yet masculine at the same time.

As the kiss continued my hands made their way up his arms and over his bare shoulders and into his hair. I pulled slightly opening his mouth further pushing my tongue past the opening of his lips and deeper into my new favorite place in the world.

James' hands that had been resting on my chest started moving softly exploring the ridges of the pecks under my shirt. His hand graced over my cloth covered nipple causing a groan to escape my lips. His movements were shy and slow at first but gained confidence as the moans and groans grew louder.

I felt him trail his hands down my chest to my abdomen and pause as he reached the hem of my shirt. He pulled away from my mouth and looked into my eyes as if asking permission. I nodded my head in acknowledgement and his hand snaked under my shirt and over my lower stomach.

I felt my muscles quiver and tense with his tentative touch as his hands moved higher up my torso taking my shirt with him never breaking eye contact. I raised my arms above my head as James pulled the t-shirt the rest of the way off. He broke eye contact raking his eyes down my chest licking his lips in the process.

"Em?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to kiss you." I was confused isn't that what we hand been doing?

"You can kiss me anytime you want baby." I told him and he just beamed at me as his lips moved closer to me but bypassed my lips entirely. Oh, I smiled to myself as he trailed light kisses down my jaw to my collar and finally my chest. He continued to pepper my chest with light kisses slowly making his way to the side. His tongue snaked out and swirled around my sensitive nipple and I couldn't stop my hips from bucking up.

He froze momentarily before repeating the action and lifting his hand up to tweak my other nipple while he lapped at the other.

"Oh, God that feels so good!" My hands found their way to his hair as he switched his mouth from one side to the other laving attention on my other nipple. I had no idea it would feel that good to have his mouth on me.

"James, shit, your mouth is so hot!" He pulled back and smiled at me.

"I love you Em, so much." His eyes were shinning with tears and I couldn't take it anymore I wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him tighter to me as my mouth pilfered his in a kiss so deep I was seeing stars.

I was so hard and James started grinding his hips into mine thrusting his hard-on into mine. I threw my head back as the friction became almost too much. If he kept this up I was going to nut in my shorts.

"James, you have to stop, I can't take much more." I looked down and notice his towel was looser now and the slip of it had opened up showing off more of his strong thigh. He moaned and ground into me again.

"What if I don't want to stop…shit that…..so good." He thrust again and the feeling of his cock rubbing against mine, even while fully covered, it was everything I ever thought it would be.

"Oh, yes, fuck….." James' hands wrapped around my neck capturing my lips with his again as we both rocked against each other in a steady rhythm. I don't think the significance of what was happening has hit us yet but I knew it would.

This was our first sexual experience on our own terms and it felt amazing. I think it helped that I loved the person grinding on me more than anything else in the world.

The pressure was building in my stomach and our thrusts were becoming more erratic. I could feel James start to shutter and tense above me as his lips left mine and he threw his head back. His jaw clenched and the veins in his neck throbbed with his excretion.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck…..Em….Em…SHIT!" He speeds up as he hurtled toward his own release.

"James, shit…..YESSSss!" My balls tightened as we both thrust one more time tensing as the pressure in my stomach finally exploded and I came hard calling his name.

It felt like my release lasted forever when I felt James collapse on top of me panting. I was trying to catch my breath as he hid his face in my neck trying to calm his own breathing.

We held onto each other tightly as we started coming out of our post orgasmic bliss. If it was this amazing without even touching bare skin I can't even imagine how it will be when I can get my hands on him. I know it will take time to ease into things and that this was very spur of the moment. I also knew that we would get there someday.

After a while he pulled away from my chest and blushed lightly refusing to make eye contact.

"What's wrong?" I asked afraid that he was regretting what happened or that we pushed too soon.

"Umm, well, I'm….you know?" My brows furrowed in confusion because I sure as hell didn't know.

"James, do you regret what happened? I didn't mean to push you into something. I'm sorry; I would never hurt you…" I was stopped by his lips on mine briefly before he pulled away again.

"No I don't regret it, not at all Em. I am thrilled that you feel the same way for me. I admit that it will take time to ease into things but I meant what I said. I love you." I nodded still not sure what the problem was.

"I love you too babe, but I don't understand what the issue is then?" I was caressing his back lightly and he shivered. I had to smirk loving the effect I obviously had on him.

"Well, I'm all sticky!" He whined like a child and dropped his head down to my shoulder in embarrassment. I couldn't help it I had to laugh and I felt his shoulders shaking also.

"James, don't be embarrassed. I'm sticky also."

"Stinky too!" I gasped in mock hurt and started to tickle his sides.

"No, stop, stop, stop! Please, I didn't mean it….you smell like a rose garden I swear!" He was gasping for breath as I was relentless in my assault on him. I loved hearing him laugh it was so light and carefree!

"Damn right I do!" I continued for a few more seconds before stopping. I pulled him off the bed with me and made my way to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asked shyly as I lead him inside and turned the water on.

"Well, you are sticky and I apparently stink so I figured we could rectify both problems in one go." I told him as pulled my shorts off. I really didn't mind being naked in front of him or other guys for that matter. I was used to it from being in the locker room.

I looked behind me and noticed James' hand on his towel looking like he was debating with himself. I knew he was still self-conscious about his body, even though he didn't need to be. He was stunning in every way. Granted it had been several years since I had seen him fully naked but from what I felt earlier I wouldn't be disappointed.

"Baby if you aren't comfortable I can wait and you can shower now." I turned around to face him full on and his eyes widened taking me in.

He shook his head to clear it and I smirked internally.

"No, it's ok, I want to. I just well what if you don't like what you see?" He bit his lip lightly; a trait he picked up from being around us Swans' it seems like that's something we all do.

I walked over to him and put my hand on either side of his face pulling him up to look at me.

"That could never happen. I can hardly be in the same room with you and not get hard, just the mere thought of you naked sends my heart racing. You are stunning every part of you." I moved my hands from him face and down to where his were on the towel. I looked at him intently waiting for permission.

He nodded slightly and I pulled his hands away from him effectively undoing the towel at the same time. He let it go letting it fall to the floor.

I didn't look down there would be time for ogling later right now was about getting him comfortable. I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me and into the shower. As much as I may have wanted something to happen while we were showering I knew now wasn't the time. I had to keep reminding myself to take things slow.

I pushed him under the spray and grabbed the soap lathering it in my hands as I began to wash his body reverently thrilled that he trusted me enough to do this, to be with me in such a vulnerable way. When I was finished with his body and hair he took the soap from me and with shaky hands proceeded to wash me as well.

It was gentle and sweet. I loved having his hands on me. When he was done we got out of the shower repeating our actions and toweling each other off. Words weren't needed now we were just basking in the feelings of finally being together this way.

"Take a nap with me?" He asked as we entered his room again.

"Of course." I pulled him over to the bed and down onto it with me. We lay on our sides facing each other. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me as he buried his face in my chest inhaling deeply.

"I love you." He whispered as his breathing evened out as sleep claimed him.

I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to relish the feeling of having him in my arms. My love, my life. But no matter how hard I tried to keep them open my eyes grew heavy and closed of their own accord. I drifted to sleep with dreams of a future with my James by my side forever and a smile on my face.

* * *

**So there is the back story of how they got together! Leave me love!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Ok ya'll here is the next chapter! A little emo, but I like it. Let me know what you think!**

**Also I added some pictures to my profile. Right now I added pictures of what I think my characters look like at this current age. It was difficult to find any pics of James (Cam) at a younger age so if anyone has any decent ones let me know. When I get to the older ages I will post pictures then also. I also added a pic of Winston (if you forgot I mentioned him several chapters ago. He is Aro/Marcus' dog). So they are there if you are interested. **

**Also I plan on doing another outtake which will be Charlies POV and it will have to do with Bella and "becoming a women" talk, lol. That's going to be awkward, but funny as hell, and may include a Peter/Charlie lemon. Let me know what you think!**

**Also, my on beta is away on a conference for work and my other, well, not sure, anyway so DreamingPoet1988 nicely pre-read and corrected some of this for me! I had to let her she was emailing me everyday bugging the piss out of me to know when I was going to post this chapter! LOL, I don't mind really at all it helped motivate me to get it done. So anyway, read on and enjoy.**

**As always I own nothing except a great new pair of pants that are about 10 sizes smaller then I was a year ago! 160 pounds lost in a little over a year! Woot Woot!**

**EdwardPOV**:

"_Edward? Oh God, where are you? Are you alright? Mom and dad said you ran away but I don't believe them. What happened? Give me your location and I will come get you." _I listened to my brother ramble on and felt guilty. I almost hung up but Jaspers hand clinging to mine stopped me.

If he can face everything he just went through certainly I can spend a few minutes talking to my brother.

"Carlisle, calm down please. I'm fine and if you would just take a few deep breaths I will tell you what's going on." I looked over at Jasper and he smiled at me. I know it's only been a few hours since he dumped Alice but he seemed like a whole different person already.

I don't think he realized how much of himself he gave up being with her. I hope over time I can show him he can be him and still give himself over to someone. I want to be with him but I know he isn't close to ready.

"_You're right Edward; I'm sorry please tell me what's going on." _Oh, how I missed my brother. I wish more than anything I could see him again but I know it will be years before I can allow that, if ever. He was going to go on to do great things. He doesn't need to be held back by me and my shit.

"Well Car, I'm safe and I found a place where I am loved and accepted…." I was about to continue when he interrupted me.

"_EDWARD, you would be love and accepted here, with me!" _He sounded mad and I immediately jumped up and went on the defensive pulling my hand out of Jasper's in the process.

"I know that Car but I couldn't burden you like that. I refuse to let you give up your dreams for me!" I yelled into the phone.

"_What do you mean 'give up my dreams' you better start making sense!" _I was pacing and running my now free hand through my hair. This was not going at all how I thought it would.

"I was trying to explain but you interrupted me! May I please continue?" I was being an ass but sometimes he just did that to me!

"_Sorry, my prince please continue!" _I snickered as I imagined him mock bowing on the other end of the line.

"Thank you, commoner, anyway like I was saying I found a couple who have been in contact with mom and dad. They offered to become my legal guardians, they are amazing and I already love them, they are the type of parents that mom and dad should have been to us, well to me anyway." In all honesty our parents treated Carlisle great; he was always the golden child. I wasn't jealous of that though; I looked up to him too.

"_Edward I don't understand, why do you need new legal guardians when you ran away from home? Can you just tell me everything from the beginning?" _I thought about it and I didn't really want to keep it from him so I decided to just tell him everything.

"Alright, well a few months ago dad caught me and Felix in a compromising position. I know, I know, I wasn't supposed to let him catch me. Trust me I never meant to…." I went on to explain the attack and dad throwing me out and mom letting him.

Once I was done telling him everything the line was quite. I checked the connection on the phone and it was still going.

"Car you there?" I asked quietly. Was he pissed at me? Did he not want to talk to me anymore? "Car…."

"_I'm here Ed. I'm just not sure how to react to this. I mean I knew dad was a grade A asshole but I never suspected he would do anything like this." _He sounded tired suddenly and I felt bad for burdening him.

"_Alright here is what we are going to do. I am going to file for custody, you will have these people retract the deal they made with mom and dad and you'll come live with me. Now tell me where you are." _I wanted more than anything to tell him, to have him jump on the first flight here and take me to live with him. But I knew what we would all be giving up and I couldn't do that.

"No Carlisle, I won't tell you where I am. I can't."

"_Why can't you? I still don't understand why you would rather have virtual strangers take you in rather than come and stay with me!" _He seemed hurt and I didn't want that.

"Car, it's not that I don't want to come and stay with you it's just that there's something's that happened that I can't tell you about right now. Maybe once you are out of school and I am legally an adult I will tell you more about it but please just know that I am where I need to be right now. We can talk on occasion but I can't tell you where I am please just leave it."

"_But Ed, you're my brother, I love you I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you whenever I want or to just know where you are if I need you. You're more than a brother to me what am I going to do without you around? Who am I going to talk to about girls? How am I going to tolerate going to see mom and dad when you aren't there?" _

Oh God he was killing me. It sounded like he was crying. I don't know if I can do this. Maybe if I told him where I was we could see each other and I would just have to tell him he could never tell mom and dad? No! I couldn't chance them finding out and pulling their support from him. I wouldn't chance it.

"I'm sorry Carlisle," I was crying now too when I felt warm strong arms wrap around me holding me tightly in silent support. "There are too many things at stake right now for me to tell you where I am. Once you graduate I will tell you. Please just trust me Car." I was begging for him to leave it alone.

"_Ok, alright, you win. But the second I graduate you tell me where you are and I am on the first flight there. Now, are you sure you can trust these people that you are staying with?" _I chuckled and launched into everything they had done for me. I told him about Jasper, Emmett, James, and Bella but didn't give names. I didn't want him to try googling that shit or anything.

We must have talked for an hour or so and Jasper stayed by my side holding my hand, hugging me, comforting me, and providing strength when I need it.

"Jasper, Edward come on we are going to watch a movie!" I heard Emmett yell from inside and I guess Carlisle did too.

"_You should probably go, you have a life to get on with and I need to study. I love you Ed, and if you ever need me for anything at all, call, anytime, and I will be there_." He tells me and I choke up again.

"I love you Car, and it won't be for long. You only have a few years left, do good." I tell him reluctant to hang up.

"_You too, later brother." _I hear a quiet sob on the other side of the phone before the click indicating he hung up and I break down.

I hear the backdoor open and looked up from Jaspers shoulder where I had been sobbing to see Emmett, James and Bella all standing there. I didn't know where Aro, Marc, Charlie, and Peter were.

"What's going on? Are you alright?" James asks quietly as he comes to sit on the other side of me. James and I got on really well; we were the same age and had a lot of the same classes together being a year behind the others.

"Sorry to ruin the evening. I just had something I had to deal with." I told them looking down at the ground in front of me. I felt people shifting around and looked up again. Emmett had moved to sit behind James with his legs on either side of James' body. James leaned back against him with his arms on either side of Emmett's legs and Bella was sitting on the other side of Jasper leaning her head on his shoulder.

No one talked for a while we just enjoyed the safety, security, and acceptance we all brought each other.

"So you wanna talk about it?" Bella asked quietly biting her lip like all the Swans do when they get nervous.

"You don't have to but sometimes it helps when you're hurting to get it out there." Emmett for being such a big, loud guy was surprisingly insightful and gentle.

"It's just that Car, Carlisle; my brother has always been the only constant in my life. I could go to him anytime my dad was an ass, or I was upset. He defended me, supported me, and never judged me; even when he found out I was gay. I feel like I am betraying him and I miss him so much." I felt my tears start again and hated it. I hated looking weak in front of anyone. Especially these four, they were all so strong.

I still didn't know _everything _they had been through but I know it was terrible. I have caught sight of some of the scars on them here and there and knew that whatever caused them was atrocious. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know what they went through. I knew enough and seeing them here surviving while it felt like I was drowning in my own pity was enough to make me sick.

"I can't imagine how you must feel Edward, if I ever had to leave Jasper, Bella, or Emmett behind I would be curled in a corner crying!" James leaned back further into Emmett who tightened his hold on him. Emmett leaned down and kissed his forehead. It was very loving and sweet and made me long for the same.

"You never have to worry about that baby. The five of us, and yes I include you Edward, we are like in it for life man. We're family and we will be there anytime one of us needs the other." The others all nodded and I felt honored that they included me in their circle of trust. I have to admit though that I hoped one of them in particular wasn't feeling overly brotherly towards me.

I chanced a look at Jasper from the corner of my eye and saw him frowning slightly and wondered what was causing it? I hoped it was that he didn't see me as a brother either but I didn't want to get ahead of myself.

"Emmett's right Edward, and in a few years once Carlisle has graduated from school you can have him in your life again. The time will fly by!" Jasper squeezed my hand that I just realized he was still holding. I looked over at him and smiled.

"You're right; it's only like 3 years until he is done with the program he is in. Then he will be doing his residency. Maybe I can get him to do it at a hospital close to wherever I end up going to college?" That was an idea I would have to talk to him about. But I had no idea where we would be in three years.

Jasper, Emmett, and Bella may already be at school somewhere leaving James and me here to fend for ourselves. I didn't like the idea of that. All of them had so quickly found their way into my life and heart I wasn't sure I could survive being here without them.

I didn't think that Emmett would leave James here though so maybe they would hold off going to school for a year until we could join them? It would be something we would have to discuss later. I had to get through the rest of this year first. I wonder what the family did during the summer months.

"I'm sure he would love that and you can talk on the phone as often as you want." Bella was trying to sound as positive as possible but I just shook my head.

"No, I have to be careful. He is still on my parents cell plan and I don't want them seeing the blocked numbers and figuring something out. I have to be careful, I can't risk his dream, I won't!" All Carlisle ever wanted was to be a doctor he was single minded in that pursuit almost to the point of obsession. I didn't understand it but I would be damned if I was the cause for him losing that dream.

"Ok, well then we will just make the best of the times you do get to talk and make it through the next few years and move on from there. But we will always be here for you Edward never doubt that." I nodded and we all fell into an awkward type of group hug on the back stairs.

"Hey, everything alright out here?" We pulled apart and saw Charlie, Peter, Aro, and Marc standing in the doorway with concerned looks on their faces. We all pulled apart but I noticed Jaspers arm linger around me a little longer than the rest of them and smiled internally. Maybe he did have a thing for me, I wouldn't push it. The last few days had been huge for him.

"Umm, yes everything is good we were just letting Edward know that he is one of us and we got his back." Emmett said as he moved up the stairs and back into the house. We all followed after him.

"Good, I'm glad you are all bonding. But I think it's time we head home, it's been a long day for everyone and you have school tomorrow." Marcus reminded us and we all groaned. The adults chuckled at us as we moved to get up.

"Come on kids it's not that bad, and school is almost over!" Charlie reminded us and he was right we only had about a month and a half left in the year and then it was summer.

We were all hugging and saying our goodbyes when I got to Jasper. He looked down at the floor shyly. I pulled him into a tight hug holding on longer then was necessary.

"Thank you for today Jasper, you gave me something today and I will never be able to thank you enough for it." I whispered in his ear before pulling away. He looked confused.

"What did I give you?"

"My brother back." The smile that lit up his face was blinding and I vowed right then and there to do anything in my power to make sure he had that smile on his face everyday for as long as he would let me.

I left the house following my new dads down the porch to the car. I thought back to the day we had and still couldn't really believe all that had happened. After Jasper had left for the day the rest of school was tense.

At lunch the rest of them had asked me if I knew where Jasper was and I told them only the basics, that something had happened and Charlie had come and picked him up. I informed them any further information would have to be given from the source itself.

When I saw Alice coming into the cafeteria I had to literally hold myself in my chair so that I didn't go over and beat the shit out of her. I never believed in hitting women but I wasn't sure I qualified her as one so I was on the fence about it. She didn't say anything to us but smirked at the table as she walked past. I don't know what was going through her head but it didn't look very pleasant.

Today had been a trying day for all of us on many levels. Jasper had finally rid himself of Alice to which I swear we could all hear the _Hallelujah Chorus _playing. Jasper coming out. The papers had finally come through for the change of guardianship. My call with Carlisle had drained me also. It was emotional on so many levels and I was ready to curl up with Winston and sleep for days. Unfortunately I had school tomorrow so that wouldn't be happening.

"So what was going on back there Edward?" Aro as we pulled into the driveway of the house.

"Well, you see, I…..I don't want you to get upset if I tell you." I didn't think they would be angry that I called Carlisle but I didn't want them to think that I didn't want them to be my parents, because I did. I was just selfish and wanted Carlisle also.

"Edward, nothing you can tell us would upset us; we love you and just want you to be happy. Let's go inside and talk, I'm sure Winston is lonely also." I smiled at the mention of the pudgy drool factory we called a dog. I never would have expected the two of them to have a dog like Winston. I would have thought they would go for something classier like a Poodle, or Great Dane. The short and stout Bulldog just didn't seem to fit the image they portrayed.

We made our way inside and I smiled as I heard the patter off padded paws and grunting coming from down the hall. Just as we made it into the kitchen from the mud room Winston rounded the corner to greet us. It seemed that he misjudged his forward momentum and as he turned the corner his hind legs slid out from under him on the slick hard wood floors causing his bottom to hit the floor as the inertia propelled him into the kitchen spinning several times before coming to a stop in the center of the room. He looked around a bit dazed and tried to stand only to slip and make contact with the floor again unable to balance his equilibrium after spinning so many times.

I took pity on the poor guy and went over and picked him up cuddling him to my chest. He wasn't overly large for his breed. Aro and Marc had explained to me that he was the runt of the litter. He was no longer a puppy but some how managed to maintain that puppy face that most dogs lost as they aged. He was simply adorable and provided me with endless amounts of entertainment, when he wasn't chewing up my sketches and keeping me awake with his grunting, snorting, and snoring. Marcus just laughed when I told him that a few weeks ago and said it was good practice for when I had a partner.

He made a good point and honestly Winston was a great cuddler- yes I am man enough to admit I like a good cuddle- he kept me company when I got lonely.

We made our way out back to the covered sunroom; this was one of my favorite rooms in the house. It was set up so differently than the Swans. Firstly it didn't overlook the cliffs and ocean, when you looked out the glass enclosure all you saw was dense, vast, lush, green forest. It was stunning and in the morning it was the best place to come and sit with coffee and a sketch book to get lost in thought.

I heaved myself down on the couch as Winston rooted around trying to get comfy and Aro and Marc came in sitting on the loveseat across from me.

"So, eventful day?" Marc smiled at me as I scratched the back of Winston's head.

"It was." I don't know why I was so reluctant to tell them about what happened but I felt like I was betraying them almost by admitting how much I missed and needed my brother.

"Edward, please, we've come so far don't shut us out. We love you and nothing you could do or say will change that." Aro plead with me as Marc pulled him to his side squeezing lightly.

Aro was the more sensitive more emotional one of the two. When he was happy he was like a child all giddy and giggles but when he got sad or upset it was heartbreaking for everyone around. He was ruled by his emotions, he and Jasper seemed to be similar in that respect.

While Marcus seemed more steady and constant neither up nor down, just consistent. He was the rock never wavering. I hoped that I could be like him someday; the strength he exuded was amazing.

"I called my brother." I blurted out while turning my attention on petting Winston in all the spots I knew he loved.

"You called your brother?" Marcus asked calmly and I nodded. "And you thought we would be mad at that?" I bit my lip a little a habit I picked up from being with the Swans so much, they all seemed to do it, and nodded again. I heard two heavy sighs from across me but didn't look up I didn't want to see the disappointment on their faces.

"Why would you think we would be upset that you talked to your brother?" Aro gently prodded.

"I didn't want you to think that I was ungrateful for everything you have done for me or that I would prefer to be with him. I mean I miss him but I love it here and I love you both and I don't want to have to choose between you!" I don't know what I would do if they made me choose. It would devastate me.

"Edward, look at us." Marcus commanded gently and I did and gasped when I saw their faces. They looked sad but their eyes shone with nothing but love. I don't know why I doubted them they had, in the last few months, proven that they loved me unconditionally.

I think that it was hard for me to wrap my head around because growing up in my family it was always things like "Why can't you be a better son?" or "We love you, but why don't you do this?" and "If you really wanted us to love you like parents should maybe you should do better at this." Their love was always conditional and there was almost always an ultimatum involved. They would only love me and support me if I did things their way. With Aro and Marcus it was automatic and unconditional, and I found I was having a hard time accepting it.

"Edward, he is your brother and we would never ever make you choose. If you want him to be apart of your life then we want that for you. If you change your mind and decide you want to go and live with him then we won't stop you. You will still always be welcome here and we will always think of you as ours." And just like that the waterworks start again. Damn I think I am growing a vagina! Do you think Jasper may still want me if I suddenly sprouted tits?

"Thank you." I whisper at them trying to get the mental picture of myself with a pussy and tits out of my head.

"So do you want to move in with your brother?" Marcus asked me. I thought about that for a minute. I was so torn about how to answer. Ideally I would love to live with Carlisle, but it just wasn't possible too much was at stake. I also did truly love Aro and Marc and really felt that I was where I needed to be.

"No, I love my brother, and yes I wish we could be in each other's lives but right now it's just not possible. I also love you both and feel like I really am where I need to be. So while I would love to live with Carlisle to an extent I am thrilled to be here. I want to be here." I hoped they believed me because it was true.

"Good, we want you here too, but we also want you to know that if you want you can stay in touch with your brother we have no issue with that and he can even come and visit. You haven't really talked much about him or anything but we would love to meet him." The smile on Aro's face was so genuine but I knew I had to tell them everything.

So I did. I didn't spare any detail in explaining my reasoning for not telling him where I was, and not allowing him to visit. They understood but told me that they would help me find away.

"I appreciate it I really do but I just can't chance it. We will wait until he is out of the program he is in at Northwestern and move on from there." I hoped the finality in my decision showed in my voice.

"Alright, we will respect that decision but just know that we support any decision you make." Aro reiterated and I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Well it's been a long day, I think we should all head to bed." Marcus told us as he got up pulling Aro with him smiling a wicked smile I wasn't sure I was supposed to see. It was a bit early for them to head to bed and I found myself happy that I was on the third floor while they were on the second. I wouldn't have to hear whatever it was they got up to.

"I'm going to just let Winston out then head on up. See you in the morning." I shoved the dog off my lap as he grunted, gracelessly jumped off the couch, and made his way to the back door waiting for me to open it for him to do his business. Aro came up to me putting his hands on either side of my face.

"Alright, have a goodnight, I love you my boy." Aro pulled me into a warm embrace and I melted into it. It was loving and fatherly and everything I longed for but never had received from my own father.

"I love you too." I told him pulling back. Marcus pulled me into a side hug and squeezed my shoulder, he wasn't as good with the emotion as Aro was but that was ok. I knew he loved me just the same he told me often he just wasn't as comfortable showing it. He was just so much more analytical and in his own head than Aro was.

"I love you, truly you have made our lives complete." He ruffled my hair a bit I was about to acknowledge the comment when I was interrupted by a snort coming from the back door. We both turned and saw Winston looking rather impatient waiting to be let out.

"You better let him out otherwise I fear he will chew up your chalks again!" Marcus laughed and headed out of the room with Aro following behind him.

"You just had to ruin my Hallmark moment didn't you stubby!" I chastised the dog as I opened the door for him to go out. We really should get a doggy door installed for him it would make life so much easier. Maybe then he wouldn't get upset about not going out on his time table and would stop eating my stuff.

I had gotten some really nice chalks and really professional paper to sketch on a few weeks ago. I was sitting in the sun room sketching the sunset over the forest when I got up to go to the kitchen for a drink and a snack. I hadn't really been paying much heed to the attention whore we call a dog and must have pissed him off. When I came back into the room my chalks were all over the floor crumbled, and broken into tiny pieces.

I followed the trail of destruction and found Winston lying on his doggie bed in the corner of the room, bright blue, yellow, and red stains were surrounding his jowls. I panicked at first scooping Winston up in my arms and rushing through the house. I didn't know if the chalks were toxic or anything so I yelled for Aro who was the only one home. He came running down the stairs thinking someone was murdering me as I meet him in the living room.

He took one look at Winston and started laughing his ass off. I didn't find it as amusing at the time, but apparently it wasn't the first time the little shit had eaten art supplies. Aro informed me he always made sure to get the non toxic brands just in case. Once I knew that Winston was alright I was so mad! Needless to say I try to keep everything I value out of the reach of his mouth these days.

Once the dog was back inside we made our way up to the third floor and my room and I stripped off my clothes from the day before falling into bed exhausted.

* * *

The next few weeks fly by and we are pretty much maintaining the status quo. School was boring and not much exciting happened and aside from the glares that Alice would send our table the whole situation sort of fizzled out pretty quickly. I was still afraid that she would try something, or say something, but thus far we have been fortunate.

School was going to be out by the end of this week and we were all swamped with finals and getting last minute assignments in. I was thrilled because the Aro, Marcus, Peter, and Charlie had agreed to let us kids go camping alone for the week after school was over. Actually that's not entirely true. They agreed to let us spend one night alone before they joined us the next day.

We kids were leaving the Friday after school let out and hiking to the camp site that they go to. I guess it's stunning with a little river and lake in a small clearing. Anyway, we were leaving on Friday hiking up to set up camp and would be there by ourselves for the night. The next day sometime the parental units would join us and we would spend the next week hiking, camping, fishing, and swimming with out a care in the world. I couldn't wait!

We tried to convince them to let us stay the entire weekend after all the triplets were 17 and responsible and James and I were both 16 so it's not like we couldn't take care of ourselves. But they didn't go for it; they said there were too many things that could go wrong out in the wild.

We were just happy that they were giving us the one night and I was hoping that maybe it would give Jasper and I some alone time. Emmett will have James, Bella is bringing her friend Angela, so hopefully that will give us some bonding opportunities.

Over the last few weeks Jasper and I have gotten closer but not in the way I want. I know that he just came out and with what I know of his past it will take time. At least we can hug, touch, and hold hands with out him freaking out. I don't think he really understands that 'friends' don't typically do those things with each other but I'm not going to tell him that. I'm just going to bide my time wait for him to get comfortable and then we can move on.

Today was Monday and I was about to meet the rest of the gang in the cafeteria for lunch. I was running a few minutes late because Mr. Gomez the history teacher kept me after for a bit. I was actually passing history and he wanted to let me know that he was proud of the progress I made and of the effort I had put in. Jasper had helped me a lot with that progress.

I was rounding the corner about to head down the hall to the cafeteria when I heard some yelling and stopped dead in my tracts.

"You honestly think you can do better?" Someone shrieked and the voice that responded was trembling lightly but trying to sound strong. I knew who it was with out looking but couldn't force myself to leave.

"No, I don't, but even if I can't it doesn't mean I want you either." No, he can't believe that! He can do so much better!

"You are nothing but a scared up fag who will never be loved. You have no idea how good you had it with me!" I peered around the corner and my heart sank at the sight before me.

Jasper was up against the wall trembling as Alice got right in his face screeching about how ugly he was and how pathetic he was. I refused to listen to anymore. I rounded the corner and strode toward them. I was a man on a mission.

"Hey, pixie bitch, get the fuck away from him!" I was next to him in a flash and was right in the hell hounds face. "Back the fuck up and leave him alone. You got dumped so what, get over it, move on and deal!" I yelled back at her. She backed away looking at me intently before a look of recognitions flashed across her face and she started laughing. I started getting nervous.

"Oh, this is priceless." She was cackling now looking like the wicked witch of the west. I looked at Jasper who just looked confused, and relieved that she wasn't in his face anymore. "You think that because he's out and proud you have a chance in hell? He is a freak who was abused and raped he will never; ever look at you the way you look at him! He isn't capable, hell he can't even jack off with out having a nightmare!"

I had never in my entire life wanted to hit someone, woman be damned. The only thing that prevented me from knocking her the fuck out was the man standing next to me and his voice stronger then I had ever heard it.

"Fuck you Alice! You can't control me anymore and I can't believe you would read my personal therapy journal. Now leave me the hell alone or I will have Charlie arrest you for harassment and slap you with a restraining order faster then you can say conniving psycho bitch!" If anger wasn't completely clouding every other emotion I was having I would have been bursting at the seams with pride for Jasper. This was a huge milestone in his life.

Standing up for him self wasn't something he was use to doing. Not even with his siblings. They didn't mean to push him around and they didn't do anything horrible just things like, 'Hey Jasper, grab me this' or 'Jasper can you clean our bathroom?' he was pretty unassuming and just gave in whenever someone asked him to do something not wanting to cause strife in the house or life in general.

I was still fighting the urge to punch Alice as she stood there gaping like a blow fish when Jasper grabbed my arm and drug me out of the hallway. He kept pulling me along with him until we were out in the parking lot and at the Jeep in the fresh air. He let my arm go and leaned his back against the Jeep taking several deep calming breaths bending over putting his hands on his knees.

I didn't know what to say or do so I just watched him waiting to see how he would react to the hurdle he just jumped over. Fortunately I didn't have to wait long as he straightened up and brought his eyes to mine.

"God, I can't believe I did that." I couldn't tell if he was upset that he did it or if he was happy so I decided to voice my opinion on the matter.

"I think it was brilliant! I was about to punch her but you let her have it better than I ever could!" He smiled shyly at me and blushed.

"It did feel good, standing up for myself, it's liberating. It makes me think maybe I can move forward and put everything that happened behind me." When he mentioned his past it brought me back to what Alice said.

"Is it true?" I asked him and his brows rose up in question. "What Alice said? Is it true?" I watched all the color drain from his face and he started a full fledged assault on his lower lip. He didn't respond right away and I was afraid I had caused him to panic.

"Jasper I'm sor….."

"Yes, it's true. All of what she said is true." Well shit. I mean I knew they had it rough before coming here, but raped? It never actually crossed my mind that something that terrible had happened.

"Will you tell me about it?" I asked not really sure I wanted to know everything but wanted to show him I wasn't going anywhere.

"Maybe some day." I was about to respond when the bell rang indicated lunch had ended and we needed to be on our way.

"Are you going to be ok for the rest of the day?" I was concerned he wouldn't be able to finish the day after what happened.

"I'm fine, I have to learn to toughen' up a bit." I winced a bit at that. I didn't want him to lose his sweet and caring disposition because he felt like he was weak. Standing up for himself was one thing but becoming callus and rough was entirely another.

"Jasper, standing up for yourself and not being walked all over is great, but don't turn into a jackass who's insensitive and rude either. I like you the way you are all mushy and shit." I smiled at him hoping I didn't freak him out.

"You like me weak and wimpy?" He scoffed at that.

"You are not weak, you are a survivor who is still learning his place in the world and coming into his own. I just hope that as you come into your own you don't lose yourself in the process." I saw him swallow hard and nod.

"We better get to class. I'll see you later." He didn't wait for a response as he turned and entered the school again.

I sighed and turned to follow him into the school hoping that with the summer we would be able to move past the shit that had happened the last few weeks, learn more about each other and heal. I was also hopeful that our relationship would continue to grow and move forward but I wasn't holding my breath.

* * *

The rest of the school week flew by. I finished all my finals and projects and passed all my classes with flying colors. I was in my room Thursday packing for our camping trip this weekend and I was so excited. We had a half day at school tomorrow which was basically some celebration for the end of the year.

They called them field days. Apparently they had tons of out door games, a water balloon sling-shot, a cook out, and all sorts of other contests and activities. Personally I would prefer to just skip the day all together and head out to the camp site but that, I guess, wasn't an option.

I finished getting everything set for our week away and placed my bags by the door. Once done I took my laptop and made my way to the bed. I had been here for about four months and had yet to get laid once. I didn't want a fuck buddy or random hook-ups anymore. But that didn't mean I didn't still have needs.

I powered up my laptop and logged onto my favorite porn site. It had been awhile since I had been on it feeling a bit self-conscious with Marcus and Aro in the house but they were out on a date tonight so I was blissfully alone for the first time in ages. I was going to take advantage.

I started looking through the videos that were posted but honestly none of them held my interest. Every time I clicked on one and tried to get into it the voice coming out from the video was all wrong, the hair color wasn't right, body type didn't fit, none of it was what I wanted any more. Jasper had effectively ruined me and I couldn't do anything but smile at the thought.

I shut down my computer, closed my eyes and decided to make the most of my very active imagination. Being creative and artistic came in handy in more ways than one!

As the images of bright green sea green eyes, just a few shades lighter than my own, and dark brown hair started to flash through my mind I felt my pants start to tighten as my arousal began to grow. I thought about how his eyes change color, sometimes they were a mesmerizing ocean blue swimming with emotion he doesn't know how to express. Other times they were like the green sea glass that washes up on the shore laughing with mirth and mischief.

I imagined what those eyes would look like filled with lust and thought of them darkening with desire as his hands moved up and under my shirt tweaking my nipples playfully. My hands moved doing exactly what I hoped and imagined his would one day and my erection grew even harder in my pants. It was getting uncomfortable so I moved my hands down and popped open the button and lowered the zipper on my jeans to relieve the pressure that was building.

I sighed as I freed myself from my boxer briefs pushing them down I saw that my cock was weeping pre-cum with joy at being released from it's prison. I pulled my shirt off quickly and used my legs to kick my pants and boxer briefs the rest of the way off. I leaned over to my nightstand and pulled out my favorite lube that I left there and poured some in my hands as I started to work my slick palm over my throbbing shaft.

"Oh, fuck, too long." I sighed out as I let my imagination run back to Jasper this time I let my mind wander down from his eyes to his amazing lips.

I couldn't wait to taste them. They looked so sweet and soft and were just begging to be nibbled on. I pictured them, plump and swollen from kissing, wrapping around my pink head and moaning as he took me in his hot wet mouth.

The sound of my imagination Jasper moaning out as he took me down his throat had me cussing and thrusting into my hand as it moved faster up and down my cock. It had been to long and I knew I wasn't going to last very long and I honestly couldn't bring myself to care. The build up was amazing and more amazing than anything I had ever experienced before.

My hand started to move faster as the images of Jasper flashed across my closed eyes. The way his plump pink lips would wrap around my hardened shaft shyly, taking me down his throat like an expert.

I could feel the coil tighten as the images flashed faster. Jasper bent over the couch in my room, on the seat in the shower, in the hot tub out back. Pounding into his sweet tight little ass.

"Oh God, yesssss….." I could feel my balls tighten and I was almost there.

"Hey Edward, I wanted to..." I heard Jaspers voice from the other side of the door as it swung open, I didn't have time to cover myself and I was to far gone at this point anyway.

"OH MY GOD! I am so sorry!" He yelled covering his eyes.

"JASPER….." I screamed as I came and he turned and bolted for the door. SHIT!

I quickly scrambled off the bed throwing my pants on as quickly as I could and took off out the door after him.

"Jasper, wait please." I yelled after him as he ran down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He kept chanting over and over. I was catching up to him he just hit the first floor and was about to bolt out the front door when his feet got tangled together and I watched in horror as he fell face first on the hard wood floors, landing with a loud thud.

Winston heard the commotion and started barking just as I made it down to the first floor. Jasper wasn't moving and I was terrified he knocked himself out. As I ran over to him I noticed he was breathing heavy and curled himself into a tight protective ball.

"I'm sorry, please don't hurt me, please I didn't mean too." His eyes were shinning with tears and terror and it broke my heart.

"Jasper, I would never hurt you, I promise. I'm not mad. Please get up I need to make sure you're not hurt." I held my hand out for him to take. He hesitated for a second before he took it and let me help pull him up. I walked him into the kitchen and placed him on the stool so I could look at his head.

"You do have quite the goose egg on your forehead, are you feeling dizzy or lightheaded?" I asked making sure there weren't anymore injuries or blood anywhere.

"No, not dizzy just my forehead is throbbing." He looked down at his hands and blushed.

"Well that's good, then you probably don't have a concussion let me get some ice for you to put on that it will help with the swelling." I moved to the freezer and got an ice pack then moved to the drawer by the sink and got a dish towel to wrap it in. I wondered how long we would ignore the elephant that residing in the room.

"Here hold this there for 15 minutes." I told him pressing the pack to his forehead. His hand came up to take it from me and brushed mine sending shivers down my body at the contact. God how badly I wanted him.

"I really am sorry Edward; I should learn not to barge into peoples rooms with out knocking first." He blushed and looked down at his hands.

"It's alright, I'm sure you've had someone barge in on you in the past, I don't believe that Emmett is really great with knocking." I chuckled and went to sit across from him as he started shaking his head.

"No, no one has ever barged in on me doing that." He whispered. With his confession I remembered something Alice had said the other day, "_hell he can't even jack off with out having a nightmare!" _I closed my eyes and sighed. If that were true then I had a feeling the damage done to him was much more than I could even comprehend.

"Jasper, look at me please." I asked gently. I felt like I sat there waiting forever when he finally lifted his head to look at me. His eyes were an almost transparent and shinning with tears.

"What Alice said the other day, about 'jacking off' is true isn't it? You can't, or haven't been able to with out flashbacks of whatever happened to you?" My voice was gentle and filled with emotion. I hoped he would trust me enough to confide in me. I was pretty sure there was no way in hell he was talking to anyone else about it.

"It's not like I don't have the desire, it's just….anytime I try and I close my eyes it's not me or who I want to be doing it. It's the man that hurt me so badly. I know you don't know the full story and I don't know if I will ever be able to fully tell you but I want to." I grabbed his hand from across the island and squeezed it gently.

"Jasper, anytime you need to talk or want to tell me something I'll listen. I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with everything from your past and trying to move on. You are the strongest bravest person I know." He wrenched his hand from mine and stood up and started pacing the kitchen the ice pack forgotten on the counter.

"I'm not strong, or brave. I feel afraid almost all the time, I want to try new things but am terrified I will fail, I want to have a relationship with someone but the thought of letting someone in is almost debilitating." My heart clenched when he mentioned having a relationship with someone. I should be that someone! "Most of all, I can't even be a normal almost 17 year old boy and jack off with out curling into a ball and crying!" He huffed and fell unceremoniously into his chair. The next words out of my mouth shocked the hell out of even me.

"I could help you if you want?" My eyes widened as his did the same. The silence in the room was deafening and dragged on for what seemed like ages until we broke it at the same time.

"I'm sorry I…."

"How could you….." We both started at the same time. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"You first Jasper." I told him and he blushed at me.

"I was going to ask how you could help me." Oh, that was totally not even close to what I expected him to say and in all honesty I wasn't entirely sure how I could help him either.

"Well, maybe just having someone you can talk to about the flashbacks that happen when you try to, you know, will help." He frowned looking deep in thought then started shaking his head.

"No I don't think that would help, I have talked about all that shit with Doc. and it still doesn't help with the images. I know it's not real or happening at the time but it feels like I am transported back to the time when it was, so no talking about it won't help." I could see his point but if he said that he felt like he was transported back there maybe having someone there to remind him he wasn't still where it happened would help then and with the thought of being in the same room as Jasper while he jacked off I felt my cock start to harden.

I subtly adjusted myself before taking the plunge with my next suggestion.

"Alright I can understand that. So we need to figure out some way for you to do this while realizing you aren't back in the place that all this happened to you right?" He nodded and bit his lip.

"So what if, and don't freak out, what if I was in the room with you so when you started to feel like you were being pulled back in time I could remind you that you weren't there anymore?" It was a long shot and I highly doubt he would go for it but I thought it was a good idea, and apparently so did Eddie Jr. because he was nodding his head in support.

"I don't know, isn't that a little weird?" I shrugged because honestly maybe it was but if it helped him and got us closer I didn't really care.

"Maybe it is, but who cares, if it helps you then what does it matter? I wouldn't even have to look I can just be there as a presence to keep you grounded, talk you through stuff. I mean I feel like we are pretty comfortable with each other and everyone deserves to be able to cum so if this helps you then why not." I could see the wheels turning in his head and I hoped he would give in.

I really honestly wanted to help him out. I wasn't offering just because the idea of being in the same room as him while he jerked off had me harder then I had ever been. I truly wanted to help him move past this mental block. If we could get him comfortable enough with his own body maybe someday he would be comfortable with someone else's preferably mine. I sat there quietly while he mulled it over not wanting to pressure him.

"You wouldn't have to look at me, like maybe I could be in the bathroom and you could be in the bedroom?" He asked sounding shy and uncertain.

"Yeah, that could work. I mean we won't know unless we try right?" I smile at him and see his lips curl up in a smile as well. It's small and reserved but a smile none the less.

"Ok, yes, let's try it." With that I internally jump for joy, and Eddie Jr. jumps also.

"Alright, so when should we start?" I ask hoping he will say now.

"Maybe after the camping trip? Which reminds me, the reason I came over in the first place. I wanted to make sure that you packed enough warm stuff. I know it's the beginning of summer but the nights still get really cold." He really was the sweetest person ever.

"Yeah, Marc and Aro made sure to tell me to pack lots of layers and they took me to get a really good sleeping bag, I think it's good for sub zero or something like that. So I should be nice and toasty." I wanted to add that if I got cold he could warm me up but chose not to.

"Good, that's umm good. It can get miserable if you don't have enough layers to stay warm."

"Well thank you for checking on me, it means a lot to me that you would care enough to do that." It really did too. The only person who cared about me before was Carlisle. Now I have a whole slew of people who cared. It felt great.

"Oh and don't forget the food for Winston either. While I'm sure he won't mind eating hamburgers and hotdogs it's not the best for his tummy." I laughed loudly at that. He was right Winston most certainly wouldn't mind eating that other stuff. None of us however really wanted to clean up the vomit that would come after.

"Oh, don't worry it's all by the door waiting to be packed in the Jeep. How long is the hike by the way? I don't remember if anyone told me." I was thrilled that the Jeep had the 4 wheel drive and would take us up the majority of the trail, I was aware that some hiking would be involved and Winston's food wasn't light.

"Once we get to where the Jeep can't go any further it's about 20 minutes. We usually have to make several trips, but don't worry we all help carry everyone's stuff. Although Emmett usually ends up carrying Bella otherwise we would have to turn around and bring her back due to a broken leg or something." We both cracked up at that. It was true she wasn't very graceful and did fall a lot.

"Nice, well sounds like we are ready. I can't wait!" I really was excited. I had never been camping before.

"It's great you will love it." He was practically bouncing in his seat his enthusiasm was contagious and I felt like bouncing also.

"I'm sure I will." He nodded and looked over at the clock.

"Oh, shit I better go. I didn't think I would be here this long and we do still have to get up for school tomorrow." He got off the chair and I groaned at the reminder that we had to go to the damn field days.

"It won't be that bad and it's only for a few hours then we're off." He encouraged as I followed him out to the front staying behind him so I could watch his ass in the low hanging jeans he was wearing.

It really was spectacular, firm and round and I knew what I would be doing once he left. Only this time would make sure to lock the door.

"Well have a good night Edward, and I am sorry again for just barging in." He looked sheepish again and I just laughed.

"Hey, no worries and at least it helped us open up about some stuff and now we can move on and help you out." He chuckled nervously and nodded before disappearing out the door. I watched as he walked down the drive and back over to his house before I made my way to my room again.

New images of watching Jasper slide his hand up and down his throbbing cock accompanied me as I once again took myself in hand. Once I was fully sated I fell into a calm and deep sleep. Dreams of Jasper touching himself while I watched assaulted my mind and I couldn't wait for them to become reality.

* * *

**So there it is! Show me love let me know what you think! Reviews get Previews!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ok, Hey y'all! Sorry for the delay. Life and shit happen! My uncle had a stroke, and just other stuff. But here is the next chapter. Just a heads up, they preview I sent you actually wasn't included in this chapter and I apologize. I was hopping to include it but this chapter got to be to long. So hopefully it will be in the next one. **

**Also my beta's seem to be MIA, which is fine. I still had a pre-reader who approved, dreamingpoet1988. No in case you don't know a pre-reader is different then a beta, they just read to to make sure you don't sound like a damn fool! They don't check grammar and stuff so any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Well they are always mine, but even more so now! **

**Anyway on with the show! As always I own nothing, except a really cool new piece of art!**

**JasperPOV**:

OH. MY. GOD! I can not believe that just happened. What was I thinking just barging into his room like that. I mean I go into the house all the time. We all have a key and Aro is helping me with my designs and stuff so it's not unusual for me to just walk in unannounced. But I never should have just strolled into Edwards room with out knocking first!

I am mortified.

How he doesn't hate me right now I will never know! I mean I just caught him masturbating, that's got to be embarrassing for him right? I mean I was embarrassed for myself but maybe it was just me.

Then while trying to make my get away I had to pull a typical Swan move and trip over my own feet, face planting into the floor! Stellar, I tell ya, just spectacular. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But God could Edward be any sweeter about it, no! Now I feel like even more of a prick.

I walk in on him in the throws of a very intimate situation and what does he do, he takes care of me. Most people wouldn't have even bothered to follow me let alone help me when I fell and then offer to help me with my little problem. He really is amazing. How I wish I was good enough or him.

I make it home and want nothing more then to run upstairs and replay everything that just happened but I'm stopped by the smell of cooking in the kitchen and make a detour.

When I get there Pops is in there stirring something on stove. I wasn't really sure I wanted to have a talk with him right now because he would probably notice something off with me, but whatever was cooking smelled to good to walk away from. So I plopped my ass down on the stool by the counter.

"Ahh, Jasper, I was wondering when your nose would bring you in here." He laughs not even looking over at me.

"How did you know it was me, it could have been Em?" It still amazes me at how accepting he has been of us in dads life. I'm not sure I would be as gracious if it was my husband who found himself suddenly strapped with 4 kids. One of which isn't even his at all.

"You are the only one with a nose for chocolate!" He chuckles and I turn beat red, it's true though I can smell chocolate a mile away. "Besides, Em is much louder and makes his presence known before he even enters a room." I laugh with him on that because it is also true.

"True story man, so ummm, what ya making there?" I lean up on me elbows trying to get a peek in the pan. Pops just laughs at me again as I huff in annoyance at being so predictable.

"It's a new recipe I found for homemade hot fudge sauce to go over ice cream. Thought I would try it out and since you are here you can be my guinea pig!"

"Well, someone has to be the taste tester I guess I can take one for the team." I tell pops as he takes a spoon and dips it into the fudge then hands it to me. I moan in delight as the chocolaty goodness hits my tongue. A soft chuckle breaks me from my fudgey educed bliss and I blush.

"Good huh?" I just nod. "You know son, I am very proud of you and the way you handled the Alice situation." He tells me while pulling bowls out of the cabinets.

"I should have said something or done something about it sooner." I feel so weak for having it gotten so far.

"Maybe so, but we can't live our lives with shoulda, coulda, woulda's. We can only deal with what we did and didn't do and then learn from it and move on." I thought about that for a moment. He was right, obviously he was pops; therefore he was always right.

"I'm also very proud of how you came out to us. It takes a lot of courage and strength to be true to yourself like that. It took your dad and I much longer than it's taken you, Emmett, and James. We are happy you feel comfortable enough to not be afraid to come out." I didn't respond but just took the spoon and dipped it in the fudge again. Damn that was good.

"You know if you found someone else you were interested in dating we would all support you on that. You deserve to be loved and happy." He cast a curious glance at me.

"Yeah, well, Forks isn't really teaming with a large number of gay men chomping at the bit for a piece of me." I finished off the chocolate on my spoon and went back for more only to have pops move it from my reach. "Hey, I want that!" I pouted trying to reach around him.

"Well, I am glad you like it, but we have to wait for after dinner and everyone else. It is after all hot fudge sauce to go on ice cream. But I see your point there isn't a very large gay population. Unless you count Edward." He looked at me slyly as I nearly swallowed my own tongue.

"He…he would never want me." I look down at my hands and saw the scars peeking out from under my wrist cuffs. The cuffs hid them well, but a few of the lines from the barbs could be seen if you looked closely. It was just a reminder of how flawed I was.

"Edward is a good boy, and has the makings of an even better man. You sell yourself sort by thinking he would never want you. I have seen the looks you give each other even if you don't realize it. You both are aware of each other, and for the most part pretty comfortable around one another. Which I know is a big deal for you." Pops had stopped his moving around the kitchen and was standing in front of me.

Was it possible he was right. I mean I know noticed Edward. What kind of gay teenage boy would I be if I didn't notice the spectularness that is Edward? But I was still doubtful as to whether he had noticed me. Although when I caught him, you know…self pleasuring, he did scream my name. I just thought it was because he saw me standing in the doorway. But thinking back on the event did he scream it before he saw me or after? I don't remember. Was it even possible?

"What is going through your mind right now, you are getting a little jittery?" Pops asked as he leaned down on the counter on his forearms.

Now the big question was did I tell him what happened and get his advice?

"Well, umm, Pops…I'm not sure if I should tell you this or not? I mean it's really embarrassing and not just for me." I blushed at the thought of telling him.

"Jasper, you know you don't have to tell me. But I am more than willing to listen and help you figure out whatever seems to have you all nervous." An understanding and patient smile adorned his face as I took a deep breath and launched into my most humiliating moment.

"I went over to Edwards and let myself in like I normally do. I was going to make sure he knew he needed to pack lots of warm clothing because it gets so cold. Well he wasn't anywhere he normally would be so I made my way upstairs and didn't really think before I ummm…well I didn't knock and walked into his bedroom…and he was…" I froze I couldn't finish. Pops brows were pulled together in confusion as to what was so embarrassing about walking into a bedroom I had been in a hundred times.

"He was what, Jazz?" He prodded.

"He was touching himself and moaning!" I rushed out quickly before I slammed my forehead down on the counter. I groan as the sudden impact rattles my already sore head. I expect to hear a chastisement come from pops but all I hear is silence. I look up and see him watching me with a suspicious glint in his eyes.

"Why do I think there is more to that than you are letting on?" Curse him and all his all knowingness!

"Fine! When I entered his room he screamed…my, umm, name. I don't know if it was a result of me showing up unannounced or if it was before he saw me there." There I said it a majority of it anyway.

"I see, then what happened?" Damn!

"I may have freaked out a bit and made a run for it." Pops pursed his lips tightly together and waited for me to continue. "I made it to the bottom of the stairs, he was chasing me and I started getting scared that I was in trouble. I slipped when I hit the bottom stair and fell and hit my head." Pops stood up straight and came around to my side of the island.

"Are you alright? Do we need to go to the emergency room?" He was looking me over intently.

"I'm ok, Edward made sure that I didn't have a concussion and put ice on my head for me." He continued to look at me to make sure I wasn't lying to him before nodding and moving back to the other side of the counter and started pulling out pans to start dinner with.

"Edward is a good guy, dealt a rough hand, like you guys. But like you he will come out of it stronger and better for it." He smiled at me and I found myself hoping he was right.

"He is a good guy," I confirmed and he was, "he's too good for me." I added quietly part of me hoping he would hear it and at the same time hoping he wouldn't. The sound of a pan slamming down on the stove informed me however that he had most assuredly heard and was none to pleased with the comment.

Pops always hated whenever we talked down about ourselves or thought we were weren't worthy of things and he made his distaste about it known. He was quiet for a few minutes and I assumed he was trying not to yell. That was still one of the main rules in the house. If we felt the need to yell we had to take a step back, either leave the room and situation, or just take a few minutes to breath and collect ourselves.

"Jasper," he had a serious tone in his voice, "I know that you have been through so much in the last few days alone and that it is going to take some adjusting, but even so, I still will not tolerate you degrading yourself." He turned from the stove and looked at me again as my cheeks burned with self-doubt and embarrassment.

"Sorry." I mumbled and played with my wrist cuffs.

"Jasper, I will tell you this now, and everyday forever if I have to. You are worthy of every happiness and if you think that Edward would make you happy then you are worthy of him also. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for and someday; someone will help you to see that. Just like your father did with me."

That caught me off guard and I turned a questioning eye to him.

"I don't understand?" A sadness flashed in his eyes as he turned back to the stove to stir whatever he was making for dinner.

"You know that your dad and I had a rocky start and that when he came out to me, I well…I didn't take it well at all, but you already know that part of the story. What you probably don't know is the guilt I felt for the way I treated him. I felt like I didn't deserve him in my life. It took a lot of time and him telling me that I was all he wanted, years actually, before I finally realized that I was doing both of us a disservice and holding us both back in our relationship by holding on to the guilt." The sadness appeared again and I could see that he still struggled with that time in his life.

"I didn't know you had those feelings." Pops always seemed so strong and sure of himself to know that he ever felt unworthy of dad was a new side of him that made him seem more…I don't know, human.

"It hurt us both for a long time. I was always afraid he would wake up one day and realize I wasn't who he needed, or that he would see he was better off without me. It caused a lot of dissention for many years." I thought I saw a slight glistening in his eyes but it might have been the onion he was cutting.

"So what did you do? How did you realize you were enough, that your past mistakes and whatever didn't taint you?" I kept my head down because while he may have felt unworthy in all honesty he still was no where near as tainted or dirty as I was.

"I know that you kids seem to think the our marriage is a perfect fairy tale but it's not." He paused taking a few breaths before continuing, "We had some years that were very difficult, and at times we thought about calling it quits, there was even once where I was so angry that I stormed out and spent several days at Aro and Marc's place. This was after they had finally moved out after college."

I was stunned. Their relationship seemed infallible and perfect. I can't even begin to imagine them not being together and to hear that it almost happened is disconcerting.

"Well, how did you go from nearly breaking up to where you are now?" I had to know.

"Therapy." I was shocked. Pops and dad seemed to always have it together. Never in a million years would I imagine one of them would need help.

"I can see you're surprised." I just nodded. "Jasper, we all have pasts the mold us into who we are, and circumstances that sometime leave scars deeper than just the physical reminders, but the past doesn't have to define our futures. That's why we seek help and counseling, to help us move forward and deal with the past so we can have a future defined by what we want; not by something that we had no control over." Pops went to the cutting board and started chopping some peppers tossing them into a large pan as I thought about what he had just told me.

I wanted that. I knew I would always carry around both mental and physical scars of what happened but like pops and doc have both told me I can get past it, move on, and be the one who chooses my path. I can take my past and use it and grow from it, or I can let it define me and continue to pull me down.

I don't want that. I want to feel worthy and whole. Most of all I want to be able to acknowledge that I do feel something for Edward and not be totally terrified of those feelings.

"I need sometime, but I want to get better. I want to feel worthy of him." I whispered out to no one in particular actually. Pops didn't stop moving around the kitchen this time as he addressed me.

"You will, it's not going to happen overnight. But with the help of family and doc you will continue to get better. You have already made some huge strides and like I said I am so proud of you. One thing you might want to ask yourself though is maybe Edward feels unworthy also." I gasped at that. There was no way he could ever feel like I did. Unwanted and dirty. He was perfect. I start to shake my head in opposition to what Pops just said.

"I know you all haven't heard each others stories fully and that will take sometime but imagine both parents freely giving you up and denying your existence all because you are gay. The two people in the whole world who are suppose to love you unconditionally, who have no mental illness or any other reason for hating you other than the fact that you like something they feel is dirty and wrong." I thought about this for a while.

We had one parent who did and allowed atrocious things to happen to us. But in her defense; and I hate that I have to defend her at all; she was mentally ill and had a very large drug problem. I know it doesn't excuse her and we have been working on that in therapy. You know the whole forgiving and moving forward thing. But I can't imagine having two parents who were sober and 'healthy' suddenly finding out that I preferred men and telling me I was worthless and no longer loved by them.

At least through everything I still had my siblings. Edward really didn't have anyone. Carlisle from what I understand has been at school for most of Edwards teen years so wasn't really around to give him the support he needed. I know that he said he would be there now but it's not the same as having a loving parent accept you no matter what. I know the difference now that I have dad and pops in my life.

The realization that Edward might be struggling with his own demons and feelings of inadequacy made me feel even worse that he always seemed so in tune to what I needed and how I felt and I didn't even think about what he was going through.

"I can see you working yourself up over there Jas, stop it. This is all very new to you. Yes you have always been in tune with your siblings but you haven't had much experience in dealing with friends. It will take time for you to understand what it means and to learn how to balance the give and take that is required in friendship."

"I just feel bad. I mean I was there for him when he dealt with calling Carlisle but I never even considered that there might be other times he was struggling or feeling bad. He has always stood up for me and been strong for me and I never gave back to him. I never asked before the other day how he was, or if he was struggling with everything. I mean we have gotten to know each other and he is my best friend and I didn't even notice he was having a hard time." I was ashamed of myself.

"Jasper, you did notice. When you saw he was missing his brother you were there for him and you offered him a solution to the problem he was having about not being able to talk to him. You were and are a good friend, and someday when you are ready you will make an amazing boyfriend." I blushed at the idea of being someone's boyfriend. I was doubtful I would ever be ready but everyone else seemed to think I would. Time will tell I guess.

"Alright dinner is ready. Call everyone to the table please." I was surprised the smells of the fajitas he had made hadn't alerted the others that food was almost done.

I made my way to the bottom of the stairs and was about to yell out when I heard the thunder of footsteps on the stairs.

"DINNER!" The distinct voice of Emmett rings out. The searing of the meat must have finally reached the third floor. I quickly moved out of the way so as to not be bowled over by the giant form of my brother bounding down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen.

There were bowls of veggies, rice, and meat set on the counter so I grabbed them and put them on the table that had already been set. The family filed in as pops brought out the wraps and shredded cheese to go on the fajitas. My mouth was watering as the smells wafted up to me and my stomach let out a loud growl.

Dad came in and his eyes instantly found pops who was pouring ice water into everyone's glasses. He went over to him whispered something in his ear as pops eyes glinted at whatever dad said and leaned up to capture his lips in a passionate yet very intimate kiss.

We had over the years gotten use to seeing the affection between them. In the beginning they hid it but after finding out about James and Emmett and realizing we didn't really have good examples of what a loving, trusting, and physical relationship was they started being more public in their displays.

At first it made us uncomfortable but now it was normal. As I watched them sit next to each other holding hands while they talked with everyone about their days I felt something I never thought I would have before; longing.

I realized I want what they have someday. I want to be able to kiss someone without being afraid. I want my partner to be able to come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist and nuzzle into my neck without me tensing or feeling like I need to defend myself. I also realized that those arms around my waist and the face nuzzling me was a very distinct person and I only hoped that he would be willing to wait until I was ready.

* * *

Field days were uneventful and we were all itching to get out of there as quickly as possible. Especially after Emmett smacked Alice in the face with a water balloon from the sling shot. I didn't see it but I most certainly heard the screams fill the air as she clutched the side of her face yelling about her eye. I may not like her but I don't wish any permanent damage done to her person.

We quickly piled into the Jeep Emmett and James in front with me, Edward, Bella, and Angela who had brought her stuff with her. We had packed up the Jeep this morning so we wouldn't have to go back to the house. It was a tight fit with everything we needed for the night the three tents, cooking stuff, chairs, plus our bags but we fit. I blushed as I had to practically sit on Edwards lap but it actually wasn't uncomfortable to be touching him.

Edward was rubbing small soothing circles on my lower back as I had to sit forward a bit to make room for all of us in the back. I didn't even realize he was doing it until I shifted and my shirt raised and his hand brushed against the exposed skin on my lower back. I heard a gasp and looked back at Edward who was looking at my now exposed back and I realized what he was seeing.

I started to panic a bit and moved to pull down my shirt to hide the scars that were now exposed as tears pricked at my eyes. I expect Edward to move his hand away and try and get as far away as possible but he didn't he just started the circular motions on the small of my back again causing my panic to lessen as I lean back into him a bit.

Angela and Bella were deep in their own conversations and didn't seem to notice anything going on and honestly nothing was; it was innocent but felt so much more profound than anything I had experienced before. He saw some scars and was still touching me. Maybe he didn't find me repulsive after all?

I knew we would have to talk about my past more he would have to understand things, but I could feel a change coming in our friendship and it was thrilling and scary at the same time.

The rest of the ride was spent laughing with everyone, listening to music and joking around. It felt good, relaxing. Even with Angela here we were all able to be comfortable and ourselves which was nice. She was a sweet girl who knew quite a bit about our past. Her and Bella really hit it off. Her and Victoria were both accepting and caring. It was sad when Victoria left we all felt like we lost a good friend but I knew James was still in touch with her and we were hoping we would see her in the future.

Just about 30 minutes later we were parking at the trail head that would lead us to the site we would make camp. This was no campground where you were right next to other people and had to pay. No this was the real wilderness with real animals and real dangers. I was amazed the parentals agreed to let us go off on our own for the first night.

"Alright, everyone gather round we have to go over something's before we head out." Emmett called once we were all out of the Jeep.

We moved to the back of the vehicle where he was pulling packs out and handing them to us. We only had the bare essentials with us, the tents, sleeping bags, a cooler with one night of food most of it already prepared, and stuff for s'mores. Yes those are essentials!

The dads were bringing the rest tomorrow, including Winston. They had the four-wheeler's that were able to cut up the trailer and pull a small trailer with everything else we would need for the week.

"So we have a 20 minute hike, with Bella it will probably turn into 40 but…." He was cut off by Bella jumping on his back attacking him.

"You jerk! I'm not that bad!" She screeched as we all laughed at her attempt to cause damage to Emmett. It was really rather ridiculous. While we had all gained weight and grown and filled out Bella seemed to stay about the same.

It was actually a bit scary that she wasn't able to put on weight and didn't seem to get any taller then about 5'4". But the doctor said she was fine there was no medical reason for it and we just assumed she was slight built like our…mother. God I hated referring to her as that.

"Aw Bell's you know we love you and all your klutzy glory. Now get off my back so I can get us set and we can get a move on." She kissed his cheek affectionately and slid down his back.

Once we had all the packs and tents load on our backs we moved to the trail head. We don't make Bella carry much of anything, like she needs any more baggage to hinder her balance. Angela surprisingly carried more than her share helping to pick up the slack for what Bella can't.

The hike should only take about twenty minutes but with Bella tripping over every twig and rock it is almost doubled. It's really not her fault the doctors think she has some inner ear problems caused by the years of neglect and abuse that throw off her balance. But I don't mind the extra time it takes, I enjoy being out in nature and it's a nice leisurely stroll to the campsite.

When we reached the site we decided to quickly set up the tents before doing anything else. Edward and I grabbed one of the tents and started the process of putting it together. We found that we worked really well with each other and continued to laugh as the others tried to get theirs up also.

"I swear to god Emmett if you yell at me one more time you can shove this pole where the sun don't shine!" I suddenly heard James calmly say to Emmett who had been getting more and more forceful in his attempts to get James to listen to the instructions he was giving.

Edward and I stopped what we were doing and listened in. I wanted to make sure nothing escalated.

"I'm not yelling James, I am speaking with emphasis. I am just trying to get you to follow the directions I am giving you." He sighed in frustration.

"I understand that Em, but the more agitated you get the more uncomfortable I get, and the more mistakes I make." I smiled at them and went back to my own work in threading the poles through the seams on the tent.

James still had issues with yelling but instead of closing in on himself, like he use to, now he voices when it makes him uncomfortable. They had gotten much better with their communication and I knew by observing them I could learn how to talk to Edward better.

"I'm sorry, you're right. Maybe we should take a step back and come back to this in a few minutes?" I turned and saw James smile and drop the poles he was holding. They were working on the largest of the tents, the one the four of us would share, when the dads got here. So it was more complex than the one Edward and I were working on.

"Will they be alright?" Edward pulled my attention back to him as he started pounding the spikes into the ground through the loops on the corners of the tent that now had the four poles going through it.

"They will be fine. They have grown a lot over the last year or so. If that had happened even a few months ago James would have totally shut down or gone into a panic attack. Now he is able to express when it is getting to much for him to handle."

"That's good." His brows creased in concentration before he spoke again, "Do you think you will ever be comfortable enough to do the same with me? To talk to me, to confide in me?" His voice sounded small but hopeful and I knew after my talk with pops last night what my answer was.

"I want to be." He nodded but didn't answer me and just went back to putting the finishing touches on the tent. I sighed briefly wishing it could be as easy for us as it was for James and Emmett. Hell there wasn't even an us at this point and I wasn't sure there ever would be even though I knew now that I wanted there to be.

"Edward, you have to understand that James and Emmett have an advantage that we don't. They both already know the past we have to deal with. I know you have your past also and I'm not saying I will never be able to tell you but it will take time and will be a little bit at a time. Hell, the dads don't even know _everything_ that happened." It was true. Dad knew the most having been at the hospital but none of them knew every horror we had endured.

"All I am asking for is for you to try Jasper. I know it will take time and I may not know everything but I just want to know you, I want…." He was cut off by Bella yelling over to us.

"Hey your tents up! Why don't you both go get firewood so I can start on dinner." Her and Ang almost had their tent up and would be moving to set up the primitive cooking area. The dads would be bringing the portable camping kitchen and enclosed patio like tent for put it all in. Tonight we would be cooking hotdogs over the fire and eating salads that were packed the night before.

"Sure let's just get our sleeping bags and packs put in here then we will head out to get wood and explore a bit." I called back to her.

"Sounds good."

I looked back at Edward who was unzipping the doorway to our tent.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look at me.

"Can we finish this talk while we go look for wood?" I asked poking my head into the tent we would be sharing for the night.

"Yeah, I think we have quite a few things to discuss. But Jasper," He looked at me with gentle soothing eyes, "there is no pressure. I will never force you to tell me anything. But most of all I will never think differently of you for what you do tell me." I blushed and looked down at my feet.

"Thank you, I will try." I promised, and I would. I wanted to move forward to be able to trust and have a relationship with someone, and I wanted that someone to be Edward.

"That's all I ask, now let's go get firewood!" He clapped his hands together and moved to leave the tent. I stepped aside for him and once he was out we made our way to the woods.

Just as we were entering we saw Emmett and James leaving, both looking decidedly more disheveled than they had been when entering. As we passed Emmett winked at me and gave me a shit eating grin before moving back to the tent they were constructing.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what they have been up to!" Edward laughed as he grabbed my hand pulling me into the trees with him.

I stiffened briefly at the contact but relaxed almost instantly when I reminded myself that I trusted Edward and wanted to move forward and this was a step in getting more comfortable with him.

We walk in silence for a bit just strolling hand in hand. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, it was nice, and normal. We had been walking for about 15 minutes when he stopped and turned to look at me and I knew it was time for our talk.

"Jasper, look I am going to be totally honest with you and hope like hell I don't scare you the fuck away." He dropped my hand and started obsessively running his hand through his already wind tousled hair.

"O…ok." I choked out. I had no idea what he was going to tell me.

"Fuck it," he snapped and looked me right in the eye emotions I couldn't define were swimming in the deep green pools, "Jas, I like you, and I don't mean just as a friend, I mean you're all I can think about. You are the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege to get to know. When you walked in on me yesterday I wasn't calling your name to get you to stop running, I was calling your name because you are the only person that I can think of anymore that get's me hard, shit! Maybe that was too much."

I was stunned and couldn't talk if my life depended on it. He was pacing in front of me and muttering under his breath about it 'being to soon,' and 'fucking everything up.' I had to admit I was a bit frightened but only because of the feelings he provoked in me, not because I was fearful of him.

When he passed in front of me again I grabbed his hand and pulled him so he was in front of me. He stopped his ranting and just looked at me.

"Edward, I'm scared…" He tried to pull away but I stopped him quickly continuing, "I'm not scared of you. I am scared, terrified really, of the feelings you cause in me. I am fearful of certain other things also, but mostly I am just…I don't know how to do this." He took my other hand so that we had each others hands clasped tightly in front of us.

"Don't know how to do what Jas?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"I…I don't know how to like someone like I like you, I don't now how to trust someone like I want to trust you, and most importantly I don't know how to open up to someone like I want to with you. You make me feel things I have only ever read about and the thought of letting you in scares the shit out of me." I was being bold and in the past it never served me well, I just hope that this time is different.

"Well, at least you admit to wanting me!" He chuckled breaking the tension that had become thick in the air around us and I had to laugh too. He dropped my right hand bringing his now free hand up to my cheek. To my surprise I didn't flinch back when he lightly placed his hand on the side of my face rubbing his thumb along my cheek.

"It is a start Jasper, but if possible can you tell me what about letting me in scares you specifically?" I knew, if I ever had any hope, I would have to be honest with him. Even after my talk with pops I was still fearful that Edward would find me, used and sullied, not worth his time. I pulled away from Edward and made my way over to a fallen log to sit.

Edward moved to join me but I held my hands up to stop his progression.

"If I am going to tell you, you need to stay over there. I…I couldn't take it if you pulled away from me after you hear this." My eyes stay trained on my hands in my lap but noticed that Edward didn't continue moving towards me.

"That won't happen, but I will stay away if it makes you more comfortable." I looked up and saw him sit on the ground about five feet in front of me.

"Thank you," I paused to collect my thoughts and breath before moving ahead, "I am scared that once you learn about my past you will think I am not good enough, or unworthy of you." I hoped I spoke loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh, Jas." I heard Edward sigh sadly in front of me but made no move to come forward. "How many times do I have to tell you, nothing you tell me will make me think less of you." I noticed while he was saying this he gradually scooted himself a bit closer but not enough to make me uncomfortable.

"That's only because you don't know everything yet!" I all but yelled, "I'm dirty and used, I'm not pure and even though I didn't want to, even though they made me, I'm still tainted." I buried my face in my hands and started sobbing. He knew, he had to know. I was filthy and I would only tarnish all the good in him.

I was so caught up in my tears that I didn't notice he had closed the gap and was now sitting next to me. His warm comforting arms folded around me and pulled me into his side as I continued to cry.

"Shh, Jasper, please. I don't think you are dirty or tainted and you won't tarnish anything. What happened to you, and yes I can guess some of it, I don't need details, wasn't your fault. The fact that you survived and are as loving, gentle, and caring are you are just proves to me how pure you really are." I pull away from him and stand up. It's my turn to start pacing.

He has to understand. I have to make sure that he knows what he is dealing with. I have to make him see that I am damaged.

"Edward you don't get it! I may never be normal, I may never be able to have what other couples do. Hell you know I can't even jack off with out freaking out, how do you propose I let someone else touch me when I can't even touch myself! It's not even the psychological scars, I have physical scars that are constant reminders!" I may be being a bit dramatic but oh well.

I quickly pull of my wrist cuffs and let them fall to the ground. No one outside of the family has seen the scars that mar my wrists. They are red and hideous in a deep crisscross pattern that is raised up. They will never go away. I held out my wrists for him to inspect.

He slowly moved from his perch on the log and was in front of me holding my wrists tenderly in his hands. I didn't want to look at him, I was sure I would see the disgust and loathing in his eyes. I was sure seeing the physical evidence of my abuse would make him realize that I was damaged.

"Jasper, look at me please?" The depth of sadness filling his voice caused my breath to catch. I never wanted him to be sad, ever. I grudgingly lifted my eyes to his face and nearly crumbled at what I saw.

It wasn't the look of revulsion I had expected. It was tender, and accepting.

"Jasper, I have known you have scars and I am sure these aren't the only ones. Yes, it effects me seeing them on you, but not in the way you assume. You shouldn't be ashamed of them. They prove that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. But the fact that you had to endure them is what breaks my heart. No one should ever have to live through this and if you will let me I would like to show you that you are worth it. These scars don't make you unworthy of me, they make me unworthy of you." Before I could react or respond he lifted my wrists gently to his lips and kissed each one with reverence.

After a few minutes he leaned down and retrieved the cuffs I had tossed to the ground and placed them back on my wrist.

"You don't have to wear them around me, it doesn't make me uncomfortable but until you are comfortable enough with it also don't feel bad about keeping these on." He snapped them back in place as I just stared at him in awe of the care he took with me.

I don't know how long we stayed there just looking at each other before he broke the silence again.

"Jasper, I know that it will take time, a lot of time, but I really feel like you are worth the wait. I like you more than I have ever thought possible and I would like the chance to get to know you as more than friends. Please say we can at least try? I know we will have set backs and that it will take time, but please say you are at least willing to try?"

I wanted to more than anything in the world did I want to. I was terrified what it meant but more terrified that if I didn't take the plunge I would never have a normal healthy relationship.

"Alright, we can try." The smile that broke out on his face caused my stomach to flip and heat to pour through my body. I loved his smile and being the cause of the smile was a million times better.

He carefully pulled me into his arms and I wrapped my arms around his waist loving the feeling and comfort of his strong arms around me. We had hugged before so this wasn't new, but it was different this time, and I liked it. I felt safe and secure in his arms. Something I never thought I would feel in the arms of a man ever.

I sighed and leaned further into the embrace just relishing in the new feelings. After what felt like an eternity we slowly pulled away from each other. I wasn't sure where we went from here.

"So, what does this actually mean?" I asked shyly.

"Well I would like to call you my boyfriend, if you are comfortable with that." I pursed my lips not really sure how felt about it. Doesn't being a boyfriend mean you have to be physical with them? I know I want to try but I don't want to get his hopes up by putting a title on us and then letting him down.

"I…I mean, I don't know what if I can't do all the things a boyfriend does?" I blushed and toed the ground a bit embarrassed.

Edward put both his hands on either side of my face pulling my head up to look at him.

"Jasper, I have no expectations other than the fact that I want to try. I know that you aren't comfortable with things yet and that's fine. We will work at it, you set the pace. I want you to tell me if you ever feel uncomfortable.

"I just want to know that I have the pleasure of calling you my boyfriend, and introducing you to people as my boyfriend." Well when he says it like that I guess it's alright.

"Ok, I'll be your boyfriend." The mega watt smile erupted on his face again and I was hit with the sudden urge to kiss him, but knew I would never have the courage to initiate it. So I would wait.

"Good! Now, boyfriend, let's gather that firewood and get back before they send out the search party." I just laughed and nodded at him.

We made our way back to the site picking up twigs and several bigger logs as well all the while talking about what we were going to be doing while here this week. Hiking, fishing, swimming, four-wheeling, camp games, outdoor cooking, cards, the list is endless.

When our arms were full we went back to the camp site. I was excited to spend time with my family and; hehe; boyfriend, around the campfire. I was so giddy and nervous. The barrage of emotions that flooded me was a lot to take in but I was handling it surprisingly well. The excitement of it all was overpowering the unease so that was good.

"So do you think you would be comfortable telling the family about us?" Edward broke through my thoughts with another issue I hadn't even thought about. I pondered it for a few minutes while we continued to walk.

"I think I would like to tell them, I don't like keeping things from them, and honestly it will be easier getting help and advice from dad and pops if they know." I really didn't like hiding things from them and I most certainly didn't want to have an incident like we did with James and Emmett a few months ago.

"Sounds good to me." He beamed at me again as we exited the woods and made our way to where the fire pit would be we dropped the wood close to the pit and saw that more had been gathered by others also.

I looked around and saw that Emmett and James' tent was finally up and Bella and Angela were pulling out stuff for dinner. I made my way over to the pile of supplies that we had yet to unpack and pulled two of the collapsible camp chairs out and set them up around where the fire would be.

Edward and I set to work on construction the perfect teepee out of the wood we brought using a large log in the center and building smaller sticks and brush around it, we may have also used a bit of lighter fluid. Hell, if I was going to have s'mores I was going to make damn sure I had fire to cook them over!

"Where are Emmett and James?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Once they got the tent up the decided to take a nap. Whatever agreement they came to in the woods must have worn them out!" Bella snickered as she pulled out the hotdogs and buns setting them on top of the cooler.

We all chuckled about that. Over the last few months Emmett and James have gotten much more comfortable in their physical relationship with each other. I don't know if they have actually 'done it' yet but I was pretty sure they were getting damn close to it. I wondered if knowing everything we went through made it easier or harder for them to over come it.

I mean they both had their own fears and hang ups to deal with. In mine and Edwards relationship we would only have mine, I don't know what would be better.

The sun was starting to set and Edward and I grabbed two of the skewers that we would use to roast the dogs and marshmallows on and started having a sword fight with them. What do you expect, we are still boys. After a few minutes of the fire crackling Emmett's stomach must have woken him up because they both emerged from the tent looking happy and rested.

"Sweet, time to make dinner!" Emmett went over and got two more of the chairs and set them up and started skewering dogs to cook. Bella and Angela brought over the other two chairs and set them on the other side of the fire so three sides were now occupied.

We all cooked our dogs and piled our plates with the pasta, potato, and noodle salad that had been prepared for us.

We ate, drank sodas, talked about the summer to come, and the school year that had passed. We just sat back and relaxed eating and letting the stress of the last few months roll away. Once we were done eating we packed all the food away aside from the stuff for s'mores and kicked back around the fire.

"So, when you and Eddie here were in the woods, anything exciting happen to 'pop' up?" Emmett broke into the calm with his brash question.

"Emmett…" I hissed at him I knew what he was insinuating and I didn't like it.

"Well, I mean you were gone for ages, inquiring minds want to know!" He defended and threw his arm around James pulling his chair closer.

"Nothing like that happened." I clarified.

"But something did happen?" Bella spoke up looking slyly at me. Edward just reached for my hand holding it but not interjecting. I think he knew that I needed to be the one to do this.

"Well…yes…I mean," I couldn't get the words past my lips. I know I was the one that said I wanted to tell them but now that it was time to do it I couldn't form the words. If I said it out loud to anyone it would make it real.

"It's alright Jas, we just want you to be happy." James smiled at me I think he knew better how difficult this was for me. He had been the one who had a harder time when he and Em came out so he understood and his understanding encouragement gave me the strength I needed.

"Thank you, but yes, we decided to try, you know…being boyfriends." I let out a breath as the words left my mouth and Edward squeezed my hand in support. I looked over at him and smiled.

"Well good for you both, you deserve to be happy." Angela said to us as she went over to get the chocolate for the s'mores.

"I am happy for you both." Bella leaned over and kissed my cheek before passing around the bag of marshmallows. The supplies made there way around the circle and we were soon laughing and eating the gram cracker, melty chocolaty, owey mallow oozing goodness that is the s'more!

I was great just sitting back and having fun with my family. They were so accepting of my relationship with Edward and I was thrilled that they didn't embarrass me or make a big deal of it.

"So now that you have a boyfriend, if you need any pointers about how to keep him happy in bed you know you can always come to me little bro!" Emmett laughed as everyone pelted him with marshmallows.

Apparently I spoke too soon. I wasn't mad though that was just Emmett and I actually thought I would probably be taking him up on that pretty soon.

Once we were all cleaned up from the sticky treats I went and grabbed my guitar which was brought with us. After a few hours of singing and just being silly we decided to call it a night. All the fresh air and hiking had tuckered us out. We all took turns going in to the woods a little ways to take care of our 'business'. I was in my tent waiting for Edward to come back when Emmett poked his head in.

"Hey Jas, umm…you gonna be alright in here alone with Edward?" Now Emmett may be a goofball but he was also our protector and took that job very seriously.

"I think I will be ok Emmett. I trust him. He would never hurt me or push me." I fully believed that too.

"Ok, well you know if you get uncomfortable you can always come in with us." I smiled at him.

"Thanks brother bear. I should be good though."

"Alright, well goodnight."

"Night Em, and…I love ya." He smiled at me and ruffled my hair.

"Love you too bro!" With that he disappeared into the darkness. A few minutes later the flap was pulled back again and Edward climbed in.

"Hey." I whisper feeling shy. It was one thing to share a tent with Edward my friend, now to share it with Edward my boyfriend, I wasn't sure what was expected.

He crawled into his sleeping bag and turned to face me.

"Hi, you guys weren't kidding when you said it gets cold at night!" I saw him shiver under his bag.

"It does, but the bags are sub-zeros so you should stay pretty warm. You may want to throw on an extra pair of socks or something though." I advise him. My feet are always cold though so I have like three pairs on.

"I should be ok." He burrows deeper into his bag and I laugh.

"You get used to it. It's not like you shouldn't be used to the cold anyway I mean aren't you from the windy city?" In the low light of the tent lamp I see him frown lightly and didn't like it.

"I am, but we never had much cause to be out in the cold for extended periods of time. Carlisle and I didn't even really play outside as kids, it wasn't distinguished, or so my parents thought." He had a far away look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, that must have been hard." I reach across the tent and into his sleeping bag taking his hand in mine as I scoot my own bag a bit closer. The tent isn't that big so it's not far of a stretch.

"It wasn't horrid, I mean I guess now that I think about it we didn't really have much of a childhood. Everything was always preparing us for our 'bright' futures so if an activity wasn't going to further our future endeavors or teach us something we weren't allowed to do it."

"Seems like our lives weren't as different as I thought. I mean neither of us really had much of a childhood, granted for different reasons, but we both missed out." I guess pops was right when he said that I didn't really know what Edward had been through in his life.

"Jasper, don't compare what happened to you to me please. I mean what you went through, God I can't even imagine it makes me feel like a total jackass for even complaining about not getting to play outside. I mean it wasn't that bad."

"Edward, don't down play what you went through. Sure you didn't have to endure physical abuse," I heard him suck in a breath and squeeze my hand tighter, "but that doesn't mean that you weren't neglected and abused mentally. I mean the two people who were suppose to love and support you just let you walk away. That's; I can't even imagine dad or pops doing something like that to me." Just the thought caused my heart to pound wildly in my chest.

"You're right. I guess I just don't want to think that what they did was abuse ya know? I mean it's hard to come to terms with." I felt him shudder against my hand and scooted myself closer to him so that I was almost chest to chest with him. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around him pulling him close to me.

"It's hard to come to terms with, believe me I know. But you have a family that loves you now that will never hurt or abandon you." I tell him running a hand through his hair as I feel his body start to shake with silent sobs.

"I just want to know why I wasn't good enough? What I did that made them hate me so much?" Oh God he was breaking my heart.

"Shh, Ed, you didn't do anything. You are an amazing person and if they can't see that then it's their loss. You are going to grow to be a successful artist and live a happy, fulfilled life." I continued to hold him as he started to calm down. This was not really how I saw this going. If anything I pictured myself being the one to break down. But hell the night was still relatively young so anything is possible.

"Thank you Jas, it means more to me than you know that you are here and willing to help me through this. I don't want to miss them and feel inadequate but I can't help it sometimes."

"I know trust me. Self-loathing is a particular specialty of mine." I chuckled and he joined me.

"Yeah, we really are a pair aren't we. But we will be alright. We will grow and be successful, happy, and fulfilled together." He informed me pulling me closer to him as his breathing started to even out as he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

I found myself hoping he was right for the first time in, well, ever I saw the happy fulfilled life others talked about. It just so happened to be filled with images of a bronzed haired, green eyed man sleeping his own sleeping bag next to me.

* * *

**So there you have it! Let me know what you think, are they moving to fast? To slow? Thoughts ideas? **

**As usual reviews get previews! Thanks!**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Hey Kiddies! Sorry for the long wait you know how life can get, busy busy busy! But here is a long chapter for you and I will really try to not wait so long between the next one I promise!_**

**_Ok so other matters, I want a banner for this story with the family, anyone interested? I put in a request to one of those request sites but never heard back from anyone. Guess I'm just not that cool, *pouty face!* If not not a big deal I will just post pics as I see them when they get older._**

**_So thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988. She rules, but even with a beta all and any mistakes are still mine so blame me and me alone!_**

**_You know the drill I don't own nothing! LOL, Enjoy and see you at the bottom!_**

**_EdwardPOV:_**

I can't fucking believe like a little pussy I fell asleep sobbing in Jaspers arms. I was supposed to be the strong one the one he can go to if he is upset. Now he's going to think that I am weak and can't handle anything. I've been awake for a little while just lying here, still in Jaspers embrace stunned that he actually had the courage to hold me like he was.

I don't know what woke me up but it was still in the middle of the night and I for the life of me couldn't fall back to sleep. The day just kept playing through my mind like a movie reel. I smile to myself and watch Jasper as he sleeps. It is really fascinating, the way his brow puckers, or when he occasionally scrunches his nose in response to whatever he is dreaming about, the flutter of his lashes as they skim his cheeks. The most intriguing part is the pout of his lips, oh how I wish we were at the point where I could just lean over and capture them in mine, but I knew I had to be patient.

Jasper was amazing today, well everyday really, but today in particular. I know it must have been so difficult for him to agree to be my boyfriend but he did and I was over the moon about it. I would be the best boyfriend ever. I would wait forever for him, I knew this, and some people might say it's too early for me to know that I want forever with him but they can all kiss my ass.

I know I will never find a soul more pure, loving, kind, and accepting as Jasper no matter how long I look. I am not about to let him slip through my fingers. I have come to terms that he may never be able to actually have sex and I was actually alright with that. There were many other things we could do and still lead a very happy and fulfilled life. I did believe in my heart of hearts that with time, trust, and patients he would be able to. He may never be able to bottom and while I usually topped, for him I would take it, literally.

That was a conversation we would have much further down the road I am sure. I'm not even sure he knew he had a choice in the matter of whether he was the giver or receiver. I am hoping that in the many talks Peter and Charlie had with him and the others they would have covered it, but I can't be too sure. I was looking forward to the blushing that would come from that conversation though.

As I watched him sleep his expression grew more and more unsettled and I found myself whispering softly in his ear trying to calm him some. I found myself stroking his hair, and was shocked when his hands came up and grabbed my shirt fisting it tightly like a life-line. I pulled him a bit closer and smiled when he breathed out my name and started to relax into me a bit.

I felt my lids start to get heavy as I continued to keep vigil over my sleeping boy, only when I was convinced his dreams were more pleasant did I allow myself to fall into slumber.

"_I want to kiss you." I whisper._

"_Then do it." _

"_I'm scared." Was my breathy reply. He was moving closer and I could feel his warm sweet breath on my lips gently ghosting over me but not quite touching._

"_Of what?" He asked._

"_That when I close my eyes to kiss you, you'll disappear." _

"_I'm not going anywhere, please." I closed my eyes and closed the last few millimeters between us. _

_Suddenly I felt thrashing followed by a sharp pain in my jaw, shit!_

I bolted awake sitting up in a daze trying to figure out what happened. When I felt the thrashing next to me I realized Jasper was dreaming again and it was much worse then earlier.

Fists were flying and one must have caught me in the jaw because it ached like a bitch. I tried to restrain him but that only seemed to make the thrashing worse and caused him to start to call out for help.

"Shhh, baby, its Edward your safe, please wake up." I tried to sooth and calm him but it wasn't helping.

"NOOOOO, DON"T PLEASE, IT HURTS!" He screams out, they were getting louder and nothing I was able to do seemed able to calm him.

"Edward back away from him and let his arms go." I looked up at the voice that filtered into my panic filled head.

"No, he'll hurt himself." I tell the voice without looking up from my position of straddling Jasper keeping his arms pinned to his sides with my knees.

"No, you're making it worse. He's thinks you restraining him is what is happening in his dream, your making it more real. Let him go and quickly back away. Trust me we've been through this before." I finally look up from the tear streamed face of Jasper to the entrance of the tent.

All of them are there; Emmett has his head poking in through the zipper door of the tent, James next to him with his hand running up and over Emmett's shoulders and back. Bella pacing back and forth behind them wringing her hands, and Angela with her head peaking out of their tent eyes wide with tears brimming in them.

I look back to Jaspers face and notice he is getting more and more distressed by the second. His breathing is erratic and speeding up at an alarming rate.

"Edward if you don't move he is going to get to the point where I can't calm him and we will have to go to the hospital and we really don't want to have to do that." I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded quickly rolling off of him so as not to get caught by a stay fist again.

Emmett made his way into the tent and knelt next to Jasper. He didn't touch him; he just talked, talked so low that I couldn't hear him from where I was sitting. I had my knees pulled up to my chest tightly as I watched as Emmett talked his brother through whatever horrors were visiting him tonight.

Agonizingly slow the thrashing stopped and the yelling subsided to quite whimpers. After a few more minutes, that felt like hours, I saw Jaspers eyes start to flutter open. He looked around in confusion for a few seconds before his face changed from dazed confusion to panic and horror.

His lip started trembling and his eyes filled with tears and it broke my heart. I started to move toward him wanting to offer comfort when I saw him stiffen and move back from me. If my heart broke at seeing him cry, it completely shattered at seeing him retreat from me.

"Jasper, please I just….." I couldn't finish my sentence.

"Leave." I blinked a few times not sure I heard him correctly. He wasn't looking at me his head was buried in Emmett's shoulder who was looking at me with sad eyes.

"Jazz, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Please, leave." He repeated louder this time. I looked at Emmett and he just nodded.

"Come on Edward; let's give them a little bit." James gestured for me to leave the tent and I did hanging my head in defeat.

I left the tent looking back once only to see Emmett holding on to Jasper trying to sooth him. Emmett noticed me hesitate and nodded toward the entrance where James was waiting for me.

As I stepped out I heard the hushed soothing whispers between the pair left in the tent and though I knew Jasper was more comfortable with Emmett for obvious reasons it still hurt to think that I couldn't be everything he needed me to be.

I thought we had made so much progress today. I mean we both had feelings for each other, he was my boyfriend, and he had opened up to me. Hell, he even held me as I cried about my pathetic need to know why my parents hated me so much! Why couldn't I be enough for him, to comfort him, and reassure him like he had for me?

Why was I never enough for the people in my life? Why did I always seem to come up lacking in some way or another? What else could I have done, or not done, to prevent this from happening?

"Stop it." I was startled from my self-loathing by James. He sat next to me in one of the camp chairs.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're doubting yourself and everything you and Jasper accomplished today, I can tell. I have seen that look on Emmett's face more times than I care to remember." He sighed heavily and turned to look at the dark fire pit. It was chilly out and I contemplated starting another fire. I wasn't sure how long this would take. Instead I just pulled my hoddie tighter around me and closed my eyes.

"Hey we are going to go back to sleep. I think Emmett has it under control now." Bella said as her and Angela made their way back to their tent. We called goodnight to them but I was glad they weren't going to be around to hear this conversation. I mean I liked Bella and Angela but I just didn't want to discuss this with them.

Stealing myself for what I wanted to say I took a deep breath before leaning my head back looking up to the night sky dotted heavily with shinning stars.

"I don't know what happened. Everything was great amazing even. I mean I had a minor breakdown earlier and he comforted me through it, held me, didn't flinch back, and then this happens and it's like three steps backward." I ran my hand through my hair frustrated at the whole mess.

I didn't like feeling so impotent in this. I was used to things just coming easy for the longest time. School, sports, men, all of it was handed to me on a silver platter when I lived at home. I never had to fight for it, never had to work for it. The problem was that wasn't home anymore and life wasn't just going to be laid at my feet.

This was the price I was going to pay for finally being who I am and not who they wanted me to be. I was going to have to fight for what I wanted and I was determined to do so. I wanted Jasper and even if we had set backs I wasn't going to give up. I would fight forever to be worthy of him and to be who he needed me to be.

"Yeah, I remember that happening when Emmett and I first changed our relationship over." James told me as I quirked an eyebrow at him. Though I doubt he could see it in the dark.

"You would think that him and I being so used to each other would have made the transition easier but it didn't. I never thought of Emmett at my 'brother' like the others do but to think about him as a 'lover' and all that went with that was terrifying." I was surprised James was being so open about this. Granted we were close being the same age and in the same grade but we never talked about his past or his relationship transition before.

"Why was it terrifying? I mean you loved Emmett already and trusted him. You knew he would never hurt you so what was the hang up?"

"I knew Emmett in the parameters of what our relationship was a protector, a friend, and confidant. But moving on to the next step when all any of us knew of physical relations was pain and terror was hard to overcome. Even though I knew in theory in my heart that he was not those men and that he would never hurt me, my head associated any type of intimate physical contact as pain.

"When he and I started exploring and redefining our relationship it brought back a lot of stuff that had been buried in our sub-conscious. The nightmares came back and Emmett felt like he was a failure because in the past he had been the one to offer me comfort, but now it was him and our new relationship that was causing pain, though unintentional, it was still there." What he was saying made sense but it didn't make me feel better.

"So how did you overcome it?" If their experience could help me cut out months of back and forth and pain with Jasper I would gladly listen.

He chuckled and it wasn't a very comforting sound at all.

"We didn't." He said cryptically.

"What, but you're still together? I mean you're huggy, cuddly, and kissy, and shit." They had to have done something to get over it I just needed to know what.

"True we have come along way but there are still times when I have nightmares only now Emmett isn't the one that can calm me down like he used to." I frowned at that. It didn't make sense to me.

"Why, what changed?" He sighed and ran his hand over his face grimacing a little.

"The faces of the men in my dreams changed when Em and I started getting more physical….." He stopped and in the dim moon light I could see the torment that the dreams caused him even when awake. I didn't push him to continue I just waited for him to finish.

"They morphed into Emmett."

I couldn't hide the gasp the came from my lips. I was shocked. I don't know how long I sat there in stunned silence just blinking, trying to wrap my head around how to even deal with that revelation.

How would I ever deal with it if the face that torments Jasper in his dream was my own? I don't know if I could. It would break me to know that he was thinking, even sub-consciously, that I could ever hurt him like those men from his past did. I still couldn't speak but didn't need to, James started talking again.

"It doesn't happen often anymore. A few things will trigger it. But for the first few months it happened a few times a week. We of course talked to Doc about it he helped a lot. But when the nightmares did happen, the only ones who could calm me were dad and pops, and it was mostly just dad even at that."

The idea that Jaspers mind may turn me into one of those monsters was difficult to take. I would never hurt him emotionally or physically and while he knows this to an extent his brain is going to war against it when we start moving forward. I would have to talk to Doc soon and see if there was something I could proactively do to prevent this from getting worse.

Before I could ask anymore questions Emmett was making his way out of the tent. I stood up about to make my way back into the tent but was stopped by Em when he walked over to us.

"Edward, sit, we need to talk before you go back in." He was so serious and it was weird to see he was usually so fun and carefree. I didn't think I was going to like how this was going to go.

Em made his way over to James, pulled him out of the chair sat down and pulled him back down onto his lap. James smiled sheepishly at me before snuggling into Em more. The size difference was laughable. While James wasn't a small kid, compared to Em he was tiny. It was weird to think that Em was going to grow even more.

"So, we need to talk, so talk." I was impatient but I wanted to know what was going on. He smiled at me gently leaned in and kissed James briefly before getting into it.

"Jasper obviously had a nightmare. That's to be expected to a certain extent. While he is comfortable with you and making huge steps toward moving forward all the change and new feelings and emotions are bound to bring up things from the past." I suddenly felt like I was sitting across from the Doc.

"Why do I feel like we should be on a timer here Em?" I queried. He just shrugged and smirked at me.

"Hey, you spend enough years in therapy you pick up a few things." James whispered something in his ear that I couldn't hear before Em nodded. He leaned in capturing James on the mouth in an innocent yet very intimate kiss. I felt like I was intruding so I looked away until I heard movement.

James had moved off Emmett's lap and was making way to their tent when he got to the entrance he paused and turned back.

"Goodnight Edward, everything will be alright just be patient…..and Em, don't be long please it's cold without you." He giggled a little and it was honestly the strangest sound coming from James, but not a bad strange, a nice happy strange. Everyday I spent with the Swan's they amazed me even more. To have gone through what they did and be able to giggle in anyway just had me in awe of them.

"He amazes me everyday." Emmett seemed to be thinking the exact same thing I was at this point.

"You all amaze me honestly. The strength you have to go through what you have and then to be able to open yourselves up for love, to laugh, and well just live. It just dumfounds me on a daily basis. Jasper doesn't see it, he keeps thinking he is weak but he's not. I will spend the rest of my life helping him see that." I didn't really mean to say all that. I mean I had told Jasper I was going to be there for him forever but to tell someone else was another story.

"Jasper, I don't want to say he had it harder than the rest of us. But to an extent he did. His scars are more predominate then the rest of ours and he is more of a sensitive soul then me or Bella. James is more like Jasper in that sense but where as he had me to help him heal with everyone else, Jasper fell right in with Alice who was, well you know, not very conducive to him moving on from the trauma." I nodded.

I knew Jasper had a poet's soul, as they say, sensitive and calming. So easily broken, but if it could be patched back together would shine so brightly and bring joy to all he came into contact with. His smile was infectious and just seeing it lights up my day.

"His nightmare, was it….did the monsters in his dream, did they become me? Is that why he backed away and was afraid of me?" I choked up a little at the end not really sure I wanted to know the truth. I never wanted him to be afraid of me.

"No, that is not what happened." I let out a sigh of relief but it was short lived. If I didn't morph into the monsters then why did he try to get away from me?

"He was upset that you would find him weak and see him for what he thinks he is, pathetic." I bolted up and started pacing back and forth.

"I don't see….."

"I know you don't, but Jasper is still very insecure about this stuff. I mean he has had some very eventful days recently so it's to be expected that the nightmares would come back. He didn't want you to see him breakdown."

Oh, Jazz. I collapsed back into the camp chair suddenly very exhausted. It had been a very eventful day and night and I was frustrated that even after all I told him, he still thinks I am going to find him unworthy.

"I don't know why he would feel that, he helped me earlier tonight when I lost my shit! I don't understand how he can think I would think less of him after what he did for me." I was baffled.

"Edward, Jasper has always done well at helping others but showing emotion or weakness was something that was, well, beat out of him at a young age. I told you he was always the more sensitive out all of us. It did not serve him well growing up and any show of emotion or weakness was dealt with quickly and harshly. It was the same with James when he came to live with us also but he didn't have to endure it as long as Jasper did."

Every time I hear another piece of their past I go through a myriad of emotions, anger, frustration, disgust, sadness, so many, some I don't even know how to name. It's overwhelming and just when I think I can't fall for him more I learn something new and find myself stunned again by their fortitude.

A lesser person would have been destroyed by constantly being beat down just for being who they are, but not Jazz, no he struggles and fights and pushes back to be who he is. Yes, it's painful. Yes, it's going to be a life long process that will never end. Yes, I will be there to help him and see that no one ever tries to break him again. That is a vow I make to myself in this moment. No one, not even Jasper himself, will ever be allowed to defeat him.

"What can I do to make it better? To make sure he knows he is worthy and that nothing he does will push me away?" There had to be something.

"Just keep doing what you are doing. It might take months, even years, before he fully grasps it but I have faith that you will both make it through this. If I didn't think I could trust you with him you would be no where near that tent alone with him." I smiled at that because it felt good to know that he trusted me with his brother.

"Thanks, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that he knows how amazing and strong he is everyday." He stood and stretched yawning as he did so.

"I believe you; now just make him believe you and we will be all good! I'm off to snuggle with my man so I'll see you in the morning." I nodded and made my way back to the tent.

"Hey Em," I called as I reached the entrance, "Thanks for everything." I truly was grateful because I don't know what might have happened if he hadn't been there.

"No problem, he's my brother I and would do anything for my brother's, anything. Night bro'." I nodded and smiled as I unzipped the tent and peak my head in. It was nice to know Emmett considered me his brother. I would count myself doubly lucky for that.

I wasn't sure what I would find and I will admit I was relieved to find Jasper sleeping peacefully in his bag. I knew we would have to talk again but I was too drained tonight to deal with it.

I crawled into my bag and sighed as the warmth filled me, I turned on my side so I was facing away from Jasper. If he woke up I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I was drifting slowly when I felt movement next to me. I turned and saw Jasper had wiggled his way closer to me again.

I thought he must have been asleep and did it without knowing but when I looked at his face I was met with bright green eyes. I was stunned speechless.

"I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper but I heard it loud and clear.

"Jazz, please don't I understand and you have nothing to be sorry for." I wanted to take him in my arms and hold him and tell him all would be ok but I didn't. I would wait for him to be comfortable.

He surprised me by reaching up and grabbing my hand in his holding it between us.

"Thank you." He whispers again.

"You're welcome."

Nothing else is said as we drift asleep holding hands.

* * *

I woke with a groan stretching my sore muscles. Sleeping on the hard ground was not fun. I was glad that the dads were bringing the rest of the supplies with them today because in that group of supplies there were air mattresses!

I was slowly coming back to a more aware state when I looked over to see Jasper, only he wasn't there.

I bolted up in a panic.

I quickly throw jeans on and shove my feet in my shoes before grabbing a shirt and scramble my way out of the tent. Looking around the camp site frantically I felt my heart stutter when I didn't see anything at first.

I moved forward a bit as my eyes adjusted to the morning sun light and felt a breath of air leave my lungs as I cast my gaze on the object of my affections.

There standing by a fire that seemed to have been rebuilt this morning with his hair glinting in the sun was my boyfriend. I loved hearing that, even if it was in my head.

He was staring at the fire as if mesmerized by it, and I was curious to know what had him thinking so intently. I went over careful not to startle him and took a seat in the chair next to him.

He looked over at me and smiled and reached for my hand, weaving our fingers together, and then turned back to the fire again. Nothing was said we just sat in silence basking in the morning glow and the comfort of something as simple as holding hands.

I got lost in my own mind picturing this same scenario ten years down the road. Us sitting around the camp fire early in the morning waiting for the rest of the family to stir. Just basking in the company of the man I love. I could see the wedding ring sparkling on his left hand in the rays of the morning sun. It was perfect and though I knew it would take a lot of work and tears to get there I was sure that was a future I wanted with him.

I turned to look at him the fire and sun glowing in the reflection of his eyes making him look other worldly. I couldn't believe so much had changed in such a short amount of time and while I wish some of it was different I wouldn't change it if it meant that future would come true.

I brought his hand gently to my mouth and pressed my lips lightly to the back of his soft hand before setting them back on the arm rest of the chair.

"Thank you." The silence was broken by his quiet whisper and I turned to look at him again. Now his intent gaze was focused on me. I didn't really know what he was thanking me for but whatever it was seemed to be profound for him.

"I don't know why you are thanking me, but for whatever it is, you're welcome."

He leaned over his chair slowly and I was staring at him wide eyed. I didn't move because I didn't want to scare him and I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. I thought it best to let him lead and do what he felt comfortable with.

We kept constant eye contact as he continued to close the short distance between us. My mind refused to hope that this was actually happening. In the calm, cool morning my boy was taking yet another step forward and I prayed to God he was actually ready for it.

I could feel his breath on my lips as they were so close but still not touching. His adorable pink tongue darted out and moistened his plumb red lips and I was mesmerized as my gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips and back again.

I swallowed hard in anticipation, desperate to want to close the last few centimeters but refusing to push him before he was ready. It felt like an eternity passed and he still made no move. I was starting to think he wasn't ready and started moving away. If he was that apprehensive to close the last bit of the gap then he was in no way ready.

My lips twitched in a smile and I start pulling my face away from his when I felt his hand go to the back of my head and pull me forward almost forcefully causing my lips and teeth to crash into his harshly. It took some time for my brain to register what was happening and when it did despite the jarring pain I felt radiating through my face and head I refused to pull away.

Instead I focused on feeling his lips against mine which were not as forceful as they were initially. I moved my lips with his still following his lead desperately wanting to deepen the kiss, I wanted to taste him on my tongue but this was already a big step so I refrained from sweeping my tongue along his lips and asking for entrance.

It didn't last long. I was just getting used to the fact that he had actually taken the initiative and savoring the feel of his soft lips on mine when he whimpered slightly and pulled away panting for breath.

I noticed I was breathing hard and though it didn't last long the intensity of the moment was profound.

I looked at him noticing his breathing was a bit more ragged than mine was and hoped he hadn't pushed himself into a panic attack. I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled his face so he was looking directly in my eyes again.

"Jasper, calm down baby, breathe for me. Just relax and breath you're ok." I sooth not breaking eye contact. He drew in some deep breaths and started to calm.

"I'm sorry…." He started but I put my hand up to cover his mouth and halt his unnecessary apology.

"Don't, don't do either of us the disservice of trying to apologize for that. That was honestly the most amazing moment of my life…teeth clashing and all." I chuckled as he blushed and looked away.

"Yeah, I had to work up the nerve, sorry if I hurt you." His blush deepened.

"You didn't, just shocked me is all and feel free to do it as often as you are comfortable." I leaned in to peck him on the cheek. I pulled away as I heard a zipper being pulled open. We looked up and saw Emmett and James emerging from the tent looking bed rumpled and groggy from sleep.

They made their way over to us and sat in the chairs on the opposite side of the fire. James plopped down in Emmett's lap and buried his face in his chest. I think he may have fallen back to sleep but I couldn't be sure.

"So how was the rest of the night? Uneventful I hope?" Emmett looked at us in question.

"It was fine, no more breakdowns or panic attacks." Jasper confirmed and squeezed my hand tighter. Emmett noticed the action and just smiled and nodded.

"Good, and just so you know we heard from the dads they sent a text about 20 minutes ago letting us know they just arrived at the trail head and are loading up the four wheelers and should be here soon." James sighed and I saw Emmett pull him tighter to his chest and couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at their open affection.

I had to remind myself that Jasper and I are new to this and have already had several milestones so I can't really complain.

A few minutes later the other tent was opened and Angela and Bella emerged, well actually Angela stepped gracefully out, while Bella tripped on the seam on the tent opening and practically spilled out.

We all had a chuckle at her expense and she threw us a pitiful attempt at a glare causing us to laugh harder at her. She didn't do anything after that but moved to the picnic table that was set up and set about doing something. What I actually had no idea.

A few seconds later she comes over and sets something on the side of the fire it looks like a blue pitcher type thing. She takes a seat by the fire, next to Angela, close to the blue thing she put by it and we all just sit in silence basking in the calm of the early morning.

After a few minutes the smell of fresh coffee starts to permeate the air and I inhale deeply and moan as I catch the scent of mocha nut fudge blend work its way into my senses. A few more minutes pass and Bella gets up and leaves the fire coming back a few minutes later with two mugs.

She pulls the pitcher from its perch by the fire and pours the liquid gold into two mugs. She hands one to Angela and sits down with the other one. We all look at her in expectation but she doesn't say anything as she continues to sip on her caffeinated beverage.

I decide to take the initiative this time and get up, letting go of Jaspers hand reluctantly, and go to the table and grab four more mugs. I get back to the fire and pick up what I now realize is a coffee pot and start to pour.

I get about 1/4th of a mug out of the pot before it's dry and pull my brows together. The thing looks like it should hold at least 8 cups at a time. I hear some snickering behind me and turn to see a sly smile on Bella's face.

"You didn't think that after you laughed at me I would actually make you coffee did you?" I cock my head to the side and pout to her as she awww's at me condescendingly.

"Awwww, you did, isn't that just so cute!" She giggles out before rolling her eyes at my dumfounded expression and taking pity on me, "If you want some just make some more." She makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world as her and Angela break out in a fit of laughter at my pout once again.

"I don't know how to make it in this type of pot." I look at the thing likes it's a NASA computer system and not a camp coffee pot and now everyone is laughing, even Jasper, though he tries to hide it. James seems to be the only one to take pity on me as the others continue in the laughing, he gets up and takes the coffee pot from me and goes over to the table.

He comes back a few minutes later and hands the pot back over. It feels much heavier this time so I am confident that it will yield enough nectar to satisfy the rest of us. Once the coffee is securely set by the fire again I get up and go back to my spot to wait. Conversation is casual and we are discussing what the plans for the day are.

"Well, once the dads get here we have to finish setting up camp and move Edward and Jasper's stuff into our tent. It shouldn't take too long though. I want go for a hike and try and find that waterfall we found last time we were here." Emmett's eyes light up as he talks.

"I'm sure Pops mapped it out last time we were here so we could find it again babe, don't worry." James reassured him and kissed his cheek as he gets up and goes over to the coffee pot.

I was just able to start smelling the amazing aroma and started bouncing in my seat much to the amusement of those around me.

"Coffee, cooooofffffeeeee, coffee, cappuccino, coffee, coffee, coffee!" I chant and sigh in relief when James says it's done percolating. I jump from my chair and grab my mug thrusting it in James direction as he looks at me with amusement in his eyes.

"I think we need to discuss your obsession with all things coffee related." Multiple nods are seen around the fire and I look back at Jasper who just nods at me also.

"I would have to agree Edward, you realize that if you don't get coffee in the mornings you're a mess the rest of the day and you even start going through withdraw." I thought about that for a minute as I sat back down with my cup of sin water, as my mother used to call it, she never let me have coffee.

Come to think of it my coffee obsession didn't start until after I was kicked out. Driving so much I needed stuff to help me stay awake so started my spiral into the wonderful world of java and I have never looked back. I was so happy the Aro and Marcus had a Keurig that helped me further explore the different amazing flavors of coffee.

"I can't help it, it's become a crutch. You either except it or leave me." I told him jokingly.

"I'll except it, doesn't mean that we won't all rag on you for it though. I guess you could have worse vices than drinking an obscene amount of coffee. But when you get an ulcer don't come crying to me." He winks at me.

We sit around making small talk for a bit more before we hear the sound of the 4 wheelers in the distance. Within a few minutes the two 4 wheelers pulled into the camp site and came to a stop. I heard the barking before I saw him and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

God knows why but I love that little fucker so much but I do. I made my way over to the vehicles and spotted Winston's carrier strapped securely in the pull behind trailer. I unfastened his cage and pulled it out setting it on the ground and opening the door to release him from his prison. Once he was free he was yapping, jumping, and barking all over the place in excitement.

I knelt on the ground next to him as he started jumping and licking me all over. I laughed as I fell over as his assault on me continued. I heard the laughing surrounding me and tried to look around but was having a hard time getting my bearings.

"All right you big lug, leave Edward alone and let him breath." I heard Marcus say as I felt Winston being lifted off me. I wiped my face of the slobber and sat up.

Once I was off the ground the hugs and greetings were given all around as we set about to unload the trailers and set up the rest of camp.

Bella, Angela, and Peter set about setting up the "camp kitchen" as James and I went to move mine and Jaspers' stuff over to their tent while Aro and Marcus set up their tent. I noticed that Charlie, Jasper, and Emmett were over by the 4 wheelers and seemed to be in deep discussion.

"Don't worry they are probably just discussing what happened last night. I hope you don't mind but we try and keep dad and pops up to date on everything like panic attacks and what not." I didn't mind at all I understood it. It was nice to have people who cared enough to keep up to date on what was going on. I fully expected to have a similar conversation with Aro and Marcus at some point and talk to them about my own breakdown and progress with Jasper.

"Its fine, I understand I really do. It's nice that they care so much." He nodded at me and smiled.

"Yeah, it is. Took awhile to appreciate it but I wouldn't want it any other way now. This is somewhat new for you though, having people take interest in your life and how you're dealing. How are you handling that?" I had to chuckle he sounded like Doc.

"Thinking about a career in psychology?" I laughed and he blushed and shoulder bumped me.

"Maybe, but don't change the subject." I smiled at him James would actually make a great therapist he was a great listener and very insightful most of the time.

"It's weird adjusting to having people care about me above how it affects their life. With my parents as long as I didn't embarrass them and kept my grades up they didn't bother. With Aro and Marc they always want to know where I am, what's going on with my life, and how I am dealing with stuff.

"Sometimes I admit it gets annoying and I give attitude and roll my eyes but secretly I love that they care so much to ask and care enough to put restrictions on me. It's a big change but I think we are all adjusting well." I wasn't lying I really did like that they restricted me and even dolled out punishment when I broke the rules.

But the punishments weren't like when I was with my parents not harsh and cruel. They were normal teenage punishments like telling me I can't play video games, watch TV, or tell me that I can't hang with the Swans, things like that.

The first time they punished me turned into a yelling match and ended up with me slamming my door in Marcus' face. Which then made Aro upset causing my punishment to be extended even further due being disrespectful and hurtful to Marcus. I felt bad and apologized after but the punishment stood and I was grateful they didn't waiver, I needed it.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a relaxing manner. We stayed around the site played some football and soccer. We talked about everything and nothing. We did all make our way down to the river for a swim. It was a great day and it amazed me how a real family functioned and that I was accepted as apart of it.

That night we all sat around the fire eating burgers, baked beans, mac salad, fruit salad, and of course s'mores for dessert. I watched in fascination as Jasper scarffed down three before we had to cut him off.

"He would eat chocolate and sweets until he was sick if we would let him." Charlie laughed as Jasper pouted when he was denied the fourth s'more.

"I can't help it, they are so goooood. Please daddy just one more?" He pouted at Charlie and pulled out the big guns by calling him daddy. It was rare that he used the term usually sticking with Dad unless he really wanted something.

I could see Charlie start to waiver until Peter oh so subtly squeezed his hand in silent support to hold his ground. I saw the resolve in Charlie's eyes harden as he looked over at his son.

"Jasper, I said no more and I mean it. I don't want you sick through the night and you know you would be if I let you continue." Charlie looked truly saddened at having to be the bad guy but I was grateful because I didn't want to see my boy sick.

Jasper huffed and crossed his arms over his chest still pouting. It didn't last long though as soon the musical instruments were broken out and we were singing badly and off key.

We all decided to make it an early night so after only a few songs everyone started to disperse to our designated areas and the fire was doused.

The tent the four of us were staying in wasn't small so we were able to spread out a bit. We actually had two queen sized mattresses blown up that we shared. Obviously James and Emmett shared one as well as the sleeping bag while Jasper and I stayed in separate sleeping bags.

We were close like last night and he didn't waste anytime taking my hand in his again.

The four of us talked a bit about what we wanted to do tomorrow before starting to slowly drift off. I was hoping that we would have a peaceful night with no interruptions but much to my dismay it wasn't the case.

I don't know how long we had all been asleep before the thrashing and whimpering pulled me out of sleep. I slowly came out of my sleep fog intent on comforting Jasper and hoping to avoid a full out panic attack, only to find he was still sleeping peacefully next to me.

I sat up quietly and looked over. Emmett was awake and trying to comfort James who seemed to be in the midst of a nightmare. Emmett made eye contact with me and smiled sadly.

"I was afraid of this. He isn't use to you being here, but please don't take it personally. It's just a change in the norm for him." Emmett wasn't having much luck at calming him and he was getting louder as the seconds passed.

Soon Jasper was stirring due to the commotion and I heard rustling outside of the tent as the zipper to the entrance lowered. Charlie poked his head in and started assessing the situation.

"Emmett, what happened?" Charlie crawled into the tent as Peter poked his head into the entrance.

"I think it's just a nightmare but I think the unfamiliarity of having Edward in our sleep space way have triggered it." He told Charlie and I instantly felt guilty. Jasper must have seen it cross my face and reached his hand up to turn my face toward his more fully.

"Stop that, this isn't your fault. We will deal with it and he, well all of us, need to learn to deal with it. Please don't feel guilty. It's just the change not you yourself." I nodded at him and looked back at what was happening.

It seemed they were having an issue waking James from the nightmare that was progressively getting worse.

"Ok everyone lets be prepared this one is going to be bad. I can't wake him so we are going to have to wait for him to come out of it on his own. He will most likely be disoriented and may come out of it violently so Emmett please go to the other side of the tent." Charlie commanded keeping his voice calm but stern.

"No way dad, you know if he can't find or see me it will cause more distress." Emmett pushed back.

"That's why you are going to talk so he can hear your voice but I will not have him come out of this throwing punches and have you get in the way again. The guilt nearly ate him alive last time he hurt you." Emmett opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it and moved over to our side of the tent.

"Emmett when he comes out of this make sure you keep your voice calm but loud enough that he can hear you." Peter instructed.

It was escalating fast and quickly the whimpering turned to screams before he bolted up right swinging his arms trying to fight off whatever demons haunted his dreams. As soon as he was up Emmett started talking low and soothingly.

"James baby, you need to calm down, it was just a dream, no one is here to hurt you baby, please come back to me." He kept repeating this over and over until he started relaxing enough to look around and get his bearings.

Emmett kept talking while slowly working his way back to the other side of the tent where James had tears streaming down his face. He finally turned and saw the voice that was talking to him and instantly launched himself at Emmett sobbing loudly.

The whispering between the two of them was unheard by the rest in the tent. Charlie moved closer to them and said something. They whispered at each other before nodding.

"They are going to sleep with us tonight." Charlie informed me and Jasper as they started gathering sleeping bags and pillows to take to the other tent.

"Edward I'm real sorry, it's not you it's…." James started to apologize but I held my hand up to stop him.

"James don't, I understand and I'm not offended, please don't worry about it. Just get some sleep and we can have fun tomorrow." He nodded as they all made their way out of the tent.

Peter popped his head back in and looked at us.

"You boys are alone again and we trust you so no funny business. Sleep and we will see you in the morning." Peter pointed at us as he spoke.

"Don't worry we will be good." Jasper smiled at him and nodded.

"Alright, goodnight." He left and zipped the tent back up as we called out a goodnight.

"You alright?" I asked him as we snuggled back into our bags.

"Yes I'm fine. We are use to it by now. I mean it's never fun but doesn't happen often anymore, for awhile it was apart of life though." He yawned adorably as his eyes fluttered.

"Ok, well go to sleep. I will see you in the morning babe." He nodded and snuggled in deeper to his sleeping bag as we both drifted off.

* * *

I woke up the next morning alone in the tent and started to panic again. This was getting to be a habit and I didn't like it. I wanted to wake up with my man next to me. I quickly got dressed in cargo shorts and a tee and made my way out of the tent.

It must have been earlier then I realized because as I start to look around I didn't see anything or anyone it's like the place is completely deserted.

"Jasper!" I call out and start moving toward the woods in the direction we went in toward the river. "Jasper!" I keep moving forward calling his name periodically.

I've been walking for maybe five minutes when I hear something from the direction of the river. After a few more minutes of walking I break through the foliage surrounding the bank of the river and nearly swallow my tongue.

Jasper is in the water about up to his thighs, he is wearing a pair of tight boxer briefs and no shirt. I watch him and have to bite my hand as he bends over letting his fingers skim through the water. His ass is perfect, tight, and round. The dark green boxer briefs accentuate the curve of his bottom perfectly and I can't help but think what I wouldn't give to be able to sketch him in this light.

The sun is bouncing of the water and reflecting off of his honey colored curls and lightly tanned skin. I can only imagine his skin breaking out in goose flesh in the chill of the river. It's just the start of summer so it's been warm during the days but in reality the nights are damn cold and that water is spring fed so I know it must be freezing.

I know I should feel like a creeper standing here checking him out but I can't seem to force myself to move. His beauty and serenity in this moment has left me frozen.

"You gonna join me or just stand there and ogle my ass all day?" I hear a snicker coming from him and realize I haven't been as sly as I thought I was. His back is still to me and he doesn't turn as he just keeps looking out at the water.

I don't hesitate as I start stripping the clothes I haphazardly threw on when I left the tent. I'm finally down to my boxers when I reach the rivers edge.

"You know I should be pissed at you for perving on me like that but after everything that's happened the past few days I can't find it in me to be upset." He still hasn't looked at me as he talks.

"Well I am just that charming." I joke as I start to enter the water.

What I am not prepared for is how fucking cold it actually is and as I start to wade in I feel my balls try and retreat up into my body at the freezing temperatures.

"Holy shit! Oh my GOD….that is freezing! How the hell are you in that deep?" I yell as I stumble back and land on my ass on the sand bank surrounding the river.

I hear laughter and look up to see Jasper has finally turned towards me. The sun is now illuminating him from behind giving him an ethereal look.

"I am used to cold water. I surf in the winter in Forks, this is like a beach in Hawaii to me compared to that!" He splashed some water toward me and I scowl at him thinking I may just hate him until I see the brilliant smile adorn his face and know that I could never hate him. "It's not that bad Ed, you just have to get used to it."

He wades in a bit further so now he is covered up to the waist. I stand up and slowly make my way over to the water again. I'm up to my calves and slowly adjusting to the water.

"You must be crazy for surfing in the winter. I mean well and truly insane." I call out as he moves further out so he is up to his chest. He turns to me smirking.

"Well, we do have the sub-zero wetsuits that help. But this is refreshing!" He exclaims as he dives in fully submerging himself. I've only made it up to my thighs and I am shivering.

"Why are you out here so early anyway?" I ask when he resurfaces. He doesn't answer immediately so I continue to wade in getting deeper just giving him the time he needs to collect his thoughts. He is only a few feet away from me as he looks me in the face and starts talking.

"Just getting in some thinking and alone time we haven't had much the last few days and so much has happened I just needed to wrap my head around things." I understood that.

"So are you going to man up and join me in here or do you need a little assistance getting motivated?" I saw a glint of mischief hit his eyes and was suddenly on edge.

"Now, Jazz, don't do anything you might…" I didn't get to finish my sentence as I was hit in the face with a wave of cold water soaking the rest of me in one fell swoop.

"Oh, see that's exactly what I was talking about doing something you would regret." I gave him a menacing smile as I slowly made my way deeper into the water and toward my quarry.

I knew we needed to talk about the night he had the nightmare, with the dads having arrived that same morning we hadn't had time, but he was so happy and carefree right now that I just wanted to bask in it for as long as it lasted.

"What are you doing….you know I didn't mean it right? I mean wha….." With that I was on him dunking him in retaliation.

I don't know how long we chased and splashed around just having fun but it was fantastic and normal. There were no haunted looks, no flinching when I raised my hand to splash him, no backing away when I stalked forward, and for that little while I got a glimpse of what life could have been like if neither of us had been broken, and what life could be in the future.

It couldn't last right now though, I knew it wouldn't and that was fine. It was the moments like these that made all the others worth it.

We were now sitting on the sand bank soaking up the sun that actually broke through up here, due to being out of the cloud bank. I tried really hard not to notice we were both only still in our underwear but it was getting real hard to keep that thought out of my mind, both figuratively and literally.

I was trying to think of everything I could to keep my thoughts of ripping those dark green boxer briefs off of his body when the conversation that was like the ultimate mood killer was finally broached.

"I'm sorry about the first night when I had my attack." I hate how he can go from carefree to cowering little boy in a nano second. It honestly kills me.

"Baby, it's fine honestly. I mean with all the changes lately and the strides you have been making it's to be expected that it would bring up some shit right?" His lip twitched up slightly and I wondered what caused it so I asked.

"I like when you call me names, it makes me feel special like I'm not such a fuck up." He looked down at his toes wiggling them in the sand and I decided to take a chance. I slowly moved my arm around his shoulder pulling him into my side. I was glad he didn't resist and laid his head on my shoulder.

"You're not a fuck up Jazz, there really isn't anything you could ever do that would make me think less of you, I mean short of killing someone!" In an instant I felt him stiffen next to me. I looked down at his face as his eyes went wide and he jerked away from me so fast I think he almost dislocated my shoulder.

I'm not sure what just happened but I had a feeling it was going to cause another major set back. I only prayed that we would be able to overcome it together.

* * *

_**So cliffy a bit! How do you think Edward will react when he learns the truth? As usual reviews get a preview! Leave me some love it ya want! Till next time, tip your waitress! **_


	19. Chapter 19 AUTHORS NOTE

Authors Note:

Hey everyone, I know it's been like a year and I am sorry. But I am officially putting this story up for adoption. For many personal reasons I can not continue this story. I have tried to write for months and it's just not working. I am a Christian and for the last several years have fallen away from my faith, in those year this story formed, in the last several months I have been working on building my relationship with Christ back up and was severely convicted about continuing this story. I guess you can say in the last few days I have been God Smacked (that's like bitch slapped but by God.) I have realized many things in the last few weeks alone and it's been very emotional.

Many of you may think I am hypocritical in this, but I am human and we make mistakes. I am not judge and jury and have many friends that are near and dear to me who are Gay/Lesbian. I do however know that it is against my beliefs and I have been convicted in my stance on this. Just because I don't agree with homosexuality does not mean that I love anyone any less for it and would judge anyone. Judgment is God and God's alone. But I can't in good conscience continue on with this story not just because of the slash aspect but also due to the sexual aspects. If ya'll can believe it I am actually a virgin and plan to stay that way till marriage (I am 33 and still a virgin, soon my life could be a movie, lol). I am having to humble myself here by admitting that in the last few years I have not been living my life in the way I know I should and have not been the example that I know God desires me to be. But He is a God of love and forgiveness and no matter how far we stray He will always welcome us back.

Please don't think that I am a religious psycho who sits and boycotts and throws horrible names at the homosexual community that is not the case. We are commanded to love the sinner but hate the sin, and I myself am also a sinner and am still struggling with many aspects of my sin nature, one is not greater than the next in their sin, we are all sinners and have need for a redeemer. If anyone has any questions about my change of heart I am more than willing to discuss anything with you. I however would not appreciate insults and/or judgment or name calling. Everyone is entitled to their convictions and due to mine I can not continue with this story.

If you are interested in adopting this story let me know. I would like to discuss where you might take it and your writing style a bit. PM me.

It's been great and I have met several awesome people through this site. I love you all no matter where you stand on this topic.


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